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Exhausted by wife's PA


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 18th September 2017, 9:03 PM   #31
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Will confronting the OM mother not make her think she is controlling my actions? What will it achieve? Will in not ruin reconciliation?
You cannot ruin reconciliation; it is all up to her. You have nothing to prove; she has everything.

Exposing will make her face what she's done with no opportunity to minimize or twist the truth.
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Old 18th September 2017, 9:31 PM   #32
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For your sake I hope you wake up.

You came here for a reason and everyone here has seen this many times before.

Advice will do nothing for you if you don't apply it.

Exposure all at once without warning.

Do it by asking everyone to help you save your marriage if that's what you seek?
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Old 18th September 2017, 10:19 PM   #33
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I just did something good, I'm making the rules now.
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Old 18th September 2017, 10:38 PM   #34
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I just did something good, I'm making the rules now.
Good, get your mojo back man.

We're pulling for you but you must get out and stay out of the victim chair.

You don't have a lot of time invested. Bring it on!!!!!!
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Old 18th September 2017, 11:03 PM   #35
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Will confronting the OM mother not make her think she is controlling my actions? What will it achieve? Will in not ruin reconciliation?
Explain to her that you don't trust her and she's going to have to work hard to rebuild that trust. That's why she needs another set of eyes on her.

Remember on the altar when she promised, in front of God, to love you and remain faithful? She broke that promise. Explain to her that the more recent promise--the one she made in the living room in front of the TV--is even less convincing than the first promise.

Any progress on the VAR? The Sony models are excellent and only cost around $50.
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Old 18th September 2017, 11:04 PM   #36
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I just did something good, I'm making the rules now.
What? You keeping us in suspense?

I do believe you maybe getting this now. Ha!
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Old 19th September 2017, 1:03 PM   #37
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Will confronting the OM mother not make her think she is controlling my actions? What will it achieve? Will in not ruin reconciliation?
Beneath, there is your problem in a n it's hell. Your wife is still working with her boyfriend 8-10 hours a day, still "pining" for him and tells you how easy it will be to restart the physical affair ( the emotional one is ongoing and my bet is so is the physical part). And what are you concerned about????? Ruining reconciliation.??? WRONG ANSWER!!!!

You need to be concerned about
(1) giving her a clear cut choice with no wiggle room and no wavering time to get this OM. Out of her life for good and be able to verify it
(2) getting the truth, not the watered down version you are getting now
(3) protecting yourself and your assets

Right now you DO NOT have a marriage to reconcile . You have a one sided open relationship with nothing verifiable to point to other than the words of someone who has lived repeatedly to you. Until you understand that, you will not get this right.

It is her job to convince you through actions, NOT words, that she is fully committed to YOU. That means no more longing for boyfriend and that will only happen quicker if she actually believes you are about to pull the plug on her.

But before you even get there, you need to polygraph her because with them still working together there is no way at all to verify what they are doing or saying. My guess is she will resemble Casper The Ghost when you DEMAND this, and that will tell you a lot right there.

She is doing nothing but giving you lip service because she has no fear of losing you at all.

So stop worrying about destroying chances of R and start worrying about insuring you have the truth about this affair.
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Old 19th September 2017, 4:08 PM   #38
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Read No More Mr Nice Guy.
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Old 19th September 2017, 6:27 PM   #39
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What? You keeping us in suspense?

I do believe you maybe getting this now. Ha!
I informed the mother. WW called later, told her mother had a right to know, didn't care if it bothered her, it was result of her choice.

She told her parents on her own, no embellishing or lies, pretty straight forward, at least what has been communicated to me by folks besides herself.

Sent her multiple links (she requested them) about how to reconcile the marriage, told her to take those to heart and be ready to go that route.

Told her I wouldn't ask, probe, or talk to her about us. Anything she wanted to discuss would be on her. She was silent for a few minutes, I told her bye and we hung up. Haven't heard from her since.
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Old 19th September 2017, 6:33 PM   #40
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I informed the mother. WW called later, told her mother had a right to know, didn't care if it bothered her, it was result of her choice.

She told her parents on her own, no embellishing or lies, pretty straight forward, at least what has been communicated to me by folks besides herself.

Sent her multiple links (she requested them) about how to reconcile the marriage, told her to take those to heart and be ready to go that route.

Told her I wouldn't ask, probe, or talk to her about us. Anything she wanted to discuss would be on her. She was silent for a few minutes, I told her bye and we hung up. Haven't heard from her since.
Even though my WW has basically behaved and I hated the thought of essentially paying her cuz she decided to venture outside the marriage with a huge hairy lard of fat I still regret not telling her to pound sand. At least I still have my kids and money. But if I get the chance to cheat I won't feel bad.
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Old 19th September 2017, 6:40 PM   #41
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I would take some time before offering R. It takes 2-5 years and she would have to carry the bigger load.

You do not want to go through a false R!!!!!!!!!

Make no mistake. If they continue work together and have contact this won't end well.

Forge ahead and go your own way. If she's committed she'll follow. If not you're better off ending this.
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Old 19th September 2017, 10:03 PM   #42
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beneath, what are you trying to save?

The woman and marriage you thought you had are gone and will never come back.

Who are you in love with the woman you married or this thing that openly cheated at work with a co worker. Everyone at her job knew what was going on. The OM's mother was blinded because it involved her son.

So what are you trying to save?

Memories from the past, hopes for the future with a wife that is true.

The marriage you had has burned to ashes.

Do you really want to start down the new road with someone you can't trust?
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Old 20th September 2017, 11:40 AM   #43
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Okay, first off, you may as well cancel MC. If she is still in contact with the OM then MC is a waste of time. She's showing you she's not as committed to reconciling this as you are. If she was 100% remorseful for what she has done, then she wouldn't want contact with the OM as he is the reason for her shame.

I liked that you exposed to the OM mother, guys don't like mom's thinking that their son's are breaking up marriages. However, I wouldn't have told her that you exposed to the OM mother. I would have waited and if she started blowing up my phone with, "How could you tell that poor lady....blah...blah..." Well, there would be only one reason why she would do that, and that's if she's still in contact with the OM.

And your MC sucks. Stating that you getting upset is only throwing up "Road blocks" in your healing? You were betrayed! You are going to have those feelings and those feeling need to come out! Not bottled up! You are on a roller coaster of emotions. That is an actual thing and it is NORMAL to have these feelings! One minute you're fine, the next minute you're mad as hell. One minute you're laughing, the next minute you're crying. One minute you can't see a life without her, the next minute you can't stand to look at her. Lot's of ups and downs. But, here's the rub, no one knows how long this roller coaster ride is going to last. Now, wayward spouses that dedicate themselves to reconciling will ride this roller coaster with you and endure all the crap that comes along with it. Where is your spouse right now? Out the door and nowhere to be seen.

I think you have a lot of thinking to do, dude.
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Old 20th September 2017, 12:34 PM   #44
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Okay, first off, you may as well cancel MC. If she is still in contact with the OM then MC is a waste of time. She's showing you she's not as committed to reconciling this as you are. If she was 100% remorseful for what she has done, then she wouldn't want contact with the OM as he is the reason for her shame.

I liked that you exposed to the OM mother, guys don't like mom's thinking that their son's are breaking up marriages. However, I wouldn't have told her that you exposed to the OM mother. I would have waited and if she started blowing up my phone with, "How could you tell that poor lady....blah...blah..." Well, there would be only one reason why she would do that, and that's if she's still in contact with the OM.

And your MC sucks. Stating that you getting upset is only throwing up "Road blocks" in your healing? You were betrayed! You are going to have those feelings and those feeling need to come out! Not bottled up! You are on a roller coaster of emotions. That is an actual thing and it is NORMAL to have these feelings! One minute you're fine, the next minute you're mad as hell. One minute you're laughing, the next minute you're crying. One minute you can't see a life without her, the next minute you can't stand to look at her. Lot's of ups and downs. But, here's the rub, no one knows how long this roller coaster ride is going to last. Now, wayward spouses that dedicate themselves to reconciling will ride this roller coaster with you and endure all the crap that comes along with it. Where is your spouse right now? Out the door and nowhere to be seen.

I think you have a lot of thinking to do, dude.
I guess I should clarify. She has been in NC with OM, but has slipped. She told me that she wanted him to apologize. I believe she is just trapped somewhere in the middle and I need to put a clock on the fence sitting and hit her with an ultimatum.

The MC's comment about my roadblock was based on very vulgar and spiteful text I should not have sent, no matter how truthful of a place it came from.

She has been in touch, talking about doing the right things, wanting to stay away until her feels for him subside, as I told her to do that. At this point I think she is more afraid of the big steps she needs to make, and this is based on her behavior.
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Old 20th September 2017, 4:41 PM   #45
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I see no mention of the two of you having children together. If this is the case, stop all this nonsense and divorce. You say she is the only woman you've ever loved and all that means is you haven't gone out into the world without her by your side. Compared to what you have endured, what you are enduring right now, and the long, painful road that reconciliation truly is, you BOTH will be much better off divorcing and moving on with your lives.

The worst thing about reconciliation is that the emotional investment, anger and frustration are enormous and it is very likely to end up in divorce or an unhappy married life anyway. I don't advise reconciliation for a BH if he has kids but I understand that he might have to try it. I also understand that he may choose to live unhappily ever after with his WW for the sake of the family. But when there are no kids in the picture anything other than divorce is foolish.

I'm sure you think what I'm saying is extreme and that your situation is "different" but I can assure you that my advice is sound.
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