Feeling anxious this week

[alsudduth]

I haven't posted about our progress in awhile. Things have been going pretty good. I know that I am doing my best to be the type of wife I want to be for my husband, doing all the right things to atone for my A. And I do feel like my H is doing the right things as well. For the most part we are doing just fine.

 

So I'm not sure why I'm such an emotional wreck this week. I think part of it is that I'm dealing with mama bear issues with my daughter, part is that I stopped taking my anti depressants when we moved and just recently got a prescription filled yesterday after feeling like my anxious and depressive thoughts were coming back.

 

 

 

I think the biggest part that is putting my anxiety into overdrive is that this time 4 years ago is when my husband told me he wanted a divorce and my world hasn't been the same since. (Did I ever mention that he asked for a divorce about a week before our anniversary?) Mistakes have been made on both parts since that day, and it's taken 4 long years to get to a better place. I feel like my anniversary will never be the same, because it will always be clouded by the darkest point of my life.

 

We are at a point where we have more good days than bad, but the bad days really get me down. He got a couple messages on FB last night and I heard the ping (he was asleep) I didn't look at them. I'm sure it was just his sister or maybe a mutual friend that had also messaged me a few minutes before. I don't want to be the wife that is looking over her H's shoulder all the time.

 

I often think that perhaps my husband and I should renew our vows and celebrate our "anniversary" on that day going forward, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that either yet. What do you guys think about that idea?

[wmacbride]

I haven't posted about our progress in awhile. Things have been going pretty good. I know that I am doing my best to be the type of wife I want to be for my husband, doing all the right things to atone for my A. And I do feel like my H is doing the right things as well. For the most part we are doing just fine.

 

So I'm not sure why I'm such an emotional wreck this week. I think part of it is that I'm dealing with mama bear issues with my daughter, part is that I stopped taking my anti depressants when we moved and just recently got a prescription filled yesterday after feeling like my anxious and depressive thoughts were coming back.

 

 

 

I think the biggest part that is putting my anxiety into overdrive is that this time 4 years ago is when my husband told me he wanted a divorce and my world hasn't been the same since. (Did I ever mention that he asked for a divorce about a week before our anniversary?) Mistakes have been made on both parts since that day, and it's taken 4 long years to get to a better place. I feel like my anniversary will never be the same, because it will always be clouded by the darkest point of my life.

 

We are at a point where we have more good days than bad, but the bad days really get me down. He got a couple messages on FB last night and I heard the ping (he was asleep) I didn't look at them. I'm sure it was just his sister or maybe a mutual friend that had also messaged me a few minutes before. I don't want to be the wife that is looking over her H's shoulder all the time.

 

I often think that perhaps my husband and I should renew our vows and celebrate our "anniversary" on that day going forward, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that either yet. What do you guys think about that idea?

 

people handle this in different ways.

 

I know of one couple who renewed their vows, albeit it in a private way. took everything affair related, including emails, printed out copies of texts,the few gifts that were given etc. and took them all outdoors to their fire bowl. Along with that they wrote out their version of the affair, how they felt, etc. and burned that too.

 

After that, they quietly and privately made vows to one another.

 

Of course, they still had a huge amount to work through, but the symbolism mattered. It was afresh start for them.

 

Have you asked him his thoughts on this? What are his views"After all,the heavy lifting is for both, not just you.

 

If you decide to renew your vows, ask him to plan it. That may sound odd, but putting in work like that can actually be quite therapeutic.

[MuddyFootprints]

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy when it comes to feelings.

 

Give yourself a chance to get back on the meds if they were helping.

 

Vow to have each other's back and support when it comes to your daughter.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

I often think that perhaps my husband and I should renew our vows and celebrate our "anniversary" on that day going forward, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that either yet. What do you guys think about that idea?

 

For me I couldn't handle the original anniversary dates. I tried it for a few years and gave up. If I could remove that day from the calendar I would.

 

We agreed to find another significant date and celebrate that as our "second" marriage.

[NotCamelot]

I completely understand. I got the ILYBINILWY statement ON our 20th Anniversary day. 8 days later was D-day. So, every year I get a reminder on what should be a favorite time.

 

 

However, we renewed vows on a different day - special day from our beginnings. I told her then that it would be our new anniversary date. It works for me. I don't know how she felt about the change, but she was 150% agreeable and seemed to like the change. I don't know and don't ask if there is a memory, of any kind, around the original date for her.

 

 

So, my thoughts, to answer your question, is to do that if you think it will help. It certainly helped me a LOT.