Twenty Three year old girl coming on strong...

[EastCoast23]

And I'm married. This is a unique situation, read on.

 

Let's preface this discussion. I remember this site wayyyyyyyy back when I was in my late teens early twenties. It helped me SO much. Can't believe it's still here. Great to see guys still helping each other out here not be betas.

 

Long story short, since ya'll probably thing I'm a piece of garbage by now, my wife is 29, hot, we have a two year old daughter. We have been together 10 years. Married 5. My wife is also bi sexual. Feel like I struck the jackpot on this one honestly. I have always been flirty, she doesn't get jealous. I have never taken anything that far however.

 

She works, but I take care of 90% of the bills as I make a lot more than she does. I resent her for this a bit, but I need to let it go. She pays for what she can and has school loans. I get it. She's a good woman. Wonderful mother.

 

She doesn't have a ton of friends, mostly are married with miserable lives because they don't do anything sit home. We still go out and have a good time together. I have a considerable amount of friends in there 30s that are single so we go out and have a good time still. Party like we are early 20s but all have jobs and responsibilities. (Not sure if this is a good or bad thing, lol). I go out with the boys once a week usually, sometimes twice. One of my boys friends is a girl (who I also know) and planned to take her up to a Casino for her 25th Birthday. So the three boys went up and they met us up there later. Was six of them. One that showed up I knew from previous encounters with said girls work (always had a crush on her) and we have just chatted casually. This girl is bad. Body is ridiculous, tits are perfect and she just graduated with her Masters and has a job lined up starting next week. She also is aware of my wife. We hung out most of the night and all were sleeping at the same hotel. (I had my own room, girls all split rooms). We all partied till about 5am and I went back to my room before I made any really bad decisions.

 

Fast forward to a week or so later me and my buddy are out visiting his girl again and the baddie is working (server). She stops over to say hello and asks what we were doing after. Told them grabbing another drink somewhere else and they both ask to come. By this point my brain is telling me this ***** is catching feelings and I need an exit plan, but my drunk mind doesn't work as well as my sober mind so they come we all grab drinks and just hang out. I duck out as it was getting late and she blows me up on Facebook messenger asking where I went etc. Also adds me on Snapchat. That was a few days ago.

 

After typing this, it even feels wrong but it feels so good to have the attention of younger girls. My wife is a bad *****, and I love her I probably could of linked all three of us up if I had my game on that night and if she was there and wouldn't have this current situation. I have never cheated on my wife (physically) this feels a tad odd even for me as flirty as I am.

 

Best course of action is to dead this girl off as this isn't likely healthy even though my wife probably doesn't give a **** as long as I don't bang this broad.

 

No matter the outcome here it wouldn't be good for me. It's nice to know that in my 30s young girls still find me attractive. I've been with my wife so long that I ponder what sex would be like with another woman.

 

I look around at some of my married friends and they are miserable. Don't go out, do anything but watch their kids every weekend. I love my Daughter but life isn't just about raising your children. Perhaps I'm selfish? I dunno.

 

Saw a picture of said girl above from last night, good lord that girl was looking good. She typically doesn't wear makeup but when she does look out. Also has no father figure in her life for the last 10+ years (he passed) and smokes a ton of weed. New girl spells bad news. Can't lie about temptation though.

[Marc878]

Great way to blow your life and family up.

 

Better think with your big head instead of your little one.

[Doublegold]

What grade are you in?

[somuchfortheone]

And I'm married. This is a unique situation, read on.

 

Let's preface this discussion. I remember this site wayyyyyyyy back when I was in my late teens early twenties. It helped me SO much. Can't believe it's still here. Great to see guys still helping each other out here not be betas.

 

Long story short, since ya'll probably thing I'm a piece of garbage by now, my wife is 29, hot, we have a two year old daughter. We have been together 10 years. Married 5. My wife is also bi sexual. Feel like I struck the jackpot on this one honestly. I have always been flirty, she doesn't get jealous. I have never taken anything that far however.

 

She works, but I take care of 90% of the bills as I make a lot more than she does. I resent her for this a bit, but I need to let it go. She pays for what she can and has school loans. I get it. She's a good woman. Wonderful mother.

 

She doesn't have a ton of friends, mostly are married with miserable lives because they don't do anything sit home. We still go out and have a good time together. I have a considerable amount of friends in there 30s that are single so we go out and have a good time still. Party like we are early 20s but all have jobs and responsibilities. (Not sure if this is a good or bad thing, lol). I go out with the boys once a week usually, sometimes twice. One of my boys friends is a girl (who I also know) and planned to take her up to a Casino for her 25th Birthday. So the three boys went up and they met us up there later. Was six of them. One that showed up I knew from previous encounters with said girls work (always had a crush on her) and we have just chatted casually. This girl is bad. Body is ridiculous, tits are perfect and she just graduated with her Masters and has a job lined up starting next week. She also is aware of my wife. We hung out most of the night and all were sleeping at the same hotel. (I had my own room, girls all split rooms). We all partied till about 5am and I went back to my room before I made any really bad decisions.

 

Fast forward to a week or so later me and my buddy are out visiting his girl again and the baddie is working (server). She stops over to say hello and asks what we were doing after. Told them grabbing another drink somewhere else and they both ask to come. By this point my brain is telling me this ***** is catching feelings and I need an exit plan, but my drunk mind doesn't work as well as my sober mind so they come we all grab drinks and just hang out. I duck out as it was getting late and she blows me up on Facebook messenger asking where I went etc. Also adds me on Snapchat. That was a few days ago.

 

After typing this, it even feels wrong but it feels so good to have the attention of younger girls. My wife is a bad *****, and I love her I probably could of linked all three of us up if I had my game on that night and if she was there and wouldn't have this current situation. I have never cheated on my wife (physically) this feels a tad odd even for me as flirty as I am.

 

Best course of action is to dead this girl off as this isn't likely healthy even though my wife probably doesn't give a **** as long as I don't bang this broad.

 

No matter the outcome here it wouldn't be good for me. It's nice to know that in my 30s young girls still find me attractive. I've been with my wife so long that I ponder what sex would be like with another woman.

 

I look around at some of my married friends and they are miserable. Don't go out, do anything but watch their kids every weekend. I love my Daughter but life isn't just about raising your children. Perhaps I'm selfish? I dunno.

 

Saw a picture of said girl above from last night, good lord that girl was looking good. She typically doesn't wear makeup but when she does look out. Also has no father figure in her life for the last 10+ years (he passed) and smokes a ton of weed. New girl spells bad news. Can't lie about temptation though.

 

 

 

Something tells me you aren't the only one this 23 year old comes on this strong to. Sure.. she may be able to earn more than your wife in a couple of years but I bet she won't be faithful. And she clearly doesn't respect a marriage - so I hope you start thinking clearly before you lose everything.

[minimariah]

She works, but I take care of 90% of the bills as I make a lot more than she does. I resent her for this a bit, but I need to let it go.

 

well...

 

look at it this way --- she is the responsible parent raising her child while you're drunk at least 2x a week, partying it up at casinos, living like a bachelor and looking for another woman to upgrade.

 

so i imagine she resents you, too.

 

She doesn't have a ton of friends, mostly are married with miserable lives because they don't do anything sit home.

 

it seems that - to YOU - miserable life equals having a FAMILY and actually RAISING your kids.

 

what her friends are probably thinking about your wife and you: poor woman! she does everything, works and takes care of the kid while her husband can't keep it in his pants & thinks tequila is a morning beverage. they must be miserable!

 

you're immature and irresponsible. you did everything right on the paper but you never made it past 18 emotionally - don't worry. your marriage will crash eventually, the wife will get the kid and rich alimony and another husband... and you will get to go out 18x a week and sleep with any tits you want, while faking to be interested in her Masters.

 

it will ALL work out for everyone involved, i promise.

[pumpkinpie1]

16 years til your daughter is legal. Maybe less, depending on where you live.

 

Would you be happy if a guy like you was preying on her? A much older man, married but happy to cheat on his wife..who knows about her psychological issues and is thrilled to take advantage of them...?

 

Is that cool with you?

[BaileyB]

I suppose it depends on what your definition of miserable is...

 

To me, staying home, and enjoying time with my family on the weekend is wonderful...

 

While, a man who is trying to hold onto your youth, staying out late to party with the guys until you're fall down drunk, boasting about the boost to your ego when a promiscuous girl who is clearly too young for you flirts with you - all while your wife and child are spending the weekend alone at home... well, that's my definition of miserable.

Edited September 11, 2017 by BaileyB

[whichwayisup]

No matter the outcome here it wouldn't be good for me. It's nice to know that in my 30s young girls still find me attractive. I've been with my wife so long that I ponder what sex would be like with another woman.

 

I look around at some of my married friends and they are miserable. Don't go out, do anything but watch their kids every weekend. I love my Daughter but life isn't just about raising your children. Perhaps I'm selfish? I dunno.

 

You are selfish. You have a great wife at home, a good marriage, a young daughter and a good family life. But hey, if you wanna go lose all that and mess your life up, go ahead and bang the young thing that thinks you're hot.

 

You'll lose your self respect, your wife, her respect for you, let alone the trust and love she has for you currently... your daughter will resent you, your parents/siblings will wonder wtf is wrong with you and probably be ashamed of you. And your siblings will probably also think you're just an idiot for doing this to your family... Your 'cool and single' friends will high five you and think its great that you still got 'it'. Gotta wonder why they are still single.... Just sayin'....

 

Anyway, I hope you choose your wife and child. Get over yourself and your ego. I say that respectfully because you'll beat yourself up a hell of a lot more than what anybody on here can say to you... and you'll drag yourself through the mud IF you choose to go have an affair or a ONS. Don't do it. GO home to your wife, ask your parents or her parents to take your daughter for a long weekend and the two of you go somewhere nice (bed and breakfast or couples spa weekend). Hire a baby sitter to come once a week so you two can have date nights. Instead of putting energy into someone else, put that energy into your wife and woo her all over again. It's a waste of energy and time to chase a young thing who really couldn't give a crap about you, your wife or your baby girl.

[Starswillshine]

Grow up. There is much more to life than getting falling down drunk and partying up.

 

Your poor wife. Married to a man child.

[travelbug1996]

Honestly I couldn't get past the *****.

 

Shallow post to say the least since all you talk about is this woman's beauty. Not thinking about how it would hurt your wife to do something like this.

 

Wise up dude!

[Origin]

You write as if you're 18. I think you never grew up and you may blow up your life because of it. Be careful, you may lose something great with your family and you could regret it one day all because of a 23-yr old piece of a$$.

 

Your wife should be given a medal and a national holiday for putting up with you bs. You have no idea how good you have it but you will one day when you lose it.

 

I don't have any advice except go be a good father to your daughter and show her how a man is supposed to treat and respect a woman.

 

Good luck to you.

[jenkins95]

Hey EastCoast.

 

I think what you are describing is just plain lust. Lust, and possibly the desire to cling onto your youth. This is a natural instinct in many ways, but while it is one thing to have these feelings, it is quite another to actually think about acting on them.

 

I am not going to judge you here because I went a lot further than you have and had a full blown affair, as a man in his 40s with a 20-something woman. Unlike you, I didn't ask advice on a support forum first, so I have tremendous respect for you for doing that, and hopefully the replies here will have spoken to you and put you back on track.

 

Lust and chasing women like this can be great fun, of course, but it is not compatible with married family life. Ideally you should get all this out of your system in your late teens and early 20s. Perhaps you and I didn't do that enough, hence we were drawn to this dangerous path now?

 

I got caught of course (most do eventually) and blew up the worlds of several people. I am reconciling with my wife now and we are doing really well. But - it would have been so much better if the affair had never happened in the first place. No cheater ever knows quite what damage they are doing until they are met with it full on. This was certainly the case for me too. It has taken us two years to feel anything approaching normal life.

 

I am a transformed character now, and I totally agree with BaileyB: -

 

"I suppose it depends on what your definition of miserable is...

 

To me, staying home, and enjoying time with my family on the weekend is wonderful..."

 

Every moment I get to spend with my kids and my wife in our family unit, I am now so so grateful that I was given the gift of reconciliation. Playing minecraft with one of my kids while another paints my face with crayons and another tickles my toes may not be everyone's idea of fun - but for me, it is priceless!

 

Don't do it to your family EastCoast. If you feel that you cannot resist that other world, then be a man and end your marriage first with dignity and accept and deal with the heartbreak and fallout that that will cause before even contemplating dating anyone else.

 

I really hope you don't choose that path though. Married live with children doesn't have to mean having no fun, and if you have good sitters, try to arrange good fun date nights with your wife. Also, it would probably be healthier if you surrounded yourself with more married friends too on your nights out with the guys - guys who are friends of your marriage and know your wife. It sounds like most of your friends are single and often on the lookout for women. Putting a married man in that environment is pretty much asking for trouble.

 

Good luck EastCoast!

Edited September 11, 2017 by jenkins95

[EastCoast23]

Thank you for everyone for the replies. I realize my initial post came off incredibly insensitive and I probably should have worded it differently.

 

I do love my wife (and find her attractive), but I still find other women attractive. I'm a red blooded male. I feel like the majority of this site is made up of women so I understand getting blasted in my initial post.

 

I take care of my family I work 80 hour weeks running a business so everyone can have the life they want, my wife doesn't want to go out and hang out with my friends who I refuse to just stop talking to because I'm married. My wife and I DO go out by ourselves and enjoy spending time with the just the two of us. What sort of life is the person who ditches every soul they once knew other than their spouse. I see divorces happening because people forgot what it was to be with the person they were before marriage and kids.

 

I really feel like it's not normal for humans to be a monogomous species. Yea, I said it. I'm saying everyone should go out and cheat but I see more and more open marriages/poly situations because sexuality isn't black and white. My wife likes women, perhaps we should experience things together. (Close many times, just didn't pan out). For the record I have never kissed, or had sex with anyone else in 10+ years with this woman.

 

Also, I'm not falling down drunk every night during the week, I go out to a bar to watch the game, or grab drinks with friends once or max twice for a couple hours and have a couple drinks. It's not like it's hammer down bottles when I was 21.

 

I guess I came here wondering why I still find women very attractive that are younger than me (as a married male), the female body is a gorgeous thing.

Edited September 11, 2017 by EastCoast23

[Starswillshine]

Because you are a male and it's normal; it's biology.

 

I find other men attractive, too. I find young men attractive as well. Doesn't mean I don't love my husband... But I dont have to act on that attractiveness. I can admire from afar.

[somanymistakes]

Being a "red blooded male" does not give you a free card to cheat, and plenty of the people responding to you are male (not me though). It's not a male/female thing. Some men actually aren't horndogs, and some women are imagining sex with every cute stranger they lay their eyes on.

 

There's nothing wrong with open/poly marriages, but you have to be HONEST and TRUSTING. You have to talk to your wife, not just do what you want and justify it with "the temptation was unbearable!"

 

I mean, if someone hands you a diamond necklace to hold for a second and walks off, everyone's going to take a few seconds to think 'what if I kept it?' but you have self-control and self-respect so you don't become a thief just because the chance is right there in your hands. Right?

 

You have two separate issues here. One is the part of you that feels frustrated by being trapped in a life with wife and kids and responsibilities where you don't get to Have As Much Fun. And one part of you wants to have more sex. These two things aren't really connected! Imagine that you find a hot girl and she wants to bang you and your wife is cool with it and you're a happy poly threesome... and then the hot girl gets pregnant, and now you have TWO wives with kids and you're even MORE tied down.

 

Get babysitters. Have date nights with your spouse, AND solo nights for each of you (your wife probably occasionally feels stressed and tired too!). No, it isn't good for you to let your married responsibilities grind you down, but there are ways to deal with that other than going 'hell with this!' and running off.

[jenkins95]

I do love my wife (and find her attractive), but I still find other women attractive. I'm a red blooded male.

 

I still find women very attractive that are younger than me (as a married male), the female body is a gorgeous thing.

 

You and me both, EastCoast! I could have written this ...and I suspect the majority of men on this planet. And there's nothing wrong with admiring and appreciating in a respectful way from afar, just as I would understand my wife admiring a handsome young guy....but if you want to take it further than this, then you really shouldn't be married.

 

Have you talked to your wife regarding the open relationship thing? It could work if you both want it, but open realtionships are not without their pitfalls too and often lead to problems.

[CloudyHead]

Sounds like someone is having an early midlife crisis!!

 

It really boils down to what you want out of life. Working all the time and raising kids and not hanging out with friends like you did in college/grad school - it sucks! It is a huge lifestyle change when you have kids. I had a really difficult time with that lifestyle change and felt like I was missing out (not sure what I was missing out on but it felt like I was).

 

I had the affair . . . Biggest mistake I ever made. As jenkins said, you ruin lives. But, you also ruin yourself. And, for me, that was the most difficult aspect of the affair. I like men (love them!) and love looking at them. But, that green grass on the other side of the fence is usually green from all the crazy sh*t running under the grass. And, that crazy stuff seeps into your life and whatever moral code/moral compass/values/goals you had, literally fly out the window. I put my business in jeopardy. I put my mental health in jeopardy. I put my physical health in jeopardy. None of it was worth it.

 

If you don't want to be married, then get a divorce and pay child support and live the life you feel that you need to live.

[aileD]

Thank you for everyone for the replies. I realize my initial post came off incredibly insensitive and I probably should have worded it differently.

 

I do love my wife (and find her attractive), but I still find other women attractive. I'm a red blooded male. I feel like the majority of this site is made up of women so I understand getting blasted in my initial post.

 

I take care of my family I work 80 hour weeks running a business so everyone can have the life they want, my wife doesn't want to go out and hang out with my friends who I refuse to just stop talking to because I'm married. My wife and I DO go out by ourselves and enjoy spending time with the just the two of us. What sort of life is the person who ditches every soul they once knew other than their spouse. I see divorces happening because people forgot what it was to be with the person they were before marriage and kids.

 

I really feel like it's not normal for humans to be a monogomous species. Yea, I said it. I'm saying everyone should go out and cheat but I see more and more open marriages/poly situations because sexuality isn't black and white. My wife likes women, perhaps we should experience things together. (Close many times, just didn't pan out). For the record I have never kissed, or had sex with anyone else in 10+ years with this woman.

 

Also, I'm not falling down drunk every night during the week, I go out to a bar to watch the game, or grab drinks with friends once or max twice for a couple hours and have a couple drinks. It's not like it's hammer down bottles when I was 21.

 

I guess I came here wondering why I still find women very attractive that are younger than me (as a married male), the female body is a gorgeous thing.

 

 

You should have decided monogomy isn't for you before you got married You still can decide that. Just divorce your wife and be a non monogamous person

 

Every male finds many females attractive. You're not any different than anyone else in that area. That's not an excuse to cheat.

 

Children change things. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun. You're not 18 anymore. Those days are gone. Find fun doing things with your family.. taking your wife somewhere nice. Hiking or camping or whatever.

 

If you don't mentally grow up now at a normal age, and you **** up your life and the life of your child and wife, them the day you DO grow up mentally you are going to want to kick yourself. You will want things you could have had if you just were mature at the age you were supposed to be mature at.

 

Don't **** yo your life

[BaileyB]

 

Children change things. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun. You're not 18 anymore. Those days are gone. Find fun doing things with your family.. taking your wife somewhere nice. Hiking or camping or whatever.

 

So true. But, it doesn't mean that you can't still hang out with the boys occasionally. Meeting for a drink, golfing once a week, etc... All good. But, your priority should be on spending time with your beautiful wife and raising your child.

[aileD]

So true. But, it doesn't mean that you can't still hang out with the boys occasionally. Meeting for a drink, golfing once a week, etc... All good. But, your priority should be on spending time with your beautiful wife and raising your child.

 

Nights with the boys are ok for sure! Just not when there's 23 year old single women hitting on you. Then it's time to be a grown up and remove yourself from the situation

[gettingstronger]

Perhaps an honest look at yourself and your life would be a good start- working 80 hours a week, out with the boys a few nights a week, out with the wife and spending time with your child- the time doesn't seem to add up- you're lacking some place-

[sandylee1]

I think you'd do better in an open marriage. Are you okay with other men having sex with your wife?

 

My husband isn't the only attractive man. I'm not blind, but that doesn't mean I want to take anything further.

 

I agree it's flattering to receive compliments and have other men tell me I'm attractive, but that's as far as it goes.

 

I wouldn't jeopardise my family and loose the respect of so many people.

 

No roll in the hay is worth seeing my children half the time.

Edited September 12, 2017 by sandylee1
Typo

[noelle303]

well...

 

look at it this way --- she is the responsible parent raising her child while you're drunk at least 2x a week, partying it up at casinos, living like a bachelor and looking for another woman to upgrade.

 

so i imagine she resents you, too.

 

 

 

it seems that - to YOU - miserable life equals having a FAMILY and actually RAISING your kids.

 

what her friends are probably thinking about your wife and you: poor woman! she does everything, works and takes care of the kid while her husband can't keep it in his pants & thinks tequila is a morning beverage. they must be miserable!

 

you're immature and irresponsible. you did everything right on the paper but you never made it past 18 emotionally - don't worry. your marriage will crash eventually, the wife will get the kid and rich alimony and another husband... and you will get to go out 18x a week and sleep with any tits you want, while faking to be interested in her Masters.

 

it will ALL work out for everyone involved, i promise.

 

LOVE this. So true, if you work 80+ hours a week and go out twice a week with your friends, how much time do you actually spend with your child?

 

Look, yes it's normal to find other women attractive. But don't go around with that BS about being a "red blooded male" (), we're not animals and can't act like them. Humans should have a sense of empathy, emotional maturity and self-control, and you seem to have none of these.

 

Some people like monogamy, some people don't. Maybe you should have thought about which category you belong to before you got married and started a family.

I have no problem with open marriages or threesomes if both partners agree to it, but I kind of have a feeling you're just wanting it so you can relive your early 20s, party and have sex with whatever 20-year-old you can find. Try and think about what kind of role model you want to be for your child.