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My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 10th September 2017, 10:49 PM   #61
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Conqueror, if he tries anything you have to report him to HR.

No playing around on this. First advance warn him off.

Second time, file a charge with HR.

Also you need to be ready for your name to be dragged through the mud by the other BS. It sounds like by what you have said that she wouldn't have a problem dragging you through the mud.
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Old 10th September 2017, 11:22 PM   #62
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When you welcomed the other man into your life and marriage they never leave.

It lurks there always. I assume you now see why total NC is so important.

You played with fire the second time and now look.

Make no mistake. From reading all your posts there is some insanity in this man.

He did not move to your area by coincidence.

I suspect they'll be more hell you and your family are going to pay over this.

I'd draft a specially prepared letter and in the first instance of any issue it would go straight to your HR department. No warning!!!! You cannot deal rationally with someone that irrational.

Is your job more important than you life and family.

You'd be smart not to take any further chances with this lunatic. BEWARE!!!!

I'd be looking for another jab ASAP as well.
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Old 11th September 2017, 12:17 AM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Conqueror View Post
I did not tell him about the conversation.
Why did you hide the truth from your husband? Why not come clean and tell him everything instead of omitting this important information?

exMM very well could approach your husband and tell him that you opened up and told him where you were living and even put a lie/spin on it saying that you asked him to move to the same Town.

Tell your husband the truth. Hiding this will ruin the trust he's rebuilt in you and your marriage. He finds out about it from exMM, your marriage will be in dire straits.
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Old 11th September 2017, 8:37 AM   #64
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[QUOTE=usa1ah;7412175]
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Originally Posted by Whoknew30 View Post

Bla bla bla.

Read the opening post in this thread.

If OP had referred to what you had said then I would give it some credit. At least the OP has enough integrity not to lie about the conversation she had with the OM when she broke NC.
You're evidently a man that must know more than any woman that's been through a similar issue...it's a absolute biological fact that pregnancy can make a woman not think clearly. Not opinion, fact! She admits she dropped the ball...still isn't her fault. Not this situation, what adult blames a grown man moving his family near exAP? One 5 minute conversation should not turn into that...I don't care what has happened.

No adult holds control over another adult just bc they used to have sex...that logic really makes no sense. So you are in control of anyone you ever had sex with in any situation? Or is it if people have sex in A then they're forever in control of their ExAP ?
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Old 11th September 2017, 8:41 AM   #65
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
If I missed it I apologise, but did you tell your husband about the conversation in which you told your AP where you had moved to?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Conqueror View Post
I did not tell him about the conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Ah!
That may come back to bite you.
I thought you were being ultra transparent, so why?
OP you are still being a WW because of your
lies by omission.

Also by your not telling your BH that it is time
to sell your house and move far away.

How far?

Far enough that the OM will not want to or
be able to follow, stalk, you.

So how far did you move the first time?
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Old 11th September 2017, 8:47 AM   #66
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Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
When you welcomed the other man into your life and marriage they never leave.

It lurks there always. I assume you now see why total NC is so important.

You played with fire the second time and now look.

Make no mistake. From reading all your posts there is some insanity in this man.

He did not move to your area by coincidence.

I suspect they'll be more hell you and your family are going to pay over this.

I'd draft a specially prepared letter and in the first instance of any issue it would go straight to your HR department. No warning!!!! You cannot deal rationally with someone that irrational.

Is your job more important than you life and family.

You'd be smart not to take any further chances with this lunatic. BEWARE!!!!

I'd be looking for another jab ASAP as well.

Did employer know about the 1st affair?

Either way send letters to the director of HR, the CEO,
and the Board of Directors and inform them of the OM
stalking you. Indicate that the OMW was lied to by the
fact that the OM hid the fact that he moved to where
his daughter had to go to the same school as yours.
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Old 11th September 2017, 8:49 AM   #67
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[QUOTE=Whoknew30;7412951]
Quote:
Originally Posted by usa1ah View Post

You're evidently a man that must know more than any woman that's been through a similar issue...it's a absolute biological fact that pregnancy can make a woman not think clearly. Not opinion, fact! She admits she dropped the ball...still isn't her fault. Not this situation, what adult blames a grown man moving his family near exAP? One 5 minute conversation should not turn into that...I don't care what has happened.

No adult holds control over another adult just bc they used to have sex...that logic really makes no sense. So you are in control of anyone you ever had sex with in any situation? Or is it if people have sex in A then they're forever in control of their ExAP ?
A normal man, no.

A nut job sicko stalking cheating man, hell yes.
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Old 11th September 2017, 8:52 AM   #68
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Originally Posted by road View Post
Did employer know about the 1st affair?

Either way send letters to the director of HR, the CEO,
and the Board of Directors and inform them of the OM
stalking you. Indicate that the OMW was lied to by the
fact that the OM hid the fact that he moved to where
his daughter had to go to the same school as yours.
Edit to add: DO this now, today.
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Old 12th September 2017, 7:10 AM   #69
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You really do need to tell your H of the conversation...all of it...and then at least discuss moving. If the BW decides to tell people about the affair it could make things very uncomfortable for your daughter. People talk, kids often overhear, and they talk too. You need to prepare yourself and your family for the possibility of the whole school and most of the neighborhood being made aware of the affair.
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Old 12th September 2017, 9:20 AM   #70
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You should not have to move because he decided to move near you. That would be allowing him to manipulate and control your life. Be strong and be direct. Talk to your husband about everything. Keep him up to speed on any communication attempts made by the exOM.
This would be one of my worst nightmares having been in an affair with an extremely manipulative histrionic narcissist sociopath. I believe you have one of those on your hands as well. I am so thankful him and his crazy wife live over an hour away. If they moved into my small community, I'd alert my local police and explain that he is making me feel unsafe and is showing signs of stalking me. Moving to be near you is more than just stalking. I think your safety may be at risk.
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Old 12th September 2017, 9:21 AM   #71
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so

you break NC with your AP

you hide it from your BH

you are minimizing =Our entire conversation didnt even last 30 seconds. But I agree, it shouldn't have happened at all.=

you put your self first wit no respect to your BH = "At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him.=

I want you to read this and tell me what you think
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Old 12th September 2017, 11:19 AM   #72
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I doubt that it's a coincidence. Why ? He's probably on some kind of power trip or something. Wants to rub it in your husband's face. He may even think that he can seduce you again. I'm surprised that his W agreed to the move. She couldn't have known that you lived near there. Now that she knows, she can't be pleased with her H.
I think that if you are honest with yourself and us, you may be afraid that you won't be strong enough to withstand his advances long term. The fact that you broke NC so easily by speaking to him (!!!) and then lied by omission to your H at this early stage doesn't bode well for the future. I feel bad for your H because now he's going to have to be super vigilant in keeping tabs on you. With good reason. I predict another D-Day for him within the next 5 years. I hope that I am wrong.
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Old 13th September 2017, 10:53 AM   #73
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Update: I finally told my husband this morning. It was difficult but I don't want to keep it hidden away any longer. He is highly upset. He is not talking to me very much right now. I am just going to patiently wait for him and when he is ready we will deal with it. I feel like crap right now. I am scheduling another counseling session for us also.
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Old 13th September 2017, 11:15 AM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Conqueror View Post
Update: I finally told my husband this morning. It was difficult but I don't want to keep it hidden away any longer. He is highly upset. He is not talking to me very much right now. I am just going to patiently wait for him and when he is ready we will deal with it. I feel like crap right now. I am scheduling another counseling session for us also.
Good choice. Keep destroying any walls between you.
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Old 13th September 2017, 11:16 AM   #75
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Originally Posted by Conqueror View Post
Update: I finally told my husband this morning. It was difficult but I don't want to keep it hidden away any longer. He is highly upset. He is not talking to me very much right now. I am just going to patiently wait for him and when he is ready we will deal with it. I feel like crap right now. I am scheduling another counseling session for us also.
It's good you told him.

Put yourself in his shoes, imagine he was the one who had an affair and then was in NC, after a certain amount of time he chose to have a 30 second (in his mind, harmless) conversation with his exOW. I'm sure you would feel betrayed and wonder why he felt the need to have ANY conversation after so much time had passed. NC means NC forever.

If he wants to move again, you move.

Hopefully he'll not stay angry at you for too long and you two can work through this. I'm glad to hear counseling is on the table though the focus should be on you and why you chose to even speak to exMM again knowing full well that it was wrong and how you didn't even consider your husband's feelings or what damage it could cause all over again.
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