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My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 10th September 2017, 9:50 AM   #46
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[QUOTE=Whoknew30;7412047]
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Originally Posted by usa1ah View Post
Um no.


A surge of hormones can make a woman feel euphoric, which can make a woman very much not herself! Unless you've been pregnant, you have no idea. Hormonal when pregnant doesn't ALWAYS equal upset, mean or emotional.
Bla bla bla.

Read the opening post in this thread.

If OP had referred to what you had said then I would give it some credit. At least the OP has enough integrity not to lie about the conversation she had with the OM when she broke NC.
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Old 10th September 2017, 10:48 AM   #47
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Yes, she had good intentions. She was being polite, normal-friendly, thinking she could handle it. I don't think she is being vilified or accused of any sinister plot to get back together with OM.

But even if you don't think her behavior warrants suspicion, what on earth has she done, then, to garner all this sympathy and extension of good faith besides be a woman and be pregnant?

Look, just think about it a minute. Cheaters look and sound like everybody else. Actually, they look more everyman than regular people. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. They make mistakes, bad judgment calls and they come up with all manner of explanations to make these actions sympathetic, excusable and ordinary, especially to themselves.

It's what they DO. And even they don't see it until it's too late. She thought she could handle an innocent friendly conversation. This is what my husband also said in retrospect. He thought he could handle the circumstances and closeness and being alone together. My sister-in-law, his OW, truly believed, and maybe still does, that they were best friends who've now learned their lesson. I kid you not, and she was surprised that I didn't understand.

I'm sorry but no. OP is not just anybody pregnant having an innocent conversation with her co-worker. She was chatting up her ex-lover with whom she was supposed to have NC.
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Old 10th September 2017, 10:50 AM   #48
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let's not blame pregnancy hormones. This happened because NC wasn't maintained.

Tell your husband immediately.
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Old 10th September 2017, 12:05 PM   #49
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Hello,

I posted here in the past about an affair that I had a couple of years ago with a man I loved, though we were both married. For reference, here is a thread from the past:

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Its been over 2 years already. Everyone has moved on. My husband almost left me back then, but he gave me another chance and I WILL NOT ruin it. My husband and I had a new baby and moved into a new home in January. All is well and we are happy and close. My daughter loves her new school. She could hardly wait til summer vacation was over to return to school. School started yesterday. We were looking forward to a brand new school year. I walked my daughter to her new classroom and proceed outside to my car. Low and behold, I run into his wife who was dropping their daughter off at my daughter's school. She just started this school this year. The wife knows who I am and that AP and I had a very passionate affair a couple of years ago. She and I did not speak to one another. I think we were both pretty shocked. I almost tripped over my feet.

I spoke with someone familiar with the situation that happened between me and AP a couple of years ago. That person said that they believe AP moved to this area on purpose knowing I lived here. This person mentioned that AP came into the office a couple of months ago stating that they were looking for a house in MY area. AP ALSO added, "I think (MY NAME) lives in that area!"

He and I are no contact, of course. From the time the affair ended, there were no calls, texts, emails, etc. Occasionally, however, whenever we saw each other at meetings, he would speak to me. Initially, I ignored him. Then there was the occasional nod. The last time we were at a meeting, which was back in April, I was very pregnant and due to give birth a week from that day. At this point, I was very happy, and I had put everything behind me regarding the A. THough I was hurt and a little mad at him at first, I still had love for him and for some reason carried a torch for him, so to speak. At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him. He turned around and said, "hi how are you?"
"Great," I replied. "How are you?"
"I'm great!" He said.
"Good. I saw your commercial on TV," I said.
"Oh really? Where do you live," he inquired.
I told him the area I lived in, which is a close knit community. He asked me to repeat it and I did, really thinking nothing of it.

Now, I find out he lives right around the corner from me and his daughter attends the same damn school as mine. I am devastated right now. Is this a coincidence, or do you guys REALLY think he did this on purpose?

I have read about people involved in affairs not only went NC, but many would go the extra mile and quit their jobs and move away. NOT to the area where their former AP was living. I wish I hadn't told him where I lived...I don't need constant reminders of a very painful time in my life and in my marriage. What do you all think about this? Coincidence? Is this OK? Did he do this on purpose? If so, why? He could have moved anywhere else. Smh! I hope I posted in the right thread..
For those who are saying it's not her fault...read the bolded. SHE felt completely healed and ok talking to the ex. Do you think her husband, who she is still in reconciliation with, would feel the same way? No contact is not only for the affair participants, but also for the spouses if they are reconciling. She broke her husbands trust again.

That should have been enough to stop her.

I can't judge, having recently gotten out of an affair myself. But it seems to me that the OP was being selfish by participating in this conversation. It was another in a long series of bad decisions.
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Old 10th September 2017, 2:11 PM   #50
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For those who are saying it's not her fault...read the bolded. SHE felt completely healed and ok talking to the ex. Do you think her husband, who she is still in reconciliation with, would feel the same way? No contact is not only for the affair participants, but also for the spouses if they are reconciling. She broke her husbands trust again.

That should have been enough to stop her.

I can't judge, having recently gotten out of an affair myself. But it seems to me that the OP was being selfish by participating in this conversation. It was another in a long series of bad decisions.
Exactly. But my question always has been - What comes first? Does the physical urge drive the thinking, which rationalizes the action, e.g., "At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him." Is it really the faulty thinking (bad decisions, poor judgment, etc.) that allows the mistakes to accumulate and end up doing something the person knows is wrong? Is one more acceptable than the other? (Is this a t-j??)
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Old 10th September 2017, 2:29 PM   #51
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I appreciate everyone's response to this thread. There are some things I want to address, however. I was not inviting him back into my life. And looking back, I agree, I should not have spoken with him at all. When he spoke to me, I should have kept it moving, and I will do that from now on. I just felt I reached a point in my life where he did not phase me. So when he spoke to me and asked how I was doing, I replied and there was small talk. Our entire conversation didnt even last 30 seconds. But I agree, it shouldn't have happened at all.

I did not give him my exact address. I only told him the town/city I lived in.
When his wife and I ran into each other at our children's school, we were both shocked.

Also, a couple of days after posting here, I attended a back to school social at my daughter's school. It was held at the playground. I was hoping that I wouldn't see his wife there and for a while, I did not. After about 40 minutes, she walked past me with an attitude and flipped her hair at me so hard, I thought her neck would break. I ignored her. A little while later, I saw her at the other end of the playground looking dead at me, but talking on the phone. It appeared as though she was fussing with whomever she was speaking with, but raised her hand and made some type of gesture. I am not sure of the message she was trying to send.

Before this incident, I considered talking to her, but now, I have decided not to. I will simply ignore her and stay away from her and him as well.

As far as our jobs are concerned, yes, Ex-MM and I do still work for the same company. He use to manage me, but once the A ended, I switched managers. I no longer report to him at all. Our job involves us being out in the field a lot, so he and I rarely ever see each other except for a company meeting once in a blue. I only see him about once or twice a year now, if that, and in the past, we would sit on opposite ends of the room. Up until this point, whenever he spoke with me, I never responded.

I no longer carry a torch for this man. I am done with the whole situation. My house symbolized a new start for me and my family. When I told him the town I lived in, I had absolutely NO clue whatsoever that he would be moving right around the corner and that his kid would attend the same school as mine. This man is a TOP manager in our company and makes a lot of money and he could have lived ANYWHERE. In fact, he use to always stress how he wanted to live by the water...and we don't live by the water.

I never would have expected him to move here.
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Old 10th September 2017, 2:31 PM   #52
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BTW, I called my husband as soon as I got home and told him that I saw ex AP's wife and that his daughter attended the same school. I had to because I did not want him to be caught off guard in the event he saw him at the school or around the neighborhood.
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Old 10th September 2017, 3:06 PM   #53
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It's good to hear that you've realized your huge mistake in talking to him, and the even bigger mistake of letting him know what area you live in. I don't think it's your fault that he moved to your town..but you engaged with him when you shouldn't have and now you are paying the price. Lets just hope that your husband and child won't end up having to pay for your mistake too.

His wife has every right to have an attitude towards you. Not only did you have an affair with her husband (just because you're healed doesn't mean she is), and she probably thinks you and her husband planned this move together. I would expect nothing less from my ex MM's wife and I absolutely deserve her hatred. I hate myself as much as she hates me. I think ignoring her is the smartest thing to do.

I've been reading here a lot lately so forgive me if I'm mixing you up with another poster, but isn't yours the MM who threatened your husband and his own wife's lives? If so, what precautions are you taking to deal with that?
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Old 10th September 2017, 3:15 PM   #54
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PumpkinPie: Yes, he did threaten to kill my husband. I think he's all talk though. I told his wife that he said this also and she said that he was just talkin and he wouldn't actually do anything. Also, he didn't threaten his wife's life. He just said that she wasn't an active person and didn't take care of herself, so she could die from heart disease or something. I did tell my husband that ex MM said these things. He's not going to do anything.
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Old 10th September 2017, 3:24 PM   #55
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Top 3 of my personal regrets is how much personal information I shared with the person I cheated with. I risked the safety and security of my family. My kids!

I still worry about it.

You done effed up.
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Old 10th September 2017, 3:33 PM   #56
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If I missed it I apologise, but did you tell your husband about the conversation in which you told your AP where you had moved to?
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Old 10th September 2017, 7:31 PM   #57
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I did not tell him about the conversation.
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Old 10th September 2017, 8:07 PM   #58
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I did not tell him about the conversation.
Ah!
That may come back to bite you.
I thought you were being ultra transparent, so why?
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Old 10th September 2017, 8:28 PM   #59
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Ah!
That may come back to bite you.
I thought you were being ultra transparent, so why?
Bc then she'd have to admit that she told him bc she was still feeling love for him and a torch inside her for him.
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Old 10th September 2017, 10:31 PM   #60
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PumpkinPie: Yes, he did threaten to kill my husband. I think he's all talk though. I told his wife that he said this also and she said that he was just talkin and he wouldn't actually do anything. Also, he didn't threaten his wife's life. He just said that she wasn't an active person and didn't take care of herself, so she could die from heart disease or something. I did tell my husband that ex MM said these things. He's not going to do anything.
Ok but..you'll still be safe? Make sure your husband and child are safe? He sounds a bit unhinged honestly. I don't think the kid who shot up that school in Newtown's family thought he'd do anything either...until he did...just be safe ok?
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