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My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 9th September 2017, 2:26 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by bealigerent View Post
Hi guys,
I was reading this thread at work and so couldn't add my two cents till now..the comments that this woman invited the AP to find her were just plain cruel. First of all it seems they were at a work meeting , AP was NOT sought out..and no woman would come on to a former AP when she was heavily pregnant with her husband's child. Also, as has been said, it is VERY easy to find where a person lives. I Googled my exMM and his new address came up!I had no idea he had bought a house- but it came up on Zillow! Unfortunately the prior thread to this story cannot be found. However it seems this AP is unstable and his move is part of HIS agenda. To even hint otherwise speaks more abut the mindset of the posters..
Really, I have read about women cheating while pregnant a few times.

OP even admits screwing up by breaking NC.

OP admits screwing up giving the AP her address.

What I can't understand is why she still works with the AP.

Just like all cheating spouses, they don't think before they act.
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Old 9th September 2017, 2:31 AM   #32
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The only things the OP did was break NC.

She talked to him about a commercial he made witch got him thinking that he might have a chance again. Then he asked for her address and she gives it to him. What else is he to think other then she is interested again. Look at it from this sociopaths point of view. He will twist any contact to his agenda.

She might as well worn a sign saying I'm available.
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Old 9th September 2017, 10:17 AM   #33
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blame game

So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.
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Old 9th September 2017, 10:59 AM   #34
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So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.
Exactly! Also she was pregnant & being all hormonal & cornered, she most likely just started blurting due to being uncomfortable. How could she ever know that the AP that stayed married would move to the same place, she couldn't of!

OP, none of this is your fault...you could never have known he would do this.
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Old 9th September 2017, 1:04 PM   #35
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Op based on your thread about your affair with this mm

This man is unhinged .As per you he talked to god in different tougue .and was quoting from the bible .said his wife is non active and may be in a few years die from blood pressure or something .....threatened to kill your h even though it was all talk it should be enough .and i hope you got the help you needed because after all that you were still pining for him ....

Why he moved to your area we cannot guess the man is unhinged. If he moved his wife and young child to your area to start something with you again .

I really hope you moved past him and know better this time
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Old 9th September 2017, 1:05 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by bealigerent View Post
So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.
She had an affair with him in the first place. Her bad.

She stayed at the same employer as her AP. Her bad.

She decided it would be ok to chat with her AP, who THREATENED HER HUSBAND previously, breaking NC. Her bad.

She then tells her AP where she lives. Her bad.

Literally everything that has happened is due to her bad behavior. Everything. This actually is all her fault. All of this is the direct result of her poor decisions.
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Last edited by MJJean; 9th September 2017 at 1:07 PM..
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Old 10th September 2017, 1:26 AM   #37
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So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.
Who is blaming her for his actions.

OP is at fault for breaking NC. NC means you never say another word to the AP.

She talked with him. I am sure that the conversation they had was more then OP has related her. She just hit the highlights to see if the OM moved to her neighborhood because of what was said.

Yes her giving him her address can be taken as a green light by the POSOM.

Yes he could have very well taken the chat they had completely wrong.

That is why you never break NC.
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Old 10th September 2017, 1:30 AM   #38
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Exactly! Also she was pregnant & being all hormonal & cornered, she most likely just started blurting due to being uncomfortable. How could she ever know that the AP that stayed married would move to the same place, she couldn't of!

OP, none of this is your fault...you could never have known he would do this.
Um no.

OP stated that this was not the case. Read her post again. She was in a really good mood and really happy at the time. She didn't thing anything of it.
road and Just a Guy like this.

Last edited by usa1ah; 10th September 2017 at 1:36 AM..
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Old 10th September 2017, 1:44 AM   #39
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This had me convinced OP was being unfairly blamed:
Quote:
Originally Posted by bealigerent View Post
So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.
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Originally Posted by Whoknew30 View Post
OP, none of this is your fault...you could never have known he would do this.
But when it's put like this ... :
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Originally Posted by MJJean View Post
She had an affair with him in the first place. Her bad.

She stayed at the same employer as her AP. Her bad.

She decided it would be ok to chat with her AP, who THREATENED HER HUSBAND previously, breaking NC. Her bad.

She then tells her AP where she lives. Her bad.

Literally everything that has happened is due to her bad behavior. Everything. This actually is all her fault. All of this is the direct result of her poor decisions.
... I shook myself and realized, omg! Duped again by a a cheater who managed to capture our sympathy and blame everyone else for her mistakes, who genuinely sees herself as a victim and her actions as innocent, off-handed and without fault.

My husband is like this. I mean, of course, they have a right to seek health and happiness like everybody else, but - in my opinion - when they begin to believe they ARE like everybody else and don't have to constantly monitor themselves, then they're still delusional. They're still vulnerable to the possibility of making a series of misjudgments that they will explain away or blame somebody else until they find themselves at the end of 5 or 6 bad calls and they're still blaming someone else. They're embroiled in a predicament that compromises decisions and outcomes for others who were counting on them to be clear-headed, aware, trustworthy and accountable for their actions. All of them.

The fact that somebody else had to list all her "Bads" means she's not seeing the connections and, therefore, not taking responsibility.

So what does she do now? First, she stops getting all excited and curious that her ex-AP is lurking about, hoping to see her. No, first would be sitting her husband down and saying, "I need help knowing what is what and what to do. I think I screwed up royally. I'm so sorry. I should have told you. But please help me now."

Last edited by merrmeade; 10th September 2017 at 1:47 AM..
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Old 10th September 2017, 3:52 AM   #40
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[QUOTE=usa1ah;7412017]Um no.


A surge of hormones can make a woman feel euphoric, which can make a woman very much not herself! Unless you've been pregnant, you have no idea. Hormonal when pregnant doesn't ALWAYS equal upset, mean or emotional.
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Old 10th September 2017, 4:00 AM   #41
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Originally Posted by MJJean View Post
She had an affair with him in the first place. Her bad.

She stayed at the same employer as her AP. Her bad.

She decided it would be ok to chat with her AP, who THREATENED HER HUSBAND previously, breaking NC. Her bad.

She then tells her AP where she lives. Her bad.

Literally everything that has happened is due to her bad behavior. Everything. This actually is all her fault. All of this is the direct result of her poor decisions.

Yes & no! She does not hold responsibility for this man moving...not at all.

Her husband knows & reconciled...she has not continued affair. She could not have known ex AP would do this. NO ONE is responsible for their AP forever.

What was she supposed to run away like a child? Her husband must have known they were still working together in some way & allowed it.

This logic is no different than saying one still holds responsibility for any kind of ex that can't move on...no, a conversation, while 9 months pregnant does not warrant any of this! Doesn't matter what happened in the past.
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Old 10th September 2017, 6:00 AM   #42
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If you hated him, this would not be as big of a problem as you're making it. You need to hate him.
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Old 10th September 2017, 6:51 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by pheonixrisen View Post
Why he moved to your area we cannot guess the man is unhinged. If he moved his wife and young child to your area to start something with you again
Yes it may mean he is "unhinged", but sometimes there are areas where people of a certain demographic just want to go and live. Sometimes there are limited choices.
Maybe he realised that where the OP lives would provide the best deal for him and his family and just because his MW lives there, is no real reason to avoid it at the expense of his life, his kids life and his wife's life. Maybe there was this house for sale that was too good to miss.

Certain areas attract like minded people. Good value for money and good family housing maybe, easy commuting, nice community, low crime rate, good schools... etc.
The OP chose that area for a reason, he may have chosen for the same reason and it may be nothing whatsoever to do with the past affair.
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Old 10th September 2017, 8:31 AM   #44
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Originally Posted by MJJean View Post
She had an affair with him in the first place. Her bad.

She stayed at the same employer as her AP. Her bad.

She decided it would be ok to chat with her AP, who THREATENED HER HUSBAND previously, breaking NC. Her bad.

She then tells her AP where she lives. Her bad.

Literally everything that has happened is due to her bad behavior. Everything. This actually is all her fault. All of this is the direct result of her poor decisions.
Exactly everything from day #1 has been in the
control of this WW. She invited the OM into her
life and has kept him there.

This is what this WW wants.

She has ignored the importance of NC. So she
continues to work with the OM and not find a
new job.

Clearly her job is more important then her BH,
children, family, everything.

OP, would you kindly explain why you did not
leave your job so you would have NC with the OM?

Then explain why business only talk includes personal
things as you saw his commercial, your new address?
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Old 10th September 2017, 9:01 AM   #45
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Originally Posted by Whoknew30 View Post
Yes & no! She does not hold responsibility for this man moving...not at all.

Her husband knows & reconciled...she has not continued affair. She could not have known ex AP would do this. NO ONE is responsible for their AP forever.

What was she supposed to run away like a child? Her husband must have known they were still working together in some way & allowed it.

This logic is no different than saying one still holds responsibility for any kind of ex that can't move on...no, a conversation, while 9 months pregnant does not warrant any of this! Doesn't matter what happened in the past.
Who had the personal talk with the OM?

We do not have the OM's side of what was said.
Though we can assume the OM was on a fishing
expedition and the OP's responses showed that
she was receptive to the bait. Or even that the
OP subconsciously was on her own fishing expedition.

Why?

Well the OP never went NC caused she still worked
the OM and still talked to him.

Shows potential receptiveness to restart things.

Telling the OM that she saw his commercial is
telling the OM that I still allow myself unlimited
indirect contact instead of NC because not only
do I see your commercials I liked them. Paying the
OM compliments is a big no, no.

Telling the OM where she lives is telling the OM
and or giving signals to the OM that she
subconsciously can had again.

Even not telling her BH this latest news is a bad
news for she is preventing the one person that
can and will help her and hold her accountable.

She may have good intentions though she is
the weak link.

Everyone remember good intentions never gets
the job done. Though effort does.
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