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My alternative to a sexless marriage


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 13th September 2017, 6:24 PM   #226
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Originally Posted by central View Post
IMO, the OP's wife is pathetic, and so is their marriage. In the same situation where penetration is painful, we'd have immediately adapted - manual and oral for her, and she'd be doing the same for me. Is there any reason OP's wife can't enjoy an orgasm without penetration? I don't recall any, but perhaps she can't. Even if faced with that, my wife would take good, loving care of my needs. We've had temporary situations (illness, surgery) where we've done that for each other. We mean too much to each other to stop trying to make each other happy and satisfied. And if for any reason we physically could not do so, we'd gladly give each other permission to satisfy those needs elsewhere in whatever fashion is least harmful to our relationship.
Your wife's attitude should extend to all areas of marriage. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I have had sex with my husband even though I wasn't in the mood because I wanted to make him happy. My husband also does many favors for me in and out of the bedroom that he may not always enjoy. That is what marriage is about.
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Old 15th September 2017, 3:42 AM   #227
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I don't think any of us who have not be in this woman's shoes can really say how we would react if we knew PIV sex, which by all accounts she enjoyed, was off the table for good, for life.

That I guess would be pretty soul destroying and equivalent to a guy with a very painful penis or a penis that was incapable of maintaining an erection or no penis.
How long would he keep giving his wife oral or holding her vibrator?
a) I guess he would feel pretty sh*tty in general and b) he would get bored pretty quick when there was nothing in it for him.
A lot of female sexuality is bound up in feeling desired and if she cannot give him PIV, then I guess that is NOT a great feeling for her. Her arousal levels will be low and so will her self esteem.
She is "reduced" to the hand job/blow job queen and if she then felt her efforts were not that appreciated or she just got bored or depressed every time sex was brought up then her enthusiasm is going to naturally wane no matter how much "love" she has or even if her intentions were initially good.
It is all very well saying, "I would do this or I would do that for my man", but for year after year and no ending in sight...

It is all very well saying "He could get it elsewhere and I would not stand in his way", but usually "feelings" get involved somewhere and I guess few woman want to allow another woman into their marriage, as they know where that will ultimately lead.

And as for "in sickness and in health" - No vows I know of, allow men or women with a sick partner to go off and pay a prostitute or a male escort for sex...
As far as I am aware, that is not part of any marriage contract...
Actually Elaine I am in this woman's shoes as I had cervical and ovarian cancer and had a total hysterectomy and lost 2 inches in length in my vaginal canal so PIV sex is mostly excruciating for me. Please don't assume that other posters have no experience in the advice suggestions they give.
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Old 15th September 2017, 5:54 AM   #228
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Actually Elaine I am in this woman's shoes as I had cervical and ovarian cancer and had a total hysterectomy and lost 2 inches in length in my vaginal canal so PIV sex is mostly excruciating for me. Please don't assume that other posters have no experience in the advice suggestions they give.
Surely you can give OP some advice, insight or confirmation, at least?
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Old 15th September 2017, 8:52 PM   #229
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Surely you can give OP some advice, insight or confirmation, at least?
Sure can. I've also had 2 vginal dihissiences so I understand the pain component. To paraphrase what I think OP
Is saying is that he loves his wife, understands PIV sex isn't an option, has an otherwise good marriage that is devoid of sex and intimacy. He's not had sex with his wife in 10 years since age 36. A foundation of a
Marriage has to have an element of intimacy for most couples or else
It's just a good friendship. I would love PIV sex again so I'm considering vaginal
Canal lengthing surgery which might not be an option here.

OP
Says he has spoken to his dear wife about his need for intimacy with her several times and she has shut him down. Over 10 years. That to me is unbelievably selfish. There are so many ways to have intimacy with your husband from having a bath together, massage, to more sexual activity like oral sex, manual stimulation, breast play, anal sex, nude makeout sessions, clitotal stimulating and way too many more to list. She needs a good gyn, endocrinologist and therapist to see why other forms of intimacy are off the table (maybe hormones),but as you asked for my insight, excluding PIV, this woman may love her H but she sure isn't sexually interested in him or care about his needs. So first double check all the medicals if there's nothing new, have a discussion saying OP needs intimacy and connection and if she's unwilling, his choice is lead a celibate marriage or divorce and find a compatible woman who values intimacy and sex as part of amlove relationship.

If my love had ED and PIV was impossible I'd find other ways to be intimate. If you want something you do it somehow.
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Old 15th September 2017, 9:30 PM   #230
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PhillyLibertyBelle, I hope OP appreciates your input. Seems like gold to me, but I'm not OP. Seems to me like he really doesn't want to make her uncomfortable.
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Old 15th September 2017, 9:58 PM   #231
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PhillyLibertyBelle, I hope OP appreciates your input. Seems like gold to me, but I'm not OP. Seems to me like he really doesn't want to make her uncomfortable.

I hope so too. Giving your spouse a bath or a massage And that making them
Uncomfortable would make me file for divorce!
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Old 21st September 2017, 8:45 AM   #232
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After all this time, it just seems like an exercise in futility.
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