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Dealing with the Ex and her AP turned Hubby


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 28th August 2017, 10:22 PM   #16
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I think you're doing just fine. Keep it up!
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Old 29th August 2017, 12:37 AM   #17
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Being indifferent, as others have mentioned, is the best thing to do.

Your ex-wife is reacting to your indifference, and she is taking it personally as something against her. She knows how badly she screwed you over, and yet, as another person has mentioned, she is still trying to tell you how you should act to her new husband/former affair partner.

All this comes down to one word.

Entitlement.

Who does she think she is to ask you for anything after what she did? What gave her that right?

I suggest not to shake the new husband's hand ever, your kids will grow up one day, and they need to know that you handled the aftermath of your divorce with dignity and self-respect.
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Old 29th August 2017, 11:40 AM   #18
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Single Dad,

The opposite of love is not hate....it's INDIFFERENCE. And you've got that down cold. Your ex despises being invisible.

As long as you are low-key enough that the kids don't pick up on it, then you can confidently ignore your ex and loverboy for the rest of your life. Ha!
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Old 29th August 2017, 1:48 PM   #19
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As you are a Christian, I am assuming your ex probably professes faith too. I would submit that your presence is CONVICTING to her, and she wants to assuage her guilt.

This is not your job. You are a good dad and you are not unkind to her. The rest is something she and God need to work out.
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Old 29th August 2017, 2:02 PM   #20
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Thanks all.. I had an event at my kids school last night and pulled her aside because I felt God calling me to tell her I was sorry if I ever said anything to her that was mean during our divorce, and that I forgave her because I didn't feel as if my heart would be prepared for the place God was about to take me in my life without releasing the burden to Him. That it changed nothing of how I felt towards her situation but that I looked forward to closing that chapter of my life and effectively raising the kids as decent coparents, and nothin more. Congratulated her on the impending birth of her new baby, wished her well and rode out.

Now that I got off my chest what I needed to, I can move forward in the peace of my decisions knowing I did the honorable thing, and thankfully (thanks to your support) can move forward knowing that I don't ever have to accept the OM or am wrong for not seeking a relationship with him. Now it's zero-dark-thirty for them and that circus for the foreseeable future.

I got a half-hearted "thank you" but I really didn't expect anymore more. After all, I didn't do it for her.. I did it for me!

Last edited by SingleDad82; 29th August 2017 at 2:10 PM..
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Old 29th August 2017, 2:14 PM   #21
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Don't feed her ego and drama- that's someone's else's problem now. Just say, I'm sorry you feel that way, smile and move on.
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Old 29th August 2017, 2:18 PM   #22
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Don't feed her ego and drama- that's someone's else's problem now. Just say, I'm sorry you feel that way, smile and move on.
Definitely agree and I'm with you! I just felt like it needed to be said. All the heavy lifting is finished for me, and I'm quite happy. Maybe it eased her guilt to hear I forgave her, and to be honest, so what? What's done is done. Now I can go back to my regularly scheduled happiness, while they try to build a successful marriage off of lies and betrayal. I've got bigger fish to fry, and two young boys to raise into Godly and respectable men.

Last edited by SingleDad82; 29th August 2017 at 2:40 PM..
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Old 29th August 2017, 6:09 PM   #23
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You are a better man than I am.

I would have told her how he has a reputation as a cheater.

And so does she. How will that work?

How will she trust him?
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Old 29th August 2017, 6:16 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by SingleDad82 View Post
Thanks all.. I had an event at my kids school last night and pulled her aside because I felt God calling me to tell her I was sorry if I ever said anything to her that was mean during our divorce, and that I forgave her because I didn't feel as if my heart would be prepared for the place God was about to take me in my life without releasing the burden to Him. That it changed nothing of how I felt towards her situation but that I looked forward to closing that chapter of my life and effectively raising the kids as decent coparents, and nothin more. Congratulated her on the impending birth of her new baby, wished her well and rode out.

Now that I got off my chest what I needed to, I can move forward in the peace of my decisions knowing I did the honorable thing, and thankfully (thanks to your support) can move forward knowing that I don't ever have to accept the OM or am wrong for not seeking a relationship with him. Now it's zero-dark-thirty for them and that circus for the foreseeable future.

I got a half-hearted "thank you" but I really didn't expect anymore more. After all, I didn't do it for her.. I did it for me!

This is great! You did the right thing...

Matthew 6:14-15 NIV
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
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Old 29th August 2017, 6:22 PM   #25
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Definitely agree and I'm with you! I just felt like it needed to be said. All the heavy lifting is finished for me, and I'm quite happy. Maybe it eased her guilt to hear I forgave her, and to be honest, so what? What's done is done. Now I can go back to my regularly scheduled happiness, while they try to build a successful marriage off of lies and betrayal. I've got bigger fish to fry, and two young boys to raise into Godly and respectable men.

If it lasts it will be an absolute miracle... and certainly not God's will. "Let no man separate what God has joined together". Commandment #7 and 10.
And my personal favorite through these hard times "be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."
That's a stern warning to say the least. Statistics are against them.. second marriages failing at a 75% rate...throw the affair in there and the baby... good luck! The thing is your marriage failed because she took the easy way out. It was easier to run than to do the hard work. Now their relationship consists of two people who run when the going gets tough... I don't see that one lasting.

Last edited by somuchfortheone; 29th August 2017 at 6:25 PM..
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Old 29th August 2017, 7:41 PM   #26
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You did well. I would have continued as you'd been doing. Her guilty conscience was getting to her.
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Old 29th August 2017, 7:45 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by SingleDad82 View Post
Thanks all.. I had an event at my kids school last night and pulled her aside because I felt God calling me to tell her I was sorry if I ever said anything to her that was mean during our divorce, and that I forgave her because I didn't feel as if my heart would be prepared for the place God was about to take me in my life without releasing the burden to Him. That it changed nothing of how I felt towards her situation but that I looked forward to closing that chapter of my life and effectively raising the kids as decent coparents, and nothin more. Congratulated her on the impending birth of her new baby, wished her well and rode out.

Now that I got off my chest what I needed to, I can move forward in the peace of my decisions knowing I did the honorable thing, and thankfully (thanks to your support) can move forward knowing that I don't ever have to accept the OM or am wrong for not seeking a relationship with him. Now it's zero-dark-thirty for them and that circus for the foreseeable future.

I got a half-hearted "thank you" but I really didn't expect anymore more. After all, I didn't do it for her.. I did it for me!
Where's the unlike, no make it the barf button?

I saw no reason for you to reach out in this manner
your ex-WW.
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Old 29th August 2017, 7:55 PM   #28
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Looks like my advice came too late.
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Old 29th August 2017, 11:36 PM   #29
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If she were to persist in her attempts to formulate a kind of friendly family connection, between you and them, then I would have to give a more definite reason as to why I didn't want that. I would have no qualms to tell her that any man who pursues another man's wife is a man without honor or integrity and that you do not wish to associate with such a man. That you forgive her for what she did to you but she is in a marriage that was conceived in infidelity, lies, and deceit and against your Christian principles. That you will always teach your children to respect her as their mother and you wish to amiably co parent with her but that is all. I do wish you well.
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Old 30th August 2017, 8:23 AM   #30
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If she were to persist in her attempts to formulate a kind of friendly family connection, between you and them, then I would have to give a more definite reason as to why I didn't want that. I would have no qualms to tell her that any man who pursues another man's wife is a man without honor or integrity and that you do not wish to associate with such a man. That you forgive her for what she did to you but she is in a marriage that was conceived in infidelity, lies, and deceit and against your Christian principles. That you will always teach your children to respect her as their mother and you wish to amiably co parent with her but that is all. I do wish you well.
I would not of told this. ex WW knows the truth.

This is why she is still trying to do damage control.
Responding to her complaints and continued false
justification.

Never feed the ex-WW's self denial.
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