Jump to content

Sexless marriage.. Thinking about cheating..


blue_eyes8287

Recommended Posts

blue_eyes8287

Hi girls! Ok so... this is going to be long.. but please stick with me...

 

So me and my husband have been married for over 9 years, we got married when I was 19 and he was 23. Everything was great for the first year and then it went to hell. He got addicted to prescription drugs.. He's got OCD, tourettes, back disease, anxiety, sleep disorder and multiple of surgeries. It got to the point it was so bad he didn't care who he hurt including me. After losing jobs, almost divorcing, counseling.. we're still together... He's sober but takes pain medicine due to his back disease (ankylosing spondylitis) but I help maintain his medicine.

 

Well here lately we can go a MONTH or even longer without having sex or even being intimate. It has gotten to the point where I am getting unhappy and not feeling close to him at all. On top of all his "disorders" he is NOT an affectionate person at all! Like he doesn't even like me caressing him, touching him...etc...

 

I have had several.. no multiple talks with him that I need to be loved on, intimate or just be cuddled.. Everytime I talk to him about this he's always like ok I'll try...

 

So fast forward to what is happening right now...I have been working as an office manager at a pest control company for over a year.. The branch manager and I have been great friends since I started.. Well here lately he's been giving me hints that he is into me and somehow I had feelings for this guy but when I seen he had interest in me it made me even more curious... So he started winking at me.. So one thing leads to another... He starts talking dirty with me and I give him hints that I was interested...

 

And ok... so apparently this guy is my friend and I have shared almost EVERYTHING with him about me and my husband...So ok yesterday it was just me and him at the office.. It was getting close to our time to get off work... He sits by me and starts talking and looking at me with "hungry eyes"... I seriously thought this guy just wanted sex with me and then move on... But okay... so we had a passionate makeout session... I grab my keys and said I was gonna lock the door and he sat me back down... and just completely shocked what he said next... He said.. Are you sure this is what you want? I mean I don't want you to do something you will regret later... Like he actually cares for me! It didn't go any further but OMG.. I absolutely LOVE kissing and my husband does not... I have not made out with someone in YEARS! Not only was it amazing.. He did the things I always thought was sexy like pull back away from kissing me...like teasing me...so

 

Going home I actually did not feel guilty at all.. In fact I felt amazing and happy! Me and my husband laid in bed and he started scratching my back but not how I wanted him to.. I asked could he cuddle with me and his first response was... Can we tomorrow.. I'm tired... I said.. Okay.. Couple minutes later he pulls his pillow next to time and tries to cuddle with me... When I say try.. He didn't put his body next to mine.. All I felt was just his arm over my stomach???? Not intimate at all! I can't recall the last time we had sex...

 

He done the "halfway" cuddle multiple times and it just makes me so mad! I'm giving him everything he needs and wants but where is my end? I cannot stop thinking about this other guy though...

 

When (the other guy) stopped us from going any further that told me he actual has feelings for me......

 

Please be gentle

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure why you chose to stay married. Divorce is the best option. Then, you can consider another relationship. Until then, keep your distance from this man because you are already walking hand in hand down the road to nowhere...

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
blue_eyes8287

Just to clarify... our marriage is great despite the dry area of our sex life... Don't know what to do!

 

So me and my husband have been married for over 9 years, we got married when I was 19 and he was 23. Everything was great for the first year and then it went to hell. He got addicted to prescription drugs.. He's got OCD, tourettes, back disease, anxiety, sleep disorder and multiple of surgeries. It got to the point it was so bad he didn't care who he hurt including me. After losing jobs, almost divorcing, counseling.. we're still together... He's sober but takes pain medicine due to his back disease (ankylosing spondylitis) but I help maintain his medicine.

 

Well here lately we can go a MONTH or even longer without having sex or even being intimate. It has gotten to the point where I am getting unhappy and not feeling close to him at all. On top of all his "disorders" he is NOT an affectionate person at all! Like he doesn't even like me caressing him, touching him...etc...

 

I have had several.. no multiple talks with him that I need to be loved on, intimate or just be cuddled.. Everytime I talk to him about this he's always like ok I'll try...

 

So fast forward to what is happening right now...I have been working as an office manager at a pest control company for over a year.. The branch manager and I have been great friends since I started.. Well here lately he's been giving me hints that he is into me and somehow I had feelings for this guy but when I seen he had interest in me it made me even more curious... So he started winking at me.. So one thing leads to another... He starts talking dirty with me and I give him hints that I was interested...

 

And ok... so apparently this guy is my friend and I have shared almost EVERYTHING with him about me and my husband...So ok yesterday it was just me and him at the office.. It was getting close to our time to get off work... He sits by me and starts talking and looking at me with "hungry eyes"... I seriously thought this guy just wanted sex with me and then move on... But okay... so we had a passionate makeout session... I grab my keys and said I was gonna lock the door and he sat me back down... and just completely shocked what he said next... He said.. Are you sure this is what you want? I mean I don't want you to do something you will regret later... Like he actually cares for me! It didn't go any further but OMG.. I absolutely LOVE kissing and my husband does not... I have not made out with someone in YEARS! Not only was it amazing.. He did the things I always thought was sexy like pull back away from kissing me...like teasing me...so

 

Going home I actually did not feel guilty at all.. In fact I felt amazing and happy! Me and my husband laid in bed and he started scratching my back but not how I wanted him to.. I asked could he cuddle with me and his first response was... Can we tomorrow.. I'm tired... I said.. Okay.. Couple minutes later he pulls his pillow next to time and tries to cuddle with me... When I say try.. He didn't put his body next to mine.. All I felt was just his arm over my stomach???? Not intimate at all! I can't recall the last time we had sex...

 

He done the "halfway" cuddle multiple times and it just makes me so mad! I'm giving him everything he needs and wants but where is my end? I cannot stop thinking about this other guy though...

 

When (the other guy) stopped us from going any further that told me he actual has feelings for me......

 

Please be gentle

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
blue_eyes8287
you can't be thinking about cheating....you are already cheating.

 

Yeah I understand that... but I'm talking about taking it further... I just don't see my husband changing to an affectionate person... I need it and I've been accepting the fact that he isn't an affectionate person but here lately it's been making me really unhappy...

 

Our marriage is great despite this great need not being met.. It's not just sex it's the feeling of being wanted and desired

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
blue_eyes8287
I'm not sure why you chose to stay married. Divorce is the best option. Then, you can consider another relationship. Until then, keep your distance from this man because you are already walking hand in hand down the road to nowhere...

 

Because we have a great relationship despite this important need not being met... I told him the other night that we needed to talk and he just said just come to bed and I'll cuddle with you.... yeah "half" cuddled :/

Link to post
Share on other sites
Because we have a great relationship despite this important need not being met... I told him the other night that we needed to talk and he just said just come to bed and I'll cuddle with you.... yeah "half" cuddled :/

 

If that's true, then don't dishonor your husband by cheating with another man. Sadly, this is something where you can't have it both ways...

 

Except of course, you can... if your husband agrees to the idea that you would seek physical affection outside the marriage. Or, you can continue on with this man if that's the kind of person you want to be.

 

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. No easy answers. I would divorce, because the future looks long and lonely for you if you stay in your marriage...

Edited by BaileyB
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Because we have a great relationship despite this important need not being met... I told him the other night that we needed to talk and he just said just come to bed and I'll cuddle with you.... yeah "half" cuddled :/

 

Ok but you need to consider that this man has ankylosing spondylitis and that is a BIG diagnosis for a young man.

 

I think forget about this chancer at work, he is just out for what he can get, and sit down with your husband and discuss what this illness means to him.

Ankylosing spondylitis is not a death sentence but it often progressively worsens and some sufferers become severely disabled.

Cuddling you may be extremely painful for him, sex maybe painful or aggravates his condition for hours or days even. He may be hyper sensitive to touch. He may be so fatigued, sex is off the menu.

He may feel less of a man and psychologically this may be all eating him up too.

 

BUT

fine if you are fed up of managing his illnesses and have reached the end of your tether, but divorce him do not cheat on him. Cheating usually crucifies people and it can take years and years for a betrayed spouse to even start to get better.

He doesn't deserve that, I think he has quite enough on is plate without that too.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
Jersey born raised

Agreed that the guy at work is a bad choice. He is preying on you. Never discuss marriage issues with the opposite sex. Use a professional, a forum like this or group meetings with people with similar issues.

 

Until you arrive at a choice to stay or divorce be an adult and do not commit adultery. Are you an adulterous or not is the question.

 

You have good reasons to divorce that appear to be unrelated to his medical condition. Confirm if this is true or not.

 

The fact you are posting here tells me you are a good person in the process of making a horrible decision. Step back now. Tell co-worker to step back, you need time to at least divorce before allowing any flirting or physical touch.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
pheonixrisen

Taking care of your end ...and not getting any in return does not give you a pass to cheat .

 

If your h does not bring anything to the table ...leave don't cheat .

 

And I am laughing reading the line where your om says ...i hope you are okay with this ...dont want you to regret anything :D

 

Leave your husband ..and then go off with the om that would be the best solution

 

I think in general we should make changes to marital vows :laugh:

In sickness and in health ...untill you get sick and are unable to perform then I am going to not give you the courtesy and dignity to divorce I am just going to cheat and kick you down some more

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi girls! Ok so... this is going to be long.. but please stick with me...

 

So me and my husband have been married for over 9 years, we got married when I was 19 and he was 23. Everything was great for the first year and then it went to hell. He got addicted to prescription drugs.. He's got OCD, tourettes, back disease, anxiety, sleep disorder and multiple of surgeries. It got to the point it was so bad he didn't care who he hurt including me. After losing jobs, almost divorcing, counseling.. we're still together... He's sober but takes pain medicine due to his back disease (ankylosing spondylitis) but I help maintain his medicine.

 

Well here lately we can go a MONTH or even longer without having sex or even being intimate. It has gotten to the point where I am getting unhappy and not feeling close to him at all. On top of all his "disorders" he is NOT an affectionate person at all! Like he doesn't even like me caressing him, touching him...etc...

 

I have had several.. no multiple talks with him that I need to be loved on, intimate or just be cuddled.. Everytime I talk to him about this he's always like ok I'll try...

 

So fast forward to what is happening right now...I have been working as an office manager at a pest control company for over a year.. The branch manager and I have been great friends since I started.. Well here lately he's been giving me hints that he is into me and somehow I had feelings for this guy but when I seen he had interest in me it made me even more curious... So he started winking at me.. So one thing leads to another... He starts talking dirty with me and I give him hints that I was interested...

 

And ok... so apparently this guy is my friend and I have shared almost EVERYTHING with him about me and my husband...So ok yesterday it was just me and him at the office.. It was getting close to our time to get off work... He sits by me and starts talking and looking at me with "hungry eyes"... I seriously thought this guy just wanted sex with me and then move on... But okay... so we had a passionate makeout session... I grab my keys and said I was gonna lock the door and he sat me back down... and just completely shocked what he said next... He said.. Are you sure this is what you want? I mean I don't want you to do something you will regret later... Like he actually cares for me! It didn't go any further but OMG.. I absolutely LOVE kissing and my husband does not... I have not made out with someone in YEARS! Not only was it amazing.. He did the things I always thought was sexy like pull back away from kissing me...like teasing me...so

 

Going home I actually did not feel guilty at all.. In fact I felt amazing and happy! Me and my husband laid in bed and he started scratching my back but not how I wanted him to.. I asked could he cuddle with me and his first response was... Can we tomorrow.. I'm tired... I said.. Okay.. Couple minutes later he pulls his pillow next to time and tries to cuddle with me... When I say try.. He didn't put his body next to mine.. All I felt was just his arm over my stomach???? Not intimate at all! I can't recall the last time we had sex...

 

He done the "halfway" cuddle multiple times and it just makes me so mad! I'm giving him everything he needs and wants but where is my end? I cannot stop thinking about this other guy though...

 

When (the other guy) stopped us from going any further that told me he actual has feelings for me......

 

Please be gentle

 

wow...you are doing some major rewriting here.

 

for example, you don't suddenly develop touretts syndrome, you either have it or you don't. This is what makes me think he hasn't really changed since you married him. it's more like you are unhappy and rationalizing because, at heart, being unfaithful isn't really who "you" are.

 

You're not alone though, as many ws do that.

 

The thing is that you rationalize all the reasons why you shouldn't feel bad about cheating, but cheating won't fix any one of them.

 

You come of as a woman who is very unhappy, but I don't get the sense you are cruel or unkind at all. What you are doing to your husband is both those things, and while a husband who is less than stellar may be a great reason for divorce, it doesn't make cheating okay.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ok but you need to consider that this man has ankylosing spondylitis and that is a BIG diagnosis for a young man.

 

I think forget about this chancer at work, he is just out for what he can get, and sit down with your husband and discuss what this illness means to him.

Ankylosing spondylitis is not a death sentence but it often progressively worsens and some sufferers become severely disabled.

Cuddling you may be extremely painful for him, sex maybe painful or aggravates his condition for hours or days even. He may be hyper sensitive to touch. He may be so fatigued, sex is off the menu.

He may feel less of a man and psychologically this may be all eating him up too.

 

BUT

fine if you are fed up of managing his illnesses and have reached the end of your tether, but divorce him do not cheat on him. Cheating usually crucifies people and it can take years and years for a betrayed spouse to even start to get better.

He doesn't deserve that, I think he has quite enough on is plate without that too.

 

If that's what is going on with your husband, it's no wonder he is having problems. My husband has issues with that ( it's related to him having psoriatic arthritis) and it can be incredibly painful.

 

The good thing is there are treatments that can really help, such as Emberell, and even cannabis with a high canniboid content can really help.

 

OP, if your husband is having an issue with an autoimmune disease, it can leave you really tired, and even a touch can hurt.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When you are unhappy in marriage, you have the right to divorce. You don't have the right to play single while keeping your spouse faithful to you.

 

Make an appointment with a marriage counselor. Make arrangements for a sitter for your kids. Tell your husband that things are not sustainable the way they are. Tell him that you two either keep this appointment, with a commitment from him for real change, or you cancel this appointment and make another with a family law attorney.

 

You have a right to divorce. You have a right to insist on counseling to avoid a divorce. You don't have a right to play single while you're married. Fix your marriage or leave it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Take some advice from an older guy that has seen the world and it's people. Your husband is not going to ever change. You are not going to change unless you reach a point where you give up on the joys of life. People will say that sex is not everything in a marriage, but I say it is a very big part of marriage. How many couples have you ever heard of that got married not to have sex. Without sex you could be just be happy having a room mate that you get along well with. Everyone I know, including me, got married and looked forward to a fulfilling sex life. Life is too short to remain miserable when you can change. Either get a divorce or tell your husband you want an open marriage. It is miserable to be a very affectionate person who lives with someone who wants affection about as much as a rock. I wish you well.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Jersey born raised

Why did you start a new thread on the same subject. Awhile ago there was a woman poster, I believe her name was messy lady. She your post could be her's pre-adultery. The only difference was she refused to share what his medical condition was. A lot of posters boasted her but I actually respected her honoring what she knew her husband's response to that would be.

 

Instead of divorcing she did enter into adultery with a boss. He was driving her insane and using her. The thing is, if she had divorced or had an agreement for an open marriage she would have never gotten so deeply trapped into OMM. Her pain jumped off the page.

 

I am not going to tell you to confuss to your husband, only that it may be best. Instead I am asking you to begin divorcing him, telling yet again what your needs are and demanding change why assuring him about all the reasons why you love him.

 

A marriage s between a man and a woman, not a brother and sister.

Link to post
Share on other sites

one would be an idiot to destroy one's marriage be labelled as cheater and get dishonoured among friends and family in this way, think you do have family atleast

 

the guy knows, you are married and still wants to have sex with you, is he married? does he want to be committed? if you are not getting what you wantthe most from marriage are you thinking of getting divorced

 

as a single you can have sex with anybody but being in committed relationship i think you are making a very bad dumb choice to be honest

 

i would recommend to first divorce your husband then im pretty certain that you will come back to reality and this idiot guy would perhaps not even be interested by then.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Lil-Miss-Anthropy

Wow, I feel your pain, OP. I have also been in a situation where I had a very pleasant relationship that was fulfilling in many ways, but just didn't quite meet my needs sexually or emotionally. I thought about leaving the guy for a while, and ended up cheating in a situation similar to yours. I found a man who seemed to be everything my partner was not. He was assertive, sexy, masculine, good at massages. The first time I sexted back and forth with him, I felt exhilarated — not from cheating, but from feeling like I was growing more confident and finally getting what I needed. It's possible that your exhilaration came from similar feelings. I also felt a horrible guilt, worse than any guilt that I've ever felt in my life. I had done the unthinkable, the thing that no good person was ever supposed to do. That made me a bad person in that moment, and there was no way to justify my way out of it. It's a terrible experience to feel that way, and I wouldn't wish that on you, OP. I also wouldn't wish for you to feel guiltless and get into a streak of cheating on partners. It can be addictive and absolutely ugly.

 

It took me months to finally dump my ex, after seeing the side guy a couple times and then deciding to end it and try to make my relationship work. I held on so tight, I even suggested polyamory to help me get my needs met. In the end, I realized that my partner just wasn't right for me. I was scared to let go because I met him when I was young and was worried that none of the other men out there would be able to satisfy me. I was willing to settle for familiar mediocrity rather than unfamiliarity and solitude. Seeing as you got married so young, I wouldn't be surprised if you've had similar thoughts, as having dating few people in one's life narrows one's perspective and makes it harder to let go of partners.

 

I did meet someone better, someone so amazing that I loved him way more than my ex and side boy. I wanted to spend my whole life him. However, I was honest about the mistake I'd made, and our relationship didn't work out because he was constantly paranoid that I'd cheat on him. Not only did I hurt the first guy, but I'd hurt my chances with someone I liked better. I could keep my mistakes a secret, but it's always better not to have made them and not to have to hide them.

 

If I could go back in time, I'd have left my first ex a lot sooner, before I made the impulsive choice to cheat on him. I wish I could say I've never cheated. I can only say that I never will again. I think you and I are quite similar, OP — you don't seem like a bad person. You have needs that are not being met, and are perhaps feeling desperate — desperate enough to make the wrong choice. I know that it's scary, but I really think you should divorce your partner if your needs aren't being met. Another option is to discuss having an open or polyamorous relationship so that you can fulfill your needs while remaining honest, but you need to take a good hard look at yourself and decide if you'd really enjoy that sort of arrangement, or if are just acting out of attachment and truly want to be free from him to pursue others.

 

About your side guy... I'd be cautious with him. The fact that he's violating your husband's boundaries means he could potentially violate yours. He has shown that he's okay with the idea of cheating. Even though he asked you if you're okay with it, that question may have been more to alleviate himself of responsibility of the act of cheating than anything. I don't know enough just from this post though, so use your own best judgement and face hard truths directly now, or risk having them hit you harder later.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Blue_Eyes, you have been given a lot of good advice by well meaning people here. I wanted to ask you a question. You have repeatedly said that your relationship is 'Good' apart from the issues you have mentioned. Can you tell us what is good about your relationship with your husband that makes you think that you do not want to divorce him? From what you have offered in your OP, you should now be 28 years old and your husband would be 32 years old. You got married when you were 19 years, that is, you were still a teenager. At that age you were probably not mature enough to make such a huge life decision while being aware of all the factors that a marriage involves. Some people have the gumption to pull it off and maybe, if you had no problems in your marriage of the kind that you are facing, you too, could have sailed through life as a "Happily ever after" bride. However, it seems that the health problems your husband has and is facing, has knocked you off your perch and you are struggling with handling problems you are just not equipped to handle. That said, your personality has undergone a sea change from the time you were a teenager. You are now a mature woman at the peak of her sexual and emotional development and those needs are just not being nurtured by your husband. Your husband, on the other hand, was 23 and had probably matured enough to know what he was getting into.

 

I also am left incredulous that with the kind of medical problems you have mentioned that your husband suffers from, that there was no prior indication of these when you were dating him. Either, he kept things under wraps to deceive you into sticking with him, or, as I said, you were too immature and naive to be able to assess the long term effect of his illnesses on him and on your relationship. Whatever it was, the fact remains that you did not knowingly or consciously sign up to marry a perennially sick man. At your current age, you have probably come to recognize that you had wool pulled over your eyes, one way or another. With this knowledge I think, in all fairness you can proceed to divorce your husband, after sitting him down and hiving him your reasons. Your husband has very little to offer you, now and in the future. He seems more like a parasite sucking the life out of you by slow degrees. By cheating on him you will only complicate matters, lose your high moral ground and give him a reason to blame you for the break up of your marriage. Make a wise decision worthy of a 28 year old woman. Warm wishes.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi girls! Ok so... this is going to be long.. but please stick with me...

 

So me and my husband have been married for over 9 years, we got married when I was 19 and he was 23. Everything was great for the first year and then it went to hell. He got addicted to prescription drugs.. He's got OCD, tourettes, back disease, anxiety, sleep disorder and multiple of surgeries. It got to the point it was so bad he didn't care who he hurt including me. After losing jobs, almost divorcing, counseling.. we're still together... He's sober but takes pain medicine due to his back disease (ankylosing spondylitis) but I help maintain his medicine.

 

Well here lately we can go a MONTH or even longer without having sex or even being intimate. It has gotten to the point where I am getting unhappy and not feeling close to him at all. On top of all his "disorders" he is NOT an affectionate person at all! Like he doesn't even like me caressing him, touching him...etc...

 

I have had several.. no multiple talks with him that I need to be loved on, intimate or just be cuddled.. Everytime I talk to him about this he's always like ok I'll try...

 

So fast forward to what is happening right now...I have been working as an office manager at a pest control company for over a year.. The branch manager and I have been great friends since I started.. Well here lately he's been giving me hints that he is into me and somehow I had feelings for this guy but when I seen he had interest in me it made me even more curious... So he started winking at me.. So one thing leads to another... He starts talking dirty with me and I give him hints that I was interested...

 

And ok... so apparently this guy is my friend and I have shared almost EVERYTHING with him about me and my husband...So ok yesterday it was just me and him at the office.. It was getting close to our time to get off work... He sits by me and starts talking and looking at me with "hungry eyes"... I seriously thought this guy just wanted sex with me and then move on... But okay... so we had a passionate makeout session... I grab my keys and said I was gonna lock the door and he sat me back down... and just completely shocked what he said next... He said.. Are you sure this is what you want? I mean I don't want you to do something you will regret later... Like he actually cares for me! It didn't go any further but OMG.. I absolutely LOVE kissing and my husband does not... I have not made out with someone in YEARS! Not only was it amazing.. He did the things I always thought was sexy like pull back away from kissing me...like teasing me...so

 

Going home I actually did not feel guilty at all.. In fact I felt amazing and happy! Me and my husband laid in bed and he started scratching my back but not how I wanted him to.. I asked could he cuddle with me and his first response was... Can we tomorrow.. I'm tired... I said.. Okay.. Couple minutes later he pulls his pillow next to time and tries to cuddle with me... When I say try.. He didn't put his body next to mine.. All I felt was just his arm over my stomach???? Not intimate at all! I can't recall the last time we had sex...

 

He done the "halfway" cuddle multiple times and it just makes me so mad! I'm giving him everything he needs and wants but where is my end? I cannot stop thinking about this other guy though...

 

When (the other guy) stopped us from going any further that told me he actual has feelings for me......

 

Please be gentle

 

 

 

Will be gentle if you do this the right way.

 

Separate and divorce your husband then you can do what you want.

 

Think it is really messed up still. I wonder if things were reversed and it was you that had all the medical issues, would your husband be wanting someone else?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah I understand that... but I'm talking about taking it further... I just don't see my husband changing to an affectionate person... I need it and I've been accepting the fact that he isn't an affectionate person but here lately it's been making me really unhappy...

 

Our marriage is great despite this great need not being met.. It's not just sex it's the feeling of being wanted and desired

 

Medication can do that to a person. It can take away want for anything.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Still can't help but wonder if things were reversed, if your husband would be seeking pleasure from another?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Until then, keep your distance from this man because you are already walking hand in hand down the road to nowhere...

 

THIS!

 

This other guy seems more exciting then he really is. He doesn't care about you. He's already showing you he's disrespectful. He's disrespecting your husband and making a mockery of your marriage. Sadly, you're allowing him too.

 

You haven't gone too far yet. Go home and tell your husband that you're leaning towards cheating on him with a guy at work. I can guarantee you that will prove more fruitful then degrading yourself for sex with some random guy at work. Or don't tell, and just choose to walk away from the other guy and really throw yourself into your marriage. Up to you.

 

It sounds like maybe your husband needs to go to the doc to get his sex drive looked at. Look into it with him. You can't just put it all on your husband. You have to be an active participant in your marriage. I made this mistake and it was costly. Talk to your husband. Anything and I do mean anything is better than choosing to do what you're thinking about doing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ItsColdAsCrapInAlaska
Hi girls! Ok so... this is going to be long.. but please stick with me...

 

So me and my husband have been married for over 9 years, we got married when I was 19 and he was 23. Everything was great for the first year and then it went to hell. He got addicted to prescription drugs.. He's got OCD, tourettes, back disease, anxiety, sleep disorder and multiple of surgeries. It got to the point it was so bad he didn't care who he hurt including me. After losing jobs, almost divorcing, counseling.. we're still together... He's sober but takes pain medicine due to his back disease (ankylosing spondylitis) but I help maintain his medicine.

 

Well here lately we can go a MONTH or even longer without having sex or even being intimate. It has gotten to the point where I am getting unhappy and not feeling close to him at all. On top of all his "disorders" he is NOT an affectionate person at all! Like he doesn't even like me caressing him, touching him...etc...

 

I have had several.. no multiple talks with him that I need to be loved on, intimate or just be cuddled.. Everytime I talk to him about this he's always like ok I'll try...

 

So fast forward to what is happening right now...I have been working as an office manager at a pest control company for over a year.. The branch manager and I have been great friends since I started.. Well here lately he's been giving me hints that he is into me and somehow I had feelings for this guy but when I seen he had interest in me it made me even more curious... So he started winking at me.. So one thing leads to another... He starts talking dirty with me and I give him hints that I was interested...

 

And ok... so apparently this guy is my friend and I have shared almost EVERYTHING with him about me and my husband...So ok yesterday it was just me and him at the office.. It was getting close to our time to get off work... He sits by me and starts talking and looking at me with "hungry eyes"... I seriously thought this guy just wanted sex with me and then move on... But okay... so we had a passionate makeout session... I grab my keys and said I was gonna lock the door and he sat me back down... and just completely shocked what he said next... He said.. Are you sure this is what you want? I mean I don't want you to do something you will regret later... Like he actually cares for me! It didn't go any further but OMG.. I absolutely LOVE kissing and my husband does not... I have not made out with someone in YEARS! Not only was it amazing.. He did the things I always thought was sexy like pull back away from kissing me...like teasing me...so

 

Going home I actually did not feel guilty at all.. In fact I felt amazing and happy! Me and my husband laid in bed and he started scratching my back but not how I wanted him to.. I asked could he cuddle with me and his first response was... Can we tomorrow.. I'm tired... I said.. Okay.. Couple minutes later he pulls his pillow next to time and tries to cuddle with me... When I say try.. He didn't put his body next to mine.. All I felt was just his arm over my stomach???? Not intimate at all! I can't recall the last time we had sex...

 

He done the "halfway" cuddle multiple times and it just makes me so mad! I'm giving him everything he needs and wants but where is my end? I cannot stop thinking about this other guy though...

 

When (the other guy) stopped us from going any further that told me he actual has feelings for me......

 

Please be gentle

 

You asked a question that you already knew the answer to.....I will not judge you as I have walked and run that road before. Eventually, your soul can no longer live with your heart when you cheat. What you feel is the euphoria of attention. Even married people feel it. But make no mistake, you will hate yourself for it.

 

When you reach to 50 posts and a 30days, message me in private. I can help you possibly. I have AS. yes it is life altering, but it does not kill your sex drive, even with meds. The heart and the mind is what kills it and if you cheat, it will kill you too.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Starswillshine

I really dislike when people talk about their "needs" not being met. It is not a need, that is a rationalization to make you feel better, it's entitlement "I NEED this and I deserve it." Well, actually it is a want, a desire. You won't die without it.

 

I understand you were young when you got married. But there were vows that were made. In sickness and in health.

 

I suggest some marriage counseling/IC and some deep soul searching. And some trying to understand why he may not be able to be affectionate.

 

If all else fails, and you know the whole "Life is too short to be unhappy" (without trying to do the real work on self), then seek a divorce. Do the right thing, not the wrong. Because an affair will destroy you.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
ItsColdAsCrapInAlaska
I really dislike when people talk about their "needs" not being met. It is not a need, that is a rationalization to make you feel better, it's entitlement "I NEED this and I deserve it." Well, actually it is a want, a desire. You won't die without it.

 

I understand you were young when you got married. But there were vows that were made. In sickness and in health.

 

I suggest some marriage counseling/IC and some deep soul searching. And some trying to understand why he may not be able to be affectionate.

 

If all else fails, and you know the whole "Life is too short to be unhappy" (without trying to do the real work on self), then seek a divorce. Do the right thing, not the wrong. Because an affair will destroy you.

 

 

While I agree with the latter part of this quote, the first part I don't. Love is.....what? Love is meeting needs. Bottom line. We all have needs. Love may not be a physiological need (food, water, shelter), but it is an emotional and mental need. After all we are here in a Love forum not a survivalist forum. Every human needs love. Every human deserves love. Without it, we are merely objects consuming natural resources. A life without hope/love is a dead person. Even the Bible says the greatest three things are FAITH HOPE LOVE and the greatest of these is LOVE.....not water.... Stress is the number 1 killer. Every doctor will tell you stress is largest cause in a host of medical issues. Stress is tied to Hope and hope is tied to love....

 

A successful relationship of love requires that both parties work at meeting the other's needs. If that does not happen, eventually it will break down.

 

Blue Eyes I don't fault you for having needs or feeling like they are not met. But I would ask....are you meeting his? Or trying to?

Edited by Ray1201
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...