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I don't know where to start. I love my husband very much did something that broke my trust and left me heart broken . I found he looked at woman on the Craigslist personal ads. Of course he first denied it but I got him to admit it but at first he claimed it was not what I think. He also admitted he lies to me because I can not handle the truth. He told me I act emotional and cry a lot so it causes him to need a escape. So I asked him if he would have sex with these woman and he said he would snap and yes. Then he changed his answer to no immediately. I don't know what to do. He is a amazing husband loving caring, he listens to me, comes home every night and takes great care of me. We have only been married a year. I only caught him looking but not acting. In the past he would look at woman on fb and I would cry about it. But I'm still so heartbroken and can't look at him the same. I'm sincerely lost and need advice.

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Michelle ma Belle

I'm sorry for your pain sweetie but I think you need to prepare yourself for the worst. So often where there is smoke there is also fire.

 

You THINK he's only been looking and not acting but how do you really know this for sure? What proof do you have?

 

Honestly, with the plethora of images available to gawk at online why did he choose to look at personal ads posted by women on Craigslist of all places?!? Think about it! No one goes there just to 'look' sweetie. He's up to something...either he has already been successful there or is/was hoping to be and now he's caught.

 

I'm especially curious about his comment about 'lying to you because you can't handle the truth'. What truth?? What is he not telling you? Did you ask him what he meant by that?

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Doorstopper

 

Honestly, with the plethora of images available to gawk at online why did he choose to look at personal ads posted by women on Craigslist of all places?!? Think about it! No one goes there just to 'look' sweetie. He's up to something...either he has already been successful there or is/was hoping to be and now he's caught.

 

 

I've looked at Craigslist ads, in the past, for no particular reason. Never ever, ever thought about contacting anyone and never looked at a dating or hook up site .... and never cheated. BTW, there are few if any pictures and any I've seen have been fully clothed.

 

But, of course, where there is smoke, there is fire and there is more smoke than just looking. His responses when confronted, were not appropriate. OP needs to keep looking....

Edited by Doorstopper
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So he blamed you? For him looking at other women?

 

I wonder if she's changed in a negative way since they married, or is rejecting him sexually. Perhaps that's the truth that he didn't want to share with her (it might hurt her if he's honest?) - but she probably knows if it is something like that.

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I've looked at Craigslist ads, in the past, for no particular reason. Never ever, ever thought about contacting anyone and never looked at a dating or hook up site .... and never cheated. BTW, there are few if any pictures and any I've seen have been fully clothed.

 

But, of course, where there is smoke, there is fire and there is more smoke than just looking. His responses when confronted, were not appropriate. OP needs to keep looking....

 

I just checked it out! LOL I'm not contacting anyone, but I am curious - I'll have to show my wife, later. Anyway, there are plenty of ads by women for hookups, and a small percentage of them have photos - often nude photos.

 

 

It's entirely possible to look and fantasize, without acting on it, but yeah, there could be more going on. OP will probably find out one way or the other in time, now that she's alerted.

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I wonder if she's changed in a negative way since they married, or is rejecting him sexually. Perhaps that's the truth that he didn't want to share with her (it might hurt her if he's honest?) - but she probably knows if it is something like that.

 

Uhhhhh. Yeah....so it's her fault he looked at other women?

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I still don't know. He said he would not act but am I fooosh to give him another chance when he said things will change? Nothing changed when we married we are both in our early 20s he says because of his family he's a little messed up with emotions and expressing himself

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Uhhhhh. Yeah....so it's her fault he looked at other women?

 

Yep! If she's rejecting him, he may be looking for a replacement. Can't really blame him, unless he's done nothing to try to fix things - IF that's what's going on. Of course, she may be faultless, and he's the type that cheats even in a good relationship.

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If he is looking at regular old "Pron" pictures of women - usually nothing to worry about.

 

If he is regularity looking at Craigslist adds from women seeking XXX - usually something to worry about.

 

before considering divorcing - you might try stopping crying and acting weak. I offer this as kind advice. Men and women react to a strong confident spouse, weak ones can drive them to others.

Edited by dichotomy
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GunslingerRoland

Back when personal ads used to be in the paper i'd read through them sometimes, not with any interest of contacting anyone, more just out of curiosity. I could see looking at craig's list personals for the same reason.

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Back when personal ads used to be in the paper i'd read through them sometimes, not with any interest of contacting anyone, more just out of curiosity. I could see looking at craig's list personals for the same reason.

 

True.

 

I look through a lot of ads on Craigslist, including personals, with no interest in buying anything. Check out the motorcycles all the time. And the drum sets. Means nothing. I don't have either. Never contacted much less met a woman from Craigslist.

 

It's ads. People are curious.

 

We've seen ads in many forms over the years. We've read or watched, but didn't buy.

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Eh, personals were in a paper or magazine you were already reading - like the obits or comics or help wanted ads.

 

You have to purposely GO ONTO the part of Craigslist to look at racy, smutty sex hookup stuff.

 

So no....they are not the same.

 

I might be curious as to what my neighbors pee-pee looks like. I'm not going to curiously look in his window cause the house is next door anyway ;)

 

Note: I have no interest in my neighbor's peepee

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before considering divorcing - you might try stopping crying and acting weak. I offer this as kind advice. Men and women react to a strong confident spouse, weak ones can drive them to others.

 

Definitely do this. When a partner cries all the time pretty soon the other person starts to cringe when your tears start to flow. Being strong is far more attractive.

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Superchicken

Unless he's doing something else, or shown something towards cheating, looking at posts is not a deal breaker.

 

 

Like looking at porn, some, its just a form of release (From marital pressures), or just a way to past time..:rolleyes:

 

 

Again, unless, there is a smoking gun, no shots have been fired.

 

 

Why not find out why he's looking at them, rather than "Interrogating" him why he is..

Then, why not become that person he looks for in the ads?, maybe your too Mother Teresa, or something, I don't know.

But, if you don't mind some play games, or something, he may actually enjoy the time with you in doing these things.

 

 

I know when my wife dresses a little trashy for me, it sort of gets my attention off other women.

Because lets face it, men look more at these type of women than regular everyday ones.

 

 

Its not over and done yet, so don't get too upset.

Guys do some dumb things, and often.

He's no different to the lot of us other guys..

 

 

Ted.

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ClassyTaste
I don't know where to start. I love my husband very much did something that broke my trust and left me heart broken . I found he looked at woman on the Craigslist personal ads. Of course he first denied it but I got him to admit it but at first he claimed it was not what I think. He also admitted he lies to me because I can not handle the truth. He told me I act emotional and cry a lot so it causes him to need a escape. So I asked him if he would have sex with these woman and he said he would snap and yes. Then he changed his answer to no immediately. I don't know what to do. He is a amazing husband loving caring, he listens to me, comes home every night and takes great care of me. We have only been married a year. I only caught him looking but not acting. In the past he would look at woman on fb and I would cry about it. But I'm still so heartbroken and can't look at him the same. I'm sincerely lost and need advice.

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You are still basically newlyweds! He should not be looking at sex hook up ads. There are things called Playboy or looking up a Victoria's Secret model. Men will always look at beautiful things, and so do women, but the buck stops there.

Stop crying and start putting your foot down and tell him who you are! Tell him you have boundaries and standards that will not be crossed or you will be out the door. If he loves you then he will put up with this. A man who runs or will not put up with your being feisty does not love you as you deserve to be loved.

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Michelle ma Belle

I'm curious, how many men in happy, sexually satisfying relationships are regularly checking out women on Facebook or personal ads online or on places like Craigslist?

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If a man looks at a naked woman online at a site called big bazongas or something, eh, I kinda get it.

 

If a man is purposely navigating a site TO an area where people ADVERTISE for sex and hookups, and he reads the ads and scans the pictures....I see that as a little different.

 

Kinda like many men wouldn't care if a spouse went to "Thunder Down Under" with her girlfriends. But if she browsed Ashley Madison "out of curiosity" he probably wouldn't be as hip and cool about it as some of you seem to be about craigslist.

 

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he'd be cool with it...cause hey, she's just curious....

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I regularly watch murder mysteries on-line, but this does not mean I want to kill somebody. I also watch make-up gurus even though I hardly wear make-up.

 

Though I do inderstand that your husband needs to know how insecure you feel (tell him) and you two need to learn from all this not to fight or cry, but to share affection.

Edited by darkmoon
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I regularly watch murder mysteries on-line, but this does not mean I want to kill somebody. I also watch make-up gurus even though I hardly wear make-up.

 

Though I do inderstand that your husband needs to know how insecure you feel (tell him) and you two need to learn from all this not to fight or cry, but to share affection.

 

Not sure how to approach the very large and obvious difference between watching a show portrayed by actors and trolling for REAL women looking for REAL hookups.......

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Michelle ma Belle

I will concur with those who touched on the topic of your incessant crying.

 

As much as I may agree with how hurtful his lurking may be, resorting to falling apart in tears is wildly problematic.

 

Dichotomy made a great point about how weak you're coming off to your spouse with all the crying and weakness, especially in women, remedies absolutely NOTHING.

 

Work on your self esteem. Learn to communicate your feelings, whatever they may be, in more constructive ways.

 

This won't necessarily solve the issue at hand but it will go a long way in helping YOUR emotional state so you're not always feeling like a victim.

 

Nothing is more unattractive than someone who always plays victim. You're better than that, I'm sure of it.

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I don't know where to start. I love my husband very much did something that broke my trust and left me heart broken . I found he looked at woman on the Craigslist personal ads. Of course he first denied it but I got him to admit it but at first he claimed it was not what I think. He also admitted he lies to me because I can not handle the truth. He told me I act emotional and cry a lot so it causes him to need a escape. So I asked him if he would have sex with these woman and he said he would snap and yes. Then he changed his answer to no immediately. I don't know what to do. He is a amazing husband loving caring, he listens to me, comes home every night and takes great care of me. We have only been married a year. I only caught him looking but not acting. In the past he would look at woman on fb and I would cry about it. But I'm still so heartbroken and can't look at him the same. I'm sincerely lost and need advice.

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I found the first year of marriage to be difficult. There was an adjustment to learn to function as a team.

 

 

People look at other people all the time. Looking is harmless IMO.

 

 

Yet, you admit that you cried when he looked at other women on FB. That is an extreme overreaction IMO. Looking is not cheating but if you think it is, why did you marry him? Moreover, what are you going to do, put blinders on him?

 

 

Many people have read the Craigslist ads. People also look at the "back page" -- those adds for sex in the back of certain papers & magazines. Others watch porn. Sometimes it is curiosity. Making a profile on a dating site crosses a line (that is active not passive, just looking) but just looking at Craigslist isn't worth ending a marriage IMO. You may feel differently.

 

 

The fact that he initially said he'd sleep with these women is a problem. If he's got cheating on his mind, you need to keep your eyes open.

 

 

Him admitting that he lies to you is also a problem. If you are the emotional type who flies off the handle & cries about every little thing rather than trying to work through a problem or a difference of opinion I can empathize with her desire to avoid that drama. However, his preference to avoid drama is no reason to lie to you. Can you promise to be more rational if he promises to be more forthcoming? Opening the lines of communication is the best way to grow together as a couple but it can't happen if you freak at the slightest provocation.

 

 

He may very well be a philandering husband who hasn't crossed the line yet but is headed in that direction. However, the only way you will prevent that is to work together to find a way to deal with both your issues -- his desire for visual stimulation & your preference that he not look.

 

 

My advice: find a way to be OK with look but don't touch.

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