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Is my wife cheating?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 17th September 2017, 11:54 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by Adriw7878 View Post
I thank all the support here.

The reason for PI is I want evidence of her affair. Cannot imagine and suspect she will turn out like this. Minimum damage she had done is 'emotional affair'. She still going out at least an hour for coffee nearby ... whats-apping.

Going to see lawyer (family friend advisable?) this week. She is covering her tracks .... afraid PI may not get evidence I need. I don't want her to tell everyone (esp her family) that I was an ungrateful bum that's taking settlement money for move out.
This will be a relief for many of us to read. It's a much bigger step than your post five days ago. I think you are (understandably) moving slowly at grasping the significance of the changes you encountered on regaining consciousness.

Going to see the lawyer is the best news of all.

Please consider the following:
  • Your survival is at risk because your wife has control of your money, and your best interest is not her priority.
  • Your survival is more important than the possibility of your wife's infidelity.
  • Your wife has changed in a way that is dangerous to your survival.
  • Apprising her of your suspicions could push her to further compromise your vulnerability.
  • You need outside (family, friends and/or professionals) help to make sure you are protected.
The WHY of all these assertions might come out in marriage counseling, but it might be too late. Please wait on that, and see the lawyer first.

I think you are acting on beliefs and premises that you operated on before your coma—for example, your wife is honorable/faithful/sacrificing/etc.; your wife puts your interest and welfare ahead of her own; your wife would never spend your settlement money irresponsibly; etc.

You need to change these beliefs faster than is currently happening. More important, you need to ACT on new beliefs and premises that are based on real evidence. Therefore, you need someone who will act only in YOUR best interest and NOT someone who must act in BOTH your interests such as a marriage counselor. Please see the lawyer first and WAIT on the marriage counseling. This will mean you must put the understandably unsettling question of infidelity on hold for now.

It also means that you must not let her know. It is more important for you to protect yourself BEFORE making her aware of your suspicions. Believe me, she will NOT move as slowly as you in getting her interests protected. I am 100% convinced that it would be dangerous to you for her to know that you suspect her in any way. I believe you should act normally and give her no reason to think you're "on" to her while you consult professionals and others on YOUR side. Follow their advice.

I don't pray, but I might start for you.

Last edited by merrmeade; 17th September 2017 at 12:03 PM..
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Old 17th September 2017, 1:19 PM   #47
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Hi OP, Merrmeade has got it a 100% right and if I were you I would follow her instructions to a tee. You must get in touch with a lawyer immediately and it should be someone not connected to you in any way( Not your friend). Act decisively and coopt a family member or close friend of yours( Not a mutual friend) who you can rely on to help you in any way you need. Get the PI earliest, don't hem and has about it. Safeguard yourself since your wife is now your enemy. Warm wishes.
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Old 17th September 2017, 1:29 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by BetrayedH View Post
I'm worried about this dude (even though he is probably long gone from here). Things can get dicey once there's co-mingling of funds.
yep, this is the thing. What should he / the lawyer do about this?

And I don't know if it's so bad for him to see a lawyer who is also a family friend. Doesn't the lawyer have to protect his interest only and not divulge anything if he agrees to represent him? Maybe he should ask that first begire confiding in this person.
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Old 20th September 2017, 11:31 PM   #49
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Well, he screwed up massively already. She basically stole 500k he got in settlements and NEEDED given his situation. She tried to get his savings too. Apparently the house also belongs to her.

When he saw all the signs of an affair and malicious behaviour on her part. He basically did everything he could to tip her off. Giving her all the time to cover her tracks, move money and secure her ill gotten gains.

Now he's pushing for MC, which seems like it would be a huge waste and thinking about hiring a PI after he warned her of his suspicions. And a lawyer who is a family friend sounds like an horrendous idea given he might very well be friend with her too.
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Old 21st September 2017, 2:02 AM   #50
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Well, he screwed up massively already. She basically stole 500k he got in settlements and NEEDED given his situation. She tried to get his savings too. Apparently the house also belongs to her.

When he saw all the signs of an affair and malicious behaviour on her part. He basically did everything he could to tip her off. Giving her all the time to cover her tracks, move money and secure her ill gotten gains.

Now he's pushing for MC, which seems like it would be a huge waste and thinking about hiring a PI after he warned her of his suspicions. And a lawyer who is a family friend sounds like an horrendous idea given he might very well be friend with her too.
But she's still working and couldn't have spent that much that he doesn't know about. The lawyer can take it to a judge who can put a freeze on her spending or give its management over to someone.
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