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Is my wife cheating?


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We are married for 25 yrs and sexually active (once a week) before my medical mismanagement. I was semi comatosed for 3 years after a surgery in hospital. We both work and my wife is in management position in a large company. I am retired now.

 

My surgery left me slightly paralysed. I can walk slowly (not able to jog or run), strength 40% of previous, walk for 1 km and concentrate for 3 hours max. After which, I need to lay down and take a nap.

 

I received 500K for case against hospital/doctor, my wife banked in money to our joint account. I asked for the money she said "NO". She asked for my personal savings money too which I said "NO". I asked her to retire, she said "NO. I am enjoying my work and freedom." She asked me to stay home and not wonder around.

 

She wakes up at 6 am to go to the gym. Back at 7 am and off to work at 8 am. She comes back before 12 midnight (Mon - Fri) and with me on Sat & Sun. Mon-Fri I will have my own dinner. She will have hers with colleagues and then off to pubs (drinking). She said build up fellowship and motivate staff .... she doesn't meet clients.

 

Sometimes I wait for her at home and give her a kiss when she comes home ... can taste beer in her lips but no other smell on her clothes (eg cigarettes, other liquor smell) or hair. I told her to separate so she can do whatever she want/need. She said "NO. You are sick. I work another 4 yrs then retire."

 

What she doing after work?

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First things first, I'm so sorry for your injury and the fact that it continues to affect your life.

 

Do you think that it's possible your wife was in a relationship while you were in the coma? Do you think she stays because she is hoping that the settlement you received will benefit her financially? Just two possibilities - that one or both may be true.

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It seems that she has all the power now you are unwell.

 

I am wondering, just like the previous poster, if she was already in a relationship before your illness.

 

I was in a similar situation with my late husband. I continued working but NEVER went out after work. I always came home and cooked dinner for him.

 

She is not looking after your well being as much as she could.

 

Do you have a friend or relative you can talk to?

 

Very Best wishes,

Poppy.

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First things first, I'm so sorry for your injury and the fact that it continues to affect your life.

 

Do you think that it's possible your wife was in a relationship while you were in the coma? Do you think she stays because she is hoping that the settlement you received will benefit her financially? Just two possibilities - that one or both may be true.

The 500K already in her control ... she has good money too. I am upset she still want all my savings.

 

Changing my will .... cash/assets all to my 2 children only.

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The 500K already in her control ... she has good money too. I am upset she still want all my savings.

 

Changing my will .... cash/assets all to my 2 children only.

 

Good plan. There is absolutely no reason why she should have control of your financial settlement. The fact that she has "taken it" and refuses to allow you control over the money is a HUGE RED FLAG.

 

If I had to guess, I would say that she was dating someone while you were in a coma and she continues to see this person now. And, she obviously sees your finances as "hers" not "yours" or even "ours."

 

I'm sorry.

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Mrs. John Adams

Well...we cant really answer your question...but we can all speculate.

 

Is she having an affair? MAybe Is she staying away from you becasue she has poor coping skills? maybe

 

I guess you can try to find out if she is cheating....but you need to have a plan in place either way.

 

If she is cheating....will you be able to remain married? or would you need to divorce? Because only you know what's best for you.

 

I really am sorry you are in this situation....and i hope you find peace.

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Do you have the account details?

 

If so you can access the money and transfer it to your sole account.

 

You can call the bank and find out if the money is still even there.

 

Asides from that... Can you see about employing a part time carer to take you out during the day sometimes?

 

Try making friends either online or in your area to keep you active.

 

You mention the pub.. So I assume you're in the UK. It does sound like there might be a case of financial abuse and if so, your local authority safeguarding can support with this.

 

Definitely change your will and get your hands on that money.

 

The bank will go through a series of security questions and you can get online access.

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To answer your question. Your wife is investing a significant amount of personal time with other people at the very least. At worst, she is investing and spending her time and energy with a particular person. It sounds like, she is telling you her relationship with you is mostly based on ....???? Pity? A sense of obligation? You mentioned how often you were being intimate before your health problems, but, not since. The way you mentioned it, leads me to think there is currently an issue or a problem in thr relationship in this area??? Do you have other clues and things you noticed that also are troubling you and causing you concern about your wife possibly involvement in an affair?

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The 500K already in her control ... she has good money too. I am upset she still want all my savings.

 

Changing my will .... cash/assets all to my 2 children only.

 

That was yours not hers. See an attorney

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Arieswoman

Adriw7878,

I am sorry for your situation.

 

You seem to have access to a computer so you can do on-line banking and keep a tab on the situation.

 

Please see a solicitor. They will do home-visits in UK. You can have them visit while she is out at work. You really need to take legal advice on this, as it also seems to me like a case of financial abuse.

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You apparently have plenty spare money so if i were you I would hire a PI.

Clubbing Monday-Friday sounds like a whole lot of excess "motivation" to me...

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Thanks for your input. Yes. I am going to engage a PI soon as I thought her "motivation" sessions are a bit too much .... been going on for 6 months now. It would even be past midnight ... probably past 1 am until I voiced my concerns. She now limit it to 12 midnight but I still have to organise my own dinner.

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This is just my experience but anytime someone takes there phone EVERYWHERE they usually don't want to chance you looking at it or a text coming in when they aren't there. Case in point:My ex was going to take a shower and actually came back into the bedroom to bring her phone into the bathroom. Why would it matter if your showering? Found the answer latter when she got a text and her phone was unguarded-she had been texting her ex's.

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confusedgirlfriend11

Why don't you just have a conversation with your wife and voice your concerns?

 

 

Surely being married for so long, you'd notice if she's lying? Also if she isn't up to something, then maybe she hasn't realised how you're feeling about her change in circumstances with going out etc.

 

 

Perhaps because of your condition, you're feeling a little vulnerable (and rightly so) and perhaps reading into things that are not there.

 

 

I truly hope she isn't up to anything and you can get your marriage back on track.

 

 

All the best.

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Something is going on. And she doesn't want you to know about it. I'd hire that PI sooner rather than later.

 

And for goodness sake, don't ASK her if she's cheating. I'll never understand why ANYONE ever thinks that a cheater will answer that honestly.

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Why don't you just have a conversation with your wife and voice your concerns?

 

never a good idea to alert a cheater to your suspicions. They just deny deny deny and cover their tracks better.

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  • 2 weeks later...

you could always spy on her after work but then she cant blame u for not trusting her if she is cheating,

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One thing is for sure - she's not caring for you or looking out for you.

 

If needed, sue her for your money to be returned! It's your money and should be in an account with your name only.

 

Protect yourself - looks like your wife is screwing you ovwr.

 

I won't be surprised to find out she's spending every night with some guy.

 

When you divorce her you could ask for spousal support from her - she's working and can provide you money to live on.

 

She's acting single = she's checked out of the marriage...which usually means she's very involved with someone. He's probably married and he's with his wife on the weekend - that's why she's not visiting him on weekends.

 

I'd hire that PI immediately.

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Joint account? Why can't you access it? See a solicitor to learn your options about recovering the money.

 

There is something odd going on here and you need to find out what it is. Do you have any friends you trust who are not known to her? That person could be your PI just to learn whether she is at the pub as she claims or otherwise engaged. M does she drive to and from home? A voice activated recorder

Could be hidden in her car not for courtroom proof necessarily but for your knowledge. Ask the solicitor whT British laws are about hidden voice recorders.

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Hi Folks, where is the OP? His last post was on the 10th and he had'nt bothered to return inspire of having had people posting on his thread since then. Why do people facing a dilemma do this? Makes one wonder. Warm wishes.

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somanymistakes

Why wouldn't they? We're just a random forum, they haven't made commitments to share their lives with us, you know :D

 

either they figure it was nothing so it's not worth worrying about, or they're busy dealing with their actual problems.

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I don't think she's having an affair if I were to base it from your reasons of her being busy and resistant.

 

She must be having a hard time, too, like you.

 

I guess both of you need a break. Both of you need to go out together!

 

Someone has to do an effort to rekindle the spark or to reconnect.

 

P.s. I hope for your fast recovery!

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I don't think she's having an affair if I were to base it from your reasons of her being busy and resistant.

 

She must be having a hard time, too, like you.

 

I guess both of you need a break. Both of you need to go out together!

 

Someone has to do an effort to rekindle the spark or to reconnect.

 

P.s. I hope for your fast recovery![/quote

 

Are you kidding me... wow you hear these things about people and you say no no way someone could be that naïve and so out of touch with reality.

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