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Is my wife cheating?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 8th July 2017, 9:40 PM   #1
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Is my wife cheating?

We are married for 25 yrs and sexually active (once a week) before my medical mismanagement. I was semi comatosed for 3 years after a surgery in hospital. We both work and my wife is in management position in a large company. I am retired now.

My surgery left me slightly paralysed. I can walk slowly (not able to jog or run), strength 40% of previous, walk for 1 km and concentrate for 3 hours max. After which, I need to lay down and take a nap.

I received 500K for case against hospital/doctor, my wife banked in money to our joint account. I asked for the money she said "NO". She asked for my personal savings money too which I said "NO". I asked her to retire, she said "NO. I am enjoying my work and freedom." She asked me to stay home and not wonder around.

She wakes up at 6 am to go to the gym. Back at 7 am and off to work at 8 am. She comes back before 12 midnight (Mon - Fri) and with me on Sat & Sun. Mon-Fri I will have my own dinner. She will have hers with colleagues and then off to pubs (drinking). She said build up fellowship and motivate staff .... she doesn't meet clients.

Sometimes I wait for her at home and give her a kiss when she comes home ... can taste beer in her lips but no other smell on her clothes (eg cigarettes, other liquor smell) or hair. I told her to separate so she can do whatever she want/need. She said "NO. You are sick. I work another 4 yrs then retire."

What she doing after work?
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Old 8th July 2017, 10:11 PM   #2
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First things first, I'm so sorry for your injury and the fact that it continues to affect your life.

Do you think that it's possible your wife was in a relationship while you were in the coma? Do you think she stays because she is hoping that the settlement you received will benefit her financially? Just two possibilities - that one or both may be true.
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Old 8th July 2017, 11:04 PM   #3
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It seems that she has all the power now you are unwell.

I am wondering, just like the previous poster, if she was already in a relationship before your illness.

I was in a similar situation with my late husband. I continued working but NEVER went out after work. I always came home and cooked dinner for him.

She is not looking after your well being as much as she could.

Do you have a friend or relative you can talk to?

Very Best wishes,
Poppy.
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Old 8th July 2017, 11:42 PM   #4
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True both cases .....

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
First things first, I'm so sorry for your injury and the fact that it continues to affect your life.

Do you think that it's possible your wife was in a relationship while you were in the coma? Do you think she stays because she is hoping that the settlement you received will benefit her financially? Just two possibilities - that one or both may be true.
The 500K already in her control ... she has good money too. I am upset she still want all my savings.

Changing my will .... cash/assets all to my 2 children only.
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Old 8th July 2017, 11:55 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriw7878 View Post
The 500K already in her control ... she has good money too. I am upset she still want all my savings.

Changing my will .... cash/assets all to my 2 children only.
Good plan. There is absolutely no reason why she should have control of your financial settlement. The fact that she has "taken it" and refuses to allow you control over the money is a HUGE RED FLAG.

If I had to guess, I would say that she was dating someone while you were in a coma and she continues to see this person now. And, she obviously sees your finances as "hers" not "yours" or even "ours."

I'm sorry.
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Old 9th July 2017, 12:20 PM   #6
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Well...we cant really answer your question...but we can all speculate.

Is she having an affair? MAybe Is she staying away from you becasue she has poor coping skills? maybe

I guess you can try to find out if she is cheating....but you need to have a plan in place either way.

If she is cheating....will you be able to remain married? or would you need to divorce? Because only you know what's best for you.

I really am sorry you are in this situation....and i hope you find peace.
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Old 9th July 2017, 12:48 PM   #7
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Why aren't you in contact with a lawyer?
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Old 9th July 2017, 1:06 PM   #8
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Do you have the account details?

If so you can access the money and transfer it to your sole account.

You can call the bank and find out if the money is still even there.

Asides from that... Can you see about employing a part time carer to take you out during the day sometimes?

Try making friends either online or in your area to keep you active.

You mention the pub.. So I assume you're in the UK. It does sound like there might be a case of financial abuse and if so, your local authority safeguarding can support with this.

Definitely change your will and get your hands on that money.

The bank will go through a series of security questions and you can get online access.
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Old 9th July 2017, 2:26 PM   #9
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To answer your question. Your wife is investing a significant amount of personal time with other people at the very least. At worst, she is investing and spending her time and energy with a particular person. It sounds like, she is telling you her relationship with you is mostly based on ....???? Pity? A sense of obligation? You mentioned how often you were being intimate before your health problems, but, not since. The way you mentioned it, leads me to think there is currently an issue or a problem in thr relationship in this area??? Do you have other clues and things you noticed that also are troubling you and causing you concern about your wife possibly involvement in an affair?
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Old 9th July 2017, 2:41 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriw7878 View Post
The 500K already in her control ... she has good money too. I am upset she still want all my savings.

Changing my will .... cash/assets all to my 2 children only.
That was yours not hers. See an attorney
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Old 9th July 2017, 3:09 PM   #11
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Adriw7878,
I am sorry for your situation.

You seem to have access to a computer so you can do on-line banking and keep a tab on the situation.

Please see a solicitor. They will do home-visits in UK. You can have them visit while she is out at work. You really need to take legal advice on this, as it also seems to me like a case of financial abuse.
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Old 9th July 2017, 4:19 PM   #12
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You apparently have plenty spare money so if i were you I would hire a PI.
Clubbing Monday-Friday sounds like a whole lot of excess "motivation" to me...
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Old 9th July 2017, 7:16 PM   #13
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Thanks for your input. Yes. I am going to engage a PI soon as I thought her "motivation" sessions are a bit too much .... been going on for 6 months now. It would even be past midnight ... probably past 1 am until I voiced my concerns. She now limit it to 12 midnight but I still have to organise my own dinner.
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Old 9th July 2017, 11:46 PM   #14
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This is just my experience but anytime someone takes there phone EVERYWHERE they usually don't want to chance you looking at it or a text coming in when they aren't there. Case in point:My ex was going to take a shower and actually came back into the bedroom to bring her phone into the bathroom. Why would it matter if your showering? Found the answer latter when she got a text and her phone was unguarded-she had been texting her ex's.
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Old 10th July 2017, 9:04 AM   #15
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Why don't you just have a conversation with your wife and voice your concerns?


Surely being married for so long, you'd notice if she's lying? Also if she isn't up to something, then maybe she hasn't realised how you're feeling about her change in circumstances with going out etc.


Perhaps because of your condition, you're feeling a little vulnerable (and rightly so) and perhaps reading into things that are not there.


I truly hope she isn't up to anything and you can get your marriage back on track.


All the best.
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