Wife wants to casually date

[Nousernamesleft]

Long story short my wife and I seperated a month and a half ago. This was supposed to be to work on our relationship which was deteriorating very fast. Neither one of us were respectful to each other. Just way too negative energy between us.

 

After a couple weeks of being seperated i was really missing her. I kept asking if we should work on our relationship, which she kept saying we should date other people to find out if this is what we want. Mind you its a five year marriage and been together for eight.

 

After a few weeks she was already starting to message with guys and go on a date. I have been a wreck, and been home with the 3 kids taking care of them while she has 1 kid who goes to his fathers, while she is out doing this. We have 3 kids together, she had one before I met her. I have been praising him since he was 1 and a half.

 

I haven't reacted very well to the situation, and was doing a good job of making sure she realized how much I wanted to keel our family together. Anyways we have had a couple very good weeks where we have been getting along and talking about how she is going to come back home and get rid of the apartment.

 

Fast forward to a couple nights ago when she stated to me that she still has her dating profile out there and is talking to multiple people. She states that it is just meaningless conversations, and she doesn't want to hook up with any of them. She says it is just a way for her to feel wanted and thinks its fun. She did read me some of the conversations, which were very simple... How is your day going, any plans tonight, just saying hi, and random talk about weekends. Nothing too sexual or personal.

 

She also said that she may and up going and getting drinks sometime when she feels like it once in awhile. I made it very clear that if she isn't faithful then I need for us to just get divorced. She states that if is just an outlet to feel of trapped in a marriage with 4 kids, mind you 3 of them are 3 and a half year olds and very needy.

 

I get that she wants to feel young and pretty, but I'm having a really hard time starting to accept that this is what life in the future looks like. She is very pretty and is really liking the attention. Its hard for me to process, that tonight she is actually going to meet up with someone.

 

We have been getting along so well. Im feeling really uneasy with the situation, but do understand where she is coming from. I keep stressing as long as she doesn't hookup with anyone it'll be fine. I have to trust her that when she says she loves me and I'm the love of her life that is the truth.

 

She said a few days ago that she would only go out with someone once. I'm having a rough time thinking that after she how's out they will still chat and meet up again.

 

Anyways she said I'm free to do the same. She wants to think of it as foreplay for spice things up. When I think of it that way I'm excited, but when I dwell on the fact that others are talking to my wife and going to meet up for drinks with her I get pretty mad. Just trying to vent and see what others in my situation have done. Please respond to let me know what you Think

Edited July 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~T

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I made it very clear that if she isn't faithful then I need for us to just get divorced.

 

Hope you've filed. She's already being unfaithful. She's going out with other dudes, and if you think there's been nothing physical involved, you're delusional. You're a man, right? So you know how men think and what they'd hope would happen on a date with a pretty woman?

 

Why are you allowing this???

[stillafool]

Your wife is being unrealistic and not being fair to her babies nor you. She wants to live the life of a single woman but she is married with kids. It makes me wonder why she isn't the one with her kids.You agreeing to this arrangement has put you in a weak position. Sooner or later one of her "dates" is going to spark chemistry and the mystery of him will make her want to see him more. As long as you are sitting there taking care of the kids, sad about her absence, she feels single and happy. I wonder how she would feel if you started dating other girls and stopped answering her calls for a while. She wouldn't like it and would probably put her attention back on you. I would suggest such a thing but I think it's a bad idea for the children. They already don't have their Mommy around and need you desperately at this point. You could tell her this is not working for you and if there are problems that need to be solved they should be solved together and through marriage counseling not separation and dating others. How selfish.

[GorillaTheater]

Agreed; this is complete bull****. Tell her it'll be easier for her to date after the divorce is filed.

 

 

Don't tolerate this for a moment. Place a higher value on yourself than you apparently are.

[basil67]

It sounds like this separation was too little, too late. She walked out the door and found that the clouds had lifted. I will hazard a guess that she has no thoughts of returning to the marriage, but hasn't yet made that final decision to divorce.

 

The problem for you is that the marriage sounded awful and I can completely understand her not wanting to return to this. How much work was done on the marriage before she reached the point of walking away from it?

[Sparta]

Look you can do the denial self preservation, I called self deception, its like placing your head in the sand hoping it will just pass by and when you pull your head out everything will be back to normal. Or you can show her OK what a real man is that thanks more of himself that does not believe in infidelity that took the moral high ground. I don't know why so many men are so afraid to do this because it work... file for a divorce right now.!!! That's right file for divorce ASAP. Does that mean you have to go through with it.! you could always call it off things start turning around in your favor.

 

But what it does do it lets her know you mean business. that you are coming from a place of strength. All the stuff that you're not showing right now so. you can't blame her so wishy-washy she's testing you to see what she can get it and you're failing miserably because women believe it or not looked for us to guide to lead. You're not doing either of them.

[Nousernamesleft]

Yea no **** I feel weak, she's bi-polar and on a manic episode right now. My problem is do I just let her be self destructive right now and destroy everything she has loved, and then be left with nothing. Or do I try and take care of her and smooth things over. I'm not one to abandon anyone in the time of need. She's turning into an alcoholic, doing too many pills, and destroying our relationship. I get that I should file for divorce, but part of me knows this is not my wife acting out. She said the other night she needs help, and to take her seriously. I did and called places for her to get into, but she hasn't stepped up to the plate yet. She is the mother of my children, and I can't forget about that. I don't have a clue.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Being bi-polar may make her more susceptible to certain behaviors (like addiction), but it doesn't give her a pass on fidelity.

[basil67]

Yea no **** I feel weak, she's bi-polar and on a manic episode right now. My problem is do I just let her be self destructive right now and destroy everything she has loved, and then be left with nothing. Or do I try and take care of her and smooth things over. I'm not one to abandon anyone in the time of need. She's turning into an alcoholic, doing too many pills, and destroying our relationship. I get that I should file for divorce, but part of me knows this is not my wife acting out. She said the other night she needs help, and to take her seriously. I did and called places for her to get into, but she hasn't stepped up to the plate yet. She is the mother of my children, and I can't forget about that. I don't have a clue.

 

This would have been helpful information at the start.

 

If she's in the middle of a manic episode and messing up her meds, alcohol....please tell us that she doesn't have unsupervised access to the children right now.

[Nousernamesleft]

No she isn't with the kids really at all except when they are with the au pair. I guess I just tried to make it as short as possible, and left out a rather big part of the equation. She just wants to have conversation and be interested by someone else. It ****ed up I know. But if she is unfaithful she will confess. I know its a messed up situation and I'm not too sure where to go except ride it out. She knows its messed up as well and doesn't want to put me through it. She just has issues and I'm not sure if I can be along for the ride.

[SammySammy]

No she isn't with the kids really at all except when they are with the au pair. I guess I just tried to make it as short as possible, and left out a rather big part of the equation. She just wants to have conversation and be interested by someone else. It ****ed up I know. But if she is unfaithful she will confess. I know its a messed up situation and I'm not too sure where to go except ride it out. She knows its messed up as well and doesn't want to put me through it. She just has issues and I'm not sure if I can be along for the ride.

 

Make a decision then.

 

She's selfish, disrespectful, and inconsiderate.

 

You can't control what she does, but you can control how you allow yourself to be treated. How you allow your children to be treated. Personally, I would be removing myself from this situation and trying to do what's best for me and my kids.

 

I don't believe in lying down when a person is trying to walk all over me. Gotta stand up. Be a man. No matter how hard it might be to do so.

[Space Ritual]

Long story short my wife and I seperated a month and a half ago. This was supposed to be to work on our relationship which was deteriorating very fast. Neither one of us were respectful to each other. Just way too negative energy between us. After a couple weeks of being seperated i was really missing her. I kept asking if we should work on our relationship, which she kept saying we should date other people to find out if this is what we want. Mind you its a five year marriage and been together for eight. After a few weeks she was already starting to message with guys and go on a date. I have been a wreck, and been home with the 3 kids taking care of them while she has 1 kid who goes to his fathers, while she is out doing this. We have 3 kids together, she had one before I met her. I have been praising him since he was 1 and a half.

I haven't reacted very well to the situation, and was doing a good job of making sure she realized how much I wanted to keel our family together. Anyways we have had a couple very good weeks where we have been getting along and talking about how she is going to come back home and get rid of the apartment. Fast forward to a couple nights ago when she stated to me that she still has her dating profile out there and is talking to multiple people. She states that it is just meaningless conversations, and she doesn't want to hook up with any of them. She says it is just a way for her to feel wanted and thinks its fun. She did read me some of the conversations, which were very simple... How is your day going, any plans tonight, just saying hi, and random talk about weekends. Nothing too sexual or personal. She also said that she may and up going and getting drinks sometime when she feels like it once in awhile. I made it very clear that if she isn't faithful then I need for us to just get divorced. She states that if is just an outlet to feel of trapped in a marriage with 4 kids, mind you 3 of them are 3 and a half year olds and very needy. I get that she wants to feel young and pretty, but I'm having a really hard time starting to accept that this is what life in the future looks like. She is very pretty and is really liking the attention. Its hard for me to process, that tonight she is actually going to meet up with someone. We have been getting along so well. Im feeling really uneasy with the situation, but do understand where she is coming from. I keep stressing as long as she doesn't hookup with anyone it'll be fine. I have to trust her that when she says she loves me and I'm the love of her life that is the truth. She said a few days ago that she would only go out with someone once. I'm having a rough time thinking that after she how's out they will still chat and meet up again. Anyways she said I'm free to do the same. She wants to think of it as foreplay for spice things up. When I think of it that way I'm excited, but when I dwell on the fact that others are talking to my wife and going to meet up for drinks with her I get pretty mad. Just trying to vent and see what others in my situation have done. Please respond to let me know what you Think

 

Ger yourself a new wife. The current one isn't worth a bucket of Spit as partner.

 

She is keeping you as Plan B in case none of these dalliances work out.

 

She has no respect for you at all.....she sees you as just taking this and saying "Thank you ma'am, may I have another?

 

The only way you are going to have a chance of saving the marriage is if you are willing to lose it.

 

You, sir, are going to have to use The Nuclear Option. Go see a lawyer and have her served with divorce papers.

 

One of 2 things will happen:

 

1.She will come to her senses and will take an active role in repairing the marriage

 

2. She will call your bluff and allow you to go through with the divorce.

 

If option number 2 happens, why would you want her in your life anyway?

[Space Ritual]

Its hard for me to process, that tonight she is actually going to meet up with someone.

 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

 

Jesus H. Christ pull your head out of the sand with playing the Beta Boy pick me dance and put her stuff in trash bags and put it on the porch. Then send her a text asking where she will be staying for the forseeable future so you can arrange to have them sent to her.

 

Dude, she's GONE.....and she is rubbing your face in it.

 

Your marriage is over. Put a boot in her ass and move on with your life.

[Marc878]

Long story short my wife and I seperated a month and a half ago. This was supposed to be to work on our relationship which was deteriorating very fast. Neither one of us were respectful to each other. Just way too negative energy between us. After a couple weeks of being seperated i was really missing her. I kept asking if we should work on our relationship, which she kept saying we should date other people to find out if this is what we want. Mind you its a five year marriage and been together for eight. After a few weeks she was already starting to message with guys and go on a date. I have been a wreck, and been home with the 3 kids taking care of them while she has 1 kid who goes to his fathers, while she is out doing this.

 

You're babysitting while she's having sex with others. You are in deep denial of what she's up to.

 

We have 3 kids together, she had one before I met her. I have been praising him since he was 1 and a half.

I haven't reacted very well to the situation, and was doing a good job of making sure she realized how much I wanted to keel our family together.

 

The reality is you're acting like a total doormat

 

Anyways we have had a couple very good weeks where we have been getting along and talking about how she is going to come back home and get rid of the apartment.

 

Breadcrumbs to keep you in line with what she wants. It's not you pal

 

Fast forward to a couple nights ago when she stated to me that she still has her dating profile out there and is talking to multiple people. She states that it is just meaningless conversations, and she doesn't want to hook up with any of them. She says it is just a way for her to feel wanted and thinks its fun. She did read me some of the conversations, which were very simple... How is your day going, any plans tonight, just saying hi, and random talk about weekends. Nothing too sexual or personal.

 

Do you really think she's going to tell you the truth? You're very naive.

 

She also said that she may and up going and getting drinks sometime when she feels like it once in awhile. I made it very clear that if she isn't faithful then I need for us to just get divorced. She states that if is just an outlet to feel of trapped in a marriage with 4 kids, mind you 3 of them are 3 and a half year olds and very needy. I get that she wants to feel young and pretty, but I'm having a really hard time starting to accept that this is what life in the future looks like. She is very pretty and is really liking the attention. Its hard for me to process, that tonight she is actually going to meet up with someone. We have been getting along so well. Im feeling really uneasy with the situation, but do understand where she is coming from. I keep stressing as long as she doesn't hookup with anyone it'll be fine.

 

Cheaters lie, hide and deny. No one would believe this. Cmon man. Wake up!!!!

I have to trust her that when she says she loves me and I'm the love of her life that is the truth. She said a few days ago that she would only go out with someone once. I'm having a rough time thinking that after she how's out they will still chat and meet up again. Anyways she said I'm free to do the same. She wants to think of it as foreplay for spice things up. When I think of it that way I'm excited, but when I dwell on the fact that others are talking to my wife and going to meet up for drinks with her I get pretty mad. Just trying to vent and see what others in my situation have done. Please respond to let me know what you Think

 

She's having full blown sex with probably multiple guys. All you do is talk. No actions. You are being played and walked on.

 

Reread your post and pretend it's a close friend of your brother what would you think?

 

You at this time are your own worst enemy.

[Marc878]

Yea no **** I feel weak, she's bi-polar and on a manic episode right now. My problem is do I just let her be self destructive right now and destroy everything she has loved, and then be left with nothing. Or do I try and take care of her and smooth things over. I'm not one to abandon anyone in the time of need. She's turning into an alcoholic, doing too many pills, and destroying our relationship. I get that I should file for divorce, but part of me knows this is not my wife acting out. She said the other night she needs help, and to take her seriously. I did and called places for her to get into, but she hasn't stepped up to the plate yet. She is the mother of my children, and I can't forget about that. I don't have a clue.

 

You can't make her do anything. You'd better take care of yourself and kids.

[Marc878]

No she isn't with the kids really at all except when they are with the au pair. I guess I just tried to make it as short as possible, and left out a rather big part of the equation. She just wants to have conversation and be interested by someone else. It ****ed up I know. But if she is unfaithful she will confess. I know its a messed up situation and I'm not too sure where to go except ride it out. She knows its messed up as well and doesn't want to put me through it. She just has issues and I'm not sure if I can be along for the ride.

 

She's not going to confess anything she's just feeding you lie after lie because she knows all you do is talk.

 

You'll get more of the same until you stand up and do what's right for you and your kids.

 

Quit making excuses to do nothing. This is your wife and who she is or has become.

Edited July 8, 2017 by Marc878

[Superchicken]

Your trying to fix your relationship, and she's looking for a new one.

Its over, and DONE.

Why are you grasping at any little possibility that it can work out.

She's already made the decision WITHOUT your consent, or even discussed in trying to reconcile.

The other posters get it, and I don't understand why you don't.

Once the gate is opened, it will be impossible to close it again.

She will get that feeling of meeting new men in her life, the attention, and mostly, the NEW romance and sex that ALWAYS accompanies it.

 

 

I agree with the others, start the divorce proceedings. Get the papers drawn up, and hopefully shock her into realizing your serious, and not a pussy walk over.

 

 

If she doesn't care, then, you have your reason to continue with the divorce.

 

 

My belief, is she already has someone she's talking too, and would like to see.

This is just a ploy to allow her an exclusion from her commitments to you.

 

 

Humans are cunning and smart, when they want something.

The planners, are the worst of the worst.

Spur of the momenters, are just idiots.

 

 

She's a planner.

 

 

Ted.

[Space Ritual]

No she isn't with the kids really at all except when they are with the au pair. I guess I just tried to make it as short as possible, and left out a rather big part of the equation. She just wants to have conversation and be interested by someone else. It ****ed up I know. But if she is unfaithful she will confess. I know its a messed up situation and I'm not too sure where to go except ride it out. She knows its messed up as well and doesn't want to put me through it. She just has issues and I'm not sure if I can be along for the ride.

 

Why the hell would you go along on a ride any longer than you have to with this woman?

 

That is a ride that will never end and you'll be spinning around in a vortex of regret every few days when she parades a new guy's name out of the blue.

 

Do not be that guy.

 

Look, maybe you just want somebody to tell you it's gonna be alright and she will snap out of it. I get that.

 

She won't as long as you allow this and do nothing.

 

If you act at the very least you give yourself a fighting chance at a desirable outcome. Doing nothing only cements an undesirable one. I feel at present you may have been emotionally beaten down by this woman to the point whereby you will numbly accept her dalliances and the disrespect in return for you staying together. Again, I cannot stress enough....

 

Do not be that guy.

 

I have seen too many guys come here through the years who have decided that many of us are just too bitter to understand and are back 6 months later with an even more horrific tale of woe, and it always starts out with...

 

"I should have listened to you guys".

 

Do not be that guy.

 

Please do yourself a favor and prove me wrong by acting and knocking her off the fence one way or another. If you do not act, nothing will change,with the exception that things will deteriorate further. If you act and fail, at least you can walk away knowing you tried.

 

Do not be that guy.

[italianjob]

That is not a separation. That's her shopping for new models and test driving...

 

Just file...

[smackie9]

A couple I know were in the same situation. She's bi-polar, they had two kids, and she had a few manic episodes where she would run off with a guy for 3 weeks, and he kept taking her back. Then one day she decided to leave the marriage. They separated for about 6 months and both dated other people. They got counseling and worked it out. They have been together ever since and that was like 15 years ago. They even had another kid together. So not every messed up marriage needs to end, but it takes two to repair the relationship.

 

You need to step up and hit it home to her that going out dating others is not going to solve the issues...in fact all she is doing is escaping her responsibility to your marriage and the kids. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. She isn't managing her mental illness and this is something that should be addressed first. She needs to seek therapy. Next offer to get couples counseling and see where that will take you.

[preraph]

Well, I'm sure she's going nuts with 3 kids under three, if I read it correctly. Trapped doesn't even begin to describe it. But going on dating apps and thinking she can go out on one date with some guy just to get a free night out is really smarmy and she may try it on the wrong guy one of these days. I think if she's feeling trapped, she goes out with friends and has more time away from the kids but doesn't just date. I agree you can't really stay with her and endorse her dating other guys. Maybe divorce and joint custody is the best thing so you both have some time off from kids, but you need an agreement not for either of you to bring strangers into the home, say, before six months of getting to know them, because it's dangerous for the kids and also very confusing and a merry go round of dates sets a bad example for them, plus younger ones may get attached and then hurt when your relationship is over.

 

I mean, on one hand she's telling you she's not really dating, but I think that's nonsense. If she needs time off from the kids, fine, even without divorce, you could work out primary care days where you take care of all the kids half the time like in joint custody and give the other person a break. She could work and you'd have to work it out with your employment since these are young kids, or get day care. If she would work and then you both afford daycare, maybe this would all ease up a bit. It would free her up during the day but not at night during date times so think about that.

[usa1ah]

Best thing you can do is check your wife into treatment.

 

File for divorce and full custody of the kids. This is to PROTECT the kids. This also pushes your wife to get help.

 

She is already cheating on you. She is DATING other men. No she won't confess unless she wants to hurt you or see if you get off on it.

 

You standing by as she is seeing other people is so messed up. It is not helping the situation or your wife and kids. Your kids are going to be the biggest losers in all of this. Man up and take care of your kids. If you can't, get family involved to help.

[Cilantro]

Hope you've filed. She's already being unfaithful. She's going out with other dudes, and if you think there's been nothing physical involved, you're delusional. You're a man, right? So you know how men think and what they'd hope would happen on a date with a pretty woman?

 

Why are you allowing this???

 

 

It's not unfaithful if they're not together. They're separated, not even living together under the same roof but in different rooms, but fully separated. It sounds like she wants to be separated and single, at least for now. What's she's doing is some hurtful rebounding, but I can't technically call it cheating.

[Cilantro]

Long story short my wife and I seperated a month and a half ago. This was supposed to be to work on our relationship which was deteriorating very fast. Neither one of us were respectful to each other. Just way too negative energy between us. After a couple weeks of being seperated i was really missing her. I kept asking if we should work on our relationship, which she kept saying we should date other people to find out if this is what we want. Mind you its a five year marriage and been together for eight. After a few weeks she was already starting to message with guys and go on a date. I have been a wreck, and been home with the 3 kids taking care of them while she has 1 kid who goes to his fathers, while she is out doing this. We have 3 kids together, she had one before I met her. I have been praising him since he was 1 and a half.

I haven't reacted very well to the situation, and was doing a good job of making sure she realized how much I wanted to keel our family together. Anyways we have had a couple very good weeks where we have been getting along and talking about how she is going to come back home and get rid of the apartment. Fast forward to a couple nights ago when she stated to me that she still has her dating profile out there and is talking to multiple people. She states that it is just meaningless conversations, and she doesn't want to hook up with any of them. She says it is just a way for her to feel wanted and thinks its fun. She did read me some of the conversations, which were very simple... How is your day going, any plans tonight, just saying hi, and random talk about weekends. Nothing too sexual or personal. She also said that she may and up going and getting drinks sometime when she feels like it once in awhile. I made it very clear that if she isn't faithful then I need for us to just get divorced. She states that if is just an outlet to feel of trapped in a marriage with 4 kids, mind you 3 of them are 3 and a half year olds and very needy. I get that she wants to feel young and pretty, but I'm having a really hard time starting to accept that this is what life in the future looks like. She is very pretty and is really liking the attention. Its hard for me to process, that tonight she is actually going to meet up with someone. We have been getting along so well. Im feeling really uneasy with the situation, but do understand where she is coming from. I keep stressing as long as she doesn't hookup with anyone it'll be fine. I have to trust her that when she says she loves me and I'm the love of her life that is the truth. She said a few days ago that she would only go out with someone once. I'm having a rough time thinking that after she how's out they will still chat and meet up again. Anyways she said I'm free to do the same. She wants to think of it as foreplay for spice things up. When I think of it that way I'm excited, but when I dwell on the fact that others are talking to my wife and going to meet up for drinks with her I get pretty mad. Just trying to vent and see what others in my situation have done. Please respond to let me know what you Think

 

Look. I haven't read any of the responses yet except the first response (which I already replied to), so I will probably be the voice of opposition here, but here is what I think...I can relate to this. I was in your wife's shoes. It started years back when I was in senior year of high school, and had recently gotten out of a year-long relationship with a guy only a few years older. It was a mutual breakup that I could see coming from months away, as he'd already grown distant and was questioning if our relationship was going anywhere emotionally for him, and he was already contemplating cheating or breaking up to meet other people (he ended cheating at the very tail end of the relationship, an "exit affair" fling). We spent the entire summer broken up, with me rebounding on him almost immediately, and becoming rather promiscuous. But in my case, I was in fact fully hooking up with these guys. By fall, he realized he'd screwed up by letting me go, and wanted to get back together. We went on a date and hooked up, and things seemed like old times again, or so he thought. A few weeks later he found out I'd still been seeing 3 or so other guys the entire time, both before and after our one date. He was upset, literally crying in public at my job about it. And yes, I admit, a good part of the allure of dating and banging many other people was feeling like I was evening the playing field, getting back at the ex-boyfriend. But it also became very fun for me, like a high, but even more effective of a high than all the greenery I smoked back in the day. Later on I realized I had a sexual addiction but I was not interested in stopping.

 

 

More recently, during my marriage with kids, I've wanted to see other people too and no we're not even separated. It started last year when I had good reason to suspect that my husband was cheating or at least wanting/thinking about cheating. At very least he was frequenting strip clubs at a time that he should have been saving money and helping at home with our newborn. I think that situation would have been angering for any wife, much less someone with the "eye for an eye" mindset and the past sexual addiction. I had been a settled-down "good girl" for years by this point (reverting back to the way I'd been a few years before I first became promiscuous following that ex in my teens). I wanted to feel like I was evening the playing field. So I started going to strip clubs myself (both male and female strip clubs). Because the female strip clubs tend to kick out single females who try to enter, I started going to them with other men, although I never did anything physical/sexual with those men (I'd just drink with them and they'd give me dollars to tip the strippers with lol). Before that, I was also making dating profiles and arranging happy hour/dinner dates, again with nothing sexual or physical occurring on these dates. In a way, I was acting like your wife (assuming she's telling the truth about not hooking up with these dates of hers), except I wasn't separated. I admit, the only reason I started doing this was as revenge/eye-for-an-eye to my husband. If he'd never gone to strip clubs himself or reached out to other women, I would have remained the ever-faithful wife I'd always been.

 

So I ask you: have you ever had any fidelity issues in your marriage, from either side? That might tell you some clues to what you need to know. If you cheated on her before or she has reason to suspect you did, then maybe she's doing what she's doing as a way to clear her head, finally get to experience what she thinks you did. In that case, I don't think what she's doing is for direct "revenge," because if she was, she wouldn't separate/move out first and then claim that she's doing nothing sexual. But it could be that she wants to experience sowing wild oats like you did (non-sexually at least, assuming she's being honest). If she's cheated before, then maybe the past cheatings + current dating tells you that she's not cut out for monogamy. You could try to get her treatment for it through therapy, or you could cut her loose. I'd probably opt for the latter, truthfully, as I don't think I could ever get past cheating, especially if the person was unremorseful and kept doing the same behaviors. Has she said that she wants to eventually get back together, or do you think maybe she really just wants to eventually divorce? Also, if she's already moved out, separated, and started dating other men, I'm wondering why she hasn't filed for divorce yet? Is there any reason she wouldn't want to divorce, such as wanting to eventually get back together (after sowing her wild oats) or because she's the breadwinner and would be socked with alimony + child support if she did (especially since it seems that the kids live with you)?

[Marc878]

It's not unfaithful if they're not together. They're separated, not even living together under the same roof but in different rooms, but fully separated. It sounds like she wants to be separated and single, at least for now. What's she's doing is some hurtful rebounding, but I can't technically call it cheating.

 

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck it's not a zebra.