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I pushed her to her breaking point and she cheated on me


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 5th November 2017, 6:56 PM   #376
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Originally Posted by Mr Blunt [IMG]file:///C:\Users\07312014\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\ 01\clip_image002.jpg[/IMG]
FTL, I have asked you several times if you have a plan or what are you doing to build yourself up. You have not answered that question; are you going to answer that question? I can see that you have improved but you are still not strong enough to take needed stronger actions to get a LOT better. Take some of the actions that you have been given on this thread that have been going on for over 4 months with over 300 replies.


Are you doing everything legal to protect yourself and your children?
Are you doing everything that you can, with help, to keep your wife out of your life; in thoughts and in associations?

What are you doing to build yourself up and to keep your wife out of your thoughts and life as much as possible?



Quote:
BY FTL

Yes I have been avoiding this question because I know nothing I say will live up to the expectations you have for me. You have been very hard on me for the last 4 months, and I thank you for that. Let me give an update.

I spoke with my wife for about 4 hours tonight. We finalized our parenting plan including scheduling, holidays, school choices, transportation, drop off/pick up times and locations, communication methods, vacations, everything. I don't think we left anything out. This was a HUGE step.

We also worked out our finances regarding the sale of the house, debts, assets, etc. She's getting way more than she deserves, but she is getting what she is entitled to in our state. If I wanted to take her to court and fight her, I could, but the lawyer fees would cost more than half my 401K, which is what she is entitled to anyway, so I'm just giving it to her so I can move on faster.

Since we got all that worked out, now I can finally fill out all the divorce paperwork and file and there will be zero gotchas, and my wife should not have any responses, meaning we can default and have everything said and done in 61 days. I am aiming to file this week or next, depending on when I can get legal aide to just double check and make sure I didn't miss anything in the paperwork.

She is looking for an apartment now, and says she is moving into the OM's complex. She says she is going to live "on her own" (meaning only her and the kids) for at least a year. Of course, since OM lives next door it doesn't really matter since he'll be popping in all the time (literally and figuratively) anyway. I just have to let that go.

The only other plan is where I will live, which has been determined, and work is well underway on that front. I will definitely be ready to move when the house is sold. Fingers crossed that will happen in the next month or two.
FTL,
I see that you have accomplished a lot in regards to your divorce, parenting, and finance situation! CONGRADULATIONS!
I have been very hard on you because I detest that you were so torn down emotionally by her. You described yourself as reprinted see below which shows that you had such very low self-worth…
[QUOTE]


Quote:
Quote by FloatingThroughLife
I'm weak. I'm selfish. I don't deserve her. I just want her to be happy, even if it's not with me.

I so want you to be the exact opposite of what you described above…I know that you have come a long way from that post but I am hoping that that your self-worth and self-esteem can be much more improved.

When my wife torn me down I built myself up by doing things that allowed me to realize valuable I am. To name just a few, I went back to college and finished my degree, I got a lot closer to my other family members, I got serious about my faith and took actions to prove that I was improving in that area, and I got better at my job. These actions took away any thought that “I'm weak, I'm selfish, I don't deserve her” In fact I got to the point that I could really live with her or without her and I was contented and much more self-sufficient in many areas. THAT IS WHAT I WANT FOR YOU; to build up your self-worth and confidence.



You have already accomplished a good start on your legal issues and finances but your emotional state and your self-esteem is what I was mostly referring to.

Last edited by Mr Blunt; 5th November 2017 at 6:59 PM..
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Old 5th November 2017, 10:03 PM   #377
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If she has agreed then formalize the agreement and have it filed - before she changes her mind.
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Old 6th November 2017, 10:00 AM   #378
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[QUOTE=Mr Blunt;7459718]Originally Posted by Mr Blunt [IMG]file:///C:\Users\07312014\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\ 01\clip_image002.jpg[/IMG]
FTL, I have asked you several times if you have a plan or what are you doing to build yourself up. You have not answered that question; are you going to answer that question? I can see that you have improved but you are still not strong enough to take needed stronger actions to get a LOT better. Take some of the actions that you have been given on this thread that have been going on for over 4 months with over 300 replies.


Are you doing everything legal to protect yourself and your children?
Are you doing everything that you can, with help, to keep your wife out of your life; in thoughts and in associations?

What are you doing to build yourself up and to keep your wife out of your thoughts and life as much as possible?



FTL,
I see that you have accomplished a lot in regards to your divorce, parenting, and finance situation! CONGRADULATIONS!
I have been very hard on you because I detest that you were so torn down emotionally by her. You described yourself as reprinted see below which shows that you had such very low self-worth…
Quote:





I so want you to be the exact opposite of what you described above…I know that you have come a long way from that post but I am hoping that that your self-worth and self-esteem can be much more improved.

When my wife torn me down I built myself up by doing things that allowed me to realize valuable I am. To name just a few, I went back to college and finished my degree, I got a lot closer to my other family members, I got serious about my faith and took actions to prove that I was improving in that area, and I got better at my job. These actions took away any thought that “I'm weak, I'm selfish, I don't deserve her” In fact I got to the point that I could really live with her or without her and I was contented and much more self-sufficient in many areas. THAT IS WHAT I WANT FOR YOU; to build up your self-worth and confidence.



You have already accomplished a good start on your legal issues and finances but your emotional state and your self-esteem is what I was mostly referring to.
^^^This. I think it's great that so many people can find positive motivation and genuine care for this horrible situation. Outstanding. FTL, awesome job my man. God bless.
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Old 6th November 2017, 12:45 PM   #379
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FloatingThroughLife View Post
He doesn't own a car and makes a little more than minimum wage also. I'm not trying to put anyone down that falls into those categories, I'm just comparing that to what she had with me, and it's a HUGE step down. Love conquers all right?!


Birds of a feather flock together. Your WW has chosen to live the rest of her life like a loser, so let her be a loser.


I think she is heading for a huge fall down the road. Once the shine wears off her new penny...and it will... be on the lookout for a meltdown.


Protect your children. Fight like hell for them.
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Old 6th November 2017, 10:35 PM   #380
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Blunt View Post
You have already accomplished a good start on your legal issues and finances but your emotional state and your self-esteem is what I was mostly referring to.
Oooooh, I see! Well, a lot. I will first say that I know monitoring my wife's social accounts and GPS tracking is not helping me heal in the slightest, but I feel that it is necessary until the divorce papers are filed and her chance to respond has ended. I feel like I have read so much of what she has said to the OM now that it's actually making this whole process easier. She constantly vents to him about things I do or say that make her upset, and I just laugh because it's the last thing this guy wants to hear. Either that or they just share Pinterest love quotes with each other that make you want to puke. The latest one this guy sent to my wife said "Being someone's first love is great, but being someone's last love is beyond perfect." My wife is just eating this up. He's got her wrapped around his finger. It's pretty comical at this point.

Anyway, here's some bullet points!
  • I recently completed an 8 week divorce recovery support group. It helped me a lot.
  • I have been attending church with the kids on a regular basis for spiritual guidance and fulfillment.
  • I had a few individual counseling sessions, and my counselor said she didn't feel I needed any more because I was "much more emotionally mature than my wife." Hearing a professional say that felt GREAT!
  • I have been running 3 times a week and recently ran in my first 5K race with some friends from work.
  • I have been hanging out with friends that I haven't seen in a while more often.
  • I have been hanging out with my sister and talking a lot about this whole ordeal, as well as helping her through some of her own life struggles right now. I gave her a commitment that once my divorce is said and done, I will have A LOT more time to hang out with her. I've barely seen her since we had kids even though she lives a few miles away. My wife bad mouthed her every chance she got and I feel like I can really reconnect with her in a way that I never have, not even since we were kids.
  • I have been making a budget and I'm going to try to save as much money as possible for myself and the kids. My wife did ALL the finances, and now I can finally do them on my own. I get to decide exactly how to spend my money without feeling guilty about it. It feels AMAZING.
  • I have huge plans for how to raise the kids in my house when we move out of this house. I'm very excited that they will finally get an allowance and have chores on a regular basis. I'll get to do meal planning with them and I will get to set the rules. I will be the king of my castle!
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:31 AM   #381
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The difference between the first post and the last, is the difference between heaven and hell. I would not believe it was the same guy. It would be interesting to read your post a year from now.
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Old 7th November 2017, 12:45 PM   #382
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FloatingThroughLife View Post
She constantly vents to him about things I do or say that make her upset, and I just laugh because it's the last thing this guy wants to hear.

The fact that what you say or do upsets her so much indicates that she actually still has feelings for you. Your opinion does matter to her. What you think of her actually still matters to her. One day you will be completely ambivalent, and once she realizes she has no more control over you she will finally realize how badly she messed up. She may never admit it to you, but her actions scream of a woman who knows she has screwed her life up, but there is no going back. She cannot undo what she has done so she is going to press forward.



Quote:
I have been hanging out with my sister and talking a lot about this whole ordeal, as well as helping her through some of her own life struggles right now. I gave her a commitment that once my divorce is said and done, I will have A LOT more time to hang out with her. I've barely seen her since we had kids even though she lives a few miles away. My wife bad mouthed her every chance she got and I feel like I can really reconnect with her in a way that I never have, not even since we were kids.

My xWW completely alienated my family also. It took me a long time to rebuild my relationships with my sisters and brother after I divorced her sorry ass. This behavior is a common one amongst waywards it seems.
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Old 7th November 2017, 4:18 PM   #383
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Quote:
Anyway, here's some bullet points!
  • I recently completed an 8 week divorce recovery support group. It helped me a lot.
  • I have been attending church with the kids on a regular basis for spiritual guidance and fulfillment.
  • I had a few individual counseling sessions, and my counselor said she didn't feel I needed any more because I was "much more emotionally mature than my wife." Hearing a professional say that felt GREAT!
  • I have been running 3 times a week and recently ran in my first 5K race with some friends from work.
  • I have been hanging out with friends that I haven't seen in a while more often.
  • I have been hanging out with my sister and talking a lot about this whole ordeal, as well as helping her through some of her own life struggles right now. I gave her a commitment that once my divorce is said and done, I will have A LOT more time to hang out with her. I've barely seen her since we had kids even though she lives a few miles away. My wife bad mouthed her every chance she got and I feel like I can really reconnect with her in a way that I never have, not even since we were kids.
  • I have been making a budget and I'm going to try to save as much money as possible for myself and the kids. My wife did ALL the finances, and now I can finally do them on my own. I get to decide exactly how to spend my money without feeling guilty about it. It feels AMAZING.
  • I have huge plans for how to raise the kids in my house when we move out of this house. I'm very excited that they will finally get an allowance and have chores on a regular basis. I'll get to do meal planning with them and I will get to set the rules. I will be the king of my castle!
OUTSTANDING!!


Ok FTL, sense you are doing all the above then I am going to back off being hard on you. I did not know you were so active with all those very self-esteem building issues….The very best way to handle a woman like your wife is for you to have a very good life without her…You are on your way!
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