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Investigation: The begining of the end?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 14th June 2017, 8:09 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by Uncle Boogie View Post
No, not yet. I think she is seeing a doctor at the hospital that she works at. She has changed her routine dramatically over the past several months (i.e. death grip on her phone; working different shifts; going to more "staff" meetings; working more overtime (but the pay checks are still the same). She also has not been talking about her day with me, which is really out of the ordinary. She is a social worker at the hospital in question, and the doctor is some mutt that has been sniffing around her for months.

I come from a law enforcement background where doing criminal investigations was my main job description. So I have learned that once you have the upper hand, you never give it up. In this case, I think she is cheating, so I am not going to confront her till I get more information.

You just listed enough red flags to start a bull fighting school. If you do not investigate, starting with a VAR in the car, then you will stay in limbo. And I would not be taking any relationship temperature or asking her anything. All that will do is alert her that you are suspicious.

And if you have a LE background, you got any idea how someone could work all those extra hours and not get a penny more. You will not have a hard time solving this one unless you decide to play ostrich
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Old 14th June 2017, 8:30 PM   #47
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Just to give an example of how confusing she can be...We met and dated exclusively in college for 2 years. During the time between my junior and senior years, I was selected to play rugby internationally for 6 months. We kept in constant contact during this time and when I arrived back home I immediately went to her house where she introduced me to her new boyfriend (WTF).
And after this you married her?

I will leave it at that.
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Old 14th June 2017, 9:37 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by Uncle Boogie View Post
Question:

I have questions whether my wife is cheating on our marriage.

Ok - shoot

In your opinion, is investigating if she is cheating on me the start of the end of the marriage?

No it shows you care about it, and you acknowledge she is human and you are human.

Does the fact that I have doubts about our relationship hold any hope of getting back to total trust?

Trust but verify. All of us are humans - not perfect saints, we mess up, we fall. You look out for your marriage and yourself !

I feel that once the investigation starts, my marriage will never be the same, no matter if the investigation proves true or not. Am I way off base with my feelings?

Yes you are - calm down - do a little checking. Say nothing to her make no accusations.Check - find nothing - just be a better husband. If you feel guilty go get some counseling. Say nothing to your wife ever about checking on her

Anyway...I have enough doubt with her actions that I need to find out what is going on. Just a little perplexed on how my future reactions to her will be
.

Gut feelings tend to be very good indicators.

Responses above. I had a GF once check up on me - and later my own cheating wife go parnoid and checking on me. I found it endearing and a sign they valued me and did not want to loose me. I took no offense.
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Old 15th June 2017, 1:18 AM   #49
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I can't come up with a valid argument with this statement. However, my wife has some type of hold on me, where she can do the meanest things and eventually I forgive. A huge personality flaw on my part.
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Old 15th June 2017, 1:41 AM   #50
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If you're that codependent on her then expect more of this behavior in your future.

If all you're going to do is talk about it stop.

Just learn to roll over and take it.
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Old 15th June 2017, 2:59 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by Uncle Boogie View Post
I can't come up with a valid argument with this statement. However, my wife has some type of hold on me, where she can do the meanest things and eventually I forgive. A huge personality flaw on my part.
The meanest things? Friend, this is beyond mean this is abuse. You saw the video's, you heard them confess their feelings to each other, you witnessed in HD the porn star sex in your own bed. It will take you several lifetimes to get those images out of your head. She will only do to you what you allow her to do, talk to a lawyer. The whole neighbourhood knows what's going on. Have more respect for yourself, you deserve better.
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Old 15th June 2017, 3:22 AM   #52
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Sex on tape

If I had the sex film that you have one her.And there was no kids involved

After the divorce she and OM would end up on some porn tube..As a punishment .Yes I´m that vindictive .

Im Not kidding
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Old 15th June 2017, 3:58 AM   #53
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Update:

So my friends sat on me today so I wouldn't go out and do something stupid

Today's surveillance garnered not a lot of information. My wife went to the gym and to work. She did call me, which is not out of the ordinary when I travel and spewed out the ... "I miss you; Can't wait till you get home; I think about you all the time". I am sure she misses me and thinks about me when her legs are spread offering it up to another guy (sorry, I will tone it down).

Talked to my attorney today and came up with a game plan. Basically, if she leaves my retirement and business alone, she can have the house. I have always hated the damn thing so she can rot in it. On a interesting note, I was talking to my sister (who also works in the hospital and knows Dr. Dick) and is friends with his wife. My sister is not surprised regarding this affair since Dr. Dick has done this before and she hates my wife. So I will get together with his wife before I confront my wife to see if she wants to be in on the action. The more information I get, the tighter the noose is for both of them. I will refrain from contacting the hospital until it is to my best advantage.

It still just blows me away that the woman who swore to love you and support you and build a life together would just turn her back on all we have achieved for a 5'8 230 pound balding cheesy mustached piece of crap. Oh yea I forgot...she still wants to be with me. I am a lucky bastard.

I am going to stay low key at my friends house until Friday, the day I am suppose to be back. This will give me a little time to get my affairs in order and gather a little bit more intel.

So she just called me and wanted to know if we can have her best friend (co-conspirator) and her husband over on Friday night for pizza and a movie. Hell...why not. However, it does give me an idea. I will go over it with my best friend and get his opinion. He is also a little twisted so I am sure he will love it.

And so it goes...

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Old 15th June 2017, 4:14 AM   #54
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I am guessing that the operative word is "movie" here.
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Old 15th June 2017, 6:31 AM   #55
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Have you given any thought to telling her that you can't make it home for a few more days? Might give you more time to gather evidence.
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Old 15th June 2017, 7:04 AM   #56
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Have you given any thought to telling her that you can't make it home for a few more days? Might give you more time to gather evidence.
What more evidence does the OP need? Good lord, without a production studio setup in the house, I'm not sure how this can get any clearer. <said in jest, please take it as such>
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Old 15th June 2017, 7:08 AM   #57
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Uncle Boogie

Just get a divorce already. This gamesmanship serves no one, not even you.
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Old 15th June 2017, 7:22 AM   #58
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Have you given any thought to telling her that you can't make it home for a few more days? Might give you more time to gather evidence.
Unless he is thinking of setting up a business selling cheating porn movies, then I guess one movie like the one he has just captured will last him a lifetime.
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Old 15th June 2017, 7:29 AM   #59
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Unless he is thinking of setting up a business selling cheating porn movies, then I guess one movie like the one he has just captured will last him a lifetime.

Revenge porn is illegal in many states.
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Old 15th June 2017, 7:29 AM   #60
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If your story is indeed true...if it has all played out like you are telling us....then why do you need more drama? You have the all proof you need that your wife is cheating. You simply have no desire to reconcile or try to "fix" a very broken relationship. You already have a lawyer. Serve her divorce papers and be done with it.

The drama will only cause you more grief...and stress. Vengence...revenge....acting like a child gone mad...will gain nothing. You have it all figured out financially...you have no children...WALK like a man.

Drama is not all its cracked up to be...if you piss her off...she will just fight you....which will cost you more money.

I am really sorry you are here...it sucks all the way around.
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