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Investigation: The begining of the end?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:08 PM   #316
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Hold off on any decision. Hmmmm.... might that philosophy apply to a potential occasional return by you to share your methods and success with those who will be following in your footsteps? You have a lot to offer those poor unfortunates.

Think about it
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Old 22nd September 2017, 11:37 PM   #317
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By Uncle Boogie
Since the divorce is done and I look back on the history of the deception, I feel no regrets to my actions. I feel I came out of it with my dignity and honor and gained a new perspective on who I am and where I want to go.

So to all who are going through this Hell, let me tell you to always think about yourself first...keep your dignity...and don't fall into trap that it is your fault. So...stay strong and years after your situation has been resolved, it is my hope that you will feel you stayed true to yourself and whatever the outcome, you feel peace in your sole
Very good advice and very encourging for those that D is the best answer!
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Old 22nd September 2017, 11:56 PM   #318
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Originally Posted by Uncle Boogie View Post
So to all who are going through this Hell, let me tell you to always think about yourself first...keep your dignity...and don't fall into trap that it is your fault. So...stay strong and years after your situation has been resolved, it is my hope that you will feel you stayed true to yourself and whatever the outcome, you feel peace in your sole.

Thanks to all and I am signing out.

Uncle Boogie.
Most wise. If there were ever a piece of advice that all by itself answers every question, decision, question, dilemma or indecisiveness for the BS, it's this
(In bold).
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Old 23rd September 2017, 4:18 PM   #319
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Originally Posted by Uncle Boogie View Post
Question:

I have questions whether my wife is cheating on our marriage. In your opinion, is investigating if she is cheating on me the start of the end of the marriage? Does the fact that I have doubts about our relationship hold any hope of getting back to total trust? I feel that once the investigation starts, my marriage will never be the same, no matter if the investigation proves true or not. Am I way off base with my feelings? Anyway...I have enough doubt with her actions that I need to find out what is going on. Just a little perplexed on how my future reactions to her will be.
I remember when I was going through my "snooping phase" and I recall thinking as you are postulating, is this already the end? The trust is gone because I feel something is wrong and am looking for confirmation and was not getting it from her. I was considered paranoid for a few months until I found out what I was looking for.

I am not sure that the marriage is over but it is definitely in trouble as soon as a person goes looking for the truth as a result of not trusting their partner. Often, a suspicion or gut feeling leads to what a person is fearful of. The truth....
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Old 12th October 2017, 10:57 PM   #320
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Some what of an update:

My sis called me the other day and I thought I would pass along the information she gave me regarding Dr. Dick's dismissal from the hospital. Apparently he was writing scripts for oxycotin and other drugs in the morphine family for patients that were never patients in the hospital. Apparently, the increase overdoses on these types of medications causes the hospital to perform continuous inventories. This is what caught him. She also mentioned that there were most likely several other personnel incidents in the past that pushed management over the edge and cut him loose.

Now...I did not see any change in my wife's behavior during the time she was messing around with him, and being in law enforcement I have been trained in narcotic behavior identification. I don't believe that she was using, but I don't really know. I thought she was fired as well, but she just received some time off for the her indiscretion with the drug pedaling doctor. I don't know if they are together or not, but she still tries to get a hold of me from time to time.

A question for the group: Do I call her to find out her involvement with the drugs or not? Do you think it should make a difference if she was on them during the affair and off them now? My thinking is the act of having sex with this guy in my bed outweighs anything she might have done while incapacitated. I am chilling in my new job in a great country and have been dating quite a lot, however, I get this visceral feeling that a relationship might evolve which sends me running. I get angry with myself feeling this way, but if I feel this way it must be for a reason.

This just continues on and on and on....
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Old 12th October 2017, 11:06 PM   #321
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Stay completely dark. She's not your circus now.

Time will fix the rest.
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Old 12th October 2017, 11:54 PM   #322
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Stay completely dark. She's not your circus now.

Time will fix the rest.
Right on Marc. Sound advice that I will follow. Thanks.
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Old 13th October 2017, 2:29 AM   #323
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Remember her words, "no one ever made her feel this way," said in your bed during one of her porn star sessions with doctor dick. She lost everyone's respect and the only thing that will nullify such despicable behavior is you taking her back. The hard work is done, don't bring drama back into your world, enjoy your new unburdened life. Your free, so many are too afraid to pull the plug on a bad situation and stay in relationships that suck the souls out of them. You can write your own future, embrace this opportunity. Don't respond to her.
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Old 13th October 2017, 8:09 AM   #324
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Glad that you got yourself out of infidelity!

Hope you find some happiness.

Your sister can tell you anything you want to know, and allow you to stay dark.

But NC helps you so much more than continued contact with someone with no morals..
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Old 13th October 2017, 8:11 AM   #325
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Boogie View Post
Some what of an update:

My sis called me the other day and I thought I would pass along the information she gave me regarding Dr. Dick's dismissal from the hospital. Apparently he was writing scripts for oxycotin and other drugs in the morphine family for patients that were never patients in the hospital. Apparently, the increase overdoses on these types of medications causes the hospital to perform continuous inventories. This is what caught him. She also mentioned that there were most likely several other personnel incidents in the past that pushed management over the edge and cut him loose.

Now...I did not see any change in my wife's behavior during the time she was messing around with him, and being in law enforcement I have been trained in narcotic behavior identification. I don't believe that she was using, but I don't really know. I thought she was fired as well, but she just received some time off for the her indiscretion with the drug pedaling doctor. I don't know if they are together or not, but she still tries to get a hold of me from time to time.

A question for the group: Do I call her to find out her involvement with the drugs or not? Do you think it should make a difference if she was on them during the affair and off them now? My thinking is the act of having sex with this guy in my bed outweighs anything she might have done while incapacitated. I am chilling in my new job in a great country and have been dating quite a lot, however, I get this visceral feeling that a relationship might evolve which sends me running. I get angry with myself feeling this way, but if I feel this way it must be for a reason.

This just continues on and on and on....
On June 12th you had your D day.
On October 12th, 4 months later, here you are divorced.

It is always advised after a traumatic event to wait 6
months before making any life changing decisions.
For one's mind needs to process what has happened.

Combine that with usual to doubt the decisions that
were made.

Maybe your ex WW's behavior was due in part to the Dr
getting her on drugs combined with his skill as a
predatory OM that constantly seeks MW to conquer.

Though your ex WW's behavior has shown that she can
not work any job that has night shifts or travel that
requires her to spend nights away from the house.
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Old 13th October 2017, 10:02 AM   #326
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Boogie View Post

A question for the group: Do I call her to find out her involvement with the drugs or not? Do you think it should make a difference if she was on them during the affair and off them now? My thinking is the act of having sex with this guy in my bed outweighs anything she might have done while incapacitated. I am chilling in my new job in a great country and have been dating quite a lot, however, I get this visceral feeling that a relationship might evolve which sends me running. I get angry with myself feeling this way, but if I feel this way it must be for a reason.

This just continues on and on and on....
I would just let sleeping dogs lie on this one, my friend. It's time for things to just be done and over with.

I never bothered trying to "prove" my wife was cheating on me but the signs were all there, her behavior was unacceptable and caused me to lose trust in her. We split and and I lost any shred of trust I had in her during our separation. That was enough for me to say "enough is enough".

About a month after the divorce was filed, I got some disturbing "news" about her involving potential methamphetamine and cocaine abuse while we were married. A friend gave me information regarding the situation and some of it included timelines... I sat back and thought about all of it and realized that there was the very real possibility that she was using while we were married. I didn't recognize it at the time for a number of reasons.

My close friends and family weren't happy about the way I was handling the divorce as they wanted me to battle it out in court with her versus just agreeing to a settlement that was really only benefited her. The drug abuse allegations just added fuel to that fire but I took a step back and decided that I just needed to keep distancing myself from her. There wasn't much to be gained by doing anything other than what I was doing so I just ignored it and moved on.
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Old 13th October 2017, 10:23 AM   #327
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I think you're asking yourself whether you should consider forgiving the infidelity if it was actually the drugs that influenced her poor judgment.

For me, with what I know now, it's too tricky. I wouldn't trust myself to make an objective decision and would ask a professional.
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Old 13th October 2017, 4:10 PM   #328
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On June 12th you had your D day.
On October 12th, 4 months later, here you are divorced.
Crazy, right?

He was also hired by a very large European company as head of internal security.

And the OM Dr just recently got fired bc he was stealing oxy and selling it!

Incredible!

Last edited by GoldenR; 13th October 2017 at 4:25 PM..
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Old 13th October 2017, 6:32 PM   #329
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Crazy, right?

He was also hired by a very large European company as head of internal security.

And the OM Dr just recently got fired bc he was stealing oxy and selling it!

Incredible!
GoldenR

Does seem fast. However, I was working on the new job position six months before I found out she was cheating. I was not very detailed since I thought it was not germane to the current discussion. The divorce went fast because she knows me and when I make up my mind it is usually set in stone. Some have called me non flexible but it is a policy that I have used most of my adult life and has served me well. So since she didn't contest anything, the mediation went fast and was done quickly. I also have a very good attorney. My head was spinning with how fast everything fell into place, but it is what it is.
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Old 13th October 2017, 6:37 PM   #330
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Crazy, right?

He was also hired by a very large European company as head of internal security.

"And the OM Dr just recently got fired bc he was stealing oxy and selling it!"

Incredible!

Actually, all I was told was that he was writing scripts for patients who did not actually exist. I don't know if he was selling them or not. In my experience he probably used for personal use and sold some, but realistically, I don't really give a S**t.
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