phoenix_7 Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 My GIGS dumper is starting to reach out after 4 months of separation. We've been together for 10 yrs and i just discovered that he had been cheating on me for the last 2 yrs of our relationship (with different women). I went LC (limited contact) since March (bec i was friendzoned), changed my number, etc but i have to give him my email for official business stuff. When he reached out through my email last month he started calling me by my petname and i can sense traces of regret and guilt. Just this month he emailed me 8 times with just my petname. i went on full NC (no contact) for the past two weeks because I know he is still seeing his current b**** who caused our separation. But still his emails persisted. What's up with him? Is this bec their honeymoon stage is over and he is now undergoing the stages of grief? Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 My GIGS dumper is starting to reach out after 4 months of separation. We've been together for 10 yrs and i just discovered that he had been cheating on me for the last 2 yrs of our relationship (with different women). I went LC (limited contact) since March (bec i was friendzoned), changed my number, etc but i have to give him my email for official business stuff. When he reached out through my email last month he started calling me by my petname and i can sense traces of regret and guilt. Just this month he emailed me 8 times with just my petname. i went on full NC (no contact) for the past two weeks because I know he is still seeing his current b**** who caused our separation. But still his emails persisted. What's up with him? Is this bec their honeymoon stage is over and he is now undergoing the stages of grief? Yup. The real world is settling in. I wouldn't call it grief. He's just realizing the grass isn't greener on the other side Are you considering reconciliation? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Not really...it's because he is checking to see if you're still around- willing to respond to his nonsense breadcrumbs. Notice his email didn't say he's willing to change and it's completely over with ALL other women? He's checking to see if his plan B,C,D is still waiting. I hope you didn't respond. Did you file for divorce yet? Did you request support money in the divorce papers? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 i went on full NC (no contact) for the past two weeks because I know he is still seeing his current b**** who caused our separation. You'll make better decisions with clarity. And the truth is, unless the OW used a gun, knife or date rape drug, the only cause of your separation is your husband. She wasn't Ms. Right, she was Ms. Right Now. If you're thinking about going back, be very clear about what you're signing up for... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 He just wants to have his cake and eat it, too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Nope, just being an azz hat. If he is still seeing the other girl then he is just playing with you with the pet name. Try calling him a POS and see how he responds. Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 You already did the hard part and went NC! Way to go there. You said he is still with ow. Stick to your boundaries and tell him to ** off. You know when he was living with you he was probably calling the other women by a pet name. Ridiculous really. Genuine...definately NOT! Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 What's a gigs dumper? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 What's a gigs dumper? Grass is Greener Syndrome (GIGS) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 He hasn't offered R. All he's doing if half given the chance would be he'd have familiar tail to bang and this new tail as well. You're familiar, comfortable. Maybe there's a bit of regret and shame (although not enough to stop seeing this woman) plus you cut him off cold, he's inclined to chase you a little again. Don't read too much into words. Focus and what he did and what he's continuing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Grass is Greener Syndrome (GIGS) Hahahahah. I didn't even know that when I posted my original "he's figuring out the grass isn't greener" reply! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 My GIGS dumper is starting to reach out after 4 months of separation. We've been together for 10 yrs and i just discovered that he had been cheating on me for the last 2 yrs of our relationship (with different women). I went LC (limited contact) since March (bec i was friendzoned), changed my number, etc but i have to give him my email for official business stuff. When he reached out through my email last month he started calling me by my petname and i can sense traces of regret and guilt. Just this month he emailed me 8 times with just my petname. i went on full NC (no contact) for the past two weeks because I know he is still seeing his current b**** who caused our separation. But still his emails persisted. What's up with him? Is this bec their honeymoon stage is over and he is now undergoing the stages of grief? Cheating for 20% of your marriage with multiple women is not a GIG's issue, it's a serial cheater issue. If you have no children together, why would you want a serial cheater back? You have already made it through the hardest part of dissolving the marriage. What could someone with so little respect for you offer you to entice you back into a bad relationship? Drama? Keep moving on, don't let him be the anchor that stops your ship from sailing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 I'd be tempted to tell you to send the emails to the OW but engaging with an OW is rarely a good idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author phoenix_7 Posted May 27, 2017 Author Share Posted May 27, 2017 I am open to it IF he promises to maek certain changes and will make great effort to make the rel work. But their are no actions just the breadcrumb emails. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phoenix_7 Posted May 27, 2017 Author Share Posted May 27, 2017 Nope. He is trying to downplay what happened. I think he is hoping that i will just accept him easily. I have not undergone the d process yet, if he will not do anything about our situation will probably file it next yr when emotions are already not high and i am somewhat healed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phoenix_7 Posted May 27, 2017 Author Share Posted May 27, 2017 He never really flat out admitted to his indiscretions. Until now he still denies it even when i confronted him with evidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phoenix_7 Posted May 27, 2017 Author Share Posted May 27, 2017 Thats what i thought too. He was used to having the best of both worlds for two yrs. he was really arrogant to think that he will not get caught. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phoenix_7 Posted May 27, 2017 Author Share Posted May 27, 2017 It is not easy Mind you. But this is about self respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phoenix_7 Posted May 27, 2017 Author Share Posted May 27, 2017 I THINK he will stop seeing her if he is 100% sure that ill take him back. Not gonna happen that way dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phoenix_7 Posted May 27, 2017 Author Share Posted May 27, 2017 As much as possible i dont want any contact with them bec i find it toxic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 27, 2017 Share Posted May 27, 2017 He never really flat out admitted to his indiscretions. Until now he still denies it even when i confronted him with evidence. He's not reconciliation material and he's a hindrance of a husband. Why would you believe anything he says to you, considering he lied for 2 years? You could respond to him in a very business like manner. So Andrew, not Andy. Use his full name and like an email to a colleague. You are his back up plan and you won't get fidelity with a man like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 27, 2017 Share Posted May 27, 2017 As much as possible i dont want any contact with them bec i find it toxic. Your husband has a girlfriend, he want's to make you the other woman. I think you would have a hard time getting over his 2 years of infidelity and his girlfriend. He is very high risk as a partner. Sounds like he's bored with her and considers you a better option at least until Mrs. Right comes along. My advice is why wait any longer then you have to, finish what his infidelity started, end things permanently with him and move on with your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery2Me Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 (edited) I am so very sorry you find yourself going thru the storm of adultery. You answered your own question to all of this when you.....By own admission shared that your husband has not admitted to the act of cheating even when confronted by you with evidence. For at least 2yrs you had no idea but this is your husband's idea/definition of marriage, you as his wife and the inclusion of other women. I am sure before you discovered the reality of the marriage, your husband called you by your petname. So really, why would you expect him to stop doing that now...just because you found out what he has known all the time...that having women outside of the marriage is perfectly OK?!?!?! Here's the truth for months now your husband day after day is perfectly fine with living like this (even if he's gulity or whatever), with you in pain and isolation (you only require a simple little email for you to consider reconciliation)...and still you hold no for a change in his behavior. So either you accept what you now know what your husband is now offering OR you leave. Time will not lower the higher emotions only making a choice will do so. Edited May 28, 2017 by Mystery2Me Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 The person that you described is a player, a smooth player, but a player no the less. Why do you think that you are not entitled to a faithful partner? This guy has that wandering eye. Oh he may behave for a day, month, year or even two, but in the end he selfish desires will get the best of him. Don't lower yourself to his standard, rise above and find someone that is worthy of you. Link to post Share on other sites
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