Campbell311 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 We have been together for 3 Years now and we've been friends for over 20 years. We haven't had children of our own,but she does have 3 amazing children that I've fell in love with and have help raise since the oldest was 4. He is now 16. Her and the kids are my world. Never in a million years did I think she would cheat on me. The first time I caught her was a rough one,but I did eventually forgave her. I trusted her again and two weekends ago I took my car in and I needed to use her phone to get a ride to get my car back and there it was. She was sending **** me text to him and there just wasn't one. One top of that her Son is having problems with her too and she sends that out to that guy when HER REAL guys need her bad. That day was her son's first therapy session. I have kept this all to myself since then (2 weeks now) and it's starting to really hurt me more and more each day. I've told so soul until now. I love her very much,but I am so hurt by her. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 It doesn't matter that you love her. She doesn't love you back. Hard as it is, let her go and move on, because she'll keep doing this to you. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 If the roles were reversed would she be holding it in not saying anything to you? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions are speaking volumes toward his disrespect toward you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 I dont understand. You have been "together" for the last 3 years ? ( I assume sex) Also you helped raise her son from age 4 to 16?. Over 12 years as a big brother stand in dad ? I assume as her "good male friend" (not sexual ?). Why did you not get married 12 years ago when you started raising her son ? Confused. But I suspect you are the nice guy who helps her - maybe she loves you as a friend - but not as a true intimate male partner? Plenty of gals love a nice guy - but they dont turn them on sexually....So they cheat. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Whatever you do, call the wedding off. Never have children with her. Try to keep the relationship civil and stress to her the importance of keeping you as a constant in their lives, for their own security and mental health. Go out and find a decent woman. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Look. You need to either $h!T or get off the pot. Once is bad enough but now twice. Instead of keeping her dirty little secret hanging around your neck, give it to the one who owns it. The longer you keep this nonsense up the worse it will get. She now knows that she can get away with it and your going to do nothing so why should she stop. If it's me it would be over. All she's doing is keeping you around for security while she gives it away to some other guy. Time for you to wise up and take you life back instead of being a door mat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Dating and engagement are like a job interview. She's failing the interview my friend. She is demonstrating that she is not marriage material. She may love you in some broken messed up way, but she is obviously a woman with loose morals and no personal boundaries. She is not wife material. Ask for the ring back and end this. Hurt, heal, and move in with your life. Do not damn yourself to a future filled with misery and fear. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 You are going to have to do some things that are really hard so that you do not become a door mat and no good to anyone. You are going to have to get your emotional dependence on her to a much lower level. In fact, you have to choose between her and your self-respect, self-esteem, and emotional well being. DO NOT become an emotional cripple because you choose not to get free from her! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 There is nothing here to save, she is a very poor choice for a wife. Call off the wedding, your best predictor of your future together is to look at your history with her. Confront her and show her the door. Get tested for STD's. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Hi Folks, some people like to cut their noses to spite their faces. The OP looks like one such person. He seems to lack any self respect and I guess he will just suck it up and continue on to his path of destruction. My only question is why did he choose to come to this forum? He is not going to take anyone's advice and will meekly submit to his Fiancee's wishes. All we can do is wish him well. Warm wishes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Hi Folks, some people like to cut their noses to spite their faces. The OP looks like one such person. He seems to lack any self respect and I guess he will just suck it up and continue on to his path of destruction. My only question is why did he choose to come to this forum? He is not going to take anyone's advice and will meekly submit to his Fiancee's wishes. All we can do is wish him well. Warm wishes. Boy, that sure is ma manipulative. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Aren't it great that you found out before getting married ?Its easier to leave at this stage. No legalities involved. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 There's a saying. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. When she cheated the first time you forgave her. She probably begged & cried & promised never to do it again. Yes, she did. She lied & she carried on, not giving one whit about you. Now you have proof of the continued affair. She is not trustworthy. She has a broken moral compass. And, mots importantly, she DOES NOT LOVE YOU, at least not the way you love her. She will never be able to keep the marital vow about forsaking all others. So my question to you is are you a man who stands up for himself or a fool who is a doormat who will let himself be used for the rest of your unhappy marriage? Cut your losses 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Hi Goody, I'm sorry that you think I am trying to be manipulative with respect to the OP. You would have noticed in his post that he has taken a completely subservient stand when discussing his Fiancee's cheating ways. Apparently he is not standing up for himself and does not seem interested in doing so. The other good folk have been trying to prod him into seeing things for what they are but there has been no response from him. What I have written may or may not prod him into waking up from his somnabulent state but I hope it does do so. He is not a young man and I am assuming he has enough life experience behind him to see facts for themselves. If he cannot or does not want to do so then only God can help him and as you know the saying goes "God helps those who help themselves". The fact is that when someone comes to a forum like this one it is usually a cry for help on their part. That help can take many forms and while a person who has been shattered by infidelity for the first time in his or her life may need words of comfort and guidance sometimes, as in the present case, a person may need a wake up call which maybe like a rap on the knuckles. The OP experienced infidelity by his fiancee sometime ago. He sucked it up. Now he is facing the same thing all over again.and he does not seem to want to take a stand in the matter. He discovered the fact of his fiancee's infidelity two weeks ago and is sucking it up again instead of calling her out on it. It is a sad situation and is going to end badly for the OP unless he gets his self respect back. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 I trusted her again and two weekends ago I took my car in and I needed to use her phone to get a ride to get my car back and there it was. She was sending **** me text to him and there just wasn't one. One top of that her Son is having problems with her too and she sends that out to that guy when HER REAL guys need her bad. That day was her son's first therapy session. I have kept this all to myself since then (2 weeks now) and it's starting to really hurt me more and more each day. I've told so soul until now. I love her very much,but I am so hurt by her. Am I reading this correctly? You found out two weeks ago she's sleeping with someone else - and not for the first time - but you're afraid to say anything to her? Campbell311, what are you afraid she might do that she isn't obviously already doing ? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Cheating, with the added baggage of 3 kids! Time to move on and let her be someone else's problem. I can't see many other men like yourself without kids, wanting the hassle of such a woman. She's a proven serial cheat and marriage won't change that. Rather than be grateful you've stepped up when the bio father was out of the picture, this is how she repays you. She's not worthy of becoming your wife. Start valuing yourself, or nobody else will. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 The title of your thread is "My Fiancee' has cheated on me". I would think that the proper title would be "My EX-Fiancee' has cheated on me". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Rough. You're raising another mans kids and being cheated on at the same time. Nowhere for this to go but down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Rough. You're raising another mans kids and being cheated on at the same time. Nowhere for this to go but down.The only indignity that remains that I can think of is that the new guy gets her pregnant and OP raises that one too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
magnesium Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Time to go No Contact. This woman is your drug. It's no different than an addict looking for cocaine, meth, or heroine. This isn't an analogy, there is research that suggests the brain gets pathologically re-wired in a toxic relationship, similar to how drugs re-wire the brain. You probably won't see the truth of your own situation until 6 months AFTER you go No Contact. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Looks like the OP has left the building for the moment, so we will close this one up. If the OP returns to update they may request the thread reopened via the alert button ~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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