Found out about cheating husband

[Arcito]

I found out that my husband (27 years old) whom I've been married to for 5 months (December 2016), have been cheating on me for quite some time. I am also 4 months pregnant. I haven't confronted him yet, but based on the hard proofs that I've received, he had been flirting, sexting and even soliciting nude pictures from other women at least 1 month prior to our engagement (March 2015). He was flirting with a different woman in February 2015, engaged to me in March 2015 and was already flirting with a different woman in April 2015. After he had gotten his conquests, he'd shared screenshots with his friend who eventually spilled his secrets to me after they fought. Most of his 'cycles' were pretty short except for last year, where he'd been communicating with another woman from February 2016 until April 2017 when I confronted her. She discovered that she was a side chick and we had a calm, mature conversation. She was grateful for knowing the truth because they were about to meet for the first time in 2 months’ time (she's from a neighboring country). She's a virgin and from his texts, he have this weird idea that if he's her first, her heart would belong to him. From what she'd shown me, there were occasional sexts, but I noticed he has been sharing a lot of his problems and feelings with her. Knowing that he'd open himself up to another woman and not to me hurt me more than all the sexts. Even his friend said the way he treated this side chick is different. More possessive and had even warned other of his guy friends to not get close to her. She also had lasted way longer than his other women.

 

After he found out the other woman knew about his marriage, he begged her to not end things, saying he wanted things to be just as before and he loves both of us. It’s been one month since she found out and he’s still actively trying to contact her (which she shared with me), using various method to reach her when she started blocking him. At this point, he hasn't known that I am in the loop.

 

My question is, can a cheater change? I suspected something was wrong before our wedding and started checking his phone. He denied it but now I know it's all lies. I found out they had a fight 4 days before our wedding which was mainly due to her giving him the silent treatment over something petty and broke up but 1 week later he was talking to her again. They got back together after 2 months. He got bolder, had skype sex with her twice and even video skype with her while at work. Will the presence of our baby girl make him change his way considering this is a man who had been cheating from dating phase up till marriage phase and still is? My trust has now been broken, but if there's hope for him to change his way, I'd want us 3 to stay together as a family.

[BaileyB]

It sounds like he is a serial cheater who is not repentant or interested to change, so I would say no. I'm sorry.

 

He was cheating before you were married, he's cheated the entire time you have been married, and he begged the other woman not to end things because he wants you both. This is not the behavior of a married man who loves a woman and wants to have a monogamous relationship. A baby is not going to change that, as sad as that is.

[NTV]

Cheaters can change. There is proof enough all over this website.

 

The question is really should he, right?

 

You being pregnant didn't change him, did it?

 

Let me ask you a different question. What is your ideal outcome here?

[Thisguy21]

Confront him with divorce papers. That is exactly what I would do in your shoes. Time to lawyer up.

 

Also I don't believe serial cheaters change. Maybe a cheater can change, but not the guy you have there.

Edited May 13, 2017 by Thisguy21

[Krtk]

I found out that my husband (27 years old) whom I've been married to for 5 months (December 2016), have been cheating on me for quite some time. I am also 4 months pregnant. I haven't confronted him yet, but based on the hard proofs that I've received, he had been flirting, sexting and even soliciting nude pictures from other women at least 1 month prior to our engagement (March 2015). He was flirting with a different woman in February 2015, engaged to me in March 2015 and was already flirting with a different woman in April 2015. After he had gotten his conquests, he'd shared screenshots with his friend who eventually spilled his secrets to me after they fought. Most of his 'cycles' were pretty short except for last year, where he'd been communicating with another woman from February 2016 until April 2017 when I confronted her. She discovered that she was a side chick and we had a calm, mature conversation. She was grateful for knowing the truth because they were about to meet for the first time in 2 months’ time (she's from a neighboring country). She's a virgin and from his texts, he have this weird idea that if he's her first, her heart would belong to him. From what she'd shown me, there were occasional sexts, but I noticed he has been sharing a lot of his problems and feelings with her. Knowing that he'd open himself up to another woman and not to me hurt me more than all the sexts. Even his friend said the way he treated this side chick is different. More possessive and had even warned other of his guy friends to not get close to her. She also had lasted way longer than his other women.

 

After he found out the other woman knew about his marriage, he begged her to not end things, saying he wanted things to be just as before and he loves both of us. It’s been one month since she found out and he’s still actively trying to contact her (which she shared with me), using various method to reach her when she started blocking him. At this point, he hasn't known that I am in the loop.

 

My question is, can a cheater change? I suspected something was wrong before our wedding and started checking his phone. He denied it but now I know it's all lies. I found out they had a fight 4 days before our wedding which was mainly due to her giving him the silent treatment over something petty and broke up but 1 week later he was talking to her again. They got back together after 2 months. He got bolder, had skype sex with her twice and even video skype with her while at work. Will the presence of our baby girl make him change his way considering this is a man who had been cheating from dating phase up till marriage phase and still is? My trust has now been broken, but if there's hope for him to change his way, I'd want us 3 to stay together as a family.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this at this point of time while pregnant. You're husband most definitely a serial cheater considering the details you given he never committed himself to the marriage and to you what makes you think a baby can make a difference.

So you haven't confronted him yet what you want from him he sounds like a player constantly juggling between womens even after the Ow avoided him he doesn't wants to end it he's definitely not a good life partner in a long run

Are you financially independent or what makes you stop the confrontation because you're pregnant.,and to your question a cheater can change but that takes a lot of effort and willingness from their part you can't change them.

[darkbloom]

Why would you want to marry someone who you suspected was cheating on you before your wedding?

 

All of the the red flags were there hitting you in the face BEFORE you got pregnant. You've now added a baby into the mix.

 

It doesn't sound like he cared much about you before the marriage and you being pregnant certainly hasn't made him change his ways.

 

Divorce would be my very strong recommendation. The path you're on is a long one of heartbreak and pain.

[Arcito]

Yes, me being pregnant did nothing to change him. I thought that with the baby in his arms or in front of him, that would have given him a reality check.

After the recent discovery of his infidelity, I did some self reflection and realized the reason I stick with him and wanting things to work is because when my parents went through separation, it caused a lot of heartache to those involved. But now I realized relationship is a 2 way thing and both partner need to do their part.

The more I give it some thoughts, the more I realized that you guys are right, he is a serial cheater. The ones I've mentioned are accompanied by solid proofs, according to my sources there were plenty of other flings just that they have not gotten any proof to show me. I think I am just feeling slightly bitter of the latest other woman. Contrary to others, she had never given him any nudes, even their skype sex is him touching himself to her. And yet, he keeps on coming back to her. He let her into her life and talk about things he wouldn't share with me. To me, that hurts the most.

[NTV]

Do you journal? I ask because it sounds like you have a lot of emotional turmoil you need to release and a lot of serious planning to do.

[Ahurtgirl]

You are young and very worthy of a better man. Don't waste any more of your life on a man who cheats.

[sandylee1]

I wouldn't waste another moment with this man.

 

He's cheated in one way or another from the engagement through to the marriage. A child won't change that and he may actually increase the cheating when the baby arrives and you're tired and busy with the baby.

 

Many MM have happily told their OW that their wife is pregnant, but that nothing will change in the affair.

 

I'm sure he's not the kind of man you want as a father for your daughter, with his poor standards. He'd just be presenting a false side of himself, because he's a cheater and a liar.

 

In the UK, you can't even get divorced until a year of marriage, but the fact that he never intended to be faithful to you is grounds to have your marriage annulled.

 

I would use that proof you have and see a lawyer about getting an annulment.

[mikeylo]

People change only if they want to and if they have enough to lose that is close to their heart.

 

Your husband is an unrepentant serial cheater. You need to plan for your baby and yourself, irrespective if he comes back to you free of OW or not. It's a very long road ahead. Get help of friends and family.

[Arcito]

I don't journal but I think I want to start journalling or something similar soon. Something that can help me to get my thoughts in order.

 

I will file for divorce. My mother has been very supportive and I am thankful for that.

 

But if he begs for second chances...do you guys have any advice on how to approach it?

[PegNosePete]

But if he begs for second chances...do you guys have any advice on how to approach it?

Personally my approach would be to laugh in his face and slam the door.

 

You can't believe a single word he says. He has proved that to you. Anything he comes up with now is just a mickey-take and an attempt to play you for a fool once again. Don't be taken in by him.

[aliveagain]

If he will cheat on you before you marry him he will cheat on you after you marry him. Talk to a lawyer, you need to protect your unborn child. Since you have only been married a few months you may be able to have the marriage annulled which will be a lot cheaper for you then the cost of a divorce. I am not sure if it effects your child support, you need to talk to a good lawyer. Marriages with infidelity early on rarely survive. You and your child deserve someone who is committed only to you. A man that needs validation from so many women is a very broken man and would require years of independent counselling. I don't see any kind of remorse from this lying cheating excuse for a husband. He is very poor marriage material.

[Jersey born raised]

I think Aliveagain thoughts on how broken your husband cannot be refuted. He is who he is and will reman so.

[Krtk]

I don't journal but I think I want to start journalling or something similar soon. Something that can help me to get my thoughts in order.

 

I will file for divorce. My mother has been very supportive and I am thankful for that.

 

But if he begs for second chances...do you guys have any advice on how to approach it?

 

Whatever your decision you and your child comes first. fileing divorce is good for you as I don't see any hope in this marriage and happy to hear you have someone that too your mother to lean into at this situation and as for the second chance it's totally up to you. You know the depth of it you found it seen it first hand and how it hurts and remember it's not a one time mistake . To be honest better stay away he's not good for long term relationship. Why waste years and realize you should have done it already. But it's totally upto you

[mercy]

 

But if he begs for second chances...do you guys have any advice on how to approach it?

 

Well that depends, if he comes to the door slam it. If he calls hang up, if he texts, think of a really filthy word and add NO!

 

You lucky girl you have your mom!

[Arcito]

He is gone and out from my life and we're now in the process of separation.

My last stroke was when the other woman inquired about our marriage and try to persuade him to talk to me to make the marriage happier, his reply to her left me feeling speechless. When OW asked if our marriage is happy, he said 'Not really happy. Happy but average.' And when she try to talk to him into talking more to me and making the marriage happier, he said that it's better to be average in marriage. Not too happy and not too sad because both extreme have its own consequences.

I don't think we're on the same wavelength on how a marriage should be and I am happy to announce that I'm in the process of getting divorce from him.