My letter to the homewrecker who thought she was going to get my Husband!!!!!!!

[Joyce G]

I have been working on this letter for awhile and collected some good stuff from this and other sites to make this letter. This letter is to the homewrecker who thought she was going to take my H. This letter is Not in any way putting all the blame on the OW. I know the role my H played in the A and believe me he has heard my thoughts on that. I am really thinking I should mail this to her and I think this will add Closure to this mess for us and for me. I know she don't care what I might have to say but it will make me feel better maybe. She can at least take the letter out and read it when she feels she might have won something or in her low down ways again. I want her to know she ain't NOTHING!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Sherry,

I gave Steve his choice and he picked his Soulmate *ME*....

You stepped into our lives at a time when my Husband was feeling low and vulnerable. You came across as a love starved woman who had so many problems and needed my husband as a friend to help you (get real). You turned our lives upside down. You made us reconsider our lives, and step back and take a look at what we wanted for our future. For this, I wantto Thank You. You coming into our lives made Us realize what we really did have. Steve has now realized that he is and always has been with me. Upon reevaluating our marriage, we both realize how much we appreciate each other and stood to lose. We BOTH took everything for granted. This affair has made us BOTH open our eyes to OUR LOVE for each other. Now we BOTH Cherish it every minute of every day. Now we have a much more mature love, A deeper love, A deep consideration for each other. We have learned to put each other first. We have conquered the worst that life has to offer, and now we know we can conquer anything life tosses our way. Let the rain fall, let the wind blow, let the sky open and fall on us, we WILL stay standing STRONG and TOGETHER. You can NEVER hurt us again. So on this day, I Thank You. While you are sitting alone or asleep with your 'what ifs'. What we have learned has made our days the best, strongest, most love filled and appreciated we have ever had.

You found pleasure in someone elses pain. There is NO forgiveness for what you did. There is NO pity for you either. Anything that happens to you,is what you deserve for TRYING to ruin someone's life. You are nothing but a piece of dust that has to answer to a higher being for your behavior. The only possible way you could ever hold any power over me was if I were to allow you to, and I will NOT EVER allow that. You are NOT worth it. I may not have been the perfect wife, but there is NO excuse for what you two did to me. I will and have took my husband, with all of his mistakes. You can't hurt us. You can no longer hurt me. My constitution is stronger than that. Once I said that I would love him with my very soul. I meant what I said. I still do. You have no power in his or our lifes...

I hear this isn't the first marriage you have tried to break up. You knew Steve was married so what made you believe that you were going to have a relationship with an unavailable person? Better yet, why would you want to be with a man who cheated and lied to his wife? You are so desperate that you can't find a single man, you have to pursue another woman's man? Why would you want to share someone else's man? What kind of woman would put herself on hold and hope that he will EVER leave his wife? What did you think you had to offer him?

Somebody that DON'T have a life of there own? What did you think you could give him that we don't have or I haven't already give him in OUR 30 years together? Did you think you was going to get anything I have worked for all these years? Every morning he gets up and looks in the mirror and has to ask himself was it worth it? His answer to that question has always been HELL NO!!!!! He told me all about you, he hasn't kept nothing from me.

Absolutely nothing justifies the inappropriate relationship you had with my

husband. He was and is a married man and marriage is between two people NOT three. We have renewed our wedding vows and got new wedding rings and you was NOT in them and NEVER will be. So Steve DON'T need your ring or NEVER will. That was so childish for a adult to do.(see I know everything) Best wishes for finding a man who is not married, without a wife to hurt, a family to shatter and a home to wreck. Hope someday you can achieve a relationship that isn't based on lies and deceit. Where you can look in the mirror and at your family and know you are doing good and moral things. I hope one day you will experience such emotional pain that you feel like you are being slowly tortured and kept awake during the ordeal so that you can fully experence the pain. I hope one day that your heart will ache so deeply because all that you trusted and loved in life has been destoyed with acts like this. I hope one day you find someone you love and trust and they do you the same way you have done me so you will fully and completely understand the pain that goes along with being cheated on!!!!!!

I will survive and I will be stronger than before. You are NOTHING. You are not worth my time any longer. You are not worth my thoughts or my heartache. YOU ARE NOT WORTH ANYTHING THAT STEVE OR I HAVE TO GIVE. I know I wasn't your friend, but I remember you saying you and Steve was *best friends*... I was told from someone you was NOTHING but a Gold Digger,dig somewhere else cause you WON'T get NOTHING from us...With friends like that, who needs enemies? Friends do not sit back and allow their "best friend" to do something physically or mentally destructive to themselves, their families, or others. If you two was friend why did ya have to hide it? A friend never would do anything to hurt you...A friend would never try to get you to do something that is self distructive...A friend is someone that acts like a friend and you can always count on to have your best intrest at heart...If you have to hide a friendship then there is something wrong and you SHOULDN'T be friends. A friend would have waited for them to get out of one relationship before wanting to start up another one up with them. Now can you say you was Steve's *best friend*? I THINK NOT!!!!! That is so funny...

You got to make a choice, just like Steve did you knew about me. I got left in the dark because you was a filthy secret.(We have NO secrets now) You got a sick shell of a man who did Not even remotely resemble MY HUSBAND. You got a man without a soul. I got his soul, his heart and his now faithful love. You got tainted memories and secrets of disgusting acts and shame of infidelity. I got many beautiful memories and a lifetime of them to come with a honest, remorseful man who is deeply sorry for what he has done to our marriage and is in love with me and wants his marriage to work. I got EVERYTHING. MY HUSBAND, MY FAMILY, MY HOME and MY LIFE. You NEVER had a chance. You got MY seconds. I got it ALL. I got a husband, who I know in my heart will never be unfaithful to me again. You got dumped. You got NOTHING!!!!

So now, as the rest of my beautiful family has done, I release you from my memories. You are no longer the nightmare in my closet, you are as you always were……NOTHING AT ALL. You called me a fool. So Who's the real fool? Maybe one day you will respect yourself enough to find true happiness with someone who is available, rather than stooping low enough to be with someone else’s husband. Consider yourself forgotten and insignificant by us. There is NO need to respond to this, we are simply NOT interested in ANYTHING you have to say!!!!!!! THIS NIGHTMARE IS OVER!!!!!!

"You CAN'T build love and happiness on someone else's misery and hurt"

After all is said and done Steve chose me twice!!!!

So I must be pretty special!!!!

 

Me: BS, age 51

H: WS, age 53

Married: 30 years

D-day 10-1-04

Affair lasted about 3 months

Working thur this mess

[phillygirl63]

Here's an honest opinion from a BS. Good for you for writing it. I think you needed to do that for yourself. You needed to bare all and write down your raw emotions. That's a great release. But don't mail it. Get a nice bottle of champagne or sparkling cider, pour yourself a glass, read it one last time and then destroy it (in the fireplace, the shredder, or tear it apart with your hands). Say goodbye and good riddance to the pain. You should have all the satisfaction you need knowing that you have made it through this storm with your 30 year marriage still intact. If you mail it you'll just be giving her more satisfaction. You don't want to do that. After the letter is destroyed, call hubby in and share the rest of the bottle. Have a toast to the future and the possibilities it brings. Say farewell to that small, nasty chapter in your long life together.

[Joyce G]

Thanks for your post phillygirl. Good idea. I have really thought if I should send it to her being things are going so great for my husband and I. I sure wouldn't wanna cause any problem being her and her family loves drama.

[Ladyjane14]

I'm in agreement with Phillygirl. Great vent. Very cathartic, I'm sure.

 

But don't send it. It'll just be stirring the pot....and Lord knows, too many OW's love the drama. You'd just be giving her a GIFT, and hasn't she already had enough from you already?

 

Maybe you could time-capsule it, and use it as a means to check your progress this time next year?

[MiChick43]

Joyce,

YOu sound like a wonderful and strong woman. Good for you. I agree with the others . I dont believe you should mail that letter. THe OW will just feel she is still getting to you. HOlding your head higher then she ever possibly could is enough to show her you are, by far, the better woman. I really believe what goes around comes around in life. She will feel your pain sooner or later. When my ex left his OW she , seriously, grabbed hold of his pant leg and wouldnt let go. She was feeling the hurt I had felt months before and now knew what it was like to have him leave, for another woman.

 

Good for you!!

[StillHurtin]

Joyce, I agree, you sound like a very stong woman. I have written many letters to the OW my H had an A w/ but I never sent them. I knew if I actually sent it she would laugh at it all, so why bother. The OW don't deserve our time, or the stamp to mail it off. It does help to get things off your chest that you would love to tell the OW.

[whichwayisup]

Wow, that was an intense, heart felt email...Bet you felt amazing afterwards - To get all that out.

 

Good that you didn't send that to her...That would have given her REACTION..And you know that saying, attention, good or bad doesn't matter, as long as there is some sort of reaction. I think silence is the key.

 

Good luck and I'm glad you and your husband are working through everything!

[RecordProducer]

If you send her this letter she will enjoy reading it. It only shows how hurt you are and your pain proves that your marriage will never be the same again. You can't say you're happy when you're hurting. There are some contradictory things there, like stating you're so in love with each other again and two paragraphs later that what the two of them did to you destroyed your marriage.

I think the worst part is that you're not willing to admit yourself the truth. The bad news is: it's your husband who cheated on you, the other woman has nothing to do with you. She didn't rape him, he made love to her so leave her alone. You make it sound like it's all her fault and some higher power got him into the situation.

But the good news is: he was merely looking for excitement.

She obviously means nothing to him. You've been married for a long time and men are not monogamous by nature. But he chose you.

Work on your marriage and forget the OW. It would be really ridiculous if you send that letter and he gets back to her after a while behind your back. Never say never!

Don't think I'm biased or anything. I've never been the OW and I am getting married soon so I am on your side.

[Joyce G]

Thanks for your post.

RecordProducer .... You must of NOT have read what I wrote good, I said it plain as day before I even showed the letter......." This letter is Not in any way putting all the blame on the OW. I know the role my H played in the A and believe me he has heard my thoughts on that. "

You said......"It only shows how hurt you are and your pain proves that your marriage will never be the same again"..........I don't want my marriage back the same as it was before the A. It is a much better marriage now.

[tanbark813]

That letter sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of all those things.

[I Survived]

Joyce

I can totally identify with all the emotion that you displayed in your letter. I could have written it myself with a few edits, but not many. I had a similar experience and even though it was unfortunate that our husbands had to turn outside the marriage, because they did, it was a wake up call for all of us. I'm proud of you for writing the letter and so happy that you and your husband are happier and more connected than ever. Don't send the letter. You did what you needed to do. No need to dwell on her any more. She is not worth it and you don't want her to have that power over you any more. It will be hard - things will make you remember - but every day beyond it will be better than the day before. I wrote the word "STOP" on a post note and stuck it to my computer monitor. That helps me stop when I think about contacting her (the OW) or responding to an email she sent. My husband told her it was over last May (after six months internet/phone affair). Since then, she has continually tried to contact me through email. My mistake was thinking that I could help her disconnect. Duh! I was keeping her connected. I finally woke up and realised it and told her no more contact. I posted recently "Can someone explain why I feel this way?".

So honey, I wish you all the luck in the world - it sounds like you and H are on the right track. Love IS lovlier, the second time around. God bless.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Putting it all down on paper was no doubt very therapeutic, and a good thing. I have written letters like that to people that I wanted to go off on in a very emotional way, and I always felt better after writing them. I generally do not send them.

 

I agree with the other posters that you should not send it. I think that if you are in a comfortable place with your H right now, there is no point in stirring that pot again. She still has his number, right? Right now, she isn't calling it. You dump something like that on her, at a time when she is hurting (oh, and rest assured she is hurting BADLY right now - remember, he chose YOU and NOT HER), and she just might pick up that phone. While it is very likely your H would just rebuff her advances if she did that again, do you really want to reopen that pandora's box?

 

Plus, while I do understand how you feel, it just isn't right to send it. Even if you think of her as a dog for getting between you and your H, you don't kick even a dog when it is down. Keep in mind, that as you pointed out, you DO recognize the role your H played in the affair. Your H was the one who did 95% of the betraying here, since the OW owed you nothing. Yes, she should have known better, but falling in love under really bad circumstnaces, and a lack of self control, were really her big crimes. Your H, on the other hand, took a vow, and broke it. HE was the one who told her all about how bad your marriage was, and chose to sleep with her. She didn't rape him or anything like that. He was the one who could have said "I'm flattered, but no thanks, I'm married". You know all of this, so isn't it time to just let it drop and permanently close that painful chapter in your life?

 

Always remember, success is the best revenge. Make your marriage successful again, and take pleasure in knowing that you now have a good relationship with your H again, and she has no relationship with your H. She already knows that too, since she is the one sleeping alone, and there really is no need to stick her face in it. However it happened, she probably loved your H too, even if it was wrong, and he was a willing participant. Right now, she is alone, and all she has is memories. It isn't reasonable to expect you to forgive her even though she is less at fault than your H because you have no motive to forgive her. You forgave your H because you had to, in order to make a relationship with him work going forward, and because you love him, but he doesn't deserve your forgivness any more than she does. Even less, probably. The decent thing to do at this point, is let her be. It's over, so let it be over, and don't perpetuate it in any form or it could still come back to bite you.

 

Let sleeping dogs lie. You wrote it, and that is the important part. Sending it accomplishes nothing.

[veronese]

Round of applause for Joyce G. ! An honest letter about her feelings towards the OW.

 

I commend you for your strength in your situation, because you've been through something so traumatic. I agree with your sentiments towards the OW too, once again, I have penned almost identical letters myself!

 

The advice people are giving you is wise too ... don't send it, not today at least! I've written so many letters over the past twelve months to a variety of people (my H. mostly though!), and have poured out my pain and distress, anger and fear in all of them. Initially I wrote them fully intending to mail them, but fortunately some sense remained and they didn't get posted but got shoved in a file with the others...because the following week I would get the urge to say a few more things to one of these women, my horrible H, my best friend in France, my son, Michael Jackson!!!! [How weird is that? I watched a documentary on him last year and was so sad I wrote him a letter, I didn't send it though].

 

I have even written one to the priest who married us, bearing my soul like a confession, basically telling tales and hoping this nice, kindly, holy man would surely be reading every word with compassion and support, marvelling at my goodness and how awful it's been for me to be coping with the situation. That one very nearly made it to the post box too but a few days later I wasn't feeling quite so passionate about everything and got distracted by something else.

 

So good luck Joyce. It's very therapeutic to write and it's helped me get through the rollercoaster for sure. I think anyone who has been where you are now understands completely.

 

All the best

 

Veron

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by WithOrWithoutYou

.....since the OW owed you nothing.

 

I have to admit..... It always bugs me when people say that.

 

The OW/OM is not an innocent victim who never heard of marriage. They know fully well what the word "married" means. No one has to be a rocket-scientist to understand that.

 

It's not as if they're strolling along and "fall" in love like it was a trap-hole in the ground. They make choices just like everyone else does. And, in this, they choose to serve themselves first, and they make a choice about what they "owe" to other people.

 

When they choose to "owe nothing" to others, they withhold common, human respect.....in a way that they'd probably never disrespect other people in regards to race, religion, or socio-economic disparity.

 

In other words, oftentimes these are otherwise socially conscientious people who for the sake of "love" throw all their other human values out the window. Misguided, by the idea that love conquers all, and has NO boundaries. Believing in the half-truths they are commonly told to them by their married partners (and by media programming)....in a way that is inconceivably gullible.....because they WANT to believe it.

 

And for those who don't fit that catagory....they are just "dripping-evil" sociopaths, who really don't care about anybody but themselves. Because the KNOW fully well what they're doing....but they just don't give a sh*t.

 

It's easy to understand why a betrayed spouse has such venom for an interloper in their marriage. While your spouse may have had a legitimate problem with you....the OW/OM most of the time, never even bothered themselves to hear your side of the story. They just inserted themselves into your life....and did their utter best to destroy it.

 

The MM/MW is the one who took the vows. They're the one who cheated. But this does NOT mitigate the OW/OM's involvement in the infidelity.

 

If you find someone's billfold lying on the ground, do you pocket the money and throw away the rest? If the married person has left the confines of fidelity, do you take what he/she has of value to YOU....then throw away the rest?

 

The MM/MW is the one to break the vows....true. But the OW/OM break the laws of social decency in their disrespect for another human being. Their participation in the infidelity threatens the betrayed spouse on EVERY level.....and it's NOT done in response to a misdeed by the BS directed toward the OW/OM, but rather in total selfishness in an effort to get what they want. It's done for GAIN, just as a theft is done for gain.

 

These people are NOT blameless. Respect for the beliefs and values of others is a simple concept. "Do unto others....". The Golden Rule.... which cannot be contained in the precepts of it's religious inception.

 

The MM/MW is often forgiven for their role in infidelity....because we recognize that often they are at the end of their emotional rope, and because they are still loved within the marriage. Not to say, that there aren't "dripping-evil sociopaths" in the married catagory as well. But just like the OW/OM catagory they are more often than not...misguided and naive.

 

Often the forgiveness that is offered to the MM/MW is withheld from the OW/OM. The BS doesn't owe it to them. Yup....."doesn't owe it to them". The OW/OM has committed a trepass that was in no way a response to any trespass made against them.

 

That said, Joyce G, I think in order to truly heal from an infidelity.....forgiveness is in order. That doesn't mean you have to LIKE the person who interfered in your marriage. It doesn't mean that you have to have any further contact with them at all.

 

What it does mean is that you should find a way to recognize that the OW is a flawed person, just like anyone else..... most likely NOT of the "dripping evil" variety. We're all on the same journey really. Discovering our flaws, repairing them as best we can, learning to respect one another, and thereby to have respect for ourselves.

 

So, you never have to feel warm and fuzzy about her, but if you'll take the time to sympathize with the fact that if she never finds a way to solve her personal problems....she'll be destined for an unhappy existance.

 

For example, the one who interfered in my marriage was a card-carrying narcissist.....so hung up on herself that any inattention by the people surrounding her was like a stab in her heart. Imagine the daily suffering, when everywhere you look there's yet another snub that wounds you to your core.

 

I could NEVER top that, even if I was out to hurt her. She has, in essense, punished herself with a life-sentence...simply because she couldn't recognize the human flaws within herself.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Some of your points are valid, ladyjane.

 

Perhaps the context surrounding the soundbyte that you quoted from my 5-paragraph post, however, would be helpful in this case.

 

Your H was the one who did 95% of the betraying here, since the OW owed you nothing. Yes, she should have known better, but falling in love under really bad circumstnaces, and a lack of self control, were really her big crimes. Your H, on the other hand, took a vow, and broke it. HE was the one who told her all about how bad your marriage was, and chose to sleep with her. She didn't rape him or anything like that. He was the one who could have said "I'm flattered, but no thanks, I'm married".

 

Personally, on a one-to-one level, the OW owed her nothing, but that doesn't make the OW's actions right. Should the OW have had a broader view of what her actions would cause, and taken into consideration more factors than she did? Sure. Should the OW have had the self-control to say "um, you're married, so I'm not interested" when the H got done telling her all about his horrible marriage, how he didn't love his wife anymore and how they are living as roommates and that it was over and that she was the one he really wanted (or whatever other garbage the H fed her if those don't apply)? Absolutely. Is it likely that what the OW did was right? No. Did I say what she did was right? No. I pointed out the OW's lack of self control, something you eluded to in your post when you said that people do misguided and naive things for "love".

 

Sometimes, the things that a MM or MW can tell an OW or OM, can be pretty compelling (sometimes, usually not, but sometimes, they are even true). I have absolutely no idea if that was the case here, nor do I care to speculate, but none of us can know that (probably not even the W who was cheated on by her H) without a lot more information.

 

I do agree with you, however, that forgiveness is a good thing, and probably in order. Forgiveness isn't always about the person you are forgiving, and this is certainly NOT a case where the W here "owes" forgiveness to the OW. Forgiveness is about onesself, and letting go of the hate. It's often a very healthy and helpful thing.

[Naive]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Wow, that was an intense, heart felt email...Bet you felt amazing afterwards - To get all that out.

 

Good that you didn't send that to her...That would have given her REACTION..And you know that saying, attention, good or bad doesn't matter, as long as there is some sort of reaction. I think silence is the key.

 

Good luck and I'm glad you and your husband are working through everything!

 

 

I completely agree!

[Dora]

sorry, I only read the tiltle but not your letter to the OW.

 

why dont you spend time writing to your husband ?

 

There would be many "OW" if you didnt have a husband who is faithful to you. you would be too busy to fend all of them off

 

you and your husband take sole responsibilities for your marriage.

 

your husband is a human being with his own thoughts, not a TV set in your house that you can blame the thief when it was stolen.

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by Joyce G

 

1.You turned our lives upside down.

 

2. Now we BOTH Cherish it every minute of every day. Now we have a much more mature love, A deeper love, A deep consideration for each other. We have learned to put each other first. . Let the rain fall, let the wind blow, let the sky open and fall on us, we WILL stay standing STRONG and TOGETHER.

 

3. You can NEVER hurt us again.

 

4. You found pleasure in someone elses pain. There is NO forgiveness for what you did. There is NO pity for you either. There is NO excuse for what you two did to me. I will and have took my husband, with all of his mistakes. You can't hurt us.

 

5. Better yet, why would you want to be with a man who cheated and lied to his wife?

 

6. Absolutely nothing justifies the inappropriate relationship you had with my

husband. He was and is a married man and marriage is between two people NOT three.

 

 

7. Best wishes for finding a man who is not married, without a wife to hurt, a family to shatter and a home to wreck. I hope one day you will experience such emotional pain that you feel like you are being slowly tortured and kept awake during the ordeal so that you can fully experence the pain. I hope one day that your heart will ache so deeply because all that you trusted and loved in life has been destoyed with acts like this.

 

8. Consider yourself forgotten and insignificant by us. There is NO need to respond to this, we are simply NOT interested in ANYTHING you have to say!!!!!!! THIS NIGHTMARE IS OVER!!!!!!

 

1. You are blaming her for turning your and YOUR HUSBAND's lives upside down as if he had no choice.

 

2. You're talking about some great love that at this moment sounds ridiculous. He did cheat on you and show some self-respect and don't glorify his deed.

 

3. Don't be so sure!

 

4. You should be saying these things to your husband. He is the one who cheated on his soul mate. The OW is nobody to you.

 

5. Indeed, why would you, Joyce? Why would you defend the man who cheated on you? She DID NOT cheat on YOU! He did. Because she is not your spouse.

 

6. She is not the only one that forgot that.

 

7. Are you wishing her happiness or pain? Make up your mind. I would hate the guts of the OW, but I would hate my H too.

 

8. You write in his name. If you don't care how she feels or what she says then why let her know how YOU feel?

 

If you want to punish her, just ignore her. You're hurting and it's your husband who caused the pain to you.

[Joyce G]

To RecordProducer...

I could give a damn less what you have to say, think or your smart ass remarks that means NOTHING. Seems like to me after reading some of your remarks from some other post I have read you just love playing on peoples pain too.

I gave my husband a choice after I found out about the A....if he didn't wanna work on this marriage and put 100% in it then finewe can half everything down the middle and go our own ways. I would get the house and he could have the river land and house. I also told him if I hear of any contact with the OW or her family he was out without NOTHING. He agree to this and I even have this in writing where he signed the paper he won't get NOTHING if he does. He has been putting everything he has in our marriage now. We do everything together now and we are together most all the time now. She can't hurt me any more cause I won't let her. If he wants to throw away 30 years that's his choice so be it. Why would I wanna be wishing the OW any happiness after all she is NOTHING?? She has NOTHING and lives in her mama's yard in a camper and sleeps all the time (she takes downers by the handfuls). She is the one who kept calling my house and hanging up (until we had our numbers changed) and leaving letters in our mailbox and on our door. We have a big mean dog now so let her even try to come to my door now.

RecordProducer...You know NOTHING about me or my husband or why he did what he did to me. This was a EA. Everything isn't based on SEX either. My husband has to pay for what he did to me and our marriage everyday. Some people do make mistakes and learn from them. Why judge people for that. So if you think your smart ass remarks can hurt me then think again!!!!

[erika2610]

Originally posted by Joyce G

To RecordProducer...

I could give a damn less what you have to say, think or your smart ass remarks that means NOTHING. Seems like to me after reading some of your remarks from some other post I have read you just love playing on peoples pain too.

I gave my husband a choice after I found out about the A....if he didn't wanna work on this marriage and put 100% in it then finewe can half everything down the middle and go our own ways. I would get the house and he could have the river land and house. I also told him if I hear of any contact with the OW or her family he was out without NOTHING. He agree to this and I even have this in writing where he signed the paper he won't get NOTHING if he does. He has been putting everything he has in our marriage now. We do everything together now and we are together most all the time now. She can't hurt me any more cause I won't let her. If he wants to throw away 30 years that's his choice so be it. Why would I wanna be wishing the OW any happiness after all she is NOTHING?? She has NOTHING and lives in her mama's yard in a camper and sleeps all the time (she takes downers by the handfuls). She is the one who kept calling my house and hanging up (until we had our numbers changed) and leaving letters in our mailbox and on our door. We have a big mean dog now so let her even try to come to my door now.

RecordProducer...You know NOTHING about me or my husband or why he did what he did to me. This was a EA. Everything isn't based on SEX either. My husband has to pay for what he did to me and our marriage everyday. Some people do make mistakes and learn from them. Why judge people for that. So if you think your smart ass remarks can hurt me then think again!!!!

 

Calm down.. I think she's trying to help you... You're the one that put your problem out here for everyone to know.. that means anyone can reply.. good or bad. Whether you agree or not.. she actually (sometimes) has some very insightful things to say..

[erika2610]

And it does no good to wish bad upon other people..

[I Survived]

Joyce G

You have come to the Loveshack like all of us to tell your story and get feedback. I've found that sometimes there are posters who see things differently and that's okay because diversity makes the world go 'round. No one here wants to hurt you. You are already hurt enough over your husband's betrayal. But if someone posts something that gets you hot under the collar, they are doing you a favor. It helps to get those negative feelings out. It's cleansing.

It sounds like you and your H are working through a very painful experience and coming out okay. When I first found out about my H internet/phone affair I wanted to hurt both of them as much as they had hurt me. We forgive our spouse because we love them. It takes longer to forgive the OW. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to hurt her, then I felt sorry for her and then I forgave her. It's a very free feeling - forgiving someone who has hurt you. And it will also help you feel more secure in your marriage. You are rebuilding trust and the foundation of your marriage. She can't hurt you anymore. You find YOURSELF in the process and you find that with our without him you'll be fine.

You love your husband and he loves you and you're working to make a good life. That's all that matters. She doesn't matter anymore.

Keep writing. It helps. After a while when you go back and read it, it sounds like someone else wrote it. You've got a good thing going for you. Everyone hits a pot hole from time to time. It's unfortunate that it takes something like this to wake you up but I have been able to find the good in it. I thank God that we have recovered. And I wish the same for you.

[MiChick43]

I dont always agree with RPs posts. THere have been times Im totally dumbfounded by her responses. Sometimes, in other posts, Im not even sure she is serious. But for the most part I do agree with what she has written here. And like the others have said......we come here for opinions and not all opinions will make you feel great.

 

You asked us about your letter to the OW. I think most posted that it would be best just to ignore her. The best revenge is your happiness and happy marriage. Your letter sounds as if you are still spending more time thinking about this woman and the situation instead of really spending the needed time working out your problems with the H. Ignore this woman.

 

You did the right thing by telling your H its either YOU or HER and there seems to be no doubt that you will not put up with this behavior from him. So good for you for being strong in that regard. Stay that way. Stay strong, and by all means sending that letter makes you sound weak. No offense, seriously. If I were the OW, and I have been many years ago, I would read that letter and laff and think......weak weak weak. THings must NOT be good.

[Lonestar]

The only possible way you could ever hold any power over me was if I were to allow you to

 

You ARE allowing her to hold power over you, and sending this letter will prove that to her. She has power over you because she was able to steal you husband for that period of itme, and deep down you'll always worry that it could happen again.

 

I release you from my memories. You are no longer the nightmare in my closet

 

Unfortunately she will never be gone from your memories. If she were now, you wouldn't be writing this letter

 

 

Consider yourself forgotten and insignificant by us.

 

Sorry, but she is extremely significant in your mind right now. Nothing will ever be the same, your trust for your husband will never be the same. If I were her and I got this letter, I'd laugh at how obsessed you were with me. Don't send it.

 

Your attacks on RecordProducer were way out of line. She was only trying to help you with some constructive criticism. There are many different people here at LS and they all hold different views on different subjects. She pointed out that you were definitely blaming the other woman as opposed to your husband, and quoted you to make you see what you were doing. You lashed back at her out of embarrassment.

 

It's obvious you are very angry with the OW, and you're displacing your anger on anyone that doesn't agree with you. If you can't take reading a different point of view, you shouldn't be posting in a public forum.

[animo]

Hey there,

 

Nice vent!

 

I just hope its ONLY a vent. I'm really happy that you and your hubby have such a deep relationship now, i'm jealous! But i truely hope that you will not carry this with you. The letter is very hatefull towards the homewrecker and if you truely would forget them as you state you will then you have already forgiven the homewrecker for what she did AND you have truely forgiven your hubby aswell (and he has forgiven himself)...

 

I just hope you consider this and you just wrote that letter to get it out there and just say what you had to say.