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Caught my sister in law cheating...now what?


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Old 5th May 2005, 10:08 PM   #1
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Caught my sister in law cheating...now what?

I've never posted on boards before but I have no one to really turn to with this problem that has arisen.

I caught my sister-in-law cheating on her husband with her best friend's husband. I happened to stop by my husband's parents house to pick up something and found her there with him. My husband's parents were away on vacation and she was using their house to conduct her "business". Sadly, she and her best friend have been friends for over 15 years. They literally live across the street from each other. They both have children under the age of 3.

After I caught them, they refused to stop and continued with what they were doing without regard to anyone. His wife was starting to get suspicious and ended up catching them at her parent's house. They denied everything and tried to turn the tables on her, making her think that she was crazy and unstable. I think this is SO cruel and unfair to his wife. What do you guys think I should do?

It's a twisted story and sometimes seems like something out of a soap opera. Sadly, it's true and I feel obligated to tell this woman that she's not crazy and that she's being made a fool. My sister in law told me that they have already applied for a mortgage and that he is planning on leaving his wife. I just can't help feeling so sorry for his wife who doesn't know what's coming. She has two little babies and is going to be left with nothing if he ups and leaves.

What should I do? Should I even do anything? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 5th May 2005, 11:48 PM   #2
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So it's your husband's sister you're talking about, right? Tell your husband! There's nothing else you can do or you will jeopardize your marriage. Don't tell the wife anything! You never know if he is really going to leave her or not. Don't play god. You can always tell, but you cannot un-tell what's already told.
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Old 6th May 2005, 12:24 AM   #3
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I agree, tell your husband what happened.

It's so hard to know what to do in that situation. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. But she's not your sister so let your H decide what to do. (Make sure though he doesn't go after this OM. He could ya know.)
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Old 6th May 2005, 7:42 AM   #4
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Why are people so afraid to tell the cheated person? I don't understand that. All you are doing is protecting the cheaters. Which in case you then are no better then them. Tell your husband, but then also tell him you feel you have an obligation since you've seen it first hand, to tell her if he doesn't.
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Old 6th May 2005, 8:58 AM   #5
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Tell all your family, girl. Maybe not in person and not face to face, but do it. Anonymous letters or emails, whichever makes you feel more at ease. Everyone has the right to know, because when you marry it's not about the 2 of your anymore, it's about the family! She's disrespecting everyone, not just her husband.

Have faith, you're doing the right thing.
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Old 6th May 2005, 9:35 AM   #6
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JMARGEL, you are absolutely right, but we can't risk to ruin our own relationships because other people are dumb. As a matter of fact whenever I tried to play god and told people what I really thought about their situations, they have despised me. I know a person who told her friend that her BF was cheating on her and he convinced his GF that the woman was just jealous and lying. The GF believed him and the two women stopped contact.
Sometime sit's better to not interfere cuz people are ungrateful.
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Old 6th May 2005, 9:56 AM   #7
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RP is right. If you want to win the popularity contest, don't tell a soul. If you want to protect your family, you will dare to jeopardize your position and go out of the safety zone. I do it for my close friends and family because I love them and I don't want them hurt.
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Old 6th May 2005, 9:59 AM   #8
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Most don't want to be the bearer of bad news and become the 'target.' And they will. To deal with the first intial reaction of telling somebody that their spouse is cheating. It's not an easy thing to do and she has to be prepared mentally for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to happen from being completely messed up and devastated or the NO NO you're lying etc...

It's not an easy thing to do to either way. Tough choice.
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Old 6th May 2005, 10:11 AM   #9
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Who cares if the person doesn't beleive you! If the betrayed lashes out at the bearer of bad news, then he/she is a blind idiot who will end up losing a true friend when he/she needs him/her the most. The importhing thing is that you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and KNOW that you are no longer are a silent co-conspirator and an enabler of something that silently and secretly is destroying the lives of many people.

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Old 6th May 2005, 10:42 AM   #10
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You know what I'd do? I'd plan a BBQ, invite one couple at a time, (the parties invoved), without their knowledge that the other is coming. When they're all there, ask the SIL what was, _______, doing with you at, _______, house? Then sit back and watch the show.
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Old 6th May 2005, 11:20 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by CurlyIam
RP is right. If you want to win the popularity contest, don't tell a soul. If you want to protect your family, you will dare to jeopardize your position and go out of the safety zone. I do it for my close friends and family because I love them and I don't want them hurt.
Curly if I wasn't married I would be heading overseas to see you. We have alot of similiarities on how we view relationships/life.
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Old 6th May 2005, 11:21 AM   #12
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Thanks, J, right back at ya (no disrespect to your lady )!!!
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Old 6th May 2005, 1:02 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moose
You know what I'd do? I'd plan a BBQ, invite one couple at a time, (the parties invoved), without their knowledge that the other is coming. When they're all there, ask the SIL what was, _______, doing with you at, _______, house? Then sit back and watch the show.
I have to admit, this idea does have a certain appeal...
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Old 6th May 2005, 2:12 PM   #14
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This debate about not telling the cheated on the truth is something that I just cant comprehend. Put it this way, if your husband/wife was cheating on you, are you saying that you would rather not know?? Someone please explain the logic behind this. I understand that finding out something like this is a hard pill to swallow, believe me I live it everyday. But Ill tell you what, in my situation, Im glad I know. Hell I wish someone would have TOLD me, instead of finding out the lurid details in my wifes journal.
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Old 6th May 2005, 3:46 PM   #15
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I agree with fleafly,

MW lied to my face when I asked her if there was someone else. I found my evidence four months later. I'm glad I did before it went any further.

The cheated on here are innocent people being victimized by their spouses, and they have the right to know everything so they can make decisions about their lives. With only rare exceptions, relationships begun as affairs fail, and they always hurt innocent people. The first thing that hastens their speedy end is exposure. Ask any expert on infidelity.

Don't actively hurt the cheated on and assist the abusers with your silence. As to the opinion of "I am staying out of it," no, you're not; you are helping the person who is abusing another trusting human being, because without the help of your silence they couldn't get away with it. Tell your husband, but also tell her, and let the chips fall where they may, end of story.
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