heav85 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Let me start from the beginning if I may. About 2 weeks ago my husband said one of his supervisors at the factory where he works 3rd shift came up to him while he was loading a truck and harrassed him about being too close to a girl who has a bad reputation, and not to ruin what he has with me. This supervisor is my best friends mom btw. Well it all went out of proportion with my bf taking pictures of him in the parking lot because he gave this girl a ride to work several times. Which showed nothing but just that. But now, for the past week, we have been having these constant coversations about this girl. He has confessed he has feelings for her, he even had some time to his self and made his decision he wanted her and not me, his wife of 4 years, the person he's been with for 7 years, the mother of his 4 year old and 15 weeks pregnant with his 2nd child. He says they have a special connection that we do not have. She recently moved pretty close to us in her grandmothers old house with her dad to be close to the daugher she never keeps because she stays with the girls mom. So the rides are still happening. And the closeness continues. He tells me he loves me and that he didn't mean for this to happen and he doesn't want me going through all this... I'm depressed to no end, have anxiety attacks, breakdowns etc. He also seriously wants the 3 of us to be in a big relationship. I cannot share my husband with a homewrecker. I met this girl last weekend, she actually came to my house... we got along, she seemed nice. But then I couldn't stand seeing him hug on her any more right in front of my freaking face! So I told her I needed to have a talk with her alone. I had her crying, pretty much telling her she had no dignity, she told me she didn't want anyone to go through this but when she looked at him it was like looking in a mirror, which made me wanna puke... She siad the only way she knew to stop all this was the just leave him alone... I told her to please help me get my husband back and stop this. I also asked her if I should give up, she said never give up. Then they have a talk afterwards and she tells him she knew she should give him up but couldn't, and wouldn't, and that i misunderstood her about never giving up, wtf was i supposed to think when she says that, I mean we are talking about MY HUSBAND. She has this thing where she gives people 90 days in her life to see if things simmer down or one walks bout of the others lives, they have this going on. I honestly hope she finds someone else in the factory to cling to and break his heart. But my husband and I also have 90 days, ours is up 2 weeks after theirs is. My husbands complaints about our relationship is that I let the house go and never kept it up and that I never showed him affection, I don't make him as happy as she does. So our days are for me to make it up to him, show him i've changed all that and to try and get the spark back. He knows we could work it out if he could leave her alone and neither on of them wants to do that, but instead contiune to cause me so much pain. I know I should let him go but I just can't. I feel like I need to fight, but my friends say he's got me where he wants me and has me thinking its all my fault... I know its not all my fault, it takes two. I wanna keep hanging on until these 90 days are up but it kills me at times and we're ok at others. I just can't believe he's choosing her over his wife child and unborn child. He tells me he's gonna be here for us to finish up things he's started around the house, to be here for me because i'm pregnant, and our daughter who loves her daddy, but its going to be so hard to have him here and not touch him, have him here as my husband. He tells me he will not touch her sexually as long as we're married, but i found condoms in his truck and he said i did tell him to wrap it before he touched it cuz i don't want my children having other siblings. But he says they just kissed. I want to tear this ugly girls hair out, or worse. I need advice, please anyone out there help me! Link to post Share on other sites
alsudduth Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 The only advise I have, is to leave your disgusting husband. He does not care at all about the hurt he is causing you. I don't mean to be harsh, but he ZERO respect for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 The only advise I have, is to leave your disgusting husband. He does not care at all about the hurt he is causing you. I don't mean to be harsh, but he ZERO respect for you. This! ^^^^ Kick him out and file for divorce! He's not interested in how YOU feel and has offered you an open marriage. If that's not for you then get rid of him. Marriage doesn't look like this when it's happy and healthy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 File for divorce and tell him to pack his bags and GO to the OW. He can pay child and spousal support. I know this hurts and you need to be strong for the sake of your kids but don't bother fighting for someone who isn't willing to fight for you. He may change his mind once he realizes what he's about to lose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 I am sorry to tell you this, but the odds that they are not already in a sexual relationship is close to zero. If you read through the threads here you will see, time and time again, that the "truth" comes out very slowly. No married man with a pregnant wife, needs condoms. Can you imagine any man leaving his wife for someone who he hasn't yet had sex with? If you go through 90days with him, he will loose all respect for you anyway. Whether you want him back or not, tell him to make a choice and either stay and dump her, or get the hell out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 He is doing this all right in front of you. Why is he allowed to be in your house anymore? My husband played this game too but i flat out told him he couldn't be in our house if he was with her. And we have a two family. I wouldn't even let him live downstairs . He lived in his truck--with her--for months. This man doesn't respect you. ypire right. It Does take two to Cheat. The Chester and the person he cheats with. He loved you enough to marry you, to have a kid and 15 weeks ago to get you pregnant again. He is rewriting history. Don't let him do that. Kick him out and start tonlegslly protect your home, assets, etc. He may eventually come to his senses once the fairy tale wears off. It he's not going to now. Do you can continue to let him disrespect you because he won't stop or you can kick him out and make him see for himself that the grass isn't greeener while still keeping your self worth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 (edited) I met this girl last weekend, she actually came to my house... we got along, she seemed nice. But then I couldn't stand seeing him hug on her any more right in front of my freaking face! Then they have a talk afterwards and she tells him she knew she should give him up but couldn't, and wouldn't When it gets to the point that your husband brings the other woman (OW) to you home, you see "him hug on her" right in front of you, she tells you to your face that she has no intention to "give him up", and she says this to you with your husband's full support, your marriage is done. Doing the pick me dance at this point will be counter productive since all it will do is humiliate you, and make you foolish to your husband. Tell him that now that you see him for the heartless gutter trash that he really is, it makes perfect sense that he would be attracted to someone that is also heartless gutter trash. Also tell him that with half of everything, alimony, and long term child support for two children, you will do just fine in finding another man, that will have all of the advantages of children without having to pay for them. Wish him luck, ask him to cooperate in a speedy divorce, and tell him to move out. Tell him that you look forward to the day when you have someone else happily in your life, and he discovers that if she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you. Edited April 12, 2017 by Try 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 I can't tell you what to do. I know all too well the pain of betrayal and can only imagine the compounded emotions that being pregnant at the time would bring. What helped me the most during that time was a journal. What I can tell you is that my wife cheated and didn't stop until she had divorce papers served. Even then I realized even if she stopped now... what's to stop her from doing it again? So I'm suggesting that before you reach to bring him back to be father of the year that you consider even if you're successful. .. what's going to keep him honest this time around? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heav85 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 He had her over again today to "smoke" with and she had hickies on her neck... I was like you said you kissed her not sucked all over her ass... he smiled so that was it... I told him if he was going to be like this i couldn't do it anymore. I asked if he felt guilty and he said no and I asked her if she did and she wouldnt answer, just walked out the door... and I went to her car and calmly talked to her and she said she hated i was going through this but they had something they couldn't explain and she only cared about herself. I wanted to grab her by the head and slam her face into her steering wheel. So I told him again I loved him, and that if this lil thing didn't work out like they think I may not be here waiting on him. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 The most relevant statement that your husband made was the one in which he stated that you don't make him as happy as she does. You can not fix this. You are not her. You have been set up for failure. Even though it is painful to end the relationship now, it will be just as painful one, two, three....weeks from now. The end has already been put into play. You will never be "successful" to your husband in addressing what he perceives as your issues. You are not her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 He had her over again today to "smoke" with and she had hickies on her neck... I was like you said you kissed her not sucked all over her ass... he smiled so that was it... I told him if he was going to be like this i couldn't do it anymore. I asked if he felt guilty and he said no and I asked her if she did and she wouldnt answer, just walked out the door... and I went to her car and calmly talked to her and she said she hated i was going through this but they had something they couldn't explain and she only cared about herself. I wanted to grab her by the head and slam her face into her steering wheel. So I told him again I loved him, and that if this lil thing didn't work out like they think I may not be here waiting on him. He would be the one I wanted to hit. Get rid of his disrespectful behind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 OP He says they have a special connection that we do not have. and there you have it. They are having an EA if not a PA. He had her over again today to "smoke" with and she had hickies on her neck. He's cr@pped on you from a great height and now he's rubbing your nose in it - get a backbone and don't allow it ! Take legal advice and boot his sorry ar@e out of the door. I'm sorry x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Youre pregnant. And he's not even sorry. Kick his ass to the curb now. Get your child support squared away before he knocks her up too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SeenNotHeard Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 OP for your sake and your children show this disrespectful man the door. He is taking pleasure in hurting to you and rocking your world to its core, I have no words to describe someone who would subject their mate to such treatment. On top of this, you are pregnant with his offspring, wow.Truly this seems almost unbelievable, somehow he thinks his behaviour is acceptable meaning he has zero respect for you or her for that matter. IMO your hurt and anger belong squarely with him. I'm so sorry, but get out now or asap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 My goodness, I am so sorry you are going through this. But need to respect yourself, protect your child and finish with this waste of space once and for all He had her over again today to "smoke" with and she had hickies on her neck... I was like you said you kissed her not sucked all over her ass... he smiled so that was it... I told him if he was going to be like this i couldn't do it anymore. I asked if he felt guilty and he said no I'm sorry to say, he doesn't love you. He doesn't even care about you. You are pregnant. A time when you need love and support, not stress. This situation isn't good for you and isn't good for your unborn child. I wanted to grab her by the head and slam her face into her steering wheel. This isn't about her. She could be anyone. This is about your husband. It is your husbands responsibility to protect you and your marriage, not some other womans. He is allowing this to happen. Direct your anger where it belongs. So I told him again I loved him, and that if this lil thing didn't work out like they think I may not be here waiting on him. This is all wrong. Don't tell him you love him. He doesn't deserve your love. And amend your last sentence to "When this lil thing didn't work out lie they think, you will not be here waiting on him". This 90 day trial period for you is ridiculous. You don't need to prove you can change, he is the problem. He stepped out of the marriage and, worse, he's parading it in front of you. A marriage can only be fixed if both people IN the marriage are willing to work on it, together. You may not have been perfect and your marriage may not have been perfect but that is no excuse to cheat. This is what he is doing. Cheating with no remorse. See a lawyer. Throw him out. Start divorce proceedings yesterday. You need to protect you and your children. You need to keep yourself healthy and your stress to a minimum. That means removing him. Co-parent, of course, but do not allow this man to do what he is doing. I'm so sorry but you have to be strong now. The nerve of some people is shocking. My blood is boiling right now! Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 OP, you need to google 180 as it applies to divorce or separation. Read it until you completely understand the concept then follow it to the T. I'm sorry you are going through this, he's being a complete ass because he can get away with it. Google or search here for the 180 method and get started right away. I can't even imagine going through this pregnant. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 If you want any chance of getting him back (NOT that I recommend it) then you HAVE to kick him out and make him face some consequences for his actions. The fastest way to make him panic and realize what he's done is to have him served with divorce papers. You can always cancel the process later, but you NEED to do this. Make him leave, tell him you won't stand for this. You are letting him treat you like dirt. Even if he stays with you, he will continue to treat you like dirt unless you show him what you are worth. This is insane that you are putting up with this and it just makes it easier for him to do it again in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 A few things you need to know. People treat you how you let them. He who cares least has the most power in the relationship. This isn't a man worth being with. Link to post Share on other sites
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