Should I or should I not..?

[PristineTaz]

Before all of you start judging, here's the long story short..

 

I am married for 2 years now but it was only recently my husband started to change his shift to night. I admit I am a sexually active woman but sex is declining on our part. I spoke to my husband and he admits it is difficult to as we both have different working hours. So he and i had this agreement where I was allowed to sleep with another person, but i had to tell him who it was and vice versa.

 

But the problem is...I'm sleeping with his dad. I'm 25 and he is 55. And yes the sex was amazing. I did not, of course, tell my husband. Honestly, I felt horrible but at the same time, the sex was satisfying, if not great.

 

I love my husband and I had a crush on his dad previously. Now the crush was turned into something like love and I love both men.

 

Judges aside, should I continue this..?

[Lovetoo]

I'd say you shouldn't continue this...

 

If/when he finds out his relationship with his father could be ruined for life. He'd likely never be able to trust anyone. Any woman, any family member, anyone period.

 

This could break him. All the way. Stop. Never do it again. Let dad know it can and will never happen again.

[PristineTaz]

Its true that I should stop but he is already sleeping with his co-worker just for the sex part. Shouldn't I do the same as well?

[somanymistakes]

So you had an arrangement that would allow you to sleep with someone else as long as you followed rules... and you went straight for the one person that you knew would be the most disastrous to your relationship, the one person with whom you couldn't follow even those rules?

 

Regardless of any issue with the morals of sleeping with a father and son, this sounds like subconsciously you may have motives you haven't examined.

[bubbaganoosh]

Look. You might be horny as hell but that shouldn't have anything to do with your brain or you ability to know right from wrong.

 

Honestly I can't believe that you would stoop that low to get laid by doing something so stupid as sleeping with his dad.

 

If you love your husband then I would hate like hell to see how you would be if you hated him.

 

I'm sorry if this is so blunt but you are really low class. Your husband gave you permission to have a open marriage but I'm sure he never meant that included his own father and I use that term loosely because he isn't much of a father or a man either.

[aileD]

I'd just pack your bags and disappear out of both their lives. That is the kindest thing you can do.

 

You don't mess with family. You just ruined a father son relationship.

 

Seriously. Just walk away from them both and don't say why

[Bufo]

This tale, if true, has all the elements of an Ancient Greek tragedy.

 

I don't remember all the details from my schooling long ago, but I do remember that things always ended badly. Hence the word "tragedy".

 

Just count up the number of people who will be devastated. H, MIL, SILs, kids, your sibs, and possibly more. There are countless men who'd volunteer to be your OM. Of all of these candidates, why pick him?

 

The only winners here are divorce lawyers and psychologists who don't even know you yet. But someday they will.

[harrybrown]

What were you thinking?

 

I guess you were definitely not thinking.

 

Tell him before Dad lets it slip. And go ahead and prepare the D papers for your H.

 

there is no coming back from this. Time to blow it all up already happened.

 

you did read about the case where the son discovered the Dad with his wife?

 

what a horrible mess. I wish you were pulling our legs.

[William]

Moderation received a report on this thread, checked things out and will remind members of our guidelines of discussion and that LoveShack.org is an international site and cultures vary widely around the world. Thanks for reading and please continue!

[QuietDan]

This isn't going to end well. I am surprised dear ol Dad isn't wiser than this. Actually, if husband is cheating with Coworker.... This is something you might see on a Jerry Springer show.

The real problem here is that , if the father and son had any type of a traditionl relationship, this will probably damage or destroy it for the rest of their lives.

[PristineTaz]

I wish I wasn't pulling on you guys leg but yeah it's the truth. We have an open relationship and this is something I very much don't wanna confess but it feels better to do it in writing.

I know it is wrong but both of us felt good about it. I don't know about his dad but if we can keep things slow and low, I mean why not right?

[Lovetoo]

Please please please stop.

 

This is severely damaging. If your H ever finds this out this could send him way over.

 

It is NOT worth it. A few moments of passion, lust and desire. It's NOT worth it.

 

I tend to agree with Ailie, pack and leave and never reveal why ESPECIALLY if you feel you can't control yourself. If you feel you can't stop. You must stop.

 

Do you want to severely damage this man? Have him never speak to his family? Have him want to hurt someone or himself?

[sandylee1]

You have gone against the agreement of telling each other first and who it was.

 

Would it be acceptable if he was having sex with your mother?

 

Have you thought you might get pregnant and the child would be your husband's half brother, with his wife as the mother.

 

Of all the other men on the planet, why your father in law?

 

This is one time I'd say you would be better of sleeping with any other married man.

[d0nnivain]

Get a divorce. Being horny is no reason to break the traditional martial vows & it's really no reason to do what you are doing. Lying to your husband, breaking the agreement you had & to add insult to injury doing it with his father. Nice dad by the way.

 

 

When you & your husband split please make sure he has enough money to afford all the therapy he's going to need to recover from this dual betrayal.

[BaileyB]

I'd say, this is as a big a betrayal of your husband as you can get... I'm not sure how he could forgive you for your incredibly poor judgment and it will forever change their relationship.

 

There is no going back from this... You may have had an arrangement but there are some people who would be off-limits. You had to know this would not end well for you...

[BaileyB]

I know it is wrong but both of us felt good about it. I don't know about his dad but if we can keep things slow and low, I mean why not right?

 

Lots of things feel good but when you know that it's wrong, you don't do it! Most people learn this lesson by about age 5.

 

But hey, if you want to continue, why not, right? Do whatever you want to do, it matters not to us.

[AlwaysGrowing]

It is unfortunate that the solution to the first conflict in your young marriage was to open it up. It is unfortunate that when rules were put in place that the rule of transparency was immediately broken.

 

Looking at why you chose to have a sexual relationship with a person who you had a crush on would be wise. You might have to ask hard questions of yourself....was your FIL already short listed for the role when you asked about sleeping with others. Why did you not chose someone who had zero connections with the family? Why did you not chose a single person...who knew the arrangement?

 

Have you thought about the families as a whole and individually? Your MIL? Any BIL, SIL? Your father..mother...siblings? How do you think this will impact family couples? Do you think that the women of the families will now want to limit their involvement with you? Do you think that their perception-reaction would be valid from their perspective?

 

If both of you are sleeping with people who have a role (FIL,Coworker) in your lives....how likely is it going to become very messy to disengage or discovery by either of you, other family members, or workplace?

 

Push the pause button on this....have full transparency discussions with your husband....reconsider the ramifications of this life choice....brain storm to find suitable solutions.

[FoundLove]

This is just so wrong...

[carhill]

I wish I wasn't pulling on you guys leg but yeah it's the truth. We have an open relationship and this is something I very much don't wanna confess but it feels better to do it in writing.

Remaining in the status quo, or not, is a choice. Confessing, or not, is a choice. Things aren't necessarily linear. You can end the sexual association with the father and not confess, or you can continue it and confess, or etc, etc. You decide.

I know it is wrong but both of us felt good about it. I don't know about his dad but if we can keep things slow and low, I mean why not right?

 

Step outside for a moment. Your mother confides in you that she feels good about having a sexual affair with your grandfather and thinks if they keep it slow and low, it'll be OK. Your perspective on that? Encourage? Criticize? etc, etc. Take that in and move forward.

[Furious]

Before all of you start judging, here's the long story short..

 

I am married for 2 years now but it was only recently my husband started to change his shift to night. I admit I am a sexually active woman but sex is declining on our part. I spoke to my husband and he admits it is difficult to as we both have different working hours. So he and i had this agreement where I was allowed to sleep with another person, but i had to tell him who it was and vice versa.

 

But the problem is...I'm sleeping with his dad. I'm 25 and he is 55. And yes the sex was amazing. I did not, of course, tell my husband. Honestly, I felt horrible but at the same time, the sex was satisfying, if not great.

 

I love my husband and I had a crush on his dad previously. Now the crush was turned into something like love and I love both men.

 

Judges aside, should I continue this..?

 

 

Gently....this whole situation seems utterly dysfunctional. Your 55 year old father in law is despicable. He's not a good father or good father in law. I feel sorry for you and your husband.

[aliveagain]

Your husband will never recover from this, your marriage will end. I don't think he needed to tell you that his father and or siblings were never to be included in your agreement that's just a given. Quickest way to destroy your husbands love for you is to bang his father. Imaging have a new brother born to him by his wife, should go over well. Does that mean your mother and sister are available to your husband, just a question?

Edited April 4, 2017 by aliveagain

[smi11ie]

That's a pretty nasty thing to do to someone. You better run for cover if he finds out. That's a total crazy maker! You are supposed to take care of him but this is the opposite. You are going to destroy this guys life. Have some compassion and run away.

[BaileyB]

I don't think he needed to tell you that his father and or siblings were never to be included in your agreement that's just a given.

 

Absolutely.

 

And what you have now isn't really an open relationship, because your husband doesn't know and hasn't consented to the relationship. You are having an affair with your husband's father.

 

The fact that he would have sex with his sons wife speaks to his character. The fact that you would betray your husband and have an affair with his father, speaks to your character.

 

Good luck to you.

[smi11ie]

That's a pretty nasty thing to do to someone. You better run for cover if he finds out, it's a total crazy maker! You are supposed to take care of him but this is the opposite. You are going to destroy this guys life. Have some compassion and run away.

 

If you decide to tell him I would inform the police first. I honestly do not know how I would react if I found out that about my wife, but there is a good chance I would do something crazy.

 

At the very least I doubt he will want anything to do with you after he finds out. He will probably want revenge.

Edited April 4, 2017 by smi11ie

[Bufo]

Ziggy took it all too far .....

 

You realize you had the whole world to choose from but chose one of the very few whose "involvement" with you is certain to destroy your H.

 

The usual recommendation here is for the WS to confess to BS and provide as many details as the BS wants to hear or read in a timeline. I don think that advice applies here. Just get a divorce and end the misery.

 

I hope you don't think he'll never find out.