Why is my ex not reading Whatsapp Group Chat? [UPDATE Fell in love with my other man]

[salmonandramen]

Hi everyone,

 

It has been almost 3 months since my ex dumped me. We were together for a very short term, only 2 months. But it was the best 2 months in my life. He made me feel alive, happy, and the luckiest girl in the world. That is why it was s hard to come to terms with him dumping me. His reason for dumping me was after I ignored him for one day. And that was it. No closure.

 

Ever since, we did meet up in groups of friends. He never initiate any texts to me, and I was the one who apologized to him and requested to remain friends. But every time we hang out with friends, he will text me and ask me if I am back home safely, and we will continue to text for a day in which the text will gradually die off when he becomes unresponsive. When we do not meet, he will not text me and sometimes reply me with short answers. To cut the long story short, he gave me mixed signals by being cordial on texts but when we do meet up, he will text me to ensure I am home safely, even asking me out for a movie before and asking to hang out together the next day. There was once he even said that the reason why he attend friends outing was because of me. He also still used my cultery and ate my left overs like he always used to do.

 

I kind of felt he still has feelings for me but it kind of stopped suddenly in the past 3 weeks. I think he has met someone else. He rejected me when I asked him to meet up one day. I was angry because he took 4.5 hours to reply my text despite him being 'online', such that I did not even bother to blue tick his msg and archived it.

 

Since then, he has disappeared from our whatsapp group chats, in a sense that he does not even read them. I am not sure if he is doing this on purpose because he is someone who is revengeful (scorpio man!), just because I ignored him. But as the group will be meeting up again soon, a friend PM him and he said he will attend, but yet he refuse to read the chats! Whats up with that? I know that he is not close to this group of friends and he once told me that he only joins because of me and this other friend. So why is he still coming for it?

 

It has been 3 weeks since we last contacted, almost a month since we met. He will not contact me I am sure of that and I have decided that I will not contact him till the day we meet. I know he is someone who gets emotionally attached. I find it hard to understand him.

 

Anyone out there who ever faced such a situation before? Any takes in this? Please help! I cannot seem to let him go and find him hard to read. He is a person who is hard to please and can be cold.

[PegNosePete]

Why do you care whether or not he reads your Whatsapp chats or not???

 

He is your EX. What he does is his own business. If he wants to eat 3 whole cheesecakes every day for lunch, then that is totally up to him. If he wants to go skydiving naked then that is totally up to him. And if he wants to read or not read Whatsapp, it is totally up to him.

 

He is your EX and he dumped you. You need to stop worrying about HIM and start doing what is best for YOU. The way to move on is to IGNORE him.

[allybaba789]

His reason for dumping me was after I ignored him for one day. And that was it. No closure.

 

.

 

As a generalization, Scorpio's do hold grudges. Why did you ignore him for a day?

 

I think your expectations of him aren't fair given that you did something that clearly upset him enough to leave you and now you expect for him to be somewhat around for you. Unfortunately after you break up, you don't have a right to keep tabs on him

[stillafool]

This guy is over it and has moved on. He throws you breadcrumbs but he is no longer interested. I've dated Scorpios and when they want you they go for it.

[ExpatInItaly]

I sometimes ignore or mute group chats when the conversation is boring or rambles on about nothing.

 

That said, it could be that he's just not interested in communicating with you but doesn't want to leave the chat altogether.

 

As another posted asked, why did you ignore him for a day?

[marky00]

I think your expectations of him aren't fair given that you did something that clearly upset him enough to leave you and now you expect for him to be somewhat around for you. Unfortunately after you break up, you don't have a right to keep tabs on him

 

 

Are u serious lol?

 

 

She ignored him for 1 DAY. whoopee do da.

 

 

OP, never blame yourself for ignoring this douchebag for 1 day. How childish that he used that as his excuse.

 

 

He was gas lighting. In other words, he already had a foot out the door and found something he could use as an excuse. He must have had half his body out the door because that is the weakest/lamest excuse I have heard for a breakup.

[allybaba789]

Are u serious lol?

 

 

She ignored him for 1 DAY. whoopee do da.

 

 

OP, never blame yourself for ignoring this douchebag for 1 day. How childish that he used that as his excuse.

 

 

He was gas lighting. In other words, he already had a foot out the door and found something he could use as an excuse. He must have had half his body out the door because that is the weakest/lamest excuse I have heard for a breakup.

 

Please tell me a good reason to blatently ignore someone for a whole day in the early stages of a relationship? It's indicative of abnormal behaviour and looks like he just wanted out.

 

She didn't say they just didn't speak (obviously not speaking for a day would e fine), the word 'ignored' indicates purposeful behaviour.

 

Think you need to look up the definition of gaslighting. This isn't it.

 

Regardless on whether we agree on the above, he doesn't owe it to her to be present in a group chat

[PegNosePete]

Please tell me a good reason to blatently ignore someone for a whole day in the early stages of a relationship?

If you're "in the early stages of a relationship" then I would say daily contact is abnormal!

 

Reasons not to contact for a whole day?

- You had to take your cat to the vet.

- Your car broke down

- You had a migraine

- You're helping your friend move house

 

Etc

Etc.

[marky00]

Please tell me a good reason to blatently ignore someone for a whole day in the early stages of a relationship?

 

how about we start with"

 

 

because he didn't give a flying f***k

 

 

if someone bails because u ignored them for 1 day, you know all u need to know.

[preraph]

He stopped because you're on there and you two are no longer together.

[allybaba789]

If you're "in the early stages of a relationship" then I would say daily contact is abnormal!

 

Reasons not to contact for a whole day?

- You had to take your cat to the vet.

- Your car broke down

- You had a migraine

- You're helping your friend move house

 

Etc

Etc.

 

We aren't talking about reasons why you may not make contact for a day. Of course its normal to not speak for a day early on. What is not normal is the act of 'ignoring'.

 

I don't think people are understanding the difference. If someone ignores someone it means the other person has reached out and the other is blatently ignoring. There's always 10 seconds for a quick message response.

 

Early on in a relationship I will not talk to someone for a day but if I message them 'what are you up to tonight' and I get blatently ignored I would not be happy. Takes 10 seconds to say I'm busy. This is the kind of situation I envisaged when reading OPs post, or maybe they had even had a little argument and and she blatently ignored him trying to reconcile, I don't know. Either way, I'm of the beief that you should never blatently ignore people, its weird controlling behaviour and anyone who knows about abusive relationships knows this

Edited March 14, 2017 by allybaba789

[marky00]

The poor baby didn't have the OP doting on him as required.

 

 

And now he is going to ignore the OP for a life time.

 

 

If you think that's because he was pissed for being ignored for a day, your barking up the wrong tree.

 

 

He wasn't invested at all. You have to read between the lines.

[salmonandramen]

Thanks for your inputs everyone.

 

I ignored him for a day because I found out he lied to me about staying out late on a weekday. He said he returned home at 1am but I found out he actually stayed out till 4am. I was rather angry but did not tell him about it as I wanted to talk to him face to face instead, but it was too late.

 

I know he mutes the group chat but his name was tagged and he would have receive an alert, but he still decides not to read it. Yet he agreed through a friend, that he will turn up for the meetup, despite not reading the chat still. I may be overthinking but I think he is doing it on purpose. I have not initiated any text to him for almost 3 weeks. Perhaps he is doing this so that I would msg him? It just does not make sense to me! Guys don't make sense to me some times. The other side of the coin would be that he do not care at all, finds the chats annoying. But then why go to the extend to not read all the group chats that I am in? It does sound like a game / revenge to me.

 

I realised guys have a tendency to be 'out of sight, out of mind'. Perhaps when he sees me, he feels something thus showing me care, but after a day or two, that feeling subsides and he is back to not showing any care anymore.

[salmonandramen]

The poor baby didn't have the OP doting on him as required.

 

 

And now he is going to ignore the OP for a life time.

 

 

If you think that's because he was pissed for being ignored for a day, your barking up the wrong tree.

 

 

He wasn't invested at all. You have to read between the lines.

 

I agree. It is such a lame excuse to break up with someone but he was really really angry with me after that, because when he ignored me, I became clingy and kept calling him and texting him to meet me. I think that was the trigger of the breakup.

[allybaba789]

I ignored him for a day because I found out he lied to me about staying out late on a weekday. He said he returned home at 1am but I found out he actually stayed out till 4am. I was rather angry but did not tell him about it as I wanted to talk to him face to face instead, but it was too late.

 

Some people respond very badly to being blatently ignored. I know I am one of them. I think it's always better to communicate and ask why he felt the need to lie etc. His lying is a red flag anyway and it should have been dealt with on your side. As other people have said, I doubt that was the main reason for the break up.

 

I realised guys have a tendency to be 'out of sight, out of mind'. Perhaps when he sees me, he feels something thus showing me care, but after a day or two, that feeling subsides and he is back to not showing any care anymore.

 

I think you are over thinking this - it was a 2 month relationship and many men see this as the early 'dating' phase. You say he gets 'emotionally attached' but I don't see any evidence of that at all.

 

If the contact is upsetting you, you need to stop being around him and texting him back. It's hard when you have mutual friends so you may just need to cut the private contact if you can't avoid him out and about

Edited March 15, 2017 by allybaba789

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you need to stop stressing over this, OP.

 

You had a short relationship. You have had no contact for 3 weeks and he doesn't appear to be interested in communicating now, either.

 

This reduced contact will hopefully help you move on. It seems that he already has.

[stillafool]

I agree. If he doesn't care enough to reach out after 3 weeks he has moved on and so should you.

[salmonandramen]

I was with my ex for a short 2 months, after which he dumped me. He wanted more out of our relationship which I could not give him and I think he probably realised it after a month and slowly let me go, and finally dumped me after that.

 

There was no closure for me, he did not tell me the real reason for dumping me and I have come to terms that he no longer have any feelings for me.

 

However, what I do not understand is why he does not keep in touch. We did hang out a few times with friends, but as of late, he has disappeared.I did reach out to him to hang, in which he said he had something on. He also did not reply to a groupchat of 4, in which I initiated a meet up (just 2 days ago). It seems that he does not even want to maintain this friendship with me.

 

I'm puzzled. Even if he has more interesting things going on in his life, we did not part on bad terms. So I do not understand why does he not want to continue a friendship? Why does he not initiate anything?

 

Could it be that he thinks I still likes him? If that is the case, are guys just colder and meaner in shaking things off and ensuring their ex will not be led on?

 

And, how much time should I give him and reach out to him again? I admit I do miss his company alot and I do want us to continue to be friends. The last time I asked him out was a month back in which he rejected and I am tempted to ask him out again, but I am afraid of being rejected again.

[Dandannydandan]

Simple answer.

 

When you eventually get another partner, he will not want to see you with them or know about your life with them. It will be likely he would still have some kind of feelings for you and does not want to see you hugging, kissing or being with anyone else.

 

Very rarely does any relationship (however long) work as a friendship afterwards for this reason, one person generally has stronger feelings than the other.

[Blanco]

If he was interested in a relationship, friendship probably seems like a consolation prize.

 

For me, I'm not friends with most exes because I either just don't have any interest or I think the cons outweigh the good. I intended to stay friends with my last girlfriend, but she moved on to another relationship very quickly and I was just not comfortable with it. It's been a long time and I'm over the relationship aspect but frankly, I just don't see a point in being her "friend." She doesn't really have friends; she has whoever she's dating. So I know it would be a hollow, artificial friendship and honestly, I don't find that enticing especially with the potential boundary issues since she is still dating someone.

[Altair0770]

Drama really.

 

Once you reach a certain point with some people, being a simple friend isn't possible. I don't think it's based on gender either.

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe he is seeing someone else now.

 

I'm not a man, but I also don't really maintain friendships with exes. To me, there's no point when we've both moved on and in different directions.

[basil67]

Simple answer.

 

When you eventually get another partner, he will not want to see you with them or know about your life with them. It will be likely he would still have some kind of feelings for you and does not want to see you hugging, kissing or being with anyone else.

 

Very rarely does any relationship (however long) work as a friendship afterwards for this reason, one person generally has stronger feelings than the other.

 

And new partners of both of you will not want an ex hanging around.

[basil67]

I was with my ex for a short 2 months, after which he dumped me. He wanted more out of our relationship which I could not give him and I think he probably realised it after a month and slowly let me go, and finally dumped me after that.

 

There was no closure for me, he did not tell me the real reason for dumping me and I have come to terms that he no longer have any feelings for me.

 

You knew he wanted more than you could give him - you have your reason right there.

[salmonandramen]

To be honest, I don't think it is because he does not want to hear if I have moved on, and he knows I have not. Based on any form of communication we ever had after breaking up, he does not seem like he bothers much about what is going on with me.

 

I'm just puzzled why he does not want to hang out as friends when he was the one who dumped me, and from his no contact/initiations on his part, I would say he has no feelings for me at all. He is also actively looking for a new partner now and I know he has been going out often. He is still single.

 

So with him being the dumper, having no feelings for me anymore, why does he still reject hanging out? We are on friendly terms, he is still single.

 

Will guys really not contact just because they think their ex is still hang up on them, and they do not want to lead their ex on? Are they really so considerate? I am doubting that. We dated for such a short period of time (2mths) that hanging out as friends should be fine, isn't it? I just don't understand why exes cannot be friends when we only dated for such a short time, had fun hanging out in the past!