what do you think happened?

[mrsadguy]

Hello,I would like peoples opinion on this matter.I was working out of town for a few months.returned home and my wife seemed different somehow.Then i found some texts between her and another guy.He had sent photos of his c**k and she was praising them.They were flirting and talking dirty to each other.He propositioned her.She had said if she was single she would.I saw her phone records and saw that there was alot of texting going on with someone for long periods of time.I also found some dating apps on her facebook account.

 

I confronted her about the texts and she said it was her and her friend(who has slept with this guy).She said the texts were done by her friend and not her.I asked about the dating apps and she said they just downloaded on their own(yeah right).

I confronted the guy and he denied knowing my wife at first,then changed the story saying my wife and friend were the protaganists.i know who this guy is and hes a womanizer.I also know that there was an attraction between them previously.

 

I confronted my wife again and she kinda freaked out on me and took a panic attack.When we argue about this she tries to deflect the subject by fighting about other things with me.From that point on she flat out refuses to disscuss the subject about what happened and cannot take responsibilty for any of this.and the storyline about what happened has changed a few times.

 

Many months later I brought it all up again,and once again she tred to blame it all on her friend.I persisted and said no,it wasnt your friend,it was all you who was texting with him.She went silent and kind of internalized,almost cried.She hasnt admitted to it,but indirectly acknowledges that I know the texts was her.

 

I am upset,angry and hurt immensely by all this.I trusted her 100% prior to this and thought she was a good woman and love her very much.I was happy with my relationship with her very much and thought she was.the whole time I was away working she told me she loved me and missed me very much.I am confused and untrusting of her because of all this and it still affects my side of our relationship.And I also learned from this is she has no problem lying to me and sneaking around behind my back and not taking responsibility for her actions.

 

My question is:do you think anything sexual did happen between them and what do you suggest how I should move forward with this relationship?

Edited April 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[Marc878]

Its an emotional affair at least and if he's close and they were in contact close to 100% it was a physical affair. Where does he live?

 

She's blame sifting you to cover. This is and was not in any way your fault.

 

If she's fooling around with a lowlife like that what does that make her?

 

She's also a proven liar and you cant believe or trust anything.

 

I hope you don't have kids yet.

 

Most betrayed spouses want to believe the lies because the truth is hard to bare.

 

It's called denial

[harrybrown]

yes something happened.

 

So file for D and tell your wife that she can take a polygraph test.

 

Tell her to prove to you that she has not had an A with him.

 

She has to prove she did not.

 

You do not have to prove she did.

 

You can call off the D if she changes, but she is still hiding things from you.

 

go see your attorney.

[Marc878]

You love who you thought she was well guess what? Take a hard look.

 

If you haven't been married long and no kids it's easier now that it will be later.

[QuietDan]

Hello,I would like peoples opinion on this matter.I was working out of town for a few months.returned home and my wife seemed different somehow.Then i found some texts between her and another guy.He had sent photos of his c**k and she was praising them.They were flirting and talking dirty to each other.He propositioned her.She had said if she was single she would.I saw her phone records and saw that there was alot of texting going on with someone for long periods of time.I also found some dating apps on her facebook account.

I confronted her about the texts and she said it was her and her friend(who has slept with this guy).She said the texts were done by her friend and not her.I asked about the dating apps and she said they just downloaded on their own(yeah right).

I confronted the guy and he denied knowing my wife at first,then changed the story saying my wife and friend were the protaganists.i know who this guy is and hes a womanizer.I also know that there was an attraction between them previously.

I confronted my wife again and she kinda freaked out on me and took a panic attack.When we argue about this she tries to deflect the subject by fighting about other things with me.From that point on she flat out refuses to disscuss the subject about what happened and cannot take responsibilty for any of this.and the storyline about what happened has changed a few times.

Many months later I brought it all up again,and once again she tred to blame it all on her friend.I persisted and said no,it wasnt your friend,it was all you who was texting with him.She went silent and kind of internalized,almost cried.She hasnt admitted to it,but indirectly acknowledges that I know the texts was her.

I am upset,angry and hurt immensely by all this.I trusted her 100% prior to this and thought she was a good woman and love her very much.I was happy with my relationship with her very much and thought she was.the whole time I was away working she told me she loved me and missed me very much.I am confused and untrusting of her because of all this and it still affects my side of our relationship.And I also learned from this is she has no problem lying to me and sneaking around behind my back and not taking responsibility for her actions.

My question is:do you think anything sexual did happen between them and what do you suggest how I should move forward with this relationship?

Yah... she had sex with him... She told you she did.

Remember....although you probable initially meant to type that she said her friend was the one who was doing all of the texting and stuff.. She than volunteered to tell you her friend had sex with the guy as well...

Everything points to your wife having sex with him...

Actually, all of actions and reactions....

After having seen a lot of these type of stories...

Very high probability.

At this point, this is probable just the tip of the iceberg.

Learn about 180.

You are in for a long hard painful road.

If you are interested in trying to recovering your relationship with your wife, she is going to have to get to the point where she takes ownership of her stuff.

You can't play nice to wake her up from foggy existence of messed up thinking delusions, she will probable really regret this and won't be able to believe how messed up she was.

But for now... you are at the start of 2 to 5 years of a very challenging and soul searching existence.

[oldshirt]

So far she is following the script from the Cheater's Handbook line for line.

 

Look up the following terms and you will see it all being waved in your face like a line of bright red flags.

 

It's time you learned a new vocabulary -

 

#1. DARVO - Deny. Attack. Reverse victim and offender. she is doing that big time.

 

#2. Rugsweep. "Oh sure there was some txts and stuff, but it was other people and they are "Just Friends"

 

Which leads to #3. "Just Friends" that is the oldest line in the Cheater's Handbook.

 

#4. Trickle Truth. Admitting to just enough to make it seem like you know the truth but it is only the very tip of the iceberg and you find out more and more as time goes on.

 

She is basically following every tactic in the book.

[oldshirt]

If you want to find out the truth, you will have to stop asking her. She will just say no and will go deeper underground.

 

You'll have to actually investigate yourself or hire a PI.

 

If you plant a voice activated recorder and a GPS logger in her car and any where else she has private conversations, you'll have your answer shortly.

 

If you put keylogger software on her computers and can hack into any email or social media accounts you don't know about, you may get an eyeful as well.

 

Stop confronting her because all you are doing is warning her and making her cover her tracks better.

 

Don't ask. Investigate.

[oldshirt]

And finally, is it really that important that you get her to confess?

 

Don't you already know the answer deep down here?

 

She knows what she has done/is doing. Is it really her that you need to convince or is it yourself?

 

If you do a sincere investigation, you will find your answers and you will not need a confession.

[Simple Logic]

Hello,I would like peoples opinion on this matter.I was working out of town for a few months.returned home and my wife seemed different somehow.Then i found some texts between her and another guy.He had sent photos of his c**k and she was praising them.They were flirting and talking dirty to each other.He propositioned her.She had said if she was single she would.I saw her phone records and saw that there was alot of texting going on with someone for long periods of time.I also found some dating apps on her facebook account.

I confronted her about the texts and she said it was her and her friend(who has slept with this guy).She said the texts were done by her friend and not her.I asked about the dating apps and she said they just downloaded on their own(yeah right).

I confronted the guy and he denied knowing my wife at first,then changed the story saying my wife and friend were the protaganists.i know who this guy is and hes a womanizer.I also know that there was an attraction between them previously.

I confronted my wife again and she kinda freaked out on me and took a panic attack.When we argue about this she tries to deflect the subject by fighting about other things with me.From that point on she flat out refuses to disscuss the subject about what happened and cannot take responsibilty for any of this.and the storyline about what happened has changed a few times.

Many months later I brought it all up again,and once again she tred to blame it all on her friend.I persisted and said no,it wasnt your friend,it was all you who was texting with him.She went silent and kind of internalized,almost cried.She hasnt admitted to it,but indirectly acknowledges that I know the texts was her.

I am upset,angry and hurt immensely by all this.I trusted her 100% prior to this and thought she was a good woman and love her very much.I was happy with my relationship with her very much and thought she was.the whole time I was away working she told me she loved me and missed me very much.I am confused and untrusting of her because of all this and it still affects my side of our relationship.And I also learned from this is she has no problem lying to me and sneaking around behind my back and not taking responsibility for her actions.

My question is:do you think anything sexual did happen between them and what do you suggest how I should move forward with this relationship?

 

Based on what you have posted, I do not believe the had sex. BUT, if you had not discovered this, they would have. And I would not trust her if you work out of town again. I would not be married to someone I could not trust.

[WilyWill]

Your wife is a manipulative liar. Do not let her manipulate you into avoiding the topic with pretend hyperventilating. Tell her either she talks about it now with you, or she can hyperventilate in front of an attorney tomorrow. The latter is more stressful than the former.

 

Get your own ducks in a row. Go see an attorney so that you understand your rights in the event of a divorce. She's hiding a lot more than what you've discovered so far.

[smi11ie]

You should try and gather more evidence. Is your wifes female texting friend married? Can you get a copy of the texts and ask her or better still ask her husband?

 

Try not to warn her when you are taking action.

Edited March 29, 2017 by smi11ie

[GoldenR]

If they live where they could meet up, they had sex. I'm sorry, but it's true.

 

If you want her to confess, file. Tell get that you'll stop it once you have the truth.

[aliveagain]

In any emotional affair it's only a matter of time and sex will happen regardless of the distance between them. They always progress in the same way, email/text to skype/phone calls then physical meet ups. Men are in and out quicker because they are mainly about the sex. Women take a lot more time to decide on an affair, they are more about an emotional attachment and give sex in order to get emotional attachment. They know what they have to loose before they start an affair.

 

If her friend is married you already know she is cheating and may be willing to give you information on your wife to protect her marriage. Sounds like they were both cheating to me. Assume the worst has happened and hope for the best. Time to put a VAR in her car, Velcro it under a front seat. Get one with a long battery that doesn't make any sound when it turns on. You can black out the little light that turns on when it activates with electrical tape.

 

Decide what it is you want then act. You already have enough to divorce her if you want divorce. You should talk to a lawyer so you know your rights. Why would her friend use her account/cell phone to communicate with the other man?

[somanymistakes]

In any emotional affair it's only a matter of time and sex will happen regardless of the distance between them. They always progress in the same way, email/text to skype/phone calls then physical meet ups.

 

Not true, we see posts from WSes and OM/OW about EAs that never went physical despite having the opportunity.

 

However, this particular case looks suspicious for the reason that QuietDan mentioned - she keeps trying to pin everything on "the friend", including the friend having sex with the guy.

 

There doesn't even seem to be much sign of anything 'emotional' here - it sounds more like she was into this guy for sexual reasons from the start. At the very least they had phone sex and got each other off. Exactly how much she did, right now only they know.

[mikeylo]

There aren't any emotions or feelings here. It's all about sex.

[BluesPower]

Yes she absolutely has and probably is still cheating on you, no doubt.

 

Listen to OldShirt and the other posters. She has been lying from the beginning. It is all part of the standard script.

 

You either: 1) Live with it until she leaves you, 2) Divorce her, or 3) start the detective work an hire a PI.

 

But if you are wondering if she did? Well don't. The only real question is how many different guys has she slept with, if that matters to you???

[Try]

Then i found some texts between her and another guy.He had sent photos of his c**k and she was praising them.They were flirting and talking dirty to each other.He propositioned her.She had said if she was single she would.I saw her phone records and saw that there was alot of texting going on with someone for long periods of time.I also found some dating apps on her facebook account.

I confronted her about the texts and she said it was her and her friend(who has slept with this guy).She said the texts were done by her friend and not her.

Since your wife'd friend has already slept with the other man (OM), there would be no need for the OM to be propositioning her, and your wife's friend would not be saying that "if she was single she would" if she already had; thus your wife must have been the one texting the OM. It would be doubly true that it was your wife and not your wife's friend texting if your wife's friend is single and not married.

 

I confronted the guy and he denied knowing my wife at first,then changed the story saying my wife and friend were the protaganists.i know who this guy is and hes a womanizer.I also know that there was an attraction between them previously.

Even the womanizing OM says that your "wife and friend were" the protagonists that were pursing things, thus the OM confirmed your wife was at the very least texting him.

 

From that point on she flat out refuses to disscuss the subject about what happened and cannot take responsibilty for any of this.and the storyline about what happened has changed a few times.

An innocent spouse would want to discuss it with you in order to get it resolved.

 

You have been rug sweeping and sticking your head in the sand, in order to avoid your wife's anger over you calling her out on her cheating. She has you believing that you need her acknowledgement that she cheated for you to take action, and that facts and logic do not matter. If you act like a doormat, you should not be surprised that she walks all over you. No children and a short marriage make this an easy call. The facts fully support that she is an un-remorseful liar and a cheat. Why do you feel that you need her consent to take action by divorcing her?

[spanz1]

i wold not call this rug sweeping. it sounds more like a bad case of Gaslighting. She is twisting it all around, and when you come back to the topic after months, she just gives you another dose of gaslighting.

[Darien 76]

Mr. Sad Guy,

 

I know I shouldn't laugh because this is a serious situation, but the dating apps that just "downloaded on their own"? Really? LOL I can't even stop laughing bc it's such rubbish. I'd file for divorce promptly if I was in your situation. Don't waste time on a loser like her. She has no respect for fidelity and you don't need that. You're seriously going to stay married to someone "praising someone else's cock"? Um, please kick this a-hole to the curb. Also, I've been cheated on, so I know how awful you feel and my thoughts are with you... You didn't deserve this.

[mightycpa]

I'm just shaking my head. You've been tortured over this for months, and you're looking for every excuse to avoid the truth. It really doesn't matter if she's had sex, or maybe was just entertaining herself by teasing men while you were gone. Your c*ck praising wife is way out of bounds, not the least bit remorseful and has no empathy for how you might feel about it. If she's not knee deep in it right now, she will be again sooner or later.

 

That's a horrible life partner to have, because you need to be able to trust your life partner, not only with the easy things, but with the difficult things. You can't even get a straight story out of her about this difficult subject.

 

What she needs right now is a husband who is willing, even anxious to divorce her. Be that guy and see how she responds. Sure, it's going to hurt, but look at it this way - you're hurting already. What's the difference?

[Try]

I know I shouldn't laugh because this is a serious situation, but the dating apps that just "downloaded on their own"? Really? LOL I can't even stop laughing bc it's such rubbish.

You're seriously going to stay married to someone "praising someone else's cock"?

Almost as funny as her telling the OP that the dating apps "downloaded on their own", is her telling the OP that it was her friend using her phone that was praising the photo of the other man's penis; never mind that this does not explain why she kept the photo of the other man's penis on her phone. Apparently in the world gaslight facts and logic do not apply to her.

[Darien 76]

Lying is a deal breaker for me. I was in a relationship where my boyfriend cheated and lied to me. He was a really good liar too but the entire relationship became about me investigating everything he said/did. It was awful and I although I felt sadness when it ended, I realized afterward I was better off. There is no point being with a liar because it's hurtful and toxic. Been there and never will I allow that again. I stayed too long even though the smart thing was to leave earlier on. I learned my lesson the hard way, but at least I learned it.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I have'nt seen Mrsadguy around and folks on here may as well be talking to a ghost for all the effect this is having on the OP. I just don't get it. Why do people make a long winded and emotional post if they are not open to continuing a conversation. Are they serious or is it some kind of joke they play on the people here who want to help others with advice and opinions? I wonder what others think of this.

[road]

He decided to rug sweep or decided to divorce so posting

here is no longer needed his mind is made up.

[mrsadguy]

Hi Y'all..all comments are appreciated!Just wanted to see what the comments would be posted.I am hurt and tormented by her actions.This event has changed me.I was honest and trusting of her completely and thought she was happy.She has been treated very well in this relationship.Now I find myself untrusting of her,always keeping tabs on her and social media.I always think she is doing things behind my back or lying to me.And I do not like me being like this.However.I do have feelings for her but at the same time do not like being treated like a piece of sh*t.All I want is some kind of closure or acknowldgement from her as to what happen.The truth.But I don't know how to get it from her.I also do not want to be alone again.I don't know how to preceed from here as this has really messed with my head.