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I think its an affair SO thinks it isn't


WhereToNext

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WhereToNext

I will just deal with facts pertaining to this event not why ect.

 

Late Aug of last year. She meets someone in a discussion thread on facebook. She is mad at me for reasons I don't agree with so initially their discussion is about that. Later that night she calls him on the phone, spends several hours talking with him. The following day, many many more hours. Like 5 hours a day, every day. Tuesday night she comes home from work and the first thing she says is "I'm not having an affair" A bunch of other things were said which I don't really remember cause the shock and meaning behind "I'm not having an affair" took me by surprise. Things became a blur. Anyways she broke it off with me after almost 8 years together. 4 days later she spends the weekend with him along with our 5 year old son. That wed, He sends me an explanation of who he is and what they are up to. I call her at work and ask her if it's true. She says yes and sends me a pic of the two of them together in a selfie. He lost his license for drunk driving more than once so he doesn't drive. He took a train close to where we live, and she drove him and our son back to his place an hour away. Never met him before. Told me an elaborate story about going away to another place with her step father. Spends the labor day weekend with him supposedly as just friends. That wed, He sends me an explanation of who he is and what they are up to. I call her at work and ask her if it's true. She says yes and sends me a pic of the two of them together in a selfie. The following weekend she goes back and has sex with him for the first time. I just found this out. Supposedly she had sex over the next few weeks with him about 5 times. At the end of the month she decides to break it off with him and repairs things with me. I'm suspicious of an affair but she spends the last 6 months telling me they were only friends. Said she was pretending to be with him but they were only friends.

 

3 weeks ago on facebook, I noticed a date on a pic he posted, it was sep 28 and the pic said "Single Again" I bring this up with her. I pretended his friends all say they were in a relationship. She uses this as an excuse to contact him again because she has to tell him that I am causing trouble with his friends. I didn't contact anyone, just pretended to in order to get answers. Over the next 3 days, there are 14 hours of phone conversation. Txt msgs too. She deletes everything but on the Friday morning I see across the screen "Good morning baby, be patient, just a little while longer. Love you" I confront her with this. She first down plays it as just the way he talks. Finally she admits they were together and I pretty much knew it but that confirmed it. She said nothing was in the plans, he has strong feelings for her but she doesn't for him.

 

In her eyes, she has done nothing wrong since we were not together. She was single she says. I think otherwise. Opinions?

Edited by WhereToNext
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Your girl broke up with you just so she could go boink with some dude. Period.

 

Why bother "repairing" anything? If what you two had could be thrown away so quickly then it wasn't worth much to her to begin with.

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Anyone in their right mind could see this. You are looking for an excuse to rugsweep and stay in this. Why?

 

Do you value yourself and your self respect so little?

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WhereToNext

You are all right. I was in denial about it for a long time. Deep inside I knew what it was. She has a 28 year old daughter who is strongly opinionated but no experience or knowledge to explain anything relationship related. Hates men and her mother can do no wrong no matter what she does. She is running the show here. The meddling thing was supposed to be eliminated but its still in full force. Just another broken promise.

 

Weekend two she brings him to our marital home for the night. Says he slept on the couch. Allows our 5 year old son to get attached to him.

 

I'm better than this and don't deserve to be treated this way.

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Of course, she had an affair.

 

At the very least, she broke up with you to start a relationship with another man... And now, she has decided she wants to come back to you (for whatever reason). Is she serious?

 

But what's more, she shows incredibly poor judgment to go away with a man she has doesn't know and take your son... And, she has shown incredibly poor judgment in the man that she chose for this little affair - probably fair to say that if he has lost his license for DUI's, he has a problem with alcohol and/or incredibly poor judgment himself.

 

YOU need to protect yourself and your child from a woman who is this selfish and has such poor judgment. Wow!

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WhereToNext

She is someone I love deeply but her idea is we fix things but what she did is perfectly fine cause we were not together. I don't know how anything can be fixed when she can't even call it what it is. The pain, the lies, the frustration. Lots of underlying issues here, verbally abusive, spiteful, quick to anger, won't stick to a single topic and the meddling from the daughter from a previous marriage.

 

The full story of this is something Jerry Springer wouldn't even touch. I can't do crazy no more.

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She is someone I love deeply

 

You loved what you thought she was. Pay attention, she's now showing you the kind of person she really is.

 

Given the situations she's exposed your son to, where's the anger? I'd be lawyered up...

 

Mr. Lucky

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WhereToNext
You loved what you thought she was. Pay attention, she's now showing you the kind of person she really is.

 

Given the situations she's exposed your son to, where's the anger? I'd be lawyered up...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm furious about exposing my son to a man she never met before and staying at his place for the weekend. He has 2 DUI convictions, other charges that I'm not 100 percent sure about. Rape, assault on his x wife. Has a hair trigger temper and typed some absolutely discussing texts to me.

 

Unfortunately, a lawyer can do nothing with this. None of it is illegal. Highly immoral and a total lack of judgement and common sense tho.

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File for D.

 

Get tested for stds.

 

tell her she can go to her lover, but your son stays with you.

 

She is addicted to the OM. He is her drug.

 

You can't let an addict take your son to her drug.

 

Talk to your attorney again and file. How would she like it if you took your son with you to a prostitute?

 

that is what she has done over and over.

 

have her leave! How many other affairs has she had?

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CaliforniaGirl
I'm furious about exposing my son to a man she never met before and staying at his place for the weekend. He has 2 DUI convictions, other charges that I'm not 100 percent sure about. Rape, assault on his x wife. Has a hair trigger temper and typed some absolutely discussing texts to me.

 

Unfortunately, a lawyer can do nothing with this. None of it is illegal. Highly immoral and a total lack of judgement and common sense tho.

 

Are you kidding me?

 

See a lawyer about getting custody of your son pronto! You are bowing out by saying a lawyer can't do anything...why? I'd be terrified for my kid! Yes, a lawyer can do something. She can initiate a suit for you to obtain custody of your child. Really, you care more about how you're sad that you got cheated on than about your kindergartner asleep in a house with a rapist? And you're wondering about reconciliation?

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I'm furious about exposing my son to a man she never met before and staying at his place for the weekend. He has 2 DUI convictions, other charges that I'm not 100 percent sure about. Rape, assault on his x wife. Has a hair trigger temper and typed some absolutely discussing texts to me.

 

Unfortunately, a lawyer can do nothing with this. None of it is illegal. Highly immoral and a total lack of judgement and common sense tho.

 

You should consult a lawyer to see if her poor judgment and the fact that she is placing your child in the presence of a convicted criminal is enough for you to get full custody (or at least, limit her visitation to supervised visits, at a third party location, etc...). Best to consult a lawyer and don't assume that there is nothing you can do...

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I'm furious about exposing my son to a man she never met before and staying at his place for the weekend. He has 2 DUI convictions, other charges that I'm not 100 percent sure about. Rape, assault on his x wife. Has a hair trigger temper and typed some absolutely discussing texts to me.
The other man sends texts to you, because he is a low life that gets off on rubbing it in your face the fact that he was able to take from you your woman and child, and you can do nothing about it. Do not play his game, and just block his texts. I feel very bad for you that she has introduces such a person into your and your son's lives. Although some women at first find the whole bad boy thing fun and exciting, eventually they get burned. This is not a reflection of who you are; it is only a reflection on who she is as a person.

 

You should never even think of taking her back. Guys like the other man have a way of always coming back, and as long as she is in your life so will he. Be well and good luck. You can do better.

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Your marriage is a farce, a sham. What I'm seeing here is that anytime your W gets a wild hair up her arse, she'll tell you that you are broken up, and then she'll go have her fun until she's had her fill of the guy. Then she comes back to good ole reliable, stable, secure hubby. Until she finds another guy she wants to get freaky with, that is. What's to stop her for breaking up with you for a few hours just so she can hit the local bar?

 

Divorce her.....she's not wife material. You can do better. Much better.

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Get a new lawyer one who has experience with infidelity related divorces and is a strong advocate of men's rights. She dumped you to test drive your replacement. The man has no car, rapes women and is a drunk and your wife risked your child to be with him. You can't fix someone that broken, go for custody, protect your child, get rid of her.

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bubbaganoosh

Weekend two she brings him to our marital home for the night. Says he slept on the couch. Allows our 5 year old son to get attached to him.

 

OK so why did you allow this? She brings this bum to your home and you let her?

 

Now you know why your being treated like $h!t. The minuet you found out about this is when you should have let her know that IT AIN'T HAPPENING and said it in a way she would have known you mean business even if it meant you called the cops.

 

You got a choice. either be her punching bag or do something to protect your kid because she sure as hell isn't. Your kid needs one stable parent and you drew the lucky straw so go find a lawyer and let him/her do their job. As far as your girlfriend or wife goes, she's a lost cause so cut her loose and move on but be there for your kid.

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Hi Where to next, can you clarify on some points please. Firstly how old are the two of you? Secondly, are you actually married or your SO is your 'live in' girlfriend? Thirdly, does her 28 year old daughter stay with you two or does she just visit? Lastly, do you rent your home or do you own it outright? Answers to these questions may help folks have a better perspective on your situation.

 

As far as whether she is having/ had an affair, I guess the opinion here is pretty unanimous. If you two have been in a long term committed relationship then by all means she is having an affair. Also everyone is spot on about dumping her and getting a lawyer to clarify what rights you have in this situation. Unless you want to live the life of a doormat, you need to buckle up and sky dive out of this relationship! Warm wishes.

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In her eyes, she has done nothing wrong since we were not together. She was single she says. I think otherwise. Opinions?

 

The only thing I don't understand is why do you care about anything she says? You make your OWN decisions 100% according to YOUR standards, and your judgement. do YOU think she was cheating? (I think so too) So act according to that.

 

Let her convince herself, her opinion about it is irrelevant. If you decide to get back with her even if she had a affair, showing zero respect and sensitivity to you, it's your problem. It's your responsibility, you can't blame her for YOUR decision.

Edited by lolablue17
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I'm not sure if anyone has suggested it yet, but besides the divorce you should also put a R.O. on OM as soon as possible.

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Hi Where to next, can you clarify on some points please. Firstly how old are the two of you? Secondly, are you actually married or your SO is your 'live in' girlfriend? Thirdly, does her 28 year old daughter stay with you two or does she just visit? Lastly, do you rent your home or do you own it outright? Answers to these questions may help folks have a better perspective on your situation.

 

As far as whether she is having/ had an affair, I guess the opinion here is pretty unanimous. If you two have been in a long term committed relationship then by all means she is having an affair. Also everyone is spot on about dumping her and getting a lawyer to clarify what rights you have in this situation. Unless you want to live the life of a doormat, you need to buckle up and sky dive out of this relationship! Warm wishes.

 

We are both 48. Common law relationship, not married but we did get engaged in Dec least year when at that point she was saying this was just a friendship. We rent.

 

Its not about weather she crossed the line with this guy. She admitted she did for the first time 3 weeks ago. What she thinks is what she did was perfectly fine cause we were not together at the time. She doen't like the label that comes with it. As if it really changes anything what she calls it.

 

A lawyer is useless here. A friend of mine is a retired family court judge and she knows this story inside out. Her own son was charged 34 seperate times by a revengeful X.

 

The poiice did get involved. She called them stating that her son was in danger. Here is what happened. I picked up my son after school and dropped by our house to pick up a ball. Me and my son walk to the back yard and the guy she was cheating with was there. I'll call him DD. I quickly wisked my son around and said back in the car now. Had my son not been with me I'd probably be up on murder charges. I messaged her after we left and asked her how she could be so reckless as to allow DD on our matrimonial property. Someone is going to get killed. Then she decided to call the police saying she felt her son was in danger. Not under my watch, there is no safer place on the planet for him. I ended up going to the police station with my son and explaining the story to them. Police were pretty disgusted with her behavior and especially the txt msgs DD sent to me.

 

Prior to that, I cut off any type of in person encounter with her. She said to me outside early in week 1 of this affair that she could put me away for a long time. That could only mean one thing, false charges. Around here false charged will get laid by the police and quite possibly thrown out of court a year later. What also happens is a restraining order for that period. So if I am charged with some fake nonsense, I can't see my son for a whole year. In the case of that judges son, it happened 34 times. In order to keep the peace I let her think she had full control over our home during that period.

 

Mr DD is likely under probation and disappeared in a hurry out of here that evening. Even left a bunch of his stuff behind. She tells me that there is no more DD any more and our son is really upset he is gone. Cops chewed out SO and told her what she was doing was reckless. Keep DD out our our matrimonial home. This all happened on week #3 on a thursday. By saturday she had patched up what ever disagreement they had and was back with him for the weekend at his place.

 

Because of that, childrens aid gets involved. I thnk the cops altered the story a little so they would get involved. They said that our son had seen SO and DD have sex. I never told them that or ever heard my son say it. What I did say is what my son told me about his sleeping arrangements. Mommy and DD slept in the bed and my 5 year old son slept on the floor next to them. I was disgusted. Childrens aid investigated and after I straitened out what the police had set, the investigation was dropped. SO at that time was quite worried about loosing our son and for what reasons I'm not really aware of.

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The only thing I don't understand is why do you care about anything she says? You make your OWN decisions 100% according to YOUR standards, and your judgement. do YOU think she was cheating? (I think so too) So act according to that.

 

Let her convince herself, her opinion about it is irrelevant. If you decide to get back with her even if she had a affair, showing zero respect and sensitivity to you, it's your problem. It's your responsibility, you can't blame her for YOUR decision.

 

I did care but was in denial before it fully sunk in. She has no respect for anyone including herself. I was hoping she would see the light. This isn't fixable. Too much has happened. Its all my fault according to her, she is an innocent victim. I'm not going to take responsibility for her reckless decisions. She made them and she can own them.

 

After the first weekend they were together, she puts pics of the two of them up on facebook. I was so embarrassed. Sends her daugher a pic o the two of them saying "this is my life now, hope you accept it"

 

This whole story is crazy.

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keep a VAR (voice activated recorder) on you at all times.

 

Where is your son now?

 

Why do you not file charges on her?

 

Time to get her out of your life. Tell her to leave and never come back.

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Your marriage is a farce, a sham. What I'm seeing here is that anytime your W gets a wild hair up her arse, she'll tell you that you are broken up, and then she'll go have her fun until she's had her fill of the guy. Then she comes back to good ole reliable, stable, secure hubby. Until she finds another guy she wants to get freaky with, that is. What's to stop her for breaking up with you for a few hours just so she can hit the local bar?

 

Divorce her.....she's not wife material. You can do better. Much better.

 

Exactly what I was thinking.

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