Bittersweet90 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Me and my girlfriend been together for over 7 years, only couple of days ago she dropped a bomb shell on me saying she's been cheating on me with my best friend, my heart sunk, I was heart broken to be hearing this. We met in 2010 till now we still together in 2017and the affair started in 2012 when we met, till 2017 which is over 5 years. I don't know what to think or to say to her she's confessed everything to me about the affair such as time, places, when and where like on my birthday or her my house or hers, I asked why she's doing this to me and what did I do to her to treat me that way, as I have been a loving caring boyfriend always supported her, and she lives with me in my house, no kids, she tells me its all her fault, she didn't intend to hurt me in any way she's says she's remorseful and she couldn't go on with the lies anymore and it was just sex with him, it didn't mean anything I can't tell u guys how I'm feeling right now as I have not drank any water or eaten any food for over 3 days now and my sleep pattern is all over the place, I'm devastating and heart broken as I dont understand why she's doing all this to me and why would someone pick their best friend out of all people to do this to??? She says it was only sex with him and she felt that she had to end it with him as she realized her love for me, and now she talks about starting a family with me and marriage, im so so confused, I still love her as we have been together for over 7 years but this is too much to swallow. If there's anyone who like to comment please do as im looking for answers TYFR!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 If you have been together 7 years...and she has been cheating with your best friend for 5 years....you cannot possibly love her....WHY? Because she is not who you think she is....nor has she ever been. MY friend....run not walk away from this woman. Find yourself someone who will love you like you love them....find someone who deserves you. She is not remorseful....she has no idea what it means to be remorseful. She is lying to you....how do I know? because she has lied to you for 5 years. You see...you have no foundation of truth and honesty in this relationship to rebuild on. Do NOT let her get pregnant...unless you want to pay for that child the rest of your life. Tell her to pack her bags...that you need time to think and you don't want her to be around while you figure it out. After she leaves...change the lock and block her from your life...and while you are at it....get rid of the friend as well. Friends don't screw their best friend's partner. This all tells me you have a really had time choosing good people to be in your life. I would suggest you see a really good therapist to help you sort this out. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Run, dude. Just run. Find a new best friend and drop the gf like a bucket full of roaches. And make sure everyone knows what they did. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Bittersweet90, My Girlfriend cheated and had a one night stand (ONS) 40 plus years ago. We have a good marriage, raised several kids, and on the whole have had more good times then bad. A ONS is not 5 years cheating with your best friend. Point is, one can forgive a lapse, a mistake, but 5 years is a life style. IS there anything here that says she will not do this again? I am a person that tends to come down on reconciliation. I have done it, it can be done, but in my case her cheating, was confessed 4 days later face to face so she could take all remonstrates I could give her and then let me leave her with the dignity of that. It was only when I told her I still loved her, and lets try and talk about it did she have some hope. This is a woman that knows her cheating is coming to a head. I bet her lover, your "Friend" did not want to commit, so she decide to go with her second chose. This is not the foundation to make a marriage, or more importantly, bring a new life in the world. Think, and also know there are women who are not like this. You just need to find them. My advise, kick her out. Shut her out, and go find someone you can respect and will be faithful to you. I wonder if you really thought about it, you would find that she has just become a habit, more then a girlfriend. Move on, she is not worth it. I wish you luck... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bittersweet90 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Bittersweet90, My Girlfriend cheated and had a one night stand (ONS) 40 plus years ago. We have a good marriage, raised several kids, and on the whole have had more good times then bad. A ONS is not 5 years cheating with your best friend. Point is, one can forgive a lapse, a mistake, but 5 years is a life style. IS there anything here that says she will not do this again? I am a person that tends to come down on reconciliation. I have done it, it can be done, but in my case her cheating, was confessed 4 days later face to face so she could take all remonstrates I could give her and then let me leave her with the dignity of that. It was only when I told her I still loved her, and lets try and talk about it did she have some hope. This is a woman that knows her cheating is coming to a head. I bet her lover, your "Friend" did not want to commit, so she decide to go with her second chose. This is not the foundation to make a marriage, or more importantly, bring a new life in the world. Think, and also know there are women who are not like this. You just need to find them. My advise, kick her out. Shut her out, and go find someone you can respect and will be faithful to you. I wonder if you really thought about it, you would find that she has just become a habit, more then a girlfriend. Move on, she is not worth it. I wish you luck... Yes I can't fathom how many times there done it and or what they did and WHATEVER else Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 and she couldn't go on with the lies anymore Translation - she knew something was about to happen and she was going to get caught. Bittersweet90, she's not just one step ahead of you, she's 5 years ahead. Plenty of time to rehearse her lines and role play this to perfection. She's been leading a double life, one thing with you, another with him. So unless you'll settle for the leftover crumbs and bits remaining from the two concurrent relationships, it's time to find someone capable of real commitment. She's not that person... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Once or twice is bad enough but this is five years out of seven. Sorry friend but her apology isn't enough and the flimsy excuse that she now wants to settle down with you is pathetic at best. You want relief? It will be a lot easier then what your going through now. Go get her suitcases out and give her a couple hours max to grab her clothes and tell her to go to the OM's house because she's no longer welcome in yours. Don't give her a chance to do any more explaining or excuses or "I'm sorry's". What she did was inexcusable with your best friend. I know you love her but you keep reminding yourself that she cheated for five years. That is a complete lack of respect and no doubt they were in your bed a few times too. You let her hang around any longer and she's going to ruin you for a good long time. Cut the cord, end it now throw her out and move on. One more thing and I don't need to tell you this. Your best friend is not your best friend. Let her have him. You can do better and you let her know you can do better. Your choice. Longer she's there the wound will never heal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 If you stay with this woman you will be a ruined man and a door mat. You are in a battle for your emotional health so you have to decide if it going to be you or her you are going to choose. DO NOT allow yourself to have her in your thoughts or in your presence. She is your enemy so take all actions to build yourself back up as she has torn you down to the ground. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Overtaxed Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 My friend, I'll just add another voice to the "get out now" symphony your hearing. And this coming from someone who's wife cheated on him last about 2.5 months ago and is currently very much still in the process of "leave or stay". You have to leave. My wife and I were together for 15 years when she cheated. Her entire affair, from the time it turned inappropriate until discovery was ~3 months. 3 months of 15 years, and I'm still not sure I can R. They had sex and saw each other maybe a dozen times. And I know my data is good, because, if you saw my thread, I betrayed all my morals and hacked into accounts to make sure what she was telling me was "real". And my wife's AP played her hard, played her for a fool, and she fell for it just as hard. And let me tell you, I still wonder if R is the right decision. I've had sex with her more times in a week that the AP did in the entire A. The AP isn't 1/2 the man I am, looks, money, talent.. None of it. I'm completely non-threatened by him. And my wife is an amazing woman who this is terribly out of character for. AND she's trying hard to fix things with me. Basically, I have a ton of things going in my favor. And I'm still not sure I can do it. I lay awake at night in bed (or posting here) and think to myself "Can I let this go". The blessing in your situation; the answer is clear. No way can you let this go. Your entire relationship is a lie. You have to get rid of this woman, she's toxic to you, and likely will be to anyone who has the unfortunate luck to get in her path in the future. I'm sorry to be so blunt, I noticed another really frequent poster who often comes down on the side of "try to fix it" also posted in your thread and said the same thing. There's nothing here to save. Move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 She's been cheating for a majority of your relationship. I don't know how you get past that. Give yourself time to grieve before you make any major decisions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 As someone who will push for reconciliation even when no one else does, I cannot here. My biggest question is...why was she with you this long? And that is not a slam on you at all. You obviously give her something that he does not. What? As has been said, run from her. You deserve better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 She talks about marriage and starting a family with you... after cheating on you with your best friend for five of the seven years you have been together? This girl has got balls! That is the craziest thing I have ever heard... You need to let her go because you will NEVER be able to trust that she is being honest or faithful to you. And, I would also be looking for a new best friend... I'm sorry 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 ...and now she talks about starting a family with me and marriage... Not marriage marterial. Not mother material. Just yesterday's trash. Put her out at the curb where she belongs. Tell her she has until Friday to vacate your house. Tell her you've taken an inventory and photos of all your belongings and if anything goes missing you'll press criminal charges. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bittersweet90 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 She talks about marriage and starting a family with you... after cheating on you with your best friend for five of the seven years you have been together? This girl has got balls! That is the craziest thing I have ever heard... You need to let her go because you will NEVER be able to trust that she is being honest or faithful to you. And, I would also be looking for a new best friend... I'm sorry I started to drop her right then and there....about to go have a talk with that "friend" too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 (edited) You will never get over this if you stay. and she will never respect or admire you for being a wimpy beta man and accepting/staying with her so easily. In fact 5 years of cheating tells me she never respected or admired you - or cared about you as anything more than a roommate or friend. you need to get angry not sad. Need help with anger or disgust ?-Just remember for the past five years you been putting your mouth where you best friend had his put his #%$^. Edited March 7, 2017 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
Giacomo67 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 5 years! Thats what? over 600 days of cheating?!? wtf! You dont know what to do and you are confused? well think about this: -600 days of her giggling with your friend behind your back -600 days of lies -600 days of a threesome without you knowing -600 days of a false friendship -600 days of being made a fool from both I can go on and on... and I'm not even writing the places the times and the acts of the sex.... Yeah! by the way my exw used the same word--- just sex! You know what? You are a bit late about throwing out the trash in your life. Get rid of them both and start thinking about a real and faithful woman to start a new life, nobody deserves what they did to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 You can't wife a ho bro. Just out of curiosity, what exactly are you "so so" confused about? Your girl and your best pal have been banging for 5 years, that's let's say once a month being conservative, they banged once a month so that's 12 times in one year making it 60 times in five years 60 times (minimum) they had sex, then sometimes after that she had sex with you. Now if it was just really good sex they probably did it more than twice a month 24 times in one year making it 120 times times in five years Because it was really good sex they probably had two rounds in the same session as well so that's 48 times in one year making it 240 times in five years That's a lot of mistakes, but hey maybe she's changed and wants to settle down? Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 5 years! Thats what? over 600 days of cheating?!? wtf! You dont know what to do and you are confused? well think about this: -600 days of her giggling with your friend behind your back -600 days of lies -600 days of a threesome without you knowing -600 days of a false friendship -600 days of being made a fool from both I can go on and on... and I'm not even writing the places the times and the acts of the sex.... Yeah! by the way my exw used the same word--- just sex! You know what? You are a bit late about throwing out the trash in your life. Get rid of them both and start thinking about a real and faithful woman to start a new life, nobody deserves what they did to you. Geez! Who would have thought that the years in Italy were so short? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Dump her And dollars to doughnuts the OM probably finally knocked her up And she is now planning on how to make you think the OC is yours Dump this "Friend" for he was never your friend 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Giacomo67 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Geez! Who would have thought that the years in Italy were so short? Now that made me really laugh!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bittersweet90 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 You will never get over this if you stay. and she will never respect or admire you for being a wimpy beta man and accepting/staying with her so easily. In fact 5 years of cheating tells me she never respected or admired you - or cared about you as anything more than a roommate or friend. you need to get angry not sad. Need help with anger or disgust ?-Just remember for the past five years you been putting your mouth where you best friend had his put his #%$^. And vice versa.....I wonder why the third party never thinks of that. He's been putting his mouth where I had my sick too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bittersweet90 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 5 years! Thats what? over 600 days of cheating?!? wtf! You dont know what to do and you are confused? well think about this: -600 days of her giggling with your friend behind your back -600 days of lies -600 days of a threesome without you knowing -600 days of a false friendship -600 days of being made a fool from both I can go on and on... and I'm not even writing the places the times and the acts of the sex.... Yeah! by the way my exw used the same word--- just sex! You know what? You are a bit late about throwing out the trash in your life. Get rid of them both and start thinking about a real and faithful woman to start a new life, nobody deserves what they did to you. 5 years is like 1500 days Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 she lives with me in my house you know she has to leave. like right now. help her move out! and get an STD test. full panel 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Friend, you have been given a second chance for happiness. Kick both of their a$$'s out of your life and anyone else that knew but didn't tell you. Get tested then expose them both to all your friends and family so they know that none of their wives or husbands are safe around these two. He was never a friend and she was only using you, move on. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bittersweet90 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 (edited) Friend, you have been given a second chance for happiness. Kick both of their a$$'s out of your life and anyone else that knew but didn't tell you. Get tested then expose them both to all your friends and family so they know that none of their wives or husbands are safe around these two. He was never a friend and she was only using you, move on. I think some of my co workers knew and didn't tell me. Edited March 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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