Spiks Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 This forum helped me get through some tough relationship times in the past. Here's hoping it can again. My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years. By all measures of societal norms, by now we should be married and thinking about kids, or at least engaged. But we're not. She is great. I have a very demanding job and she is more than supportive. She does everything right and she knows about all my imperfections and she loves me anyways. But for me there is something missing. The affection has faded, there is little to no intellectual stimulation which I've learned is important to me. We met when we were in college and we've changed a lot since then. We live together and our lives are so intertwined it's hard to image us apart. I don't know if this is a normal part of a long term relationship that just needs some work, or if it's not fixable. I've met someone else who I've fallen absolutely head over heals for. There is no one I've ever gotten along with so well so quickly. No one I've laughed so much with. She's impressive in every way and had I met her when I was single I have no doubt I'd be marrying her. She feels the same way but we're stuck. She is also in a long term relationship. In the perfect world we'd leave our significant others for each other but I think we all know that fairy tale ending is not so easy. I'm lost. I'm confused. I told my girlfriend I'm unhappy in our relationship and her tears and pleading for us to work on things made me second guess everything. At the same time I can't fight my feelings for the other girl, and I don't know how I could live with myself staying with my current GF after having been unfaithful. I haven't told her because I can't stand to see her crushed - I care about her very much. But even if I leave her, I'm not sure the other girl will leave her relationship. Can someone talk some sense into me? Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 So you met this new gal a few weeks ago and you know you would marry her. After she determines your flaws, how long will he want you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spiks Posted February 26, 2017 Author Share Posted February 26, 2017 That's just it. I know new love can be blinding and I don't know what the future holds with the new girl. It has been more than a few weeks, less than a year. I know I've never had such chemistry with anyone else, but I'm not naive enough to think it will always be like this. What bothers is me is whether I can be with someone when I've proven to myself that I can develop such strong feelings for someone else. Do I just need to re-devote my energy to my current relationship? How is that possible when I'm constantly thinking of the new girl? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Heard the phrase 'seven year itch'? You're very much at a normal time in a relationship to find yourself with a lot of doubts. That, by itself, doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. It doesn't mean your relationship should last forever, either. You and your girlfriend need to do some serious talking about what you both want out of life and each other. Where are you going in the long-term? Where do you want to go? How can you change to better accomodate each other? How can you deal with the parts of each other that aren't going to change? Disregard your current crush for right now (it's just the beginning phase of attraction, which tends to be blind, and therefore not useful in serious discussions, not to mention that she's not available!) and focus on what you want WITHOUT HER. What do you really need to be happy? Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 I can't stress communication with your girlfriend enough. Otherwise you might be giving up something worthwhile for a fantasy. Not worth it. If you guys determine that the relationship has run its course, you've at least done everything you can to try to save it. Talk to your girlfriend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 See how stimulating, etc this new woman is after supporting you in your demanding job. Maybe try and be a partner, rather than a taker with your current girlfriend and see if that does the trick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spiks Posted February 26, 2017 Author Share Posted February 26, 2017 What do you really need to be happy? This is some of the most useful advice I've had so far. I agree I need to try to separate out the new relationship from my current one. I need to decide whether what we have now has the substance and capacity to make us both happy. It's just that I'm finding it hard to do that without thinking of the other girl. Every time I think of my current relationship I compare it to the new one which isn't fair. See how stimulating, etc this new woman is after supporting you in your demanding job. New girl gets it more than anyone else could. She has the same job. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 This is some of the most useful advice I've had so far. I agree I need to try to separate out the new relationship from my current one. I need to decide whether what we have now has the substance and capacity to make us both happy. It's just that I'm finding it hard to do that without thinking of the other girl. Every time I think of my current relationship I compare it to the new one which isn't fair. New girl gets it more than anyone else could. She has the same job. So, do you think having the same job would make her more supportive? For us, the fact my husband travels and I don't makes it easier- if we both traveled-although I'd understand what he goes through better, I'd be in less of a position to support him at home ie-kids, pets, bills, shopping, vehicles, etc Link to post Share on other sites
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