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nude pics red flag??


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 10th February 2017, 5:21 PM   #61
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Thanks NotCamelot

That is what I'm thinking, I need some hard proof. Hopefully I will get that tonight. My wife is really tight with our neighbor who she is having drinks with tonight, they are bff. If she told her about her affair and she didn't tell me then that is some pure crap. I'm really close to her and her husband too. We have been neighbors for 10 years, and they lost a child and some other things, and we have been there for them. If she told her and she didn't make her stop or come tell me then our friendship is over.
You may not want to talk about this with the neighbors until you have proof. Again, tip her off and get ready for a hard time proving.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:24 PM   #62
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If you do the midnight finger unlock thing (which sounds like a good idea), be prepared to skedaddle. Have your shoes on and have the car idling in the driveway, facing the street. If she wakes up, she'll claw at you to get that phone back and things will get violent. You need to make a hasty exit and go off somewhere where you have time to read everything.
Too funny, but so true. I was thinking the same thing.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:50 PM   #63
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I don't really understand the need for more proof or the confrontation.


I would have her bag packed & calmly say that having caught her twice taking nude photos, knowing about the 2 accounts & her unwillingness to let you see her phone you have put the pieces together to conclude she violated your marital vows & that you are insulted that she thought you were so stupid as to put up with this betrayal. As a result you expect her gone.


You may have to leave or at least vacate to the guest room pending advice from a divorce attorney, but don't give the option for this to turn violent. Just start the process to separate.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:57 PM   #64
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This is either not her first time or she hooked up with a pro. Sorry first timers rarely show the level of sophistication your wife is showing.

Reframe the question: it is not is she showing you enough to doubt it is not a PA, rather it is more then enough to cause you to doubt she isn't. Do a search on "how not to get caught having an affair". Your wife is not missing any bases.

As to how to bring up the question: start by asking her what terms she wants in the divorce. Have your own responses ready. When she questions why (if she does) simply role your eyes.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:09 PM   #65
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donnivain:

You are absolutely correct. I will confront her on Valentine's day with D papers. However I'm going to try to get in her phone tonight. She is going next door for drinks so she will be buzzing when she comes home and she will want to fool around. I'm picking up a VAR and I will pick up some condoms as well. I'll explain the condoms that we should try something new and these are suppose to increase your pleasure. So I will give her a few Os and along with the alcohol she should be sound asleep, like in a near coma and I will be successful at getting her phone unlocked. When she has some drinks and good sex she is out, she is down for the count. I'm getting in that phone tonight. I will make sure and have my shoes on and the car running in the driveway to make a quick exit if she does wake up and catch me. However I doubt it, she will be out in a deep sleep.

I hope you guys will be checking this forum late tonight in case I'm successful and the evidence is really bad I'll need someone to talk with. I don't want to tell any of my friends or family right now.

If I get the proof I need tonight then I'm not sure about when I should confront. I want D papers in my hand so I probably need to wait until Vday but I don't know I will be able to wait that long. I want this to come to a head asap.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:16 PM   #66
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. I want D papers in my hand so I probably need to wait until Vday but I don't know I will be able to wait that long. I want this to come to a head asap.

You are not going to have divorce papers in your hands. It's already Friday evening here. Assuming you can even get an appointment with a lawyer on Monday that person will not be able to draft a complaint for divorce by Tuesday. Moreover, most states have a requirement that even in the face of cheating you have to have lived separate & apart for at least 1 year before the Court has jurisdiction to hear you case.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:19 PM   #67
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Jersey,

I really believe this is her 1st time. The locked phone has never happened in our 16 years together dating and married. She has never taken nudes before or I would have caught her. I think she probably researched how to get away with cheating, she is smart and she does her research.

This is probably the 1st time if she is actually having an affair. The proof I have is all pointing that way. Secret apps, locked phone, nude pics, wanting privacy ect ect.

I'm getting in that phone tonight, that is a fact. If she wakes up she can't catch me, I'm bigger, faster, stronger.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:19 PM   #68
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What about leaving even if she is in a deep sleep? Write a note (before the finger on the phone trick) saying that you'll be back after you find out what she's hiding. That way if she wakes up, you don't have a drag out fight with her trying to get that phone from you. Maybe drive somewhere that's open 24 hours (Walmart?) and sit in the parking lot and read. Check emails. Forward yourself emails if you find incriminating things. Same with photos and conversations.

I wish you luck and I'll be thinking of you.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:20 PM   #69
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Slow down!!!

What state do you live in? Search your state, divorce laws now !!! Many states have very good info the divorce laws of that state. Most states are pure no faul, some are no fault but will adjust asset division, except in rare cases do states consider custody in cases of adultery.

A lot states start with 50/59 and seem to use the standard "best interest of the child" to modify. Be on the winning side. Read, know and use the criteria of your state laws.

If you own your home can you buy her out? If not can you relocate somewhere in the same school district? Stability is a huge concern to the court.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:25 PM   #70
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Cross posted, then she is caught up with a player. Can you buy a membership so you can PM? In the meanwhile how many of these apply:


Red flags*

Sex life dropped off noticeably
Passwords on phone and computer
Much more time on line...fakebook.
More GNOs...staying out later.
Less eye contact and holding hands...much less physical contact.
Less communication.
Staying up late on computer.
Dressing more provocative
More shopping-spending...clothes.
3 hour groceries shopping trips
Gasoline use and mileage went up
Generally disconnected from family.
New friends that I wasn't introduced to
Cell/text usage went up...way up.
New hair style and attention to makeup
Started exercising more.
Secretive about whereabouts during contact
She would become annoyed easily with me.
Household responsibilities dropped way off.
ecame more forgetful in general
A noticable distancing from her family.
Much more waxing...trimming...shaving....not for me.

Some do not apply as you said she is initiating sex more often. *There are reasons some women do this, *Do a search along with the other search I suggested.*
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:25 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
You are not going to have divorce papers in your hands. It's already Friday evening here. Assuming you can even get an appointment with a lawyer on Monday that person will not be able to draft a complaint for divorce by Tuesday. Moreover, most states have a requirement that even in the face of cheating you have to have lived separate & apart for at least 1 year before the Court has jurisdiction to hear you case.
Really? My state is 30 days. You file and divorce is final in 30 days. Texas is 90-120? I have never heard of this year wait. That must be horrible for people who are miserable and need closure.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:27 PM   #72
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ZH,

I didn't say it before,but I'm very sorry that you are here, brother. Going thru this sucks....I remember all to well.

I'll be checking the thread late tonight.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:28 PM   #73
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Really? My state is 30 days. You file and divorce is final in 30 days. Texas is 90-120? I have never heard of this year wait. That must be horrible for people who are miserable and need closure.
Texas is actually 61 days now.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:40 PM   #74
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Jersey,

Yeah most of the red flags are happening. Eye contact, holding hands ect. That has dropped off lately. But the sex has picked up. She is initiating sex more lately. This could be because she is getting worked up from the sexting and is ready to go. The other man is getting her motor running and I'm there to hit the gas pedal?

Yeah she doesn't do much around the house, I'm doing most of it, she is longer at the store than usually, she is trimming like she hasn't before, she bought some sex toys, sexy panties, working out more often, dressing more like a teenager, tight pants, tight shirts, spending more time fixing her hair. Yup she is changing and I asked her about it. Her reply was, "what? are you complaining that I'm trying to look better?, most men would love it if their wives did this". She put it right back on me, she is good at manipulation, something I didn't find out about much later after we were married.
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Old 10th February 2017, 6:48 PM   #75
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Texas is actually 61 days now.
Yeah, now that you mention it my friend who divorced not long ago had everything finalized in 60 days. Never heard of a year wait.
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