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nude pics red flag??


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 10th February 2017, 4:39 PM   #46
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Chances are if you get into her phone tonight she was smart and deleted most of it since you are on to her. Most people do not take nude pics for themselves though so she was taking them for someone.

I was a fWW and took a lot of those for my OM.

If you look through her pictures look at her deleted ones chances are some may be on there that you can ask about too.

I hope you are able to find something because chances are something is going on.

I am curious about her behavior, has she acted different at all either MORE loving - more sexual (this is due to guilt) or started pulling away completely? Has she been really happy lately or suddenly really pissed off?

Typically, if she is cheating and there are feelings for OM, her behavior will go from one extreme to the other (not a lot of middle ground). Oh and the phone thing, you will notice it is literally attached at her hip (if she is cheating) i NEVER wanted to leave it anywhere by chance someone got into it. I slept with it under my pillow too.

I sure hope you are wrong and this was all her attempt to do before and afters for weight loss challenges or something silly.
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Old 10th February 2017, 4:40 PM   #47
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I think he wants to know if it has gone physical yet and put his health at risk for STD's. Seems reasonable to me.
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Old 10th February 2017, 4:42 PM   #48
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AnneP, the twins are 7. The twins and I are like peas and carrots. It could be I'm spending too much time focusing on them and not my marriage? We don't have family around so we only have one or two dates nights per year. I'm ok with that but maybe she is not? IDK, so many things are going through my head about why would she be doing this?
I have two younger kids as well. At 7, the kids are old enough to go to bed early one or two nights a week and the two of you could spend alone time - even if only at home.

Maybe you started focusing on your kids when she stopped being interested in the marriage? Someone has to take care of them; she certainly seems a little preoccupied at the moment.

Women don't take nude photos for ourselves. I've taken pics for me in my bra/panties to compare my body when working out. No woman sits around and takes "sex" posed nude photos for herself. How do you feel knowing she's sending nude pics out to at least one, and quite possibly more men?
Try and Just a Guy like this.
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Old 10th February 2017, 4:44 PM   #49
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I know she took nude pics, will not unlock her phone and has 2 secret messaging apps Skype and Tango. Does that equal infidelity? Where there is smoke there is fire. I found the smoke and now I want to find the fire before I confront. If the hunt for the fire is unsuccessful then I will have a game plan ready to confront with what I know.

I'm going to dig and watch her like a hawk the next few days. I'm going to confront on Valentine's day, the day I proposed. Hopefully I will have more evidence beforehand.

This is driving me insane and there is no way I'm going to sit in limbo. I may end up confronting tonight, I can't bottle things up and bury my head in the sand. I see a problem I handle it right then.
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Old 10th February 2017, 4:48 PM   #50
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Thanks everyone for your input. I've been reading online all day about the different types of affairs. So the cyber affair is EA and the traditional is the PA. Emotional and Physical are the 2 types of affairs. So what is emotional about sending nudes and sexting? Seems stupid not emotional.

Anyway my situation makes me think about the movie Old School, "you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a g%%damn magic show".

That's similar to my story, think all is good, happy marriage great kids good sex no fighting about to go skiing ect ect. Come home early and catch your wife taking nude pics.
I've always thought EA as it's used on this forum can be very misleading. Many consider any affair that isn't physical to be an EA. But the fact is there are many cyber affairs that are purely sexual and don't really have the "Emotion" attached to it.

It sounds like there is for sure a sexual aspect to this affair whether it's in person or online only, no one knows. And whether there is an emotional aspect again no one knows.
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Old 10th February 2017, 4:57 PM   #51
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AnneP, How do I feel about her sending nude pics to other men? It feels great, I'm so happy that she is this proud of her body and wants to show it off to other men so they can pleasure themselves looking at her.

It feels terrible. I feel like a ZOMBIE, that is why I have that username. I'm like the walking brain dead right now. I'm furious, I'm hurt, my manhood is crushed. I can't sleep, can't eat, I'm a walking zombie right now. That is why all this will be coming to a head very soon. I can't go on like this.

I know it could be physical so I will not be sleeping with her until we are both tested for STDs.

I'm thinking about filing and handing her d papers when I confront. She is going to unlock her phone, tell me everything, get STD tested ect ect. Full transparency and she needs professional help to uncover why she did this if I agree to R. It could be too much when I know all the details and I will just D. I hope not, I hope it was just online affair or emotional affair whatever and not a physical affair.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:05 PM   #52
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Guns, Yeah I don't really understand the emotional vs physical crap. It 's all betrayal, I'm sure a physical affair is emotional too. I prefer non-physical and physical, that would be a better way to classify the two.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:06 PM   #53
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AnneP, How do I feel about her sending nude pics to other men? It feels great, I'm so happy that she is this proud of her body and wants to show it off to other men so they can pleasure themselves looking at her.

It feels terrible. I feel like a ZOMBIE, that is why I have that username. I'm like the walking brain dead right now. I'm furious, I'm hurt, my manhood is crushed. I can't sleep, can't eat, I'm a walking zombie right now. That is why all this will be coming to a head very soon. I can't go on like this.

I know it could be physical so I will not be sleeping with her until we are both tested for STDs.

I'm thinking about filing and handing her d papers when I confront. She is going to unlock her phone, tell me everything, get STD tested ect ect. Full transparency and she needs professional help to uncover why she did this if I agree to R. It could be too much when I know all the details and I will just D. I hope not, I hope it was just online affair or emotional affair whatever and not a physical affair.
Don't confront her until you have some more evidence. I know it's hard, but just try to wait a few days if you can.

I wouldn't minimize an EA. Some people have a harder time moving on from an EA than they do a PA. You won't know how you'll feel until it all comes out.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:10 PM   #54
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Man, I am so sorry you are going through this. But, you are in a good place here. Most all of here have been though the pain of infidelity -- unfortunately.
You will find both good and bad advice here. Take it all in and find what works for you.


Now, 100% of all the things you mention point completely to an affair - as others have said. That much is certain. She is not doing any of those things for you or the added "privacy" she has started would not be needed.


The thing I want to add is this, when you do confront, be prepared for lots and lots of lies. Look up "trickle truth". You will probably never know all the truth.


However, regarding confronting, do NOT do it until you have proof. If you do and can't prove, she/they will only hide it further from you making discovery much more difficult. Please have hard proof first for your sake.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:12 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by AnneP View Post
Don't confront her until you have some more evidence. I know it's hard, but just try to wait a few days if you can.

I wouldn't minimize an EA. Some people have a harder time moving on from an EA than they do a PA. You won't know how you'll feel until it all comes out.
A partner's EA is usually more painful for the wife. The partner's PA is usually more painful for the husband.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:17 PM   #56
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The whole finger on the phone while she's sleeping is too risky. Hunt for info via var, PI, gps, social apps etc.

If you're 100% sure you got her, drop the D papers (she'll know you're serious) and immidietly ask for her phone. If she pauses and or has excuses, then you know it's serious.

But wait till end of ValDay. It's likely she'll be sending him texts pics through out the day.

Deep breaths. Hang in there.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:18 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by NotCamelot View Post
A partner's EA is usually more painful for the wife. The partner's PA is usually more painful for the husband.
True, but if she's sending nude photos out, I would consider that to be at least somewhat physical.

But everyone handles everything differently. It's hard to know how you'll feel until you really know all the details. I've seen a few WH who destroyed their marriages by both EA and PA.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:19 PM   #58
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Thanks NotCamelot

That is what I'm thinking, I need some hard proof. Hopefully I will get that tonight. My wife is really tight with our neighbor who she is having drinks with tonight, they are bff. If she told her about her affair and she didn't tell me then that is some pure crap. I'm really close to her and her husband too. We have been neighbors for 10 years, and they lost a child and some other things, and we have been there for them. If she told her and she didn't make her stop or come tell me then our friendship is over.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:21 PM   #59
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I did lookup her 'secret' skype and tango accounts. I didn't send her a request, I don't want her to know that I know she has those accounts.
The fact that they are secret accounts from you speaks volumes. This keeps gets worse and worse.

Other than when you are going to the bathroom, there should be no expectation of privacy in a healthy marriage. It is funny how cheaters practice complete transparency without complaint before the affair, conveniently disavow transparency and demand privacy when the affair starts, and then think that you are so stupid that you will not notice. Also, there is a difference between privacy and secrecy. Her texting nude pictures to someone, and not showing you who she sent them to, has nothing to do with privacy.
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Old 10th February 2017, 5:21 PM   #60
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If you do the midnight finger unlock thing (which sounds like a good idea), be prepared to skedaddle. Have your shoes on and have the car idling in the driveway, facing the street. If she wakes up, she'll claw at you to get that phone back and things will get violent. You need to make a hasty exit and go off somewhere where you have time to read everything.
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