aileD Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 As mentioned in my story, my husband was abused by a priest for many years as a preteen/teen. Little background, it was not a violent abuse. It was grooming and gifts and tenderness and kindness......to point that when it stopped, priest was still in his life...he married us, baptized our daughter and then the Catholic Church scandal broke and H discovered he wasn't alone. He was only victim young enough to be within the statue of limitations for our state. H came forward, priest got 12 years. This relates to our infidelity because, the first time my H was unfaithful was when we dealing with this the first time. The most recent time he was unfaithful was 12 years later ---last year-- when the priest got released and they refused to keep him incarcerated as a sexually dangerous person. Now I'm not sure the two are related but I know my husband has suppressed this for a long time and he has a lot of guilt and confusion for putting this "father figure" but molester away for so long. Another state has been coming to H wanting to get him involved in a case against priest in their state thst has no statue of limitations....h declined, didn't want to go thru it again. They got other victims anyway to build case since there's no statute of limitations. Anyway- news broke today that priest was arrested and indicted in the other state for 29 counts . New mugshot and all. H is made aware of everything thru victims advocates but we heard about this thru a google alert on priest name. Anyway. H is quiet. I just told him would be here if he wants to talk. In the past he never did. I'm scared this will screw up our recovery. He's going to Ic now, so I hope he talks about it there. I don't want to push him and I don't want to ignore it either. I guess we just need prayers that this won't be some huge news story for months like it was the first two times....and H can just read an article and move past it without it being all in the news and kicking him in the face. And that he can be strong and have peace in his heart. Thank you for your prayers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aileD Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 Oh and the icing on the cake is that xOW's birthday is this weekend so I'm sure she may be on his mind. And we are apart that day at separate events. Luckily he will be out of cell range. But I don't need her getting on his mind at a weak time. Sigh Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 But I don't need her getting on his mind at a weak time. Sigh Since we often compare an affair to addiction, the 3 C's also apply to you - you didn't cause, you can't control, you won't cure. If he's going to stay on the path to fidelity, it'll be based on his efforts and his choices. Hope he continues to make the right ones. You've beaten the odds by getting this far ... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Thinking of you. You provide some great advice on here to a lot of us and I hope things work out for you. You seem pretty darn amazing- continue to encourage your husband to lean on you during this rough time. Do not negative cycle and allow him to pull away - hold him accountable and encourage that communication which causes intimacy between the two of you. Chances are he may think of her on her birthday- ask him- it is your right to know if he is and this may give him a chance to talk about it, get it off his chest, and move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Praying for you and your husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aileD Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 Thanks guys, I appreciate it. He's quiet today, hasn't texted me at all from work and hasn't replied much to what I've said. I had a job interview today and he never wished me luck or asked how it went He just said work was busy and they're firing someone and dealing with that. Trying not to take it personally....just going to have grace and not make home stressful for him. He isn't going away anymore due to weather so he'll be with me this weekend. I erased all evidence of her from his mail, calendar, work calendar so I'm hoping he doesn't realize or remember the date. I don't want to bring her up in conversation. Maybe I will if he seems out of sorts on Saturday. Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Ugh...I can't imagine. Just being there for him like you already are seems like the best thing you can do. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 How did the weekend go? Hope things are better. Link to post Share on other sites
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