Lilboo Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 (edited) I am married and in a long distance relationship to my husband. I have been loyal to him eversince that we were in a relationship until I met my lover. He just moved in in an apartment next to mine. During that time he has a live in partner. I don't pay any attention to them, just plain neighbors. Until one day he kicked his partner out of the apartment. He then started talking to me and we continue to do so until we felt comfortable with each other. He then expressed that he likes me, I keep telling him I am married but he still pursued me until I give in to him. We started to have a relationship. Everything happened so fast, I felt like I am his wife and he is my husband. I cook for him, do the house chores for him since our apartments are next to each other. He made me feel as if he really loves me. I believed in him. I am so stupid to fall for him. I give him all that I can and help him out and his kids out. (Yes, he has kids from his marriage but it's not the ex live in partner. His previous wife left him for another man.) We were happy but once in a while, I would see his ex live in partner coming to his apartment or sometimes in the morning leaving his apartment. It's tearing me apart. I know I am married and I should not be feeling that way and I should not entertain him in the first place but I was stupid. I fell for him. And whenever I tried to confront him about this ex live in partner coming to his place, he just keep on telling me that he doesnt love her anymore and that it was only the girl who keeps on insisting coming to his place uninvited. The girl will come mostly in the night. I feel broken everytime I see that girl coming to him, I feel soo depressed in a few days, I get mad at him and I always tell myself that I will stop everything with him but when he started talking to me again all those things disappear! I hated myself for being so weak. What I just want to happen is that, yes I am married but he doesnt see any guy coming to my place, only him. And aside from that, he is separated from his wife but technically he is still married to her so we are both married but he had this girl coming to his place like once in a coulple of months or once in a month. Last night I saw the girl again went to his place, I wasnt able to sleep and I was in pain. So today, he texted me, saying sorry and that he was so stupid to do that and that he knows it was unfair to me, he was thanking me for all what I have done to him and his kids. I told him I was hurt and that no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I cannot just ignore what I am seeing and feeling. A few exchange of messages happened and his messages are like saying goodbye. I didnt try to make the conversation long anymore, I just accepted what he wants to happen. I am still hurt, very hurt. Because he was the one who came to me, I never really cared about him when I met him but he pursued me. Now he is the one who wants to leave me. I just wished I didnt give in to him. I know one of these days he'll come back again, but only because he will need something from me. I am not sure if I am strong enough to say no and not help him. Edited January 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 Would it bother you if your husband was doing to you behind your back what you are doing to him? Think about becoming a single mother with kids because this is exactly where you are heading? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
enddeck Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 The karma train just hit you and you deserve everything you get.While your husband is working his ass off you are screwing around with your next door neighbour,you really are a woman to cherish.Not. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 Do the rest of the world a favor. Don't have sex with anyone except this man. Don't have sex with your husband. The world needs less STDs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 PLEASE!! If a man dedicates a lot of time & effort in pursuing a SINGLE woman it could be because he sees a future with her. It could be because he's falling in love with her. It could be because he sees her as a potential mate & mother figure for his children....it could be because he wants just sex & she's conveniently living next door. If a man dedicates a lot of time & effort in pursuing a MARRIED woman it's because he wants no strings attached SEX!! Why on earth would he be 'faithful' to you? Please think about it. WHY? You have conveniently forgotten that you're MARRIED. You are not available for anything other than SEX (being a free cleaner & child minder is a bonus). He's still having sex with his ex because she could come back. There's a chance of a real relationship with a future. It seems like all he has to do is say "sorry" & you will continue to give SEX. That's your job as a mistress. The moment you become too much hassle he will dump you! It's a very simple equation - How often & how good is the sex vs how much hassle you bring to his life. How is your husband going to feel? Why don't you care? These are far more important questions to be asking. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 If they will do it with you, they will do it to you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 I am married and in a long distance relationship to my husband. I have been loyal to him eversince that we were in a relationship until I met my lover. He just moved in in an apartment next to mine. During that time he has a live in partner. I don't pay any attention to them, just plain neighbors. Until one day he kicked his partner out of the apartment. He then started talking to me and we continue to do so until we felt comfortable with each other. He then expressed that he likes me, I keep telling him I am married but he still pursued me until I give in to him. We started to have a relationship. Everything happened so fast, I felt like I am his wife and he is my husband. I cook for him, do the house chores for him since our apartments are next to each other. He made me feel as if he really loves me. I believed in him. I am so stupid to fall for him. I give him all that I can and help him out and his kids out. (Yes, he has kids from his marriage but it's not the ex live in partner. His previous wife left him for another man.) We were happy but once in a while, I would see his ex live in partner coming to his apartment or sometimes in the morning leaving his apartment. It's tearing me apart. I know I am married and I should not be feeling that way and I should not entertain him in the first place but I was stupid. I fell for him. And whenever I tried to confront him about this ex live in partner coming to his place, he just keep on telling me that he doesnt love her anymore and that it was only the girl who keeps on insisting coming to his place uninvited. The girl will come mostly in the night. I feel broken everytime I see that girl coming to him, I feel soo depressed in a few days, I get mad at him and I always tell myself that I will stop everything with him but when he started talking to me again all those things disappear! I hated myself for being so weak. What I just want to happen is that, yes I am married but he doesnt see any guy coming to my place, only him. And aside from that, he is separated from his wife but technically he is still married to her so we are both married but he had this girl coming to his place like once in a coulple of months or once in a month. Last night I saw the girl again went to his place, I wasnt able to sleep and I was in pain. So today, he texted me, saying sorry and that he was so stupid to do that and that he knows it was unfair to me, he was thanking me for all what I have done to him and his kids. I told him I was hurt and that no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I cannot just ignore what I am seeing and feeling. A few exchange of messages happened and his messages are like saying goodbye. I didnt try to make the conversation long anymore, I just accepted what he wants to happen. I am still hurt, very hurt. Because he was the one who came to me, I never really cared about him when I met him but he pursued me. Now he is the one who wants to leave me. I just wished I didnt give in to him. I know one of these days he'll come back again, but only because he will need something from me. I am not sure if I am strong enough to say no and not help him. So you **** on your husband and people are supposed to feel sorry for you because a guy who knew you were married **** on you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 Why do you think he'd be faithful to you? You are not his girlfriend. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Toinep256 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 It seem like married people be the main ones out here acting up 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 When a single guy is with a married women, he may not say it but he knows just by virtue of her being married to another man still, the relationship is not serious or committal and he is free to see other women. The same is technically true for single women involved with married men, but for some reason single OW feel some sort of warped commitment to the married man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I think you said you were married. Maybe your husband will have a good idea about what you should do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilboo Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 I wanna thank you all for taking the time reading my stupidity. These words are exactly what I need right now to wake me up. Karma hits me right! Today I felt crazy seeing them but I am working on myself to keep my head straight. Never had any single conversation with him today. This guy is also married but separated from his wife that's cuz we don't have divorce here. There's annulment though but it's way too expensive. But yeah, in our community he can get as many gfs as he wants sinve he's separated. Someone said here that why should I expect him to be faithful to me, I'm not even his gf. This hits me also. Why did I expect him to be? I'm sooo stupid! I fell too quickly for his sweet words and believed that it's not only sex that he wants from me. I wanted to move on and focus only with my husband. I highly appreciate your comments and I'd be happy to hear more advices from you guys. Again thank you, I'll do all that I can to forget this guy, it still hurts but I can do this! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilboo Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 So you **** on your husband and people are supposed to feel sorry for you because a guy who knew you were married **** on you? I didnt write here for people to feel sorry for me. I wrote here because I need to let all my feelings out and to hear what I needed to hear to be able to wake up from this stupid mess that I have put myself into and I was not wrong, all your comments are making me stronger to stop being a hoe and focus on what's right. Thank you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I fell too quickly for his sweet words and believed that it's not only sex that he wants from me. He did want more than sex - he also needed childcare, cooking and cleaning. Your concerns regarding exclusivity seem ironic since you're also sleeping with you husband... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 There's an expression here that I find apt for your situation... The grass isn't greener on the other side; it's greener where you water it. You are investing your time and emotions in the wrong place. Whenever you find yourself entertaining thought of the other man, envision a Stop sign and force yourself to redirect your thoughts to your husband. And commit to spending at least the next five minutes on him and your marriage. Maybe it is sending him a loving note (or a sexy text).. Maybe it's planning your next time together. Or buying a gift for him. You get the idea. But stop allowing yourself to engage in this fantasy. The reality is that this other man isn't of good character if he's glad to sleep with another man's wife (and to date others while he strings her along). He's not your White Knight. He actually sounds pretty scummy. Instead, focus on watering your lawn at home. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilboo Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 There's an expression here that I find apt for your situation... The grass isn't greener on the other side; it's greener where you water it. You are investing your time and emotions in the wrong place. Whenever you find yourself entertaining thought of the other man, envision a Stop sign and force yourself to redirect your thoughts to your husband. And commit to spending at least the next five minutes on him and your marriage. Maybe it is sending him a loving note (or a sexy text).. Maybe it's planning your next time together. Or buying a gift for him. You get the idea. But stop allowing yourself to engage in this fantasy. The reality is that this other man isn't of good character if he's glad to sleep with another man's wife (and to date others while he strings her along). He's not your White Knight. He actually sounds pretty scummy. Instead, focus on watering your lawn at home. Thank you so much for these advices, I badly needed those. I am getting better each day and i will do these things that you said. I'm trying to talk to my husband more and more and just keep myself busy with other things than thinking about this guy. My husband and I are in a long distance relationship but we are working on being together soon. He's a good man and he never put me into any pain since the beginning although he doesn't support me financially, at first it was weird for me but I got used to it and got okay with it since I am working and we dont have kids yet. I was plain stupid for allowing this guy to get into my marriage. I wanna be stronger! I wanna get back to who i was before all of this happened! Please keep me in your prayers that I may be able to do the right things straight! Again, thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I am confused. Does your husband know about your sexual affair? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I am confused. Does your husband know about your sexual affair? I'm going to guess "no"... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I am married and in a long distance relationship to my husband. I have been loyal to him eversince that we were in a relationship until I met my lover. He just moved in in an apartment next to mine. During that time he has a live in partner. I don't pay any attention to them, just plain neighbors. Until one day he kicked his partner out of the apartment. He then started talking to me and we continue to do so until we felt comfortable with each other. He then expressed that he likes me, I keep telling him I am married but he still pursued me until I give in to him. We started to have a relationship. Everything happened so fast, I felt like I am his wife and he is my husband. I cook for him, do the house chores for him since our apartments are next to each other. He made me feel as if he really loves me. I believed in him. I am so stupid to fall for him. I give him all that I can and help him out and his kids out. (Yes, he has kids from his marriage but it's not the ex live in partner. His previous wife left him for another man.) We were happy but once in a while, I would see his ex live in partner coming to his apartment or sometimes in the morning leaving his apartment. It's tearing me apart. I know I am married and I should not be feeling that way and I should not entertain him in the first place but I was stupid. I fell for him. And whenever I tried to confront him about this ex live in partner coming to his place, he just keep on telling me that he doesnt love her anymore and that it was only the girl who keeps on insisting coming to his place uninvited. The girl will come mostly in the night. I feel broken everytime I see that girl coming to him, I feel soo depressed in a few days, I get mad at him and I always tell myself that I will stop everything with him but when he started talking to me again all those things disappear! I hated myself for being so weak. What I just want to happen is that, yes I am married but he doesnt see any guy coming to my place, only him. And aside from that, he is separated from his wife but technically he is still married to her so we are both married but he had this girl coming to his place like once in a coulple of months or once in a month. Last night I saw the girl again went to his place, I wasnt able to sleep and I was in pain. So today, he texted me, saying sorry and that he was so stupid to do that and that he knows it was unfair to me, he was thanking me for all what I have done to him and his kids. I told him I was hurt and that no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I cannot just ignore what I am seeing and feeling. A few exchange of messages happened and his messages are like saying goodbye. I didnt try to make the conversation long anymore, I just accepted what he wants to happen. I am still hurt, very hurt. Because he was the one who came to me, I never really cared about him when I met him but he pursued me. Now he is the one who wants to leave me. I just wished I didnt give in to him. I know one of these days he'll come back again, but only because he will need something from me. I am not sure if I am strong enough to say no and not help him.Your attitude is totally wrong on this. You should just enjoy what you've got and cease with this possessiveness business. You've got a neighbor that gives you regular sex, probably just about whenever you want it. You've got a LDR husband, who presumably gives you other stuff too. Your neighbor has an ex-girlfriend who is no doubt trying to win him back with sex, and you can read these boards to find out how unsuccessful that always is. In short, you're living the life of Riley. Why screw it up? Let the boyfriend do whatever he wants.... he's not going anywhere soon. Once you're able to do as I counsel, you'll be able to let him go for good, whenever that time comes. Right now, you're torturing yourself. There's no point in that. The other thing you might try is to get a second boyfriend. Nothing puts a first lover back into perspective like a second one. Want proof? Look what having a boyfriend made you think about your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 The other thing you might try is to get a second boyfriend. Nothing puts a first lover back into perspective like a second one. Want proof? Look what having a boyfriend made you think about your husband. So your advice to her is to find a second person to cheat on her husband with? Less than helpful... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Get checked for stds and make sure you are not pregnant. to really help yourself, tell your H all about your lover. Be honest with your H. Link to post Share on other sites
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