Really struggling...could do with some and just someone to listen

[Pamplemousse]

Hi guys,

 

Just broken up with my affair partner of 4 years and not coping very well at all. I have noone to speak to and its really hard. I'd really appreciate some kind advice.

 

Please note that i am not proud of what i did and i know what the right thing to do is and i am doing it... but perhaps getting some clarity over the situation may help me recover and become a better person

 

I am 44, and have been married for 12 years. I have 2 beautiful kids and a wife who is a kind and sweet woman.

 

Approximately 4 years ago, i started experiencing feelings of extreme boredom and start looking for excitement. I guess i was experiencing a mid-life crisis. It was at that time i started receiving some attention from a girl at work who was 11 years younger and unmarried. Interestingly however she was in a relationship with a guy who she had dated since the age of 16. Although she had broken up with him for a couple of years during the 13 years she had been back with him for 2 years before she met me. I was flattered and knew of her interest. I was honest and told her that i was married but both of us started seeing more of each other and embarked on a passionate affair. Approximately 3 months into the relationship, my wife discovered an email which i had sent to this girl in which i was declaring my love to her. When she confronted me, i managed to convince her that i had been bored and flattered by this girl and therefore had sent her the email but was not having an affair with her. My wife was extremely hurt but believed my excuse and this was extremely painful for me to see. I also developed a new found respect for her (Wife) because of the way she handled the situation. In someways she changed from then on and our relationship became more loving.

 

Nevertheless i kept my affair going with this other girl. After a couple of years, i started becoming more and more paranoid and we restricted to having sex only 2 or 3 times per year but we would still text and talk almost daily. This made me feel more comfortable because i was not having physical sex anymore (apart from 1-2x year) but i was still very emotionally attached. This girl was even more emotionally attached and often asked me to run away with her. Although she was very attached to her boyfriend she often told me that she would be willing to leave him for me. However by this time i was beginning to realise that i loved my wife and my kids and i could never leave them and so we continued as we were - chatting on the phone, sexting and occasionally meeting up for a cuddle and sex.

 

I became more and more unhappy about the affair continuing but somewhere somehow did not feel strong enough to end it. On a few occasions my affair partner tried to end it, her resolve lasted only a few days before she started texting me again and things would take off from where they left off. I wished that somehow my affair partner would just turn around end it and that would mean that i'd have no choice and the decision would have been made for me.

 

Approximately two months ago my affair partner rang me and told me that she wanted to finish the affair. Before doing so she asked me one final time if i'd run away with her - to this i replied that i wished i could but i could not. I knew that she was increasingly frustrated at her increasing age, lack of a ring on her finger and lack of children esp as all her friends and even younger sisters were settled with babies. We broke up again but she kept texting but started becoming more distant and finally she has stopped texting altogether- its been a month and it is finally beginning to sink in that perhaps we truly are over. I have tried to do the right thing and have walked away... i have not texted her or called her and i try my hardest to do my own thing but trying to get her out of my mind has been so incredibly hard. I think of her every day and this time has proved much harder than i ever envisaged. i feel confused and lonely and feel a huge mixture of emotions including anger and intense sadness. As there is no-one who knows about this, i have none to talk to which makes it even harder.

 

I know what i have to do and am fairly confident that i will be able to stop myself from making contact with her. i guess somewhere i wonder what will happen to me and my relationship and her and her relationship. I know at this point how consuming and destructive affairs can be and i don't ever want to get into another one

 

My questions are:

 

1) How long does it take to get over someone who you've had had an affair with for 4 years? We work in the same place and it can sometimes feel really hard when i see her at work. I don't know how to behave and i don't know how long this will continue for.

 

2) Should i confess all to my wife? how do i stop myself from falling into the same trap again

 

3) Not that it should matter to me but it may give me some comfort in my confused lost state...do you think my affair partner would be able to continue with her unsuspecting boyfriend (who she has now known/dated for more than half her life - 17 years). For me this would be comforting because i would somehow feel that she had chosen me over him.

 

4) How easy or difficult would it be for her to leave him (because he clearly hasn't given her the things she desires most ..marriage/children so far) to date someone new?

 

 

As i say - i am not proud of what i did and i genuinely will try my best never to fall in this trap again but it would comfort me greatly if someone could help answer some of my questions without being too hard on me

[katielee]

A confession to your wife will clear up the fog you're in regarding your AP REAL fast!

Then, get into IC to figure out why you did this. Whether your wife stays with you or not, you need to fix this about yourself.

 

Stop concerning yourself with your AP and her decisions. She's having an affair with a married man. What redeeming qualities do you see in her?

[Satu]

Your choice is this:

 

 

1. Be a false person, or

 

2. Be a real person.

 

 

I mean that quite literally.

 

You've been pretending and acting for four years.

 

You've been playing a part.

 

You've been concealing the truth.

 

You've been handing out falsehoods dressed as facts.

 

 

So the question is:

 

 

Do you have the courage to reveal yourself as who you really are?

 

 

Take care.

[BluesPower]

So, now what...

 

First off, you will get a lot of criticizing here in general, you need to over look that when it happens. Don't worry, you are not the worst person in the world, I am actually.

 

Second, You know you are a crappy person for doing what you did. Nothing new there, but you need to start owing your behavior today. It was not the boredom with your marriage, it was not your wife or anything else.

 

You wanted some strange and then you caught feelings, been there done that, except the feelings.

 

Third, So, if you really want to get your life going again, you need to confess. You really cannot build your marriage back up on a foundation of lies.

 

Be aware that your wife may divorce you when you tell her, but it is the only way to get things back on track. Confessing if better then W finding out some other way.

 

Forth, Your xOW is not your problem anymore. Just let it go. Everyone tells me that even though one of my OW's really had a hard time getting over it. I think they are right.

 

Fifth, Working with her is an issue, when you confess to your wife, she will have a hard time with that too. For you, seeing her even a little will make you feel like crap, and it really raises the possibility of it starting again.

 

You are right about one thing, the stress of having an affair is a total killer. when I stopped all that, I just started to feel free.

 

Do you have any other specific question right now?

[aileD]

Your questions:

 

1. You need to change your habits. For four years you have had the habits of talking to her, texting, whatever. So I'm sure there's a lot of empty time now where you would previously be talking to her. That empty space leaves room for thinking and wondering and obsessing over her. Fill that time with something new like a hobby, excercize, counseling, and sending your wife the text messages you would have sent your AP. Your mindset- it your heart-determines how long it will take to get over someone. If youbwallow- it will take longer.

 

2. This is a tough one. If you tell her, shes not going to be happy that is ended....she's going to be devastated, hurt and pissed that you've been deceiving her for FOUR years after she so graciously forgave you the first time you were found out.

 

But she does have a right to know and how can you have a goodmarriagenwith this huge secret??

 

I suggest going to individual counseling for you, and marriage counseling and find a way to work thru it with the help of a professional.

 

I won't lie to you. This is big. She might not stay

 

3. Who cares? You will never leave your wife so none of her personal life will ever matter. She most likely will stay with the BF because if she was only willing to leave him if YOU were there to catch her. So she will either stay with security or only move on when something better comes along again

 

4. This all depends on if she does the work on herself. Again ...nothing to do with you

[Cephalopod]

B.S. here:

 

 

1) How long does it take to get over someone who you've had had an affair with for 4 years?

 

I have never cheated myself, but from all i have read, the sooner you completely isolate and separate yourself from your affair partner the sooner you can detach and re-focus on your marriage.

 

We work in the same place and it can sometimes feel really hard when i see her at work. I don't know how to behave and i don't know how long this will continue for.

 

 

To be honest, you need to ask your boss for a transfer to another location or you need to find a new job. As long as you are working with her and in contact with her, the affair is continuing. You have to decide what is more important to you, your job or your marriage.

2) Should i confess all to my wife?

 

Yes. Immediately.

 

...how do i stop myself from falling into the same trap again?

 

Counseling. Independent counseling with a tough, no-nonsense therapist to dig down and help you understand why you have such poor boundaries. And, setting boundaries and sticking to them.

 

3) Not that it should matter to me but it may give me some comfort in my confused lost state...do you think my affair partner would be able to continue with her unsuspecting boyfriend (who she has now known/dated for more than half her life - 17 years). For me this would be comforting because i would somehow feel that she had chosen me over him.

 

It should not matter to you.. at all. Her life choices are her own. In fact, I think you should tell her boyfriend. He has a right to know she has been cheating on him.

 

 

4) How easy or difficult would it be for her to leave him (because he clearly hasn't given her the things she desires most ..marriage/children so far) to date someone new?

 

Not your problem. Why is this in any way your problem? Focus on your wife and marriage.

[Lion Heart]

[]

 

Have courage mouse.

 

The ONE and only way you can stop betraying your wife is to out the affair to her, show your wife your thread starter here.

 

BOOM over at one strike. :-)

 

You'll never give it up unless you do. You've been very weak for four long years.

 

You're not sad.

You're SCARED lol.

 

If you leave for other woman SHE WILL WANT CHILDREN from you lol. Heck 2 kids bored you enough to have an affair, I don't like OWs chances of you staying faithful to her if you did. Child Support for your current 2 kids. More kids and family life with what will be a VERY paranoid OW.

 

Why would OW stay faithful to you anyway?

 

You're BOTH cheating on your partners.

 

What a mess you've made. No sympathy from me lol.

 

COME CLEAN WITH THE TRUTH to your wife (and by default your children too). There's no other way.

 

I hope your betrayed wife has a GOOD job.

She's gonna need one.

 

LH

Edited October 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted full quote of original post due to length ~6

[40somethingGuy]

[]

I also developed a new found respect for her (Wife) because of the way she handled the situation.

 

 

Boy, if that is respect then please don't respect anyone. I know one is supposed to be nice on here but you are low. Very low. To call you only a deceitful liar would be too unkind to deceitful liars. I just hope you wife finds out, ends up with a MAN who appreciates a kind and loving woman, and you are left alone knowing your kids too will resent you. You made your bed. Guess what- most of us have had people come in our lives that are attractive and intriguing. We don't act on it we take our current situation and make it better. But you do seem like the kind of guy that belongs with a woman who is doing the same with her longtime bf. I feel for him, your wife, and kids. You are disgusting and should feel miserable except you should feel miserable knowing how many lives you will hurt if you are outed and the long lie you have lived.

Edited October 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted full quote of original post due to length ~6

[Confused9999]

You will get some brutal advice. Many of those will come from BS or people that feel like they are a moral authority.

 

Don't listen.. do what is best for YOU and your marriage!

 

I had an affair for 3 years.

Similar story where OW wanted more and I could not do that to my family.

 

To answer your questions..

 

1. How long depends on you. NO CONTACT is key.. the feeling and emotions connection will whane over time. I am NC 7 months and although I still think of her every now and then it's not so emotional and traumatic. More like a distant memory. (Of course your mileage may vary)

 

2. Should you tell your wife.. depends, are you unhappy in your marriage and is there nothing that you can do to improve it. I have not told my wife and don't intend to since my marriage was and is good. Why would I want to destroy it now after the fact! And trust me.. by you telling her the marriage is not going to get better.

 

3 and 4. Who cares. See point#1. You have to stop taking to her and get your mind off her. Otherwise you don't heal and move on. If you can't get to that stage then consider telling your wife and deal with consequences.

 

Good luck man.. It's not easy and you will have good days and very bad days but it will get better!

Edited October 24, 2016 by Confused9999

[usernameisvalid]

I don't intend to be overly harsh, but I come away from your post with the sense that you are very selfish. You hardly mention your wife and seem relatively unconcerned about your marriage and its future. I also get a minimizing vibe from your post, as though you don't take full responsibility for this. I understand you didn't post looking for help with your marriage, that you posted looking for help with your own feelings, but maybe that in and of itself is telling as well.

 

Do you love your wife now? You said she's kind and sweet and that you respect her. You said you started to realize you loved your wife (past tense), but even that didn't stop the affair. You might want to figure out if you truly love her and why you feel unsatisfied enough to jeopardize your relationship.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Hi guys,

 

My questions are:

 

1) How long does it take to get over someone who you've had had an affair with for 4 years? We work in the same place and it can sometimes feel really hard when i see her at work. I don't know how to behave and i don't know how long this will continue for.

 

2) Should i confess all to my wife? how do i stop myself from falling into the same trap again

 

3) Not that it should matter to me but it may give me some comfort in my confused lost state...do you think my affair partner would be able to continue with her unsuspecting boyfriend (who she has now known/dated for more than half her life - 17 years). For me this would be comforting because i would somehow feel that she had chosen me over him.

 

4) How easy or difficult would it be for her to leave him (because he clearly hasn't given her the things she desires most ..marriage/children so far) to date someone new?

 

1. It takes 2x the length of an affair to get over someone (so it has been said and so I have lived). Plus you see her, so that means 8 years or never. It's next to impossible to get over someone you have to see, esp since you cannot go off and date and meet new people. It will be hell. I would advise a new job from my own experience. It is the only solution.

 

2. yes. You have to tell her. I told my H. It is the only way or your life is going to be a hellish existence of pain and suffering. It will give you a chance to fix the problem and move on together or separately.

 

3. She will probably dump the boyfriend as if she is smart, she will know she can't marry him (assuming he is going to propose) and the only way for her to move on is to date and meet a new guy.

 

4. That is hard to say. She will lean on him for a while till she realizes #3. Its pretty easy to dump a guy who won't commit.

[HeCantBreakMe]

[]

 

Welcome to LS, though I am sorry you are here. Sort of like being at an AA meeting- never a great place to be.

 

It can take twice as long to get over your affair partner as the actual affair lasted so I sure hope in your case it doesn't take 8 years. There are a lot of things you can start doing to get your head right and the first is to get counseling. i would suggest starting there and start reading EVERYTHING you can get your hands on about affairs, limerence, healing your spouse etc. I would also download some podcasts they have some great things to listen to.

 

The more you do to help yourself the better this will be for you. ALSO let this girl go. DO NOT EVER call her or text her or reach out to her or talk to her at work. If she tries to talk to you (and i am sure she will ) DO NOT engage. Let this go- you are hurting so many people so get your big boy pants on and start putting some work in on yourself.

 

Also, start reading stories on here about what worked for others. There are some men on this board who are doing the right thing- learn from them.

Edited October 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted full quote of original post due to length ~6

[Mr. Lucky]

You will get some brutal advice. Many of those will come from BS or people that feel like they are a moral authority.

 

I guess that includes everyone not willing to enable the OP's behavior.

 

Pamplemousse, your post is a swamp of selfishness and rationalization. Here are 3 examples of many:

 

I also developed a new found respect for her (Wife) because of the way she handled the situation. In someways she changed from then on and our relationship became more loving.

 

Nevertheless i kept my affair going with this other girl.

 

However by this time i was beginning to realise that i loved my wife and my kids and i could never leave them and so we continued as we were - chatting on the phone, sexting and occasionally meeting up for a cuddle and sex.

 

We broke up again but she kept texting but started becoming more distant and finally she has stopped texting altogether- its been a month and it is finally beginning to sink in that perhaps we truly are over. I have tried to do the right thing and have walked away...

 

Without a trace of irony, you mean "do the right thing" by your AP - your wife gets zero consideration and even less respect as you speculate on your OW's future love life.

 

Must be very comforting for you to know you've got the little woman waiting at home as you work through these difficult emotions...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Pamplemousse]

I also developed a new found respect for her (Wife) because of the way she handled the situation.

 

 

Boy, if that is respect then please don't respect anyone. I know one is supposed to be nice on here but you are low. Very low. To call you only a deceitful liar would be too unkind to deceitful liars. I just hope you wife finds out, ends up with a MAN who appreciates a kind and loving woman, and you are left alone knowing your kids too will resent you. You made your bed. Guess what- most of us have had people come in our lives that are attractive and intriguing. We don't act on it we take our current situation and make it better. But you do seem like the kind of guy that belongs with a woman who is doing the same with her longtime bf. I feel for him, your wife, and kids. You are disgusting and should feel miserable except you should feel miserable knowing how many lives you will hurt if you are outed and the long lie you have lived.

 

 

let him who is without sin cast the first stone

[Pamplemousse]

Welcome to LS, though I am sorry you are here. Sort of like being at an AA meeting- never a great place to be.

 

It can take twice as long to get over your affair partner as the actual affair lasted so I sure hope in your case it doesn't take 8 years. There are a lot of things you can start doing to get your head right and the first is to get counseling. i would suggest starting there and start reading EVERYTHING you can get your hands on about affairs, limerence, healing your spouse etc. I would also download some podcasts they have some great things to listen to.

 

The more you do to help yourself the better this will be for you. ALSO let this girl go. DO NOT EVER call her or text her or reach out to her or talk to her at work. If she tries to talk to you (and i am sure she will ) DO NOT engage. Let this go- you are hurting so many people so get your big boy pants on and start putting some work in on yourself.

 

Also, start reading stories on here about what worked for others. There are some men on this board who are doing the right thing- learn from them.

 

thank you...very helpful:-)

[Forever broken]

Is not gonna be easy forgetting about the Affair Partner but unfortunately you must remain no contact with her. Deep down you had no plans of ever been with her, so leave her to find happiness with someone else.

 

Now about working together, that can be a tough one. Are you capable of establishing a professional relationship with her with no strings? If you can, keep it simple. But if not, you might have to look some where else. I work with my ex married man and trust me they weren't lying when they said don't crap where you eat.

 

Lastly, telling your betrayed spouse is your call. You might lose everything or not. My ex married man looks happy now after the confession. I hear he's doing well. But every situation is different.

 

I wish you all the best. Don't be discouraged with some of the replies. Hope you find peace.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I guess that includes everyone not willing to enable the OP's behavior.

 

Pamplemousse, your post is a swamp of selfishness and rationalization. Here are 3 examples of many:

 

Without a trace of irony, you mean "do the right thing" by your AP - your wife gets zero consideration and even less respect as you speculate on your OW's future love life.

 

Must be very comforting for you to know you've got the little woman waiting at home as you work through these difficult emotions...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

The OP is in the fog. He has no idea the pain he is in for. He cannot even begin to think about his wife until he goes through a massive breakup from a 4 year relationship, where he still will be seeing the girl. Plus she is single, she will probably be dating publicly on purpose. His life is going to be a ball of fire. He is nowhere near ready to understand what you are saying. It takes 10 months or so to realize the BS's pain and the destruction you caused.

[Forever broken]

let him who is without sin cast the first stone

 

Remember you will get a lot of advice from both betrayed spouses and affair partners. Some Betrayed spouses will be mad because you cheated your wife greatly and some affair partner will be upset because of the treatment of the OW.

 

I have come to realize that nobody wins in an affair.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Remember you will get a lot of advice from both betrayed spouses and affair partners. Some Betrayed spouses will be mad because you cheated your wife greatly and some affair partner will be upset because of the treatment of the OW.

 

I have come to realize that nobody wins in an affair.

 

No but you can make your marriage a totally different animal than it was before. It's like people who have cancer and change their life afterwards. No one wants a terrible thing to happen to them (or do a terrible thing) but its how you deal w it that counts.

 

Affairs never make you feel so alive - love and pain.

[BluesPower]

Mouse...

 

Like I said, some people will jump on you, so learn to take it if you want to get help. There are a lot of BS (Betrayed spouses) here and a lot of OW (Other women) and a lot of WS (Wayward spouses) so you will get a lot of good advice even when you don't want to hear it.

 

I am both so I usually don't judge but I will tell you the truth. Listen to what people say on LS because we have almost all been through it.

 

You are a crappy person and you will have to learn how to forgive yourself for that. But you will suffer for it inside for a while. You will miss what you had with OW and you will hurt for that as well.

 

If you have the courage to tell your wife, which is really the only option even though you do don't believe it now, you will really see what pain looks like.

 

She very well may take you to the cleaners, but if you want a happy marriage you have to tell her.

 

Listen to what the BS's tell you. The anger and hurt in their posts will give you the slightest clue how much their WS's hurt them.

 

You have a really long why to go but posting here is a good first step...

[wmacbride]

The OP is in the fog. He has no idea the pain he is in for. He cannot even begin to think about his wife until he goes through a massive breakup from a 4 year relationship, where he still will be seeing the girl. Plus she is single, she will probably be dating publicly on purpose. His life is going to be a ball of fire. He is nowhere near ready to understand what you are saying. It takes 10 months or so to realize the BS's pain and the destruction you caused.

 

Not trying to be rude, but they never really do fully realize it, unless they have experienced it themselves.

 

op,you have made the decision to stay in your marriage. That means you need to be all in, and you simply can;t do that if you are not honest with your wife.

 

In this area, you have two choices. you can be the man who owns his actions, and upstanding and doesn't run and hide. Alternatively, you can hide and be dishonest, and risk your ow deciding she is going to tell your wife for you.

 

You think you can trust your ex-ow to not tell? I bet her bf trusts her too,and look what she did to him.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Not trying to be rude, but they never really do fully realize it, unless they have experienced it themselves.

 

op,you have made the decision to stay in your marriage. That means you need to be all in, and you simply can;t do that if you are not honest with your wife.

 

In this area, you have two choices. you can be the man who owns his actions, and upstanding and doesn't run and hide. Alternatively, you can hide and be dishonest, and risk your ow deciding she is going to tell your wife for you.

 

You think you can trust your ex-ow to not tell? I bet her bf trusts her too,and look what she did to him.

 

That is true on both the experiencing it part and trusting the OW not to tell.

 

You cannot trust the person who is hurt to not say anything. Why should they protect you? Esp if she tells her BF, which she probably will as they are together forever. He will call your wife.

[howtogoon2016]

My thoughts coming from someone that is still a MOW

 

 

1) How long does it take to get over someone who you've had had an affair with for 4 years? We work in the same place and it can sometimes feel really hard when i see her at work. I don't know how to behave and i don't know how long this will continue for.

 

 

I imagine while you still work together it will be very difficult to not have an emotional attachment to exOW. the key here would be for one of you to remove yourself from the situation. As you cant control her then it would be for you to find a new job. Part of you won't want that because then you will not see her anymore, but it will be the only way to get over her by having complete NC. While you don't want to get over her there is no time that will happen that will mean you are over her. It may never be done unless you want it to be and work towards that.

 

 

 

 

2) Should i confess all to my wife? how do i stop myself from falling into the same trap again

 

 

Before you confess think about why you are doing it and if it is the right thing to do. What do you hope to achieve by telling her? Yes of course it will hurt her, but do you think she will leave you? Maybe that's what you want or don't want. I am a believer in that you chose to keep this secret for 4 years, you may have chosen for the affair to be over but there is no need to share it unless you have good reason to. The guilt is something you now have to take to your grave. Only tell her if you absolutely 100% believe that you wouldn't be able to reconcile unless you have told her. I know there are a lot of people here that will say you can't have full reconciliation unless you tell her but I don't agree with that.

 

 

 

 

3) Not that it should matter to me but it may give me some comfort in my confused lost state...do you think my affair partner would be able to continue with her unsuspecting boyfriend (who she has now known/dated for more than half her life - 17 years). For me this would be comforting because i would somehow feel that she had chosen me over him.

 

 

Yes, I do believe that she will be able to continue. Her past behaviour says she was able to continue because she has never chosen to leave. So chances are she will continue in that state with him unless something changes. Now that you are gone, it will give her time to decide what she really and truly wants and that may be to be with him or to find a new path without him. The one absolute she now knows is that the future won't be with you, whether with him or not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4) How easy or difficult would it be for her to leave him (because he clearly hasn't given her the things she desires most ..marriage/children so

far) to date someone new?

 

 

 

Ending any long term marriage is difficult. She may not have marriage and children but without knowing how dependant they are on one another, if she is scared of being alone, if her relationship is actually relatively good or not, we can't say what the possibilities of her reconciling this relationship are and even if it is easy or difficult with confidence after an A you can say both paths of staying or going are hard to face when making a decision.

 

 

 

 

My question for you is this - if it went on for 4 years and you truly had feelings for her, why didn't you leave? To me, being in an A tells me something is missing from the primary marriage, and now the affair is over you will have to think about whether you can stay in that marriage or not for the rest of your life. But is there a reason you didn't leave to pursue a life with her other than the kids? To me, the kids is just excuses, not the reason to stay in the marriage.

[Midwestmissy]

I'd love to know why pamplemousse didn't leave too. If what was missing in his marriage, he was getting from the ow - simple math. Go to the ow.

 

Of course the reason is the problem is with pamplemousse, not the marriage. Just like all the affairson here.

 

But why didn't you end your marriage for this wonderful passionate woman?

[gettingstronger]

I'd love to know why pamplemousse didn't leave too. If what was missing in his marriage, he was getting from the ow - simple math. Go to the ow.

 

Of course the reason is the problem is with pamplemousse, not the marriage. Just like all the affairson here.

 

But why didn't you end your marriage for this wonderful passionate woman?

 

I vote for leaving the wife. Let her find someone that is comitted to her. She'd probably agree if she knew.