Reconciliation Indeed- I told his wife and he still comes back

[Rorocher]

I guess my ex MM is a different breed of man. To all the BS out there, please pay close attention to your reconciliation process if you decide to go that route.

 

 

My story- I had an intense 2 year affair with a MM. I was a MW myself. We both have young children. I met him with the intention of just flirting=having something “light” on the side to distract me from my boring dead marriage. I don’t justify my actions at all, I was a selfish a*hole. We had an understanding from the beginning that our affair was just some silly frivolous tryst, I did not even think we would last beyond a month.

 

 

And then he “lovebombed” me. I was vulnerable and weak and I fell completely for it. I had never had ANY man treat me with such “devotion” as this man did. He introduced me to his children and requested to spend time with my child. I spent time with his kids a few times when his wife was out of town. We traveled together very many times, ofcourse using work travel as an excuse to our spouses. He told me he was no longer in love with his wife and he maintained that rhetoric for 2 years. We texted each other non stop from 6am in the morning until 11pm at night every single day for 2 years, never ran out of things to talk about. We even texted often in the middle of the night when we couldn’t sleep, while laying beside our spouses. We saw each other daily, multiple times a day sometimes. We spent the night together a few times when we could sneak away and get a hotel. I know so much intimate details about his life. I can tell you the intimate design of his house even though I was never in it. I know all his children’s birthdays and bought them gifts, as he did with mine. I spent time with his kids and have so many pictures of them. I know a lot of intimate details about his in-laws. I have so many pictures of his parents, his friends, his childhood home, I know where he works, the names and details about his co workers, how much money he makes, etc etc. We had sex in their family car uncountable times because we couldn’t always use an hotel. I could go on. We did not just have an affair,we had an intimate relationship for 2 years and our spouses were non the wiser but I think it because they had already checked out too so for example, my husband never questioned the reason why I was always on my phone texting or why I was always “working late”. Ofcourse, the usual story, we were ‘soul mates’,meant to be together, all these things we told each other. He bought me so many gifts, cards, wrote me romantic letters professing eternal undying love, all of which I still have today.

 

 

After sometime, we started planning on how we were going to divorce our spouses and be together. We had very many discussions about logistics, where we would live, custody of the children, etc. We also had a lot of fights, up and down rollercoaster, constant push and pull because he wanted to drag out the affair when I just wanted us to be done with all the sneaking around and come out withthe truth to our loved ones.

 

 

One day, we had the biggest fight of all and he finally revealed to me that he couldn't go through with divorce because of his children. He couldn’t imagine not seeing them everyday. I was devastated, I felt betrayed like he had led me on for so long when he knew along that he couldn’t go through with it .

 

 

In a moment of sheer insanity, I told his wife. I emailed her about the affair. I went home and told my husband too. I outed our affair to our spouses. I apologized profusely to our spouses for being a cheating a-hole. His wife wanted to meet me and get all the details but I couldn’t bring myself to meet her, I was so ashamed of what I did after all the anger subsided. Mind you, I didn’t know his wife before all this, we weren’t mutual acquaintances or anything like that.

 

 

Ofcourse all hell broke lose after that and he disappeared. He ghosted me. When I came back to my senses, I tried acouple of times to reach him and apologize for my actions, but he had already blocked him from all the ways of contacting him. I crawled back into my hole and licked my wounds.

 

 

My husband and I started divorce proceedings because I knew that I just didn’t want to be married anymore, the affair was merely a symptom of a long broken marriage. I started moving on with my life slowly, evaluating how/why I stooped so low to have an affair in the first place and to be the one to out us the way I did.

 

 

Fast forward 3 months later, ex MM contacted me. I was flabbergasted. I immediately apologized for everything because that was what I had been trying to do for so long. We talked for a bit and he said he would consider my apology. I thought he contacted me to get closure and that was the last conversation I would ever have with him.

 

 

A few days later he called again to say that he forgives me for telling his wife, I thanked him and we chatted some more. Then the calls gradually became more and more frequent. And again, the rhetoric started from his side of how much he misses me and loves me still in spite of what I did and how I outed us, we reminisced about old times. He admitted that he can’t leave his marriage and that they are slowly working towards reconciliation but that he can’t get over us either. I was still weak and still mired in shame for my “jerry springer” moment and I would keep taking his calls. Then he started going to places that he knows I would be just so we can run into each other. Mind you, as a condition of reconciliation, his wife put a GPS tracker on his phone to monitor his movements but that did not stop him from “running into me” a few times.

 

 

We keep treading this dangerous path, he created a fake Instagram account and he uses that to private message me, he calls multiple times and we tell each other how much we love and miss each other. I’ve seen him and we’ve hugged, he’s mentioned his upcoming work travels hoping that I would come. I am going through a divorce, he is supposedly reconciling. I know that he doesn’t love me and doesn’t love his wife either because he is playing both of us. The affair fog is lifting for me and I am now seeing who the so called love of my life truly is. And just recently I finally told him ENOUGH. I am a single woman now, I don't need to sneak around with anyone anymore. And more importantly, what I experienced with him wasn't love afterall. It was sheer craziness.

 

 

]I don’t know what the point of sharing my story is except to say warn BSs that reconciliation is not always what you think it is. Your WS maybe professing apologies and undying love for you but you have no idea what’s in their heart and what they are still doing behind your back. Good luck to all out there.

Edited October 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ladydesigner]

I posted this on the infidelity forum too but I think its relevant here.

 

 

I guess my ex MM is a different breed of man. To all the BS out there, please pay close attention to your reconciliation process if you decide to go that route.

 

 

My story- I had an intense 2 year affair with a MM. I was a MW myself. We both have young children. I met him with the intention of just flirting=having something “light” on the side to distract me from my boring dead marriage. I don’t justify my actions at all, I was a selfish a*hole. We had an understanding from the beginning that our affair was just some silly frivolous tryst, I did not even think we would last beyond a month.

 

 

And then he “lovebombed” me. I was vulnerable and weak and I fell completely for it. I had never had ANY man treat me with such “devotion” as this man did. He introduced me to his children and requested to spend time with my child. I spent time with his kids a few times when his wife was out of town. We traveled together very many times, ofcourse using work travel as an excuse to our spouses. He told me he was no longer in love with his wife and he maintained that rhetoric for 2 years. We texted each other non stop from 6am in the morning until 11pm at night every single day for 2 years, never ran out of things to talk about. We even texted often in the middle of the night when we couldn’t sleep, while laying beside our spouses. We saw each other daily, multiple times a day sometimes. We spent the night together a few times when we could sneak away and get a hotel. I know so much intimate details about his life. I can tell you the intimate design of his house even though I was never in it. I know all his children’s birthdays and bought them gifts, as he did with mine. I spent time with his kids and have so many pictures of them. I know a lot of intimate details about his in-laws. I have so many pictures of his parents, his friends, his childhood home, I know where he works, the names and details about his co workers, how much money he makes, etc etc. We had sex in their family car uncountable times because we couldn’t always use an hotel. I could go on. We did not just have an affair,we had an intimate relationship for 2 years and our spouses were non the wiser but I think it because they had already checked out too so for example, my husband never questioned the reason why I was always on my phone texting or why I was always “working late”. Ofcourse, the usual story, we were ‘soul mates’,meant to be together, all these things we told each other. He bought me so many gifts, cards, wrote me romantic letters professing eternal undying love, all of which I still have today.

 

 

After sometime, we started planning on how we were going to divorce our spouses and be together. We had very many discussions about logistics, where we would live, custody of the children, etc. We also had a lot of fights, up and down rollercoaster, constant push and pull because he wanted to drag out the affair when I just wanted us to be done with all the sneaking around and come out withthe truth to our loved ones.

 

 

One day, we had the biggest fight of all and he finally revealed to me that he couldn't go through with divorce because of his children. He couldn’t imagine not seeing them everyday. I was devastated, I felt betrayed like he had led me on for so long when he knew along that he couldn’t go through with it .

 

 

In a moment of sheer insanity, I told his wife. I emailed her about the affair. I went home and told my husband too. I outed our affair to our spouses. I apologized profusely to our spouses for being a cheating a-hole. His wife wanted to meet me and get all the details but I couldn’t bring myself to meet her, I was so ashamed of what I did after all the anger subsided. Mind you, I didn’t know his wife before all this, we weren’t mutual acquaintances or anything like that.

 

 

Ofcourse all hell broke lose after that and he disappeared. He ghosted me. When I came back to my senses, I tried acouple of times to reach him and apologize for my actions, but he had already blocked him from all the ways of contacting him. I crawled back into my hole and licked my wounds.

 

 

My husband and I started divorce proceedings because I knew that I just didn’t want to be married anymore, the affair was merely a symptom of a long broken marriage. I started moving on with my life slowly, evaluating how/why I stooped so low to have an affair in the first place and to be the one to out us the way I did.

 

 

Fast forward 3 months later, ex MM contacted me. I was flabbergasted. I immediately apologized for everything because that was what I had been trying to do for so long. We talked for a bit and he said he would consider my apology. I thought he contacted me to get closure and that was the last conversation I would ever have with him.

 

 

A few days later he called again to say that he forgives me for telling his wife, I thanked him and we chatted some more. Then the calls gradually became more and more frequent. And again, the rhetoric started from his side of how much he misses me and loves me still in spite of what I did and how I outed us, we reminisced about old times. He admitted that he can’t leave his marriage and that they are slowly working towards reconciliation but that he can’t get over us either. I was still weak and still mired in shame for my “jerry springer” moment and I would keep taking his calls. Then he started going to places that he knows I would be just so we can run into each other. Mind you, as a condition of reconciliation, his wife put a GPS tracker on his phone to monitor his movements but that did not stop him from “running into me” a few times.

 

 

We keep treading this dangerous path, he created a fake Instagram account and he uses that to private message me, he calls multiple times and we tell each other how much we love and miss each other. I’ve seen him and we’ve hugged, he’s mentioned his upcoming work travels hoping that I would come. I am going through a divorce, he is supposedly reconciling. I know that he doesn’t love me and doesn’t love his wife either because he is playing both of us. The affair fog is lifting for me and I am now seeing who the so called love of my life truly is. And just recently I finally told him ENOUGH. I am a single woman now, I don't need to sneak around with anyone anymore. And more importantly, what I experienced with him wasn't love afterall. It was sheer craziness.

 

 

]I don’t know what the point of sharing my story is except to say warn BSs that reconciliation is not always what you think it is. Your WS maybe professing apologies and undying love for you but you have no idea what’s in their heart and what they are still doing behind your back. Good luck to all out there.

• 
  

 

A good warning too! I thought I was in R for 2 years! I thought I could catch everything ... nope they had a burner phone! My M will never be the same. I am in limbo until I leave I guess

[BenchCoach]

What is it, exactly, that you're looking... what kind of advice, is what I mean? You posted on both sides.

 

I really don't think you want to extricate yourself from this. You two were pretty much set on riding off in to the sunset together, but he got cold feet. When he did this, you decided to "blow it all up," because you didn't get what you wanted- out of pure SPITE. Now he comes crawling back and you continue to engage him- wash... rinse... repeat.

 

I feel for the true victims in all this mess; your respective spouses and children.

 

 

To be honest, you two deserve each other.

[BTDT2012]

Telling his wife wasn't insanity. Apologizing to him for telling and re-starting the affair is insanity. If you are truly done with him, let his wife know that the two of you are still in contact. I experienced false reconciliation; it wasn't fun.

[ShatteredLady]

Please, PLEASE do the decent thing & tell his wife EVERYTHING now. Give her the 'secret account'.

 

False reconciliation is TORTURE. Suffering an affair destroys most BS. It changed me in so many ways. I'm no longer the woman I was & I can't imagine ever trusting anyone completely again in my life.

 

My brother went through all of this crap. Lies, lies & more lies. In the end he took his own life. I've watched my parents buckle & break. My Mum cradled his cold dead body like he was a baby until the police took him away.

 

We all talk about the passion, pain, fun & despair of affairs. My entire family has been destroyed by adultery.

Please let that poor woman know the truth NOW. She's going to discover the truth eventually. The longer it goes on the more you are hurt & the more she is broken.

 

MM are very good at playing women against each other. To justify his behavior he's probably spun reality to make you feel like she somehow deserves it. She doesn't!! My brother was a lovely man.

[BTDT2012]

Shattered Lady, so sorry for your loss.

[ShatteredLady]

I responded to your other post. My brother killed himself because of all this c**p!

 

The answer is easy....STOP!!!

 

Just have a soul & STOP. Tell his wife. Give her your secret account. Or carry-on messing with her head & heart until she can't take anymore...Then you might 'WIN' him.

[dreamingoftigers]

Ugh.

 

Just quit.

 

This is so unhealthy and such a load of crap for everyone involved.

 

Just quit playing stupid games and cut him.out and get yourself some therapy to figure out how you were EVER okay with being an a-hole (your words).

 

Because YOU ARE STILL DOING IT. To his wife.

 

Yeah sure, he is too. But one person acting like a scumbag is enough.

[whichwayisup]

I don’t know what the point of sharing my story is except to say warn BSs that reconciliation is not always what you think it is. Your WS maybe professing apologies and undying love for you but you have no idea what’s in their heart and what they are still doing behind your back. Good luck to all out there.

Wouldn't it help his BS, his innocent wife if you did more than just confess the A? You ran away. Things ended asap, he disappeared and ghosted you. Now that he's trying to get back into your life, why don't you own your part in the affair, call his wife, apologize to her and answer her questions. It may help your healing. That is, if you are over him completely. Yet it seems like you like the ego feed, him chasing you again. I certainly hope you tell him to F OFF and DO tell his wife everything. Show her evidence.

[Rorocher]

OP here, I see what you guys are saying but I can't find it in me to tell his wife again. Telling her the first time is the biggest regret of my life. I intruded into a person's life and destroyed their peace, out of spite and anger. Yes the affair itself was bad, don't get me wrong but for her to find out from me, a complete stranger, that she had no idea existed must have been devastating. Even though she seemed to take it in stride when I talked to her. For the person who thought I ran away, no, I did speak with her on the phone couple of times, I didn't give her all the details she wanted because they were just too damaging. I own my part in the affair and apologized.

 

 

The fog has lifted for me and clarity has finally set in, I told ex MM enough and that he should go away. He will most likely just find some other chump to seek attention from but that is not my business any longer. This experience was/is so massively unhealthy that I just want to scrub myself of the stench and focus on becoming emotionally healthy again. My divorce is almost final, I will be able to fully move on with my life and put this all behind me.

 

 

If his wife is going to find out who her husband truly is, it won't be from me, not again.

[ShatteredLady]

So....you started your EA up again,

 

"We keep treading this dangerous path, he created a fake Instagram account and he uses that to private message me, he calls multiple times and we tell each other how much we love and miss each other. I’ve seen him and we’ve hugged, he’s mentioned his upcoming work travels hoping that I would come."

 

Just how "recently" have you told him "enough!"?? Is this affair still on or not?

 

Why do people do these things to each other?

 

Are you going to do the decent thing & FINALLY stop this for ever? Are you going to tell his wife that you're back in an EA & planning to become a PA again?

[Rorocher]

Wouldn't it help his BS, his innocent wife if you did more than just confess the A? You ran away. Things ended asap, he disappeared and ghosted you. Now that he's trying to get back into your life, why don't you own your part in the affair, call his wife, apologize to her and answer her questions. It may help your healing. That is, if you are over him completely. Yet it seems like you like the ego feed, him chasing you again. I certainly hope you tell him to F OFF and DO tell his wife everything. Show her evidence.

 

 

 

If I show her even 0.0001% of the "evidence" that I have, it would kill her. I mean, what do I tell her and what do I leave out to spare her the pain? That I held her kids or that I had sex countless times in the car that she drives around everyday? That, on the night of their wedding anniversary when they were both at dinner, he was texting me the whole time? Or that he came back a day early from one of his work trips so that we could spend the day together, while she thought he was still on his trip?

 

 

I am a massively horrible person for getting involved with him in the name of love. I wasn't not remotely over him when I blew things up, I thought we were really soulmates. So you can imagine my feelings when he came back the second time. I thought, foolishly now, that if I can do something like that to him and he can forgive me for it, then he must really love me. The power of the human mind to convince itself of just what it wants to believe is amazing and at the end of the it all, I am human.

 

 

I am just trying to be a better human by leaving him, his wife alone and just putting this whole sordid mess behind me.

[ShatteredLady]

I was posting at the same time as you so didn't see your response.

 

it doesn't matter what your motives were. Telling his wife is the only decent thing you've done. It's a shame that you don't see it that way.

[Rorocher]

I was posting at the same time as you so didn't see your response.

 

it doesn't matter what your motives were. Telling his wife is the only decent thing you've done. It's a shame that you don't see it that way.

 

 

But ShatteredLady, I told her out of spite, out of anger. I was livid that night and do admit, shamefully to myself that I wanted to see both him and I burn. I told my husband first and then told his wife. Both innocent parties in this mess. How is that not shameful?

 

 

Yes, it was the right thing to do to confess and stop living a lie but I should have kept the confession to my own house and my own marriage and let him deal with his home.

 

 

The decent thing to do all along was not to have had an affair in the first place, or at least to have broken up with him and walked away completely without dragging everyone down with my bulls*t.

[SnowBaby]

Wow. That makes me really angry and upset for his wife.

 

I would tell her again, I really would. That way she can put all her energy into divorcing him and taking him to the cleaners.

 

I would be beyond angry myself not at the affair, but they fact that this loser used my kids and allowed them to be close to a woman that was cheating with him on THIER mother. That is the most disgusting thing that could possibly happen.

 

Even if you two were to get together, it will hurt those kids to see their father continually inflict pain on their mother.

[ShatteredLady]

ALL of it is shameful.

 

As I said, it doesn't matter what your motives were. She is completely innocent. She was making life descisions based on a lie. Her whole life is a lie. At the moment she is still in shock, in agony. She is a vulnerable human being. You know this AND STILL started-up with him AGAIN!!

 

She is humiliating herself, loosing herself, sinking deeper & deeper because of false reconciliation!! He is sleeping with her. Professing his undying love. Telling her how you were the worst mistake of his life. How YOU manipulated him. He is messing with her head AND THEN talking romantic to YOU on a secret account!

 

What if he's talking her into having a child? Giving-up her job? Any other warped plan he has to keep her quiet & control her more? You don't know what HUGE life changing descisions SHE could be making based on his lies!!

 

You are complicit in this!!!!

[ladydesigner]

MOW told me their A never ended. I do believe it was out of spite, but I don't care just to have the confirmation that the A continued was all the information I needed to know. My WH was the one that proved himself to be a worthless individual.

[purplesorrow]

You told his wife and then allowed him to come back. Perhaps you should have also warned that 'honesty' from the AP isn't always what it seems.

[burnt]

If I show her even 0.0001% of the "evidence" that I have, it would kill her. I mean, what do I tell her and what do I leave out to spare her the pain?

 

I am just trying to be a better human by leaving him, his wife alone and just putting this whole sordid mess behind me.

 

Yes, it would kill her; you are right about that. But, in time, she will be thankful for the truth--the whole truth.

 

Now, try to put yourself in her shoes. If YOU were her, would you want to know that you are actually reconciling with a man THIS low, betraying you with this level of ugliness?

 

SHE is a woman. She has instincts. She may not know the details, but over time, she will continue to emotionally deteriorate if she stays with him with all his secrets. Once you leave him alone, he WILL find someone else to get his refill of thrill and excitement. He needed you because his wife wasn't enough for him--which means he will need someone else after you are gone.

 

Yes, you certainly can leave this "sordid mess" behind YOU, to safeguard yourself, but what about her? You already made her aware of the affair--she swallowed her pride and asked you to talk to her. You vanished without answers and humiliated her even more than she already was. Of course she believed what her husband told her since she didn't hear your side of the story.

 

She was humiliated with the affair; she is staying under false information and more lies and betrayal and you are ok with that--as a WOMAN?

 

You are perfectly capable of understanding how awful it is to stay in a marriage that is dead--you left yours, remember?

 

You come in to this site to "warn" all the anonymous BS's out there in the world about reconciling, but you are unwilling to inform the very BS who is suffering because of your own affair with her husband. Does that make any sense to you?

[Rorocher]

ALL of it is shameful.

 

As I said, it doesn't matter what your motives were. She is completely innocent. She was making life descisions based on a lie. Her whole life is a lie. At the moment she is still in shock, in agony. She is a vulnerable human being. You know this AND STILL started-up with him AGAIN!!

 

She is humiliating herself, loosing herself, sinking deeper & deeper because of false reconciliation!! He is sleeping with her. Professing his undying love. Telling her how you were the worst mistake of his life. How YOU manipulated him. He is messing with her head AND THEN talking romantic to YOU on a secret account!

 

What if he's talking her into having a child? Giving-up her job? Any other warped plan he has to keep her quiet & control her more? You don't know what HUGE life changing descisions SHE could be making based on his lies!!

 

You are complicit in this!!!!

 

 

I am trying to see things from different perspectives so I'm hearing you. Please help me understand. What would I gain from telling her again and reopening wounds that have not even begin to heal? Not that I need to gain anything but what justifiable reason would I have to tell her again?

 

 

Isn't it just enough to tell him to leave me alone and walk away from the whole thing? Maybe he would come to his senses and devote himself 100% to her now that I have told him that I no longer want to participate in the whole mess. And then the false reconciliation can become a real reconciliation. Doesn't their marriage deserve that chance?

[SammySammy]

But ShatteredLady, I told her out of spite, out of anger. I was livid that night and do admit, shamefully to myself that I wanted to see both him and I burn. I told my husband first and then told his wife. Both innocent parties in this mess. How is that not shameful?

 

 

Yes, it was the right thing to do to confess and stop living a lie but I should have kept the confession to my own house and my own marriage and let him deal with his home.

 

 

The decent thing to do all along was not to have had an affair in the first place, or at least to have broken up with him and walked away completely without dragging everyone down with my bulls*t.

 

For what it's worth, I agree with you.

 

It's best not to have an affair at all, but if you find yourself in an affair remove yourself from the situation. That's it.

 

I never understood the need to go tell everything. It's messy and doesn't change the fact that the BS has a philandering spouse. Which is the real problem. The fact that they are cheating. Who they are cheating with is irrelevant. Telling didn't change him the first time. Won't change him if you tell again.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Walk away and be done with it.

[ladydesigner]

I am trying to see things from different perspectives so I'm hearing you. Please help me understand. What would I gain from telling her again and reopening wounds that have not even begin to heal? Not that I need to gain anything but what justifiable reason would I have to tell her again?

 

 

Isn't it just enough to tell him to leave me alone and walk away from the whole thing? Maybe he would come to his senses and devote himself 100% to her now that I have told him that I no longer want to participate in the whole mess. And then the false reconciliation can become a real reconciliation. Doesn't their marriage deserve that chance?

 

Rorocher it is entirely up to you. I am thankful MOW told me, even though I already knew my WH was a philandering idiot. I stay detached because I know WHO my WH is now. I don't plan on R. My WH would need to do something REALLY BIG for me to want to R so far he hasn't done it, he just cares about himself .

[Rorocher]

Yes, it would kill her; you are right about that. But, in time, she will be thankful for the truth--the whole truth.

 

Now, try to put yourself in her shoes. If YOU were her, would you want to know that you are actually reconciling with a man THIS low, betraying you with this level of ugliness?

 

SHE is a woman. She has instincts. She may not know the details, but over time, she will continue to emotionally deteriorate if she stays with him with all his secrets. Once you leave him alone, he WILL find someone else to get his refill of thrill and excitement. He needed you because his wife wasn't enough for him--which means he will need someone else after you are gone.

 

Yes, you certainly can leave this "sordid mess" behind YOU, to safeguard yourself, but what about her? You already made her aware of the affair--she swallowed her pride and asked you to talk to her. You vanished without answers and humiliated her even more than she already was. Of course she believed what her husband told her since she didn't hear your side of the story.

 

She was humiliated with the affair; she is staying under false information and more lies and betrayal and you are ok with that--as a WOMAN?

 

You are perfectly capable of understanding how awful it is to stay in a marriage that is dead--you left yours, remember?

 

You come in to this site to "warn" all the anonymous BS's out there in the world about reconciling, but you are unwilling to inform the very BS who is suffering because of your own affair with her husband. Does that make any sense to you?

 

 

 

Burnt, thank you, yes I understand, woman to woman. I see your point. But don't you think telling her would just be out of more selfishness on my part? It would seem like he didn't leave her for me afterall and he says that he can't. There has been no future faking this second time around, he still says that he can't leave his marriage but maintains that he loves me and doesn't know how to let "us" go. If I tell his wife again, wouldn't it just be because I am still bitter about him not leaving her afterall and I am seeking to hurt her further?

 

 

I have hurt people enough, I have hurt myself, my ex husband, another family, kids. All I can see is that by telling her again, I am just seeking to hurt her further. I am not a psycho bunny boiler, I made a mistake by having an affair but I am not a stalker crazy chick. That woman didn't do anything to me, doesn't know me from Adam, yet I latched on to her husband like a tick. I have untangled myself, finally. Doesn't she deserve to be left alone in peace?.

[ladydesigner]

Burnt, thank you, yes I understand, woman to woman. I see your point. But don't you think telling her would just be out of more selfishness on my part? It would seem like he didn't leave her for me afterall and he says that he can't. There has been no future faking this second time around, he still says that he can't leave his marriage but maintains that he loves me and doesn't know how to let "us" go. If I tell his wife again, wouldn't it just be because I am still bitter about him not leaving her afterall and I am seeking to hurt her further?

 

 

I have hurt people enough, I have hurt myself, my ex husband, another family, kids. All I can see is that by telling her again, I am just seeking to hurt her further. I am not a psycho bunny boiler, I made a mistake by having an affair but I am not a stalker crazy chick. That woman didn't do anything to me, doesn't know me from Adam, yet I latched on to her husband like a tick. I have untangled myself, finally. Doesn't she deserve to be left alone in peace?.

 

See I don't see it as selfish, I see it as you giving this BS the clarity she needs to make choices about HER M.

[RecentChange]

OP here, I see what you guys are saying but I can't find it in me to tell his wife again. Telling her the first time is the biggest regret of my life. I intruded into a person's life and destroyed their peace, out of spite and anger.

 

Umm NO, telling her didn't destroy her peace. Trying to steal her husband did. And now you are back at it again.

 

Tell her, she needs to know that HE KEPT LYING after he made promises to stop.

 

Do you have no back bone?

 

As for your warning, not reconciliations are faulse like the lying sack of you know what you have devoted so much time to.

 

I had a D Day and he NEVER heard from me again.

Edited October 20, 2016 by RecentChange