Best WS speech (for WSs that can talk)

[merrmeade]

Lots of WSs don't get or incompletely understand (or take a long time to understand) what it takes to deserve a second chance. Obviously it's as much what they do as what they say, but I was trying to think: What does the truly remorseful WS say? I mean, truly remorseful, seen the light, fully gets it, feels the pain, etc. This is also assuming the words aren't just said once and are backed up with deeds.

 

I mean, my husband read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" and spouted seriously moving concepts at first but quickly proved he thought he could do so and we'd walk happily into the sunset together - without ever talking about those awful things he did again (and leaving most of them out). I also was completely naive and ignorant compared to what I know now.

 

So in real life - with a clear-eyed, realistic betrayed spouse and a truly remorseful, empathic WS (who did everything possible to help the BS heal)- what did s/he say that was not only compelling at the time but proved to deserve the second chance?

[merrmeade]

Does it exist? Maybe not...

[Mr. Lucky]

- what did s/he say that was not only compelling at the time but proved to deserve the second chance?

 

I think anyone who depends on words to decide to give their WS a second chance is rugsweeping the affair.

 

With at least my WS, talk was cheap both before and after D-Day. I heard a ton of words, excuses, statements, admissions, speeches, confessions and promises, very few of them accurate or true. So I'm not sure anything someone would say could "compel" me...

 

Mr. Lucky

[merrmeade]

I think anyone who depends on words to decide to give their WS a second chance is rugsweeping the affair.

 

With at least my WS, talk was cheap both before and after D-Day. I heard a ton of words, excuses, statements, admissions, speeches, confessions and promises, very few of them accurate or true. So I'm not sure anything someone would say could "compel" me...

 

Mr. Lucky

Exactly. That's why I'm asking. Is there anyone who said the right things and then did them? If so, what did they say?

 

Add-on:

Today's a bad day, and I haven't had one in a long time. Memories that aren't my memories. The incredulity of it that never ceases to amaze that it never ceases.

 

I don't really know why I'm asking. Maybe orneriness a little. Kind of like all those books are about someone that just strayed once and gets right back on the grace wagon. Otherwise, the ideal wayward spouse in reconciliation is an oxymoron, which begs the question - my question: If there is such a person, is s/he recognizable from the beginning?

 

Maybe if there is such a beast and s/he’s still married to the once betrayed spouse, there’s no reason for either one of them to be here.

Edited October 16, 2016 by merrmeade
add the add-on

[Midwestmissy]

I'm sorry today's a bad one. It takes actions to back up the words. I think in the immediate aftermath, my wh was in a lot of denial about the severity of what he'd done, and reacted in kind. So he said totally unhelpful things.

 

For me, he was immediately transparent, phone, computer everything. And I found all the emails. And texts. When I told him that had contacted the obs, he said that letting anyone and everyone know was fine with him. He then apologized to friends and family.

 

He hasn't wavered in 2 yrs in wanting to make up for his mess. He's done a lot of therapy and that has made a huge difference in him realizing what did and why.

[merrmeade]

I'm sorry today's a bad one. It takes actions to back up the words. I think in the immediate aftermath, my wh was in a lot of denial about the severity of what he'd done, and reacted in kind. So he said totally unhelpful things.

 

For me, he was immediately transparent, phone, computer everything. And I found all the emails. And texts. When I told him that had contacted the obs, he said that letting anyone and everyone know was fine with him. He then apologized to friends and family.

 

He hasn't wavered in 2 yrs in wanting to make up for his mess. He's done a lot of therapy and that has made a huge difference in him realizing what did and why.

That sounds right.

1. He was willing to disgrace himself publicly for you and tell people whose opinion of him mattered to him.
2. He accepted the distinctly unpleasant experience of looking at all sides and layers of himself over and over in therapy and say out loud what he saw.
   

Those are the two hardest I'm sure for WSs - exposure to family/friends and IC. It means you are more important than his image of himself and others'.

[beautiful_day]

I'm sorry you are having a bad day too. Gosh I know how that feels

 

I'm 3 years out from discovery day 2 - the one where I found out the previous 4 years struggling to "reconcile" were actually me trying to ignore red flags, and him merrily continuing to shag the other woman. I'm now standing on firm ground and looking back at the whole sordid business with clear eyes.

 

So to give you the benefit of my hindsight. A truly remorseful wayward spouse is one who has just had his arse jettisoned from the family home, and finds himself fleeing to his girlfriends section 8 housing estate because he has nowhere else to go. I saw him a month or so later, because I needed him to sign some papers, and he told me how he was in therapy and on antidepressants, and he had to humbly ask me to pay to register his car because he had no money. He truly was a sorry sight, and poor excuse for a man. Finally true remorse!

 

I listened politely to his sorry tale and said "K", picked up the paper and walked away.

 

There is NOTHING that helps you heal faster than taking back your dignity and kicking them out. I don't think anyone who wilfully does something so deceitful to their family ever deserves a second chance. And god knows I tried to bend my mind round thinking differently for 4 long years.

 

If betrayed spouses put as much effort into planning their escape, rather than analyzing what these adulters are thinking, I think that'd have far fewer bad days. Bad days are your common sense telling you that you are being asked to eat a **** sandwich.

[seren]

Hi Mermeade, I am not sure how long from D Day you are, your question had me looking 9 yrs back from our D Day to where we are now. We are in a very good place, it is hard to think what made me have that aha moment when I knew all would be well, if I am honest, I am arrogantly confident that I always knew my own worth and always believed that he would want to stay, if he wanted to leave I had told him on DDay I would make it easy for him to leave, he chose to stay and I chose to stay, so I always assumed that is what we both wanted. A bit of background so you can understand where we both were in our relationship prior to the A.

 

We had been together for over 23 years, I am a romantic, I love the idea of romantic love, the leaving of little notes, funny cards for no reason, dancing together in the kitchen, the garden wherever and whenever. We liked each other and were each other's best friend, we made each other laugh and we had great sex. H was in the military and I was in a very well paid, professional job and was going places fast. H went to Iraq and came back a changed man, he became distant, fault finding, angry and I didn't recognise him as the kind, gentle man I had known and loved. I had a diagnosis of a chronic illness, I also developed cancer and was undergoing chemo, I still worked and somewhere along the line, we lost us.

 

On D Day, H told me he had an 8 month A, I asked if he loved her, he said not, I told him that if he wanted to leave, then he should go and I would help untangle our lives and make it easy. He asked to stay and I slept on it and the next morning we began reconciliation. I asked everything and got everything, every detail, he answered. I learned he had PTSD and combat stress, not excuses but reasons.

 

So, H is what I call a man's man, a rugby playing, professional soldier, tough, brave type of man, words don't always come easy, he is so not a talker. I am, my job involved a lot of talking and I can do rhetoric and smart talk in my sleep. So, it was always hard for him to open up, he sent me the poem by C.C Cummings the one that talks about having his heart, it is so romantically beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. He had always brought me the first violets, he had stopped during the bad days, these came one spring morning with the poem. He told me that if I wanted to leave, if I went and met someone else then he would understand and that I deserved better than him. He explained that he felt less than, that he hated himself, that he felt he had nothing to offer me and that again, I deserved better. he went to counselling and he opened his heart about how he had felt in Iraq losing comrades, how he felt that he couldn't help me with my illness and how angry and lost it made him feel and he talked about how his love for me often overwhelmed him.

 

After D Day he struggled to understand how I could still love him, it further put me on a damned pedestal so high I felt giddy, I think if I had an A myself during that time it might have made it easier for him, but we worked on us. He picked me flowers, he told me over and over what our love meant to him, he told me he would, for the rest of his life be grateful for the second chance and that he regretted every second of the A. I did not allow bad mouthing of the OW, but he hated her role in my hurt and boy was I hurt. I asked if I might share a part of what he wrote me, He said:

 

Beauty (he calls me Beauty) all our time together I have been so proud to be your husband and love, I have never worked out why you love me so much, I have always wanted to have your honesty and integrity, you are loved and respected by everyone who knows you. You are the bravest, most honourable person and I wonder what you see in me and I love you so much it takes my breath away. I cannot see the man you see in me, when you became ill I wished it was me, I wished I had that illness. When I hurt you, I wanted to die, when I lost my comrades, I wanted to die, I just screwed up everything. I felt I didn't deserve our life, our happiness, I felt I deserved **** and so I went and got that. You spoke to me about some clever guy and self fulfilling prophecy, I get that, I get that I felt like **** and so I became that person. In punishing myself I punished you more and yet you forgave me and you still love me in that special way that you do and I love you even more for it.

 

If it takes all my life I will try to be the man you believe me to be, I can never make it up to you, but I promise to be the best I can be (just as you do). I love you so much my bones hurt, I like you, you make me laugh and you are the slayer of dragons for me and those you love. You are so, so beautiful, always, you make my heart sing and I know you have my back, always. I had my head so far up my own ass I blocked out how good we were, the OW would try to compete with things you had done and I would tell her, don't even try, you can never be her, she is a one off. I am sorry to my soul for what I did to you, to our boy, to us, I can never make it right, but I can try to make it better. Please don't give up on me, I love you.

 

There is a lot more, but I won't bore you with it all. It broke my heart reading that, he doesn't say these things aloud, but he writes them so damned well. He came out of the military, so he is home every day, he still struggles with guilt, I am now disabled and cannot work, we are one half of the whole that is us. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, we have our moments, like everyone else. But, I am and always have been sure he loves me, not our home, not the marriage, but us. When he gets growly, I tell him, when he says something I don't like I tell him and he me. There was not one moment that made me feel we have come through the other side, but his letter made me realise just how he felt..... and we still dance, whenever, wherever, but slowly as I cannot walk too good and he is the beat of my heart and I his. It takes time, it takes remembering what it was that made you fall for them the first time and it takes honesty. Sorry for rambling, I hope you are in a good place today xx seren

[DKT3]

She didn't say anything poetic, "I will do whatever it takes to prove you are what I want" then she spent the next 5 years doing just that, even through divorce and a year in which we heard each other voice maybe 5 times.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi. Bad day for me too.

 

My husband disclosed he fcked a prostitute when I was pregnant with my daughter, and of course he slept with me after without any kind of test to ensure her or my safety.

 

What did he ever do to say or show remorse?

 

Nothing before that disclosure. Even though there had been other cheating. I never felt remorse from him. Only contempt and judgment.

 

After this disclosure he said some things that show remorse. Like when he put together that he had been faithful "maybe a few months" in the last ten years.

 

I think it sucks. I think I have been the worst husband you could have possibly ever ended up with

 

"I can only imagine how intensely devastating all this has been for you and I am sorry. It might not seem like it to you, but this is probably the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with. I am trying my best to work through all of this in a loving responsible way that causes as little relational scarring as possible while being open and responsive. Not that this is all about me or anything (it's not)."

 

IT IS

 

I can see how much this has destroyed you. I can't express how sorry I am and how rotten I feel. I used to think I was a good husband and a good person. I sucks to realize the amount of **** I've put you through. I'm sorry, and I know saying that doesn't even come close to scratching the surface to help you through this. But I want to

 

Blah ha ha.

He's so "helpful."

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm sorry you are having a bad day too. Gosh I know how that feels

 

I'm 3 years out from discovery day 2 - the one where I found out the previous 4 years struggling to "reconcile" were actually me trying to ignore red flags, and him merrily continuing to shag the other woman. I'm now standing on firm ground and looking back at the whole sordid business with clear eyes.

 

So to give you the benefit of my hindsight. A truly remorseful wayward spouse is one who has just had his arse jettisoned from the family home, and finds himself fleeing to his girlfriends section 8 housing estate because he has nowhere else to go. I saw him a month or so later, because I needed him to sign some papers, and he told me how he was in therapy and on antidepressants, and he had to humbly ask me to pay to register his car because he had no money. He truly was a sorry sight, and poor excuse for a man. Finally true remorse!

 

I listened politely to his sorry tale and said "K", picked up the paper and walked away.

 

There is NOTHING that helps you heal faster than taking back your dignity and kicking them out. I don't think anyone who wilfully does something so deceitful to their family ever deserves a second chance. And god knows I tried to bend my mind round thinking differently for 4 long years.

 

If betrayed spouses put as much effort into planning their escape, rather than analyzing what these adulters are thinking, I think that'd have far fewer bad days. Bad days are your common sense telling you that you are being asked to eat a **** sandwich.

 

I agree. Idiot for 8 years here.

[merrmeade]

I asked if I might share a part of what he wrote me, He said:

 

Beauty (he calls me Beauty) all our time together I have been so proud to be your husband and love, I have never worked out why you love me so much, I have always wanted to have your honesty and integrity, you are loved and respected by everyone who knows you. You are the bravest, most honourable person and I wonder what you see in me and I love you so much it takes my breath away. I cannot see the man you see in me, when you became ill I wished it was me, I wished I had that illness. When I hurt you, I wanted to die, when I lost my comrades, I wanted to die, I just screwed up everything. I felt I didn't deserve our life, our happiness, I felt I deserved **** and so I went and got that. You spoke to me about some clever guy and self fulfilling prophecy, I get that, I get that I felt like **** and so I became that person. In punishing myself I punished you more and yet you forgave me and you still love me in that special way that you do and I love you even more for it.

 

If it takes all my life I will try to be the man you believe me to be, I can never make it up to you, but I promise to be the best I can be (just as you do). I love you so much my bones hurt, I like you, you make me laugh and you are the slayer of dragons for me and those you love. You are so, so beautiful, always, you make my heart sing and I know you have my back, always. I had my head so far up my own ass I blocked out how good we were, the OW would try to compete with things you had done and I would tell her, don't even try, you can never be her, she is a one off. I am sorry to my soul for what I did to you, to our boy, to us, I can never make it right, but I can try to make it better. Please don't give up on me, I love you.

xx seren

Thank you so much for ALL of what you shared. It's beautiful.I can see why it got your attention.

 

It actually makes me feel better because my H did actually say more at that time than he's ever said in his life, much of it to do with trying to be a better man. And he has worked at making it up to me.

 

I'd rather just listen to others' stories like this than dredge up my own - again. We've come a long way actually if I look at that glass another way...

[merrmeade]

She didn't say anything poetic, "I will do whatever it takes to prove you are what I want" then she spent the next 5 years doing just that, even through divorce and a year in which we heard each other voice maybe 5 times.

Meaning you didn't talk to each other much during that year?

[merrmeade]

Seren, did your husband fully disclose to family? Go to IC?

 

I think if my husband had done that it would have made the biggest difference of anything. Instead, it was clear that protecting his image - throwing his worst self out there for others or himself to look at - was still more important than I was.

[Mr. Lucky]

If there is such a person, is s/he recognizable from the beginning?

 

If there is, you would recognize them by their actions, not their words.

 

I'd rather have a WS tell me the raw truth - she doesn't know what she wants, still has feelings for her AP, etc - than blow smoke. If you're going to build on honesty going forward, you'll have to accept some of it will be things you don't want to hear.

 

That's what makes it difficult - any WS telling you things in the beginning you do want to hear is probably suspect in their intentions...

 

Mr. Lucky

[merrmeade]

If there is, you would recognize them by their actions, not their words.

 

I'd rather have a WS tell me the raw truth - she doesn't know what she wants, still has feelings for her AP, etc - than blow smoke. If you're going to build on honesty going forward, you'll have to accept some of it will be things you don't want to hear.

 

That's what makes it difficult - any WS telling you things in the beginning you do want to hear is probably suspect in their intentions...

 

Mr. Lucky

Agree and I'm not so simple as to think it's just one way or another. But seren's story is a good example of someone who was true to his words and actually bother her story and your point make me feel better about what my H said and then did. He's been true to his words which were, meh, pretty good if not great.

[merrmeade]

10 characters (repeat post)

[Lion Heart]

Does it exist? Maybe not...

 

LOL NOPE not in my cases PLURAL....unless you count the bf who kept locating me for 10y with apologies until I threatened to phone his W :-)

 

Or the exWH who contacted me for 12y until same :-)

 

OR this exWH who blubbered to me for 3h while I was watching our D play soccer WITH DRY EYES lol. I handed him tissues and said "Yeah you were pretty dumb. No more gravy train!"

 

Sorry Mermaid lol.

 

My points in case above reinforce the ONLY way IME that a WS becomes TRULY remorseful. And that's WHEN they lose you.

 

They toddle off to ALL those far greener fields and uhoh find out that YOU were the greenest field to chew on.

 

HENCE I KICK their butts to the curb immediately.

Want an OW?

Sure!

Have AS MANY AS you choose.

 

The worst experience for me was R.

Maybe IF I DID DO what so many people suggested ie give WH a "free pass" for 6 months and ALLOW him to see.. well HE wanted 2 YEARS free pass whilst I REMAINED faithful lol.

 

Hold on. Hadn't I just done that?

 

Forget it.

 

I'm sorry to say that my bfs exW said nearly the same thing. Just remain faithful to me for 5y and I'LL SEE IF I want you back. Then.

 

Pfffft. Forget it he said.

 

In SO MANY cases Mermaid, the WS is simply a CAKE-EATER.

 

"How on EARTH CAN I become 800 sets of t**s and vjjs?" I said to our MC (rofl) HOW BOOOOOORRRRRIING would that life be only having ONE set. Albeit a gorgeous set lol.

 

1 partner will NEVER BE enough for some people.

The SOONER THEY realize this. The better for humankind.

M is never for them.

 

LUCKILY our ex-bombs have. They've both said they'd never M again. Good. They simply weren't cut out for M.

 

I don't know how the BALANCE of power in the relationship goes in R. Coping with a snivelling WH angry he got well and truly BUSTED and a crazy, confused BW was never going to even out IMO.

 

AS WH said "I don't want YOU to always have the UPPER hand!" Lol he has both his hands to do as he pleases now.

 

I don't like that position. I wanted an EQUAL partner in life.

I couldn't see that ever happening after an A. I lost all respect. The trust was gone.

 

Instilling TRUST IN ANY WAY REQUIRED would have to be number 1. Trust being the CORNERSTONE of EVERY good M.

 

At least there are GUIDES to help repair a M after Infidelity. Knowing the battle in R can go on for decades was enough for me.

 

Lion Heart

[merrmeade]

I know. I'm glad you got out, LH. I seriously thought you were going to die or had when you disappeared.

 

But there is a line. What can never be on the other side of that line is a repeat of the cheating or flirting - none. But also no denying, excuses or gas-lighting or waffling on accountability/responsibility for the A. What's fuzzier is rug-sweeping and minimizing. Even trickle-truth. But even with that, there can still be that push to renew commitment and dedication to the M and to the spouse.

 

I remember N. I would imagine she didn't make promises until OM was completely exorcised. She was straight with herself and everyone else about what she felt and wouldn't make promises she might not keep. Maybe not ever. The final success of the M was a reality when it happened and not imposed. In fact, I don't think Mrs. JA did either. Saying 'anyone can' cheat or it could happen again is a way of staying on guard I suppose. I think I'd rather have the promise.

 

Because it's usually about the ones who won't or don't live up, I'm more interested right now in what the good ones sounded like from the very beginning - to know there are more out there than the few we hear about here and there.

Edited October 17, 2016 by merrmeade

[wmacbride]

Lots of WSs don't get or incompletely understand (or take a long time to understand) what it takes to deserve a second chance. Obviously it's as much what they do as what they say, but I was trying to think: What does the truly remorseful WS say? I mean, truly remorseful, seen the light, fully gets it, feels the pain, etc. This is also assuming the words aren't just said once and are backed up with deeds.

 

I mean, my husband read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" and spouted seriously moving concepts at first but quickly proved he thought he could do so and we'd walk happily into the sunset together - without ever talking about those awful things he did again (and leaving most of them out). I also was completely naive and ignorant compared to what I know now.

 

So in real life - with a clear-eyed, realistic betrayed spouse and a truly remorseful, empathic WS (who did everything possible to help the BS heal)- what did s/he say that was not only compelling at the time but proved to deserve the second chance?

 

Personally, I don't hold much stock in someone who spouts psychobabble as if they are the second coming of Dr.Phil.

 

I don't really recall my husband saying anything really profound. For one thing, in the immediate aftermath, he wasn't here, and another, our R took a long time and was muddied for other issues that needed to be addressed first. He needed a lot of help,much more than I could give. He worked so hard on himself and went through a lot of pain to deal with things he had gone through. His doing so was one of the things I needed to stay, and he did it.

[seren]

Mermeade, he didn't disclose to his parents, my choice, simply because they were old and couldn't ever forgive him for doing that to me. I told my friends and family, they took their lead from me, I didn't need them to badmouth either H or the OW, but I was grateful for their love and support. I asked my brother not to speak to H about it and he didn't. H couldn't face my friends or family for a long while, he was so ashamed. A lot of what happened was down to the incidents in Iraq where he lost comrades due to an UID, he had to go 10 days without changing his clothing that was messed up with blood and stuff from his pals and I think it just tipped him over the edge.

 

He went to IC for combat stress and PTSD, he still does. He is a private sort of man, he has very few friends, I am his best friend, always have been. I too am ex military and we have the same sense of humour and how we deal with things. We tend to 'suck it up' and get on with living, which is what we did, but we did it together. We moved over 600 miles from my home town and live remotely and rurally, our life is generally just me and he and, hand on heart, we are both very happy.

 

We aren't soppy people, but we do value our time together, and yes, we discovered a new way of communicating that involved saying it as it is, before I would shield H from bad stuff as I knew his job was so stressful, now, we share the good and the bad. I kept a journal, I said everything I felt and gave it to H to read some 9 or so months after D Day, I left the house for a few hours and when I came back I found him in floods of tears, it was that, that finally made him understand just how I felt. He is a conflict avoider in regards to himself, not in his old job, in that he went toward conflict, but he was never good at feelings, he assumed I knew. One of the things we discussed was how after the A, I needed to hear him say those things and so he now makes more time to say the lovely stuff.

 

We all have bad days, if I have a bad moment I speak about it and he listens, he also brings things up without me doing it, which helped, a lot. I am 7 yrs older than him and am 60 in January, I just wish we had longer together to live our life as it is, I also have a chronic illness and he has been just brilliant. I hope today is easier for you, I always think words are just great, you can take them out and read them over and over and smile and feel loved, but actions always speak far louder, he has done that too, in spades.

[DKT3]

Meaning you didn't talk to each other much during that year?

 

Only about logistics surrounding the kids, 99% via E-mail. She would send me handwritten letters about emotions, her goals, things she learned or discussed in therapy. Progress reports of sorts.

[ladydesigner]

I'm sorry you are having a bad day too. Gosh I know how that feels

 

I'm 3 years out from discovery day 2 - the one where I found out the previous 4 years struggling to "reconcile" were actually me trying to ignore red flags, and him merrily continuing to shag the other woman. I'm now standing on firm ground and looking back at the whole sordid business with clear eyes.

 

So to give you the benefit of my hindsight. A truly remorseful wayward spouse is one who has just had his arse jettisoned from the family home, and finds himself fleeing to his girlfriends section 8 housing estate because he has nowhere else to go. I saw him a month or so later, because I needed him to sign some papers, and he told me how he was in therapy and on antidepressants, and he had to humbly ask me to pay to register his car because he had no money. He truly was a sorry sight, and poor excuse for a man. Finally true remorse!

 

I listened politely to his sorry tale and said "K", picked up the paper and walked away.

 

There is NOTHING that helps you heal faster than taking back your dignity and kicking them out. I don't think anyone who wilfully does something so deceitful to their family ever deserves a second chance. And god knows I tried to bend my mind round thinking differently for 4 long years.

 

If betrayed spouses put as much effort into planning their escape, rather than analyzing what these adulters are thinking, I think that'd have far fewer bad days. Bad days are your common sense telling you that you are being asked to eat a **** sandwich.

 

Damn good post! I should have kicked my WH out on Dday!

[ladydesigner]

LOL NOPE not in my cases PLURAL....unless you count the bf who kept locating me for 10y with apologies until I threatened to phone his W :-)

 

Or the exWH who contacted me for 12y until same :-)

 

OR this exWH who blubbered to me for 3h while I was watching our D play soccer WITH DRY EYES lol. I handed him tissues and said "Yeah you were pretty dumb. No more gravy train!"

 

Sorry Mermaid lol.

 

My points in case above reinforce the ONLY way IME that a WS becomes TRULY remorseful. And that's WHEN they lose you.

 

They toddle off to ALL those far greener fields and uhoh find out that YOU were the greenest field to chew on.

 

HENCE I KICK their butts to the curb immediately.

Want an OW?

Sure!

Have AS MANY AS you choose.

 

The worst experience for me was R.

Maybe IF I DID DO what so many people suggested ie give WH a "free pass" for 6 months and ALLOW him to see.. well HE wanted 2 YEARS free pass whilst I REMAINED faithful lol.

 

Hold on. Hadn't I just done that?

 

Forget it.

 

I'm sorry to say that my bfs exW said nearly the same thing. Just remain faithful to me for 5y and I'LL SEE IF I want you back. Then.

 

Pfffft. Forget it he said.

 

In SO MANY cases Mermaid, the WS is simply a CAKE-EATER.

 

"How on EARTH CAN I become 800 sets of t**s and vjjs?" I said to our MC (rofl) HOW BOOOOOORRRRRIING would that life be only having ONE set. Albeit a gorgeous set lol.

 

1 partner will NEVER BE enough for some people.

The SOONER THEY realize this. The better for humankind.

M is never for them.

 

LUCKILY our ex-bombs have. They've both said they'd never M again. Good. They simply weren't cut out for M.

 

I don't know how the BALANCE of power in the relationship goes in R. Coping with a snivelling WH angry he got well and truly BUSTED and a crazy, confused BW was never going to even out IMO.

 

AS WH said "I don't want YOU to always have the UPPER hand!" Lol he has both his hands to do as he pleases now.

 

I don't like that position. I wanted an EQUAL partner in life.

I couldn't see that ever happening after an A. I lost all respect. The trust was gone.

 

Instilling TRUST IN ANY WAY REQUIRED would have to be number 1. Trust being the CORNERSTONE of EVERY good M.

 

At least there are GUIDES to help repair a M after Infidelity. Knowing the battle in R can go on for decades was enough for me.

 

Lion Heart

 

This is exactly what my WH did!