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Coping with wife's affair with neighbor that turns out


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Old 24th October 2017, 4:28 PM   #166
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[QUOTE=Marc878;7445183]
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Originally Posted by 40somethingGuy View Post

It's your life and your call but helping hide the affair doesn't get you much IMO.

Usually from what I've seen it just enables it to go underground plus if that's all that's keeping her in your marriage you don't have one anyway.

He's not scared of you just grateful

The right thing to do is tell his wife. 40 something is rug sweeping. His punishment is a life of doubt. He will never be able to trust his wife, never know what really happened, etc. also the OM is gaslighting. He is telling him exactly what he wants to hear. It's also pretty obvious his wife and OM got their story straight.

I'd gamble they had sex. Worked out this story so OM wife wouldn't find out. OM seems like he is a smooth talker. He is gas lighting. They probably stopped the affair. But he shouldn't trust his wife.
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Old 25th October 2017, 12:21 PM   #167
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I donít see the point of still questioning whether or not they had sex. What is the difference in what she did do and what she says she didnít do? She wanted to do everything she could think of with him and says she would have.

If you can accept that then do everything you can to work on your marriage and keep your family intact. Itís not like you donít know what youíre getting into. In my book she is a cheater. That means to me she doesnít have the same feelings for you that you do to her. If you can accept she is willing to go behind your back and betray you in the worst way thatís what you do. Whatever she says matters not. Her actions are what you pay attention too.

Remember this, simply by taking her back after the disrespect she has shown you, seriously damages her respect for even more. It lowers you in her eyes even if it is subconsciously.
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Old 25th October 2017, 2:32 PM   #168
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Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post
I donít see the point of still questioning whether or not they had sex. What is the difference in what she did do and what she says she didnít do? She wanted to do everything she could think of with him and says she would have.

If you can accept that then do everything you can to work on your marriage and keep your family intact. Itís not like you donít know what youíre getting into. In my book she is a cheater. That means to me she doesnít have the same feelings for you that you do to her. If you can accept she is willing to go behind your back and betray you in the worst way thatís what you do. Whatever she says matters not. Her actions are what you pay attention too.

Remember this, simply by taking her back after the disrespect she has shown you, seriously damages her respect for even more. It lowers you in her eyes even if it is subconsciously.
Great advice, actions, actions actions! What she says, honestly, matters less than 0, she's used words to manipulate you once, don't let her do it again. If she's not taking the actions you want, that tells you what you need to know.

Unfortunately the last part is unique to us BM, and man does it suck. Whena man cheats and the W takes us back, most are grateful and think to themselves "I have a great woman, what was I thinking". When a woman cheats and the man takes her back, she thinks "Why is he so weak, I wish I had a strong man like my AP". Now, of course, not everyone does this, and even then, I don't think most think it openly. But it's there, no matter what. Same reason men don't say anything when their wives cheat where wives generally unload on their friends/family when the husband cheats. Wife cheating actually damages the man's standing in the community more than him actually being the cheat would. Male cheat is a womanizer, male cheated on is a cuck.

It's really hard to get past this part, you have to forgive, but not be weak at the same time. That's a hard line to walk.
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Old 25th October 2017, 2:56 PM   #169
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When a woman cheats and the man takes her back, she thinks "Why is he so weak, I wish I had a strong man like my AP".
It's always funny when a dog tells everyone what all cats think.

Women are not a hive mind, and men who think they are rarely recover because they are so married to being right.

OP, no one here but your wife knows what she feels for you. End of story. Period. A man who actually DOES know what all women think is probably a woman.
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Old 27th October 2017, 12:52 AM   #170
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Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post
I donít see the point of still questioning whether or not they had sex. What is the difference in what she did do and what she says she didnít do? .
I'll tell you why it matters. Because she is probably still lying about it. If she is lying about that what else is she lying about?
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