Lostinthought2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) Where do I start??? I'm 29yrs old. My wife and I had been together since I was 18. I had a child before we met and she was aware of my daughter and throughout the years was an amazing step mother. We had gotten married back in 2009. Together we had two children a son who is now 9yrs old and have a 2yr old daughter. She had been a stay at home mom while i worked to support our family. In 2012 things got rough as I worked alot and neglected to give her the attention she needed. She left me for another man but came back in about a month and we worked past that. Fast forward to 2016 and she left me again for similar situation of me working alot and she felt she needed attention elsewhere. She left for another man again but this time left me with the children for 3 months. She came back but for a short time before she went back to this other guy. it went back and forth a few times during those 3 months. I do love her and want my family to work things out but we found out she's pregnant and I am definitely not the father. This other guy is bad news and she admits that. She wants me to sign the birth certificate and move far away from the guy. I'm so lost and hurt that she would even consider keeping his child. How can I raise another man's child that was conceived out of wedlock??? She thinks we can just move away and everything will be okay. She has considered abortion but keeps going back and forth about it not being right because this child is still apart of her and that I am selfish for asking her to abort this child. I dont know what to do at this point. I am not naïve enough to believe all of this will just go away simply by signing the birth certificate and moving away. I live in the state of Wisconsin and feel there has to be legal issues involved with this type of event. She is only 5weeks along and abortion is definitely an option by pill. I can afford to take her to have this done but if she won't commit to this then I don't know how I will handle raising another man's child. She brought up that she took care of my daughter that wasn't hers but was different as that was before we met and my daughter is unfortunately no longer in our lives and primarily resides with her mother. I'm afraid I could be a bad father because I hate the biological father and am still hurt by what my wife had done. We are trying to get through this but I'm so torn about this other man's child. Please give me your opinions even if I may or may not find them constructive... TIA Edited September 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added paragraphs, moved to Infidelity ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 OP are you serious.? You have absolutely no respect for yourself do you. Why are you even talking to her, why is she even my thought process in your brain. Why would you contemplate raising some pos kid. Do the right thing get out send her on back to the OM, she's got a lot of nerve saying that you're selfish for not wanting to raise the kid what about her but I need to eat it's so stupid that you're even writing this post, this is got to be a troll.!!! That's it for me 4 Link to post Share on other sites
OldLady Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Ok my 2 cents. She doesn't sound like she is committed to you. In and out of the marriage multiple times and you have tolerated this behavior. No consequences from you for her past behavior. And now she wants you to help clean up HER MESS! I would give her a choice since you say that you still love her. You or the baby. Then you will have your answer. I feel for you. Good luck. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 She wants me to sign the birth certificate and move far away from the guy. I'm so lost and hurt that she would even consider keeping his child. How can I raise another man's child that was conceived out of wedlock??? She thinks we can just move away and everything will be okay. There are probably legal consequences to putting false information on the birth certificate, adding another layer of potential problems to your existing situation. And as much as you want to wish him away, he is the father and he does have rights. You have some decisions to make... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Hi. I'm so sorry that you're going through so much at the moment. Why don't you have custody of your daughter anymore? Your wife sounded terrible for her! Kids need order & structure......I hope she gets to visit sometimes. A girl needs her Daddy. Did you have a good lawyer? What are your wife's given reasons every time she leaves for men? I know that there are only so many cheater scripts but it can help to know which one she uses.... Again, I'm sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Look after the kids you have with her and leave her to look after herself. Have some respect for yourself. She's walked in and out of the marriage, don't let her make any more choices for you. Your loyalty lies with your children, not her mistakes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Do yourself a huge favor. Consult with an attorney. Now. First issue is what's Wisconsin law about presumption of paternity for married men. You need to find out how to disclaim paternity so WW can't stick you with 18 years of child support payments. Of course she wants you to admit paternity via birth certificate. It's like a free insurance policy for her. Somebody is giving her advice. Get some yourself. Second, talk to that lawyer about divorce and it's issues. The more you know-instead of just guessing- the more assured you will be. She's not exactly the poster child for the faithful and secure marriage society. Divorce could be in your future. Moving away solves nothing. Wherever you go there will be predatory men ready to pounce. And her boundaries won't have improved. Wherever she goes, she'll still be here --you can't outrun yourself. Lawyer first. Discussion with her second. Don't make promises you'll regret later. She qualifies as a serial cheater. There's let's of tales here about reconciliation or failed reconciliation with serial cheaters. Read some and get an idea of what you are facing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 In my experience, any parent that physically gets up & leaves their child for another person, is plainly just no good. If a mother can do that to her own kids, that screams she doesn't care about anyone else. I can understand you still loving her but how many times are you going to allow mommy to leave & come back? If you allow her back, she'll do it again & this time you'll have an extra child to raise that's not even yours. She's looking for something better & then when she realizes it's not, she comes back bc she knows you'll take her back. Her carrying another man's child is obviously grounds for divorce (bc once the baby has a DNA test it will be proven) which may get you custody of your kids...I know this is hard but your kids don't deserve to be in a situation that will allow her to continue to hurt them like that...you don't deserve it either. Good luck 5 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Do not ever let your WW put your name on the BC. Consult a lawyer. Wrong to ask your WW to have an abortion. Instead have you asked if she would be willing to let the OC be adopted? Wrong for your WW to ask you to be parent to this child. If you can not handle the OC then best not to. This OM found out he is the bio dad and has dumped your WW. This is why she has come back home and offered to move far away to keep you. If you decide to stay married you will have to move so far away to make it to difficult for WW and OM to meet up again. You/WW have family near now, WW will never be able to go back home alone to visit. You may trigger too much so going back home to visit may not happen for 10 or more years. I have seen marriages saved where this same story of a WW and OC. It will take a lot of work, a big move, and 2 to 5 years to heal. You have been hit so hard you do not know if you are coming or going. So your mind is to unsettled to make important life changing decisions. Best to wait 6 months and see how and what WW does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 PLEASE do not sign the birth certificate for this child. She WILL leave you again and you will be stuck with child support payments for a child that isn't yours and you probably won't even be in its life! This is such a bad idea! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 She is using you and keeping you around to be her babysitter while she bangs other guys. Don't sign anything. Don't let her back into you home. Consult a lawyer about divorcing her and getting away from her with her emptying all your accounts and taking all your property. Then consult a good therapist to help determine why you are so weak and so easily manipulated and why you think so little of yourself and have so little dignity for yourself that you allow yourself to be used and manipulated in this manner. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Go see a lawyer, start the divorce and file for full custody of the kids. She is a horrible wife and a lousy mother. Trade up for a better one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Does your wife have a drug problem? No right mom leaves her kids for 3 months and shacks up with another man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 There is nothing here for you to love. My god man get out of this!!!!!! There's nothing that you did to cause her to serial cheat. serial cheaters never stop!!!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 You know who is bad news? - your wife. If you want happiness start by getting rid of her. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BenchCoach Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Are you seriously considering letting this toxic person back into your life, given all she has put you through? You are a glutton for punishment, sir. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Curious..if this is real, what do you tell the kids everytime their mum walks out and goes and lives with another man? Personally I don't think a man can honestly be this weak or naive but besides the standard I love her, what genuine reasons are you taking back a woman who repeatedly goes off on sex holidays with different men? Not even going to talk about the pregnancy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wade Lamare Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 but besides the standard I love her, what genuine reasons are you taking back a woman who repeatedly goes off on sex holidays with different men? Perhaps her vajayjay is made of gold? I think some people are so badly affected by oneitis that they will take a mountain of disrespect as they'll never get a girl like her again. Rubbish. The world is full of beautiful/pretty women who are far far better women than this slapper. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Why on earth are you even contemplating this? She doesn't love or respect you. You know she's talking a heap of crap. File for divorce and let her be someone else's problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 I don't think you should try to force her to have an abortion. Check the laws of your state. You may be declared the father no matter what. Find out what you need to do prove that you aren't the father. And there is certainly no reason to disrupt your life for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
California91 Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 Sounds like you're having a pretty rough go of it. I don't know what to tell you about your relationship, but you should keep the baby. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, that is a life. Think about your to children now - could you imagine not wanting them or thinking that they're a nuisance or a problem? As much as it may be a bother, don't take your frustration out on an innocent life. At the very least, give the child up for adoption. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 You should take your wife's advice and move away as far as possible BUT......................you and the kids only and let her take care of the OM child. You have a lot of people telling you to seek out a lawyer and it's the best advice you can get here. All your doing is setting yourself up for more trouble. She did this twice and you can bet the house that the third time could happen just as easy. Instead of worrying about her, your kids need a strong parent and right now that's you and they should be number one on your list. She started this mess and now expects you to make it better. It's her problem, she created it, she owns it so let her deal with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 (edited) You know what will happen if you sign the birth certificate? You'll be financially responsible for the bad boy's child for the rest of your life. Then when she runs off with the next bad boy, like she does every few years, as "daddy" you'll still be responsible. Yes, she'll abandon the child, just like she did with her other children, and the state will go after you to make sure that the one responsible parent steps up to the plate. P.S. She likes guys who are "bad news" and you're not one. You never will be either, so she'll never find you exciting or worthy of a commitment. Edited September 24, 2016 by WilyWill 2 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 You know, you're getting a lot of sympathy here...but not from me. this is the tough love.....show some self respect and punt that low life to the curb. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 Holy crap..please retrieve your testicles from around your wife's neck and get the hell out of this toxic relationship. She will never stop cheating on you. I'd confirm the paternity of your other children as well. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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