Sybil562 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 So I've been talking to this married man for a while. We know each other through work but do not work with each other. It was totally friendly at first, nothing inappropriate, but about 6 months ago things changed. Our conversations got sexual in tone and we were sending dirty texts to each other and inappropriate pictures. We never met, but several times he said we're going to meet. There was always an excuse for not meeting. So comes tonight, we're supposed to meet up, and I actually kind of believed he was going to this time. Then I get a text from him apologizing, saying he's so sorry and not to hate him, that he'd hate himself afterwards and wouldn't want his spouse doing this to him. I'm upset. I never pressured him to meet me and I wasn't trying to get him to cheat. He was the one who was always trying to arrange a meetup. I just feel like if you are genuinely conflicted about doing this (which clearly he is) then you need to accept responsibility for your actions and stop making excuses -- and stop making "dates" to see someone if you have no intention of actually showing up. If you only want a "sexting" buddy then he upfront about it and don't lead someone on. Am I being unreasonable? I liked him as a person, as a friend, way before things got sexual and I feel mad about all this. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Yes, you're being very unreasonable. You're upset bc a married man has opted out of treating you as a bootycall! You weren't trying to get him to cheat and yet you're having sexual conversations with the guy for 6 months and planning to meet alone. What exactly did you think was going to come of all this? A game of checkers? If you weren't trying to get something from this married man, you would not be mad right now. He didn't lead you on, you lead yourself on. He is married. You knew that and hopefully you know it would have been a bad thing to do. I just don't understand why you have such high expectations of a man who is having inappropriate convos with a woman who is not his wife. If he's not being honest with her, why would he be honest with you? Go find yourself an unmarried man and be grateful this man stopped what would have certainly been a drama-filled encounter for you. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Sybil, you came to this site three years ago with an opening thread about hooking up with a married co-worker.... Now another? Or is this the same? Is there a reason you aren't involved or dating men who are single and available? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Sybil562, Please respect yourself more and raise the bar. Is this really the sort of quasi-relationship you want, being a masturbation aid for a married man? I think you need some therapy to examine why you choose to go down this road, and I say that kindly. If you can't treat yourself with love and respect then you can't expect others to either. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sybil562 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 Sybil, you came to this site three years ago with an opening thread about hooking up with a married co-worker.... Now another? Or is this the same? Is there a reason you aren't involved or dating men who are single and available? Different one and that was a mistake. I regret it. We never slept together and I am now at another company. I have not "chased" any other married men, until I found myself in a friendship with this one. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Different one and that was a mistake. I regret it. We never slept together and I am now at another company. I have not "chased" any other married men, until I found myself in a friendship with this one. If you regret the last one and consider it a mistake, why would you be trying to do it again with a new married man? 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sybil562 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 If you regret the last one and consider it a mistake, why would you be trying to do it again with a new married man? Totally different situation. This new guy and I were friends first for a while. He even set me up with guys to go on dates with! We really were friends. I guess I don't want to lose his friendship? I'm fine if he never wants to have any type of sexual contact, but I'd wish he'd just be honest about it. I told him to no longer send me messages of a sexual nature, or to not contact me at all if he has nothing to say. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Totally different situation. This new guy and I were friends first for a while. He even set me up with guys to go on dates with! We really were friends. I guess I don't want to lose his friendship? I'm fine if he never wants to have any type of sexual contact, but I'd wish he'd just be honest about it. I told him to no longer send me messages of a sexual nature, or to not contact me at all if he has nothing to say. I don't see how that makes it different. The point is you were messing around with married men. It doesn't matter if you guys were 'friends' first, it's still wrong. If you're okay with no sexual contact, then why were you sexting him? And he said he doesn't want to meet up, so that should make it all pretty clear to you. The man might have a conscience after all. You should stop contacting him regardless. You were never 'just friends' and you will certainly not be 'just friends' after all this sexting and almost getting physical. I mean, don't you have anything more productive to do with your time than mess around with married men? It's not a good look and if his wife finds out and decides to find you and knock your eyeballs straight, you'll really regret it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 This new guy and I were friends first for a while. He even set me up with guys to go on dates with! We really were friends. I guess I don't want to lose his friendship? Did you ever meet his wife? Because if you didn't, you weren't really friends. You were his dirty little secret. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 He said he would hate himself after, so if you care about this guy "as a friend" then you should be supporting him to respect his vows. Cut off all contact and get into counselling to find out why you are attractive only to men who won't commit to a real relationship with you, and change what you're dropping for men to pick up on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 The fact that you have already had one affair with a married man, and now are upset that annother one is not responding well enough to your making yourself available would suggest that you really should talk to a therapist to find out why makes YOU tick, not some married man. You KNOW the other one was a mistake and yet here you are again. From your post, you can forget about being friends without finding out your issues. You will hop into the sack the first chance you get and if you work together you will probably get the chance. Then you'll have the delightful experience of being a booty call until her gets caught when most likely he will throw you under the bus. Just read the forum here and see what your odds are of a "happy ending" for you. So I'm guessing you will not get too many "atta girls" and tips on how to hook up with a guy who has a wife. Sorry guess you forgot about that lie elite detail 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I'm upset. I never pressured him to meet me and I wasn't trying to get him to cheat. He was the one who was always trying to arrange a meetup. I just feel like if you are genuinely conflicted about doing this (which clearly he is) then you need to accept responsibility for your actions and stop making excuses -- and stop making "dates" to see someone if you have no intention of actually showing up. If you only want a "sexting" buddy then he upfront about it and don't lead someone on. Oh gimme a break. You contradict YOURSELF in that silly paragraph above. First you claim you 'weren't trying to get him to cheat' ... oh heavens, no! Then two sentences later you're whining about being stood up by Mr. Wonderful and all upset that he's 'leading you on' and that he should TELL you if he 'only' wants a sexting buddy. So yeah, you're looking for more than sharing a chocolate malt at the local burger joint. Why you'd waste your time being an available POA for some lying cheater speaks volumes about your low self esteem. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Totally different situation. This new guy and I were friends first for a while. He even set me up with guys to go on dates with! We really were friends. Having a married man involved in your dating life is the first step to finding yourself where your are now. Hoping you find the maturity to start recognizing the danger signs... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Hi Sybil, firstly, tell us how old you are. Secondly, do you consider yourself so unattractive that you think a single young man would just not be interested in you? Why don't you join dating sites where you can find someone who would be interested in you? As someone said you seem to have low self esteem. In that case learn to love yourself and build up your self esteem. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 The title of your thread should be "What am I Doing?" 5 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 So wait a minute - this is all about being stood up? Nothing at all bothers you about having inappropriate communication with a married man? You're able to brush that aside and bring back the "just friends" status - just like that? I think you need to read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass - because you're not and you're trying to play mind games with yourself to make it okay. Many of us have spouses who did that and it really doesn't work out very well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I don't understand why you can't just try to make friends with men who are NOT married? Do you pursue married man because if it doesn't work out, you don't have to blame yourself? Are you in therapy for low self esteem and to figure out what happened in your childhood that made it seem ok to wreck marriages? Sounds like a good next step. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 What value can you place on a relationship with a married man? Start searching for the attention of a single man. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts