I cheated on my husband. Now I can't stop thinking the other guy

[Quin]

So this happened approximately two weeks ago. I had made out with a guy who I barely know. I'm a newlywed and my husband is deployed. I never thought I'd be that terrible woman who could cheat on a deployed soldier. That day I decided to hang out with a new friend and play that stupid pokeman go game. We decided to have a few beers and I don't drink but I thought why not. We went on a steep hike while drinking that turned out to be really fun. After we finished we decided to get another six pack of reds apple ale. He asked what I wanted to do next and I decided we should play video games so we went back to his place. Ended up playing drinking games instead.

After almost finishing the beer he turned to me and said he had to confess something. I looked at him puzzled but I knew what he was about to say. He continued " I'm sorry but I like you, and with every sentence you say I want to grab your face and kiss you" all while slowly moving forward towards me. He remained eye contact and ever so gently removed hair from my face. Then he caressed my cheek and moved his hand to the back of my neck. He gave me one last glance with his gorgeous brown eyes and moved in. His lips were warm and soft, the kiss was electric. I didn't pull away or embrace it, I just sat there for a moment. After I felt sick to the stomache with guilt. I said I wouldn't tell my husband but I did. With all the confusion I wanted to leave.

My husband said he'd kill himself if I left. So I stayed, I love him but I can't get that night out of my head.

[drifter777]

Threats of suicide like "if you leave me I'll kill myself" are usually just attempts to control someone. Anyway, his decision to live or die is not your responsibility.

 

You've learned that at this point in your life you are the kind of woman who will cheat on a deployed soldier. You clearly are not in love with him and are craving being single and dating other men. Divorce him as soon as possible. You are headed that way anyway and you are going to continue to cheat so ending your marriage now will save him knowing the pain of your betrayal.

[DKT3]

A cruel selfish wife and an emotionally manipulative husband....not the makings of a long marriage.... divorce is in the works better to do it before kids come along.

[Survivedtothriving]

The last thing he needs while deployed is knowing his wife is cheating on him back home. He needs to be focused on his mission, not his wife with another man.

 

This happens all of the time in the military. It's sad. Please be honest with yourself and decide whether or not you can stay faithful to him or not. Since it only took a few beers, I'd say not. He will probably deploy again, so you being out of the picture will make his next deployment less worry some.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I'm a newlywed and my husband is deployed...

 

Just so you know, I stopped reading right here, and strongly considered quitting the internet for good.

[ShatteredLady]

There will ALWAYS be attractive men & there will ALWAYS be alcohol.

[isolatedgothic]

Have you considered getting some individual counseling? I feel as though you need someone to talk to and sort this out with, someone who will be there to listen and support you as you figure out what to do next.

[bubbaganoosh]

First of all you had no business being with another man playing pokemon or anything else. Its' one thing if you were invited to a cook out and there were other people there and your just talking to the guy but for some reason you decided to leave your brains at home.

 

That beer thing isn't going to fly because that's just a poor excuse.

 

I'm a vet and not a young one either and after Vietnam I went to Germany and left my fiance home back in the states and the long and short of it is I got scorched big time s you can't pity out of me.

 

Your husbands statement wasn't a way to control you. For Christ sake he just found out his wife cheated on him which is the last damn thing he need to here.

 

I really hope you husband comes back safe and unharmed and once he gets back he hurls your ass out so he can start new. Sorry if this is harsh but I have no sympathy for this kind of behavior.

[Mr. Lucky]

That day I decided to hang out with a new friend and play that stupid pokeman go game.

 

And so it begins. The real mistake wasn't the kiss, it was putting yourself in this inappropriate position. Add alcohol and the result almost predictable...

 

Mr. Lucky

[EunuchMonk]

So this happened approximately two weeks ago. I had made out with a guy who I barely know. I'm a newlywed and my husband is deployed. I never thought I'd be that terrible woman who could cheat on a deployed soldier. That day I decided to hang out with a new friend and play that stupid pokeman go game. We decided to have a few beers and I don't drink but I thought why not. We went on a steep hike while drinking that turned out to be really fun. After we finished we decided to get another six pack of reds apple ale. He asked what I wanted to do next and I decided we should play video games so we went back to his place. Ended up playing drinking games instead.

After almost finishing the beer he turned to me and said he had to confess something. I looked at him puzzled but I knew what he was about to say. He continued " I'm sorry but I like you, and with every sentence you say I want to grab your face and kiss you" all while slowly moving forward towards me. He remained eye contact and ever so gently removed hair from my face. Then he caressed my cheek and moved his hand to the back of my neck. He gave me one last glance with his gorgeous brown eyes and moved in. His lips were warm and soft, the kiss was electric. I didn't pull away or embrace it, I just sat there for a moment. After I felt sick to the stomache with guilt. I said I wouldn't tell my husband but I did. With all the confusion I wanted to leave.

My husband said he'd kill himself if I left. So I stayed, I love him but I can't get that night out of my head.

 

I know this isn't the question at hand but how did you two meet OP, for context? Has this happened before? Has he cheated before? Does he control you? Et cetera....

[ShatteredLady]

What's the difference between meeting-up with a "new (male) friend" to play Pokemon & drink beer & a date?

 

So you went on a date, had fun, went to his place & played drinking games......at what point did the end result become a surprise?

[NTV]

I see some folks have already shared their thoughts. I'm unsure what you're looking for here?

 

Instructions on how not to let your emotions control you? That's easy. You tell us that you can't stop thinking about this dude and the kiss but is it you can't or don't want to?

[drifter777]

OP is long gone...

[aliveagain]

Gone but maybe still reading. The one thing that is on this poor soldiers mind morning, noon and night are thoughts about his new wife. That's what's keeping him going, having to worry about his wife cheating is the last thing he needs on his mind because it's outside of his ability to control. They just got married and she's already dating. My suggestion, if being faithful is too much for you to handle, get the marriage annulled. That is way cheaper and faster then going through the divorce process. You should get yourself into counselling and find out what's broken in you. What a sh*tty thing to do to a new husband who is serving his country. He deserves much better.

[Quin]

Well.. He forgave me, we are going to try it for 6 months. Then we'll decide about the divorce. Still can't forgive myself though. Thank you guys for honest advice. Well appreciated.

Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language~T

[Quin]

First of all you had no business being with another man playing pokemon or anything else. Its' one thing if you were invited to a cook out and there were other people there and your just talking to the guy but for some reason you decided to leave your brains at home.

 

That beer thing isn't going to fly because that's just a poor excuse.

 

I'm a vet and not a young one either and after Vietnam I went to Germany and left my fiance home back in the states and the long and short of it is I got scorched big time s you can't pity out of me.

 

Your husbands statement wasn't a way to control you. For Christ sake he just found out his wife cheated on him which is the last damn thing he need to here.

 

I really hope you husband comes back safe and unharmed and once he gets back he hurls your ass out so he can start new. Sorry if this is harsh but I have no sympathy for this kind of behavior.

 

He won't leave me. I never asked for sympathy but thank you for your advice.

Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[DKT3]

People reacted so strongly because your husband is off serving us all, people will always react strongly to that.

Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[OneLov]

I think this thread goes to show just how dangerous Pokemon Go is. From falling of sea cliffs to being the catalyst for cheating, this game keeps taking people down. And people thought violent video games were dangerous?!?

 

 

****But for real ... You can move passed this if your husband wishes too. You seem genuinely willing to commit to the relationship. Take this as a learning experience: Most affairs begin in such seemly innocuous settings. Self-awareness is your best defense. I wish you the best.

[Whoknew30]

You gave into weakness. I just said this on another thread, no one gets married thinking they're going to be alone & no one knows how it feels until they're actually in that situation. Now you feel guilt which is a good thing & you learned from it. Of course you can't get the guy out of your mind, your H is a long away & OM is right there.

 

The only thing that sounds really off to me is that he threatened to kill himself. That's absolutely not normal & if he's deployed & has the possibility of having PTSD...well I'd be extremely nervous of that for when he gets back. MC is great but sounds like he needs intense IC before even being worried about the marriage. Until he's mentall stability should become before your marriage. Good luck

Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[understand50]

Well.. He forgave me, we are going to try it for 6 months. Then we'll decide about the divorce. Still can't forgive nyself for being a slut though. Thank you guys for honest advice. Well appreciated.

 

OK, I think he could forgive just a kiss, even if you cannot stop thinking about it. This is unless, more went on. From your story, if seem that just a kiss happened, but the fallout seems way out of proportion, so please clear that up. Its, as if we are talking about a major felony Jay walking charge.

 

If all you did is just kiss, but felt something, that is one thing, and I think a mature married woman should be able to get over that. Your, husband, while being angry, should be able to forgive you.

 

If more went on, (full on sex?) well you need to work much harder to regain his trust, and you may well divorce. Doing such right after being married shows you are not really committed, and do not see him as he should be, you one and only lover, friend and husband. Just my two cents.

 

I wish you well.

[Mr Blunt]

By OP

He gave me one last glance with his gorgeous brown eyes and moved in. His lips were warm and soft, the kiss was electric. I didn't pull away or embrace it, I just sat there for a moment. After I felt sick to the stomach with guilt. I said I wouldn't tell my husband but I did. With all the confusion I wanted to leave.

 

My husband said he'd kill himself if I left. So I stayed, I love him but I can't get that night out of my head.

 

Well.. He forgave me, we are going to try it for 6 months. Then we'll decide about the divorce. Still can't forgive myself for being a slut though. Thank you guys for honest advice. Well appreciated.

 

 

 

You let your teenage emotions overrule solid logic. The man with "gorgeous brown eyes" only wanted to use you for a sperm depository. If you left your husband for this man with "the kiss that is electric", the first time you wanted real love from that man he would ditch you like a used dish rag. Use your strong hatred of yourself into a strong motivation to get more mature and realize reality. Use that energy to build up respectful character so that you can love yourself again so that you will be able to love your husband. Your husband has put his life on the line for us Americans and he deserves to be treated with respect.

 

You did a very immuture and foolish thing but you have a conscience and was brave enough to tell your husband. You have some qualities of a good woman so start building on that and become more mature.

[aliveagain]

So this happened approximately two weeks ago. I had made out with a guy who I barely know. I'm a newlywed and my husband is deployed. I never thought I'd be that terrible woman who could cheat on a deployed soldier. That day I decided to hang out with a new friend and play that stupid pokeman go game. We decided to have a few beers and I don't drink but I thought why not. We went on a steep hike while drinking that turned out to be really fun. After we finished we decided to get another six pack of reds apple ale. He asked what I wanted to do next and I decided we should play video games so we went back to his place. Ended up playing drinking games instead.

After almost finishing the beer he turned to me and said he had to confess something. I looked at him puzzled but I knew what he was about to say. He continued " I'm sorry but I like you, and with every sentence you say I want to grab your face and kiss you" all while slowly moving forward towards me. He remained eye contact and ever so gently removed hair from my face. Then he caressed my cheek and moved his hand to the back of my neck. He gave me one last glance with his gorgeous brown eyes and moved in. His lips were warm and soft, the kiss was electric. I didn't pull away or embrace it, I just sat there for a moment. After I felt sick to the stomache with guilt. I said I wouldn't tell my husband but I did. With all the confusion I wanted to leave.

My husband said he'd kill himself if I left. So I stayed, I love him but I can't get that night out of my head.

 

 

Quin please read the bolded parts, it clearly shows that you put yourself into this position. You went out drinking alone with a man. You went into the woods with a man you hardly know and continued drinking. Then you got more alcohol and "you" decided you wanted to play more video games at his place. This man is not a friend, a friend does not try and have sex with another friends newly married wife. This man is a predator who took advantage of the fact that your husband is away. You need to find out why you put yourself in such potentially harmful situations with a guy you hardly knew. Why did you trash your marriage vows so quickly? Do you have and respect boundary's? Why did you allow this predator to go as far as he did? Why didn't you have your husbands back since he wasn't there to defend it himself? Stop thinking about the POS positively, nothing about cheating is positive and it just causes more humiliation and disrespect to be laid on your innocent husband. Get professional help so you don't make the same mistakes in this relationship or future relationships if this one doesn't work out.

[ShatteredLady]

It could of been a lot, LOT worse! It shocks me how many young women put themselves in such dangerous situations.

 

Think about how many women go on an outing with "a new friend" & go back to his place &..... Some are never found. Some are raped & held captive.

 

Please think!!

 

Why do women trust attractive men so easily? Ugh!!

[oldshirt]

OK, I think he could forgive just a kiss, even if you cannot stop thinking about it. This is unless, more went on. From your story, if seem that just a kiss happened, but the fallout seems way out of proportion, so please clear that up. Its, as if we are talking about a major felony Jay walking charge.

 

If all you did is just kiss, but felt something, that is one thing, and I think a mature married woman should be able to get over that. Your, husband, while being angry, should be able to forgive you.

 

If more went on, (full on sex?) well you need to work much harder to regain his trust, and you may well divorce. Doing such right after being married shows you are not really committed, and do not see him as he should be, you one and only lover, friend and husband. Just my two cents.

 

I wish you well.

 

 

While I understand what you are saying, I disagree that this is "just a kiss" and that he should get over since it was just kissing.

 

If I was deployed (and I am a vet) and my wife gave me that story, I'd have a problem with it too.

 

Even if the only physical part was just kissing (which I don't believe for a New York Minute) it's not just a kiss.

 

For starters she doesn't even say how they met or how he became a "new friend". Shall we fill in the blanks and assume this was from Craigslist, Tinder or Ashley Madison or should we assume that he is the hot new hunk that started working in the accounting department at her office?

 

 

She went out on a date with some guy, went off in the woods carrying a load of alcohol, got drunk, went home with him, got drunker, and got it on.

 

This is a either a clear case of adultery or she is galactically stupid and naïve. If she was just horny that is one thing and bad enough.

 

But if she is so dumb and naïve that she goes out chasing pokemons (pokemen?) with complete strangers she just met on Craigslist and goes out drunk in the woods with them then back to their place to play quarters, how do you deal with that??????

 

There is marital counseling and marriage therapy that can address and work on marital issues and infidelity etc etc. There are professional models, algorythms and paradigms in place to address those kinds of issues.

 

But how does one address dumbness and pathological naivette'?

 

Now to realistic, she wasn't that dumb and naïve, no one can be that dumb and naïve to something like that and think that some dude isn't going to try to score some poon.

 

She is trying to sound dumb so as not to take responsibility for her actions. She did this intentionally to score some schlong and to get some attention and affections etc. she's just trying to sound dumb and naïve in hopes we don't judge her as scheming.

 

So my point to all of this is this was a serious breech of marital vows and it was not just a kiss. It was a tryst and an adulterous encounter. This was adultery and it needs to be recognized and addressed as such.

Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language suspended 7 days ~T

[oldshirt]

 

If I was deployed (and I am a vet) and my wife gave me that story, I'd have a problem with it too.

 

 

Personally, I would have a lot more respect and esteem for my wife if she told me she was dissatisfied and lonely with me being gone and she had developed feelings for some hunk and she was horny and decided to get down with some dude and let the chips fall as they may, rather than give me some cock-n-bull story about pokemon and drinking games back at some strangers house.

 

I can understand loneliness, dissatisfaction and horniness. I can understand developing feelings for someone. I can understand being unsure if you want to remain in a relationship/marriage vs venturing back out in the single life again.

 

I can understand those things and I can respect someone coming out and telling it like it is.

 

But if someone is that dumb that they think it's perfectly ok to hook up with some stranger off of Tinder and go out in the woods alone and then back to their house to get drunk alone, I would have no grasp of that level of stupidity or know what to do about it.

 

And as I would assume that anyone giving me that story was just trying to yank my chain and think that I was that dumb to believe it, I lose virtually all respect and esteem for that person.

 

My advice is stand up tall and 'fess up and tell it like it is. Yes, it will hurt and he will feel a sting. But he will have far less loss of respect and less lasting distrust than if you continue with this silly tale of pokemon in the woods with the big bad sexy man that tried to take advantage of you in your compromised state.

 

Grow up and be an adult woman in a real marriage and inform him of the state of your marriage and where your head and your heart are at.

 

Things like marital dissatisfaction, loneliness, feelings for others, infidelity etc etc are standard issues in marriage and basically par for the course in military marriages. Counselors and therapists etc deal with this stuff day in and out and have models and paradigms for addressing it.

 

naïve and childish tales of pokemon and drinking games etc are just smoke and mirrors that deflect and distort the real issues and make you look like a dingy, lying twit.