juleswife41 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 (edited) what does it mean when my husband keep cheating with the same woman? this is the 4th time i caught him cheating with her in duration 2 years. They work in the same firm together.There is no sex involved. it emotionally cheating? A few days ago,i gave him ultimatum and he choose me and our kids. Drop her like a hot potato and promise not to talk to her anymore. It seems like throwing tantrums is the only way that i can make my husband realize the importance of our family and make him committed to me. He told me he wont talk to her anymore. All this while she keep trying to contact and reconcile with my husband and he could not resist. i cant loose him.will he be back to her? why does he have a strong attachment to her? she brings so much destruction in our life. before she come along everything is great add info: married for 15 years. 4 kids. homemaker. she is well educated with phd. divorcee with a kid.well off lady i dont understand why she want to intefere we are muslim and polygamy is allowed. Initially it was their plan to be married but i put on a stop as i know my husband could not manage. I ask him to choose. If he wants to marry her he must divorce me and leave our family. Edited May 28, 2016 by juleswife41 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverAlone2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 what does it mean when my husband keep cheating with the same woman? this is the 4th time i caught him cheating with her in duration 2 years. They work in the same firm together.There is no sex involved. it emotionally cheating? A few days ago,i gave him ultimatum and he choose me and our kids. Drop her like a hot potato and promise not to talk to her anymore. It seems like throwing tantrums is the only way that i can make my husband realize the importance of our family and make him committed to me. He told me he wont talk to her anymore. All this while she keep trying to contact and reconcile with my husband and he could not resist. i cant loose him.will he be back to her? why does he have a strong attachment to her? she brings so much destruction in our life. before she come along everything is great add info: married for 15 years. 4 kids. homemaker. she is well educated with phd. divorcee with a kid.well off lady i dont understand why she want to intefere we are muslim and polygamy is allowed. Initially it was their plan to be married but i put on a stop as i know my husband could not manage. I ask him to choose. If he wants to marry her he must divorce me and leave our family. What does it mean if he is cheating emotionally with the same person? This may not be something you want to hear, but if it is the fourth time, then there are obviously feelings there between the co-worker and your husband. Its not a mistake. Its something you are facilitating by letting him get away with it. 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me'. Why are you choosing to be second best? You and your children deserve the best. I can understand that family and cultural dynamics are probably holding you back from doing what is best for you, but don't you think that in the long run you will be much happier? I will be praying for your happiness and your children's wellbeing. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 juleswife41, I am sorry you are in this difficult situation. you say; we are muslim and polygamy is allowed. Do you have a secular marriage or a Sharia one, and what country are you living in? If you have a Sharia marriage you could be seriously disadvantaged. However, reader need some more info in order to make useful suggestions. Please come back with a bit more info. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
SomethingToSay Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 It means he is in a long tern affair with her. Ge hasnt cheated 4 times. You have caught him 4 times. Id say he has cheated long term with this woman. I certainly wouldnt take his wird that he would stop talking to her. Im sure its still going on just more secretive. You told him he had to choose - her or his family. So what is your plan if/when you catch him still cheating with her? An ultimatum or declaration that he must choose does no good unless you are willing to walk away if he doesnt abide it. So make your plan for divorce so you have that ready if/when you find him still seeing her. Link to post Share on other sites
afoolto no end Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 As long as she works with him, it will not stop, the minute he is in her space, he continues to be attached to her...... You have to be tough, ask him to leave if he will not change jobs and end all contact.......or accept this as your life... Expose this emotional affair to everyone important to your husband, affairs survive in the dark, expose a bright light on it and it can't continue with ease. Tell your children, he is getting away with it because you are enabling him to do this......... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 There is such strong attachment because they share a lot in common, for example what they do for a living. She is his intellectual equal, that's why there is a strong emotional connection. Emotional connection is a lot harder to break over physical attraction. He is in deep that's why he won't let go. All he is going to do is find other ways to hide it better. If it were me I would divorce him and take him to the cleaners.....hit him where it hurts....his wallet. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 So does he want to marry her then as you're Muslim? Polygamy is allowed but affairs are not. He won't stop because he's got nothing to loose and he enjoys having 2 women in his life and you're letting him do so again and again. You aren't leaving and he knows it. How many times do you plan on catching him before you decide enough is enough? I'd be saying to him "as you find her so irresistible you can be with her all day every day, because you are ending the marriage." Why are you convinced it's not a physical affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 what does it mean when my husband keep cheating with the same woman? this is the 4th time i caught him cheating with her in duration 2 years. It generally means you've taken him back three times too many... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 what does it mean when my husband keep cheating with the same woman? this is the 4th time i caught him cheating with her in duration 2 years. They work in the same firm together.There is no sex involved. it emotionally cheating? A few days ago,i gave him ultimatum and he choose me and our kids. Drop her like a hot potato and promise not to talk to her anymore. It seems like throwing tantrums is the only way that i can make my husband realize the importance of our family and make him committed to me. He told me he wont talk to her anymore. All this while she keep trying to contact and reconcile with my husband and he could not resist. i cant loose him.will he be back to her? why does he have a strong attachment to her? she brings so much destruction in our life. before she come along everything is great add info: married for 15 years. 4 kids. homemaker. she is well educated with phd. divorcee with a kid.well off lady i dont understand why she want to intefere we are muslim and polygamy is allowed. Initially it was their plan to be married but i put on a stop as i know my husband could not manage. I ask him to choose. If he wants to marry her he must divorce me and leave our family. You divorce him. He isn't going to stop cheating, his actions (FOUR TIMES) have shown you this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author juleswife41 Posted May 29, 2016 Author Share Posted May 29, 2016 juleswife41, I am sorry you are in this difficult situation. you say; Do you have a secular marriage or a Sharia one, and what country are you living in? If you have a Sharia marriage you could be seriously disadvantaged. However, reader need some more info in order to make useful suggestions. Please come back with a bit more info. Thanks. I live in Malaysia. It is a Sharia marriage. For a man to marry a second wife, need to get consent from 1st wife. When i first got to know about the affair... my husband honestly admit he is in love with that woman and intended to marry her. He told it to my face! I just lose it and manage to put a stop on it and make him promise never to have any contact with that woman. After i caught him 2nd -4th time, he never mention any marriage intention Link to post Share on other sites
Author juleswife41 Posted May 29, 2016 Author Share Posted May 29, 2016 (edited) There is such strong attachment because they share a lot in common, for example what they do for a living. She is his intellectual equal, that's why there is a strong emotional connection. Emotional connection is a lot harder to break over physical attraction. He is in deep that's why he won't let go. All he is going to do is find other ways to hide it better. If it were me I would divorce him and take him to the cleaners.....hit him where it hurts....his wallet. Although we come from different background (education and upbringing).. we do love each other so much and share everything in life. Both me and my husband share same deep believe in religion.. and family is everything to us. I hate to admit.. she does have lots of similarities to him. She is considered high achiever, smart and well respected. At work both of them are the 'dynamic duo' (my husband are her boss) and she is his right-hand man. They also share the same interest and hobby. He once admit that he could talk to her about 'everything' which hurts me so bad. In personal life, she had it all! She is a good cook, have a well tended beautiful home, good social life, lots of asset.. And believe me..she is so beautiful. She already have everything! and she could have any man she want. Why on earth she wanted to steal my husband..i hate her so much. I really hope that this time he really intended to stay away from her as we already consulted with our religion counselor.. i really hope Edited May 29, 2016 by juleswife41 Link to post Share on other sites
Author juleswife41 Posted May 29, 2016 Author Share Posted May 29, 2016 As long as she works with him, it will not stop, the minute he is in her space, he continues to be attached to her...... You have to be tough, ask him to leave if he will not change jobs and end all contact.......or accept this as your life... Expose this emotional affair to everyone important to your husband, affairs survive in the dark, expose a bright light on it and it can't continue with ease. Tell your children, he is getting away with it because you are enabling him to do this......... He is willing to change job but too many thing to consider because he is the breadwinner of the family. He also agreed to end all contact, but i'm not sure if it is possible as he is her superior. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I'm so terribly sorry that you're living through this. My husband did the same to me! We've been together all of our adult lives. I thought that we were family, best friends, deeply in love. It made me question EVERYTHING! Ugh! I'm so sorry. Please stop putting her on a pedistal it will wreck your self-esteem even more. She's not all that great. She's having an affair with a married man with children! Why doesn't she have her own husband & family if she wants one so much? She is most definitely not perfect!! Don't let your mind go there (I know that's easier said than done!) Is your H actively seeking another job? Has he contacted recruiters? Is he interviewing? Are you guys seeing a marriage counselor? This is going to depress you more but I need to share my story. I forgave my H his affair with his coworker. We carried on will our lives & we're very happy. Grew our family. Shared many experiences. Then 12 YEARS later when he was going through a stressful time he reconnected with her!! She now lives the other side of the country but they had a VERY emotional affair & it broke my heart. It brought back all of the pain & devastation of the first time. Brutal. He has proven that he can not be trusted. Has your husbands character, the way he speaks to you & treats you changed a lot since he's been having this affair? How is he behaving now? Is he very sorry? Is he putting in the work to make you feel secure or is he making excuses for his appalling actions? Again, I'm so very sorry that he's done this to you. Take care of yourself & your children. Do you have supportive friends & family close by? Link to post Share on other sites
CoolHandLuke76 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 He's a jackass that will do what he wants. You can't control that but you can control how you react to it. Tell him he's an a-hole, throw all his sh*t on the front yard, and kick him to the curb. You'll be surprised at how fast you're feeling much better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts