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Sparkles72

What is everyone's opinion on their partner/husband watching porn? My partner has been looking at it for as long as I can remember, we've had discussions about it and the fact I don't like him looking at it. It makes me feel inadequate and I find it makes women look degrading. He thinks I don't know I still know he watches it. Is it normal?

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What is everyone's opinion on their partner/husband watching porn?

 

Use the forum search for "porn" and you'll find hundreds (thousands? millions?) of threads supporting positions all across the spectrum. Porn is either the best thing or the worst, it can be argued either way.

 

One answer to "partner watching porn" is that it should be done in a way that supports the values and comfort level of both participants in a relationship.

 

Easier said than done :( ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I wouldn't care if my wife watched it, in fact I would prefer that to the time she spends on facebook. LOL

 

She knows I occasionally watch it and it doesn't bother her although I try to be a little discrete about it.

 

One thing I've recently become aware of tho is, ever since I began actively posting on LS I literally have no time to look at porn ... None!!

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Sparkles72
How about watching porn together?

 

I'm not a prude I have watched it before, but I still find it a turn off. He's watching it virtually every day and thinks I don't know anything about it :-/

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RecentChange

I don't really enjoy porn - it's rare that I discover some find a turn on rather than a turn off.

 

That said, I don't care if my dude watches it, as long as it doesn't negatively affect our sex life (which it hasn't). Def. doesn't make me feel insecure.

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NewlySingleGuy
I'm not a prude I have watched it before, but I still find it a turn off. He's watching it virtually every day and thinks I don't know anything about it :-/

 

Why don't you watch it with him? He probably hides it because he knows you don't like it. If he watched it right in front of you, knowing you hated it, would that be better or worse?

 

The internet is full of pornography because guys love it. Women read a romantic book and guys look at porn (stereotype).

 

Just because he looks at porn, it doesn't mean he is going to cheat on you. It doesn't mean you are inadequate. Some guys like to see a variety of stuff that they can't in normal life such as lesbians, threesomes, foreign women, etc.

 

Does he look at "normal" porn or fetish porn? If it's fetish porn, than you should talk to him about it, and maybe try it with him.

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Michelle ma Belle

Why not snap a couple of sexy and provocative pics of yourself (being careful not to reveal your face too much) and text/sext it to him one day? I bet you'll get his attention and if things go well, he'll reciprocate and VOILA!

 

Sometimes if you can't beat'em, join'em.

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drifter777
What is everyone's opinion on their partner/husband watching porn? My partner has been looking at it for as long as I can remember, we've had discussions about it and the fact I don't like him looking at it. It makes me feel inadequate and I find it makes women look degrading. He thinks I don't know I still know he watches it. Is it normal?

I enjoy porn and watch it maybe twice a week or so. My wife is very jealous and used to feel threatened by it but she has learned that it is harmless in my case. By that I mean I have a much higher libido than she does and porn only makes me horny for her.

 

As far as her watching porn, I encourage it strongly. I think it would help light a little fire in her libido. She doesn't mind looking at it but it usually doesn't do much for her.

 

One thing women should realize is that every man is going to have prostate problems as he ages. Every one of them. I began to feel a little pain when I had an orgasm and when I told my Dr. he told me the best medicine is to have more orgasms. A case of "use it or lose it". I just read something recently that advised an orgasm every day. That's too often for me - I try for twice a week.

 

Here's a clip from the article:

 

Men having one orgasm a day could significantly reduce a man's chance of developing prostate cancer, according to new research.

 

Researchers claim that while an orgasm provides pleasure during sex, there is a hidden benefit. Once a day will reduce the risk of prostate caner by nearly a quarter. It also provides a number of health benefits such as a boost in immunity, better sleep, and can even protect against heart disease. Doctors say that sex itself is not required, just an orgasm.

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Grumpybutfun
I wouldn't care if my wife watched it, in fact I would prefer that to the time she spends on facebook. LOL

 

She knows I occasionally watch it and it doesn't bother her although I try to be a little discrete about it.

 

One thing I've recently become aware of tho is, ever since I began actively posting on LS I literally have no time to look at porn ... None!!

 

LS is porn....emotional, controversial, communicative porn.

:laugh:

G

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drifter777
I'm not a prude I have watched it before, but I still find it a turn off. He's watching it virtually every day and thinks I don't know anything about it :-/

 

It could be the "forbidden fruit" thing at play here. Tell him that you understand men are visual creatures and that his watching porn is both normal and healthy. I wouldn't be surprised if he watches less when he knows he can do it whenever he wants.

 

Of course there is too much porn and that's not healthy but if you haven't noticed any adverse affects in the sack then there's really nothing to worry about. Its kind of like just being mature and accepting reality that men are scum :p

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Methodical

Watching porn doesn't bother me. I enjoy some of it myself. Jump his bones and he won't have as much time to watch it :p.

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I think it's only a problem if it's an addiction. I could care a less if my husband watches porn, we don't really talk about it bc I don't feel I have the right to control his "self private time"...id be kind of upset if he tried to control mine. I probably watch it more than he does & we have watched it together on occasions. So unless he's locked up in the bathroom 24/7 & or you're not having sex, I don't see the issue.

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dreamingoftigers
How about watching porn together?

 

When someone feels it's degrading, disrespectful and clashes with their values then it's about the equivalent of saying "why not visit his mistress together?"

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When someone feels it's degrading, disrespectful and clashes with their values then it's about the equivalent of saying "why not visit his mistress together?"

 

It's a husband asking his wife to join into him pleasing himself. A mistress & a porn start that a man will never meet is not the same as a mistress. If a wife doesn't like it, that's fine but it's not the same as personally having an affair with someone. It's called fantasy for a reason.

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Here's a clip from the article:

 

Men having one orgasm a day could significantly reduce a man's chance of developing prostate cancer, according to new research.

 

Researchers claim that while an orgasm provides pleasure during sex, there is a hidden benefit. Once a day will reduce the risk of prostate caner by nearly a quarter. It also provides a number of health benefits such as a boost in immunity, better sleep, and can even protect against heart disease. Doctors say that sex itself is not required, just an orgasm.

source of the article?
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Isn't this more about his need to hide it and possibly your reaction to it (which maybe is why he hides it)?

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dreamingoftigers
It's a husband asking his wife to join into him pleasing himself. A mistress & a porn start that a man will never meet is not the same as a mistress. If a wife doesn't like it, that's fine but it's not the same as personally having an affair with someone. It's called fantasy for a reason.

 

I was pointing out the OBVIOUS emotional impact on a wife this would have if she's already significantly bothered bybher husband seeking additional sources of sexual gratification.

 

Not everyone agrees with the whole 'it's only a fantasy' rhetoric. Pornography DOES have a chemical impact on the brain (or else why would anyone bother to frequently use it for sexual stimulation, no?). And frankly, many men have outright replaced the sexual component of their marriages with porn.

 

So maybe for some, and it isn't THAT unheard of, it is a very triggering suggestion.

 

No one should be persuaded into betraying their own sexual values. And clearly this wife is bothered by the addition of porn into their marriage.

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I was pointing out the OBVIOUS emotional impact on a wife this would have if she's already significantly bothered bybher husband seeking additional sources of sexual gratification.

 

Not everyone agrees with the whole 'it's only a fantasy' rhetoric. Pornography DOES have a chemical impact on the brain (or else why would anyone bother to frequently use it for sexual stimulation, no?). And frankly, many men have outright replaced the sexual component of their marriages with porn.

 

So maybe for some, and it isn't THAT unheard of, it is a very triggering suggestion.

 

No one should be persuaded into betraying their own sexual values. And clearly this wife is bothered by the addition of porn into their marriage.

 

 

No, they shouldn't be persuaded into anything but also one shouldn't be so concerned with how a grown man has his "private time". How demeaning to a person...for their spouse to try & be incharge of how the pleasure themselves. People shouldn't have to explain to anyone how they turn themselves on...it's a spouse not a child. Last time I checked marriage didnt mean total control over a spouse's body. I think some people get spouse & parent confused.

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Personally it does absolutely nothing for me except a little discomfort and disgust. I also find it tediously boring. If I had a choice between watching porn or watching paint dry, I'd think about it for a while and then choose the paint.

 

If I'm going to take part in a sexual activity, I want to be the star, not Ron Jeremy!

 

I'm fairly sure my wife shares this view - we've never discussed it, never wanted or had to. I do occasionally worry about issues of exploitation too, but I guess the industry is pretty well regulated the US, UK, etc. Not sure about some developing countries though?

 

I'm not being judgemental, each to their own and there are clearly lots of fans out there, good for them. Not for me at all.

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I also concur with other posters who say that porn should be sacrificed if a spouse has expressed that they don't like it or are uncomfortable with it. I can totally understand how a spouse could be made to feel inadequate or "not enough" if their partner is obsessed with watching porn. If the spouse is fine with it, great no problem, but if they don't like it, their partner should respect this IMO.

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dreamingoftigers
No, they shouldn't be persuaded into anything but also one shouldn't be so concerned with how a grown man has his "private time". How demeaning to a person...for their spouse to try & be incharge of how the pleasure themselves. People shouldn't have to explain to anyone how they turn themselves on...it's a spouse not a child. Last time I checked marriage didnt mean total control over a spouse's body. I think some people get spouse & parent confused.

 

I think some people get respect and fidelity confused with disrespect and turning others into a commodity.

 

I don't expect someone who doesn't share those values to understand.

 

Nor someone who has not had porn severely negatively impact their relationship.

 

In my youth, I had bfs that could reasonably look at porn (and so did I) and then be able to contribute to the relationship still. Then I met one that was severely dysfunctional with it and could not at all get an erection without it. Even a blowjob wouldn't cut it. He also wanted a series of degrading things, which I did at the time.

 

After that I sought out men that did not use porn, having seen the darker side of fixation with it. Similar to alcohol. Some people can drink socially and not turn into completely blasted drunks. Some people design their lives around alcohol. As a child of an alcoholic, I also didn't want to run the risk of it in my marriage and aimed to marry someone who didn't drink alcohol.

 

We can all say "oh it so controlling not to want a spouse to have a beer."

BUT if you sought out someone whose values match yours, make it VERY clear that porn or alcohol is a deal-breaker for you due to preference or past traumatic experience, then that places the ball in the court of the partner to respect or not respect that boundary.

 

If they aren't going to respect that boundary, THEY should have the maturity to pass on being with you (and vice-versa) because there is nothing worse in a marriage than someone who walks on your boundaries and self-esteem in varying ways.

 

I'm not willing to wreck a thread over it. My opinion and advice stands, especially for this OP who has already been through tremendous amounts of disrespect and degrading behaviours from her husband.

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