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I recently came across some evidence (emails and pictures) of a colleague cheating on his wife. The guy is married with 2 kids. From the evidence, he has had sexual relationship with a woman overseas whom he still keeps in touch with. He also has a girlfriend locally. And he belongs to at least 2 online dating sites.

 

The question is, what do I do? The guy's by no means a favourite colleague, so I wouldn't mind seeing him out of the company.

 

Would you rather know that your spouse cheated on you? What about the kids?

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Originally posted by knubbel

 

The question is, what do I do? The guy's by no means a favourite colleague, so I wouldn't mind seeing him out of the company.

 

Would you rather know that your spouse cheated on you? What about the kids?

 

Personally, I would want to know. But I'd not believe too many people, and I certainly wouldn't believe a mere aquaintance over my own husband.

 

If you're not particularly close with any of the involved parties, best to keep to your own business. :cool:

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if you act on the information, you will be changing the lives of others - is that really your place?

 

Perhaps you should just confront him - MAYBE the fact that you know and could be a detrement to all his relationships could make a positive change (i doubt it) but at least it will make him uncomfortable about his extr-cirricular activities.

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YES, I would want to know, it has to be handled very tackfully. If the person telling me was having fun by telling me then I would question their motives. If the wife can't keep who told her then you might think twice how to contact her. If you came by the info at work then it might cause you problems by repeating it - face to face. By all means I would certainly want to know if only for health reasons.

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Originally posted by MsMree

if you act on the information, you will be changing the lives of others - is that really your place?

 

Perhaps you should just confront him - MAYBE the fact that you know and could be a detrement to all his relationships could make a positive change (i doubt it) but at least it will make him uncomfortable about his extr-cirricular activities.

 

Changing the lives of others? Hell, the cheating husband caused that, not this guy. Just confronting this guy is not going to make him stop. It'll just show him he needs to be more secretative about what he does. And this won't cause the cheating husband guilt if he doesn't feel it by now.

 

She needs to know, but yes in a tackful and respectful manner. If you could talk to her one on one WITH proof in hand, then that would be best. Just going to her and telling her will be futile. He'll rebuttal everything you say. However if you have copies of pictures, emails, etc.. then at least she is given the information needed so she can make a decision about how she wants to head in her 'own' life.

 

Not telling her would be limiting her choices for happiness. I doubt this married woman is really happy. She may not know that he is cheating but she probably knows something is wrong.

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LucreziaBorgia

How does one 'come across' such detailed and thorough personal information?

 

I'd want to know, but if someone would go so far as to take purely selfish motivation to help destroy my family by adding public insult to private injury, you can bet I'm taking down the messenger too.

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LucreziaBorgia's right. Mind your own business.

 

And stop snooping in other people's Email accounts.

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as someone who was unjustly accused once at work..... i'd stay out of it. regardless of what "evidence" you have, you will no doubt be opening a hornets nest and you're as likely to get stung! and i think the fact that you have this info will be called into question.

 

someone broke into my email account and downloaded some files and "altered" them to make their case that they thought i was having an affair. needless to say, although it made my life hel! for a while, they were ultimately the one's that got the "bad" end of things on the work front. and someone "pretending" to be my friend decided to tell my H. how surprised do you think they all were when they found out that a "friend" of one of the women behind of all of this is now engaged to my exH!!!!! hmmmmm can we say "questionable motives"?

 

if you feel the need to say something to someone, say something to him. but you can be pretty sure he's going to be angry for you somehow getting the info. and i agree with several others here, stay out of it and mind your own business, you may have some proof but i doubt you know all the details.

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I did not snoop in his email accounts. He saved the emails as text documents. I snooped on his PC, but that is part of my job. He gave his PC to me to reconfigure. (Ok, so my job does not include reading his documents.) Still, when you see jpg files on work computers, chances are they're porn and you're going to open them to see what they are. And after seeing what they were, which were quite explicit, of course you'd look at the documents in the same directory. I think I can defend how I came across these materials on his WORK computer.

 

I admit I may have other ulterior motive, and by this I mean getting him leave the company (there are many reasons for these but I won't go into them). I do not want any other benefits from this.

 

However, the most important thing is I want to know what is best for his wife and the 2 young kids. The wife doesn't work, if they get divorced presumably she will get alimony and custody, but the money won't pay for the kids. She's in her late 30's, so chances of her getting married again anytime soon are probably slim.

 

Is it better for them to not know and live obliviously (currently happy or not) with him while financially secured, or should she be given the choice to make the decision, which is more than likely lead to a divorce (and I don't see her as having much of a choice if she's given the information)?

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DazednConfused

I was advised by a third party of my wife's affair. frankly, i didn't need documented proof because i had been dealing with the behaviors.

 

<shrug> I think perhaps you should print and mail them to her anonymously and leave it at that. Little note that says, i thought you should know.....

 

just my .02

 

-D

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I agree with Dazed.. Don't do it because you hate this guy, do it because his wife should know about any affairs going on.

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portableversion

Knubble, I read about the other motives. Sounds like the perfect assault in the office space. Could really stir up abid storm. If your really bored and don't mind the possibility of yourself leave go for it. These office games are very serious A loss of income is serious.

I did not read thoroughly but I'm not sure of your concern for the fellas kids and betrayed wife.

 

Why is he not a favorite collegue and why would you prefer him to be gone? What are your reasons for those thoughts.

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bluechocolate

The question is, what do I do?

 

Absolutely nothing. It is none of your business.

 

The guy's by no means a favourite colleague, so I wouldn't mind seeing him out of the company.

 

And would this company, that you both work for, give him the sack because he is having an affair?

 

Would you rather know that your spouse cheated on you? What about the kids?

 

Whose kids? What spouse? Whatever. Your motives are suspect.

 

It is none of your business.

 

Leave it alone.

 

Concentrate on your own relationship/marriage and job.

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mental_traveller

Whilst I would appreciate anyone who told me if my SO was cheating, in this case you should consider your own interests. The phrases "Don't cr*p on your own doorstep" and "Don't get involved with someone else's fight" might well apply here. Do you really want an irate co-worker hassling you at the company, do you want to engage in vicious gossip & office politics for the next year? Maybe the wife will hate you for telling her? If you *do* tell her, make damn sure there is no way it can be traced back to you.

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