Jump to content

Write your letter here....


Cloudcuckoo

Recommended Posts

Cloudcuckoo

I had the thought that it might be cathartic to scribble out your feelings here about your husbands/wife's/your affair partner (whichever side), bare and raw.

 

Inspired by reading other material, and not having seen anything similar here.

 

What do you all think?

 

I posted here as it's obviously about affairs rather than general and can't be posted on the other woman/man forum for obvious reasons!

 

I will begin!

 

Dear ********

 

I don't consider you anymore, but years ago I found it so difficult to understand how you could deliberately and vehemently set out to destroy a woman you don't know and her children.

 

Complicit in my husband's vile behaviour I felt thoroughly demoralised when I discovered the affair and its length and depth of depravity.

 

I know you wanted my life as his wife. I felt sorry for you when I discovered the lengths you had gone to for it. It must have been terribly difficult to keep quiet with all that bile building inside you. Those glimpses he had of your true nature must have been rather disturbing.

 

However, when it all blew up in your face and you showed me and my children who you really were I think it was a shock even to my husband, but then of course you worked diligently to keep your venom under wraps until you could no longer bear it.

 

You certainly hit some all time lows for a woman. Indeed for any individual. I can't imagine how cross it made you to have to be locked up because of your insane behaviour.

 

I do hope you've been able to resolve your obvious issues. I feel sad that you're so fu***d up, but that's never going to make me forgive you.

 

Try yours!

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Cloud cuckoo,

I'd really love to give my 6 penneth to this thread but I have to be so careful as the Mods have already slapped my wrists for using a word that they didn't think met their standards. :)

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Midwestmissy

My letter would inquire how a married 50 yr old woman had so little self worth so as to allow herself to be used as a tool for her boss to pleasure himself then walk out the door and leave cash for her to pay the hotel room. And then flatter him incessantly with emails and texts she wanted me to find. And expect to walk into my life and replace me after I've invested 28 yrs into a marriage and family and businesses. And how being a serial cheater has given her nothing more than a bad reputation, no future stability. I would tell her that she'd been a family punch line for a year before the affair started (not by me, but my business involved in laws, I only met her once) Except it would be worded a lot saltier. She went to work and slept with the guy who paid her. We know what such a position is called. And yes, I've asked my husband the same questions and no I don't blame her more than I blame him, she barely has a brain (affairs have been her career growth plan. Unsuccessful) and he's too smart to have proceeded down this path with a mousy messy mother of 4 who just agreed with everything he said and told him he was awesome. He's not, btw. They were 2 very screwed up people screwing for a few months, defacating where they both ate and risking the stability of 2 families. Nothing sexy or soulmate about that. They were not meant to be together or star crossed or kept apart by fate and bad timing and demon spouses, they were free sex at work on the way to the coffee maker. Both looking for a transactional relationship, but covering up that key fact with false flattery so as not to appear fake, or risk the loss of the nasty they got out of this. Very romantic.

 

She's continued her career plan, my wh is trying to get respect back from our kids and me and he's doing the work and owning up to every choice he made. But I would totally copy him on the letter. I've never spoken to her, just her husband, and I have no intention of ever reaching out to her (or him again), but it's pretty fun to imagine the letter!!

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

this what i sent to the ow a few days after I found out about the A and my husband and I had agreed to R, and she had started emailing me messages, calling, etc. .

 

"I don't hate you or think you are a bad person, but you really did have a real part in all the pain that myself and children have been through. you started seeing a guy who was still married and knew it was wrong, but you made the choice to do it anyway. Nobody forced you to take the actions you took, and for your own self, you need to accept responsibility for the choices you made, as that will, in the long run, make you a happier person.

 

My advice to you is to find someone who doesn't have other attachments who will be able to devote all their time, energy and love on you. Then, hopefully, you will find some happiness in your life- the happiness that we all deserve. I don't think you are a bad person, but right now, you need to leave our family alone to heal. If you won't do it for (H) and I, then do it for our kids, who have done nothing wrong in all of this and deserve to have a happy home life. I think if you really take the time to think about things, you will make the right decision for everybody, and maybe you will find the happiness you deserve."

 

That didn't stop her, in fact, it just ramped up her attempts to contact me and harass me and our children.

 

If i had to send her a letter now? i honestly don't believe I would even bother. she doesn't matter much at all, and I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of thinking that she does. Besides, for all she has done, I think she much be a very unhappy person inside, as my H is by far not her first A, nor was it her last. In the end, her behavior caught up with her, and she had to face the ramifications of her choices.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear OW,

 

There is much I could say to you about many things – the nature of true love and how to recognize and nurture it, the importance of bodily autonomy and self-worth, the misguided nature of the platitudes you plaster online, our responsibility to live a conscious and conscientious life. But I am not the person to say these things to you. So I will say simply this: what you did was not OK. You pursued, engaged in, and vowed never to give up on a relationship with a married man. You made those choices despite knowing that the risk of pain and destruction to me and our children was 100%, and the chance of happily ever after for you was slim even in the best of circumstances. I could speculate why you put yourself in this position, I could elucidate what it says about you and your character. I could defend myself, my marriage, my husband. But none of this changes anything. At the end of the day, our pain was worth your gain, and that is all I need to know about you, and all I need to say to you.

 

-Heartwhole

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Why even waste the brain cells on this? Think if yourselves as so far above her she doesnt deserve a thought.

Edited by katielee
  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

IMO I think it's good to get it out once. For some it does get them closure.

 

A friend of mine caught his wife in the marital bed with an OM.

 

So during the separation/divorce period she kept bugging him about being friends. So I suggested to him write her a letter and get everything off your chest. He was pulling a hard 180 at the time.

 

He felt great after. She stopped bugging him. Worked perfect.

 

Nice job BTW

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Why even waste the brain cells on this? Think if yourselves as so far above her she doesnt deserve a thought.

 

I think that thinking of the OW as beneath your contempt is just a defense mechanism to avoid working through your valid feelings of hurt and anger. If a drunk driver hurt or killed your loved one, no one would say that you should just dismiss the anger you feel at another person's bad choices leading to your loss and pain. That anger is natural and must be worked through. Writing an anonymous letter on the internet is a pretty innocuous way to address and vent those feelings, IMO.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

Heart - I agree I just hate to see people who have done nothing wrong put their energy there. I'm not including myself in the group as im a FWW. But the rest of you did nothing wrong. I hate that things are stolen from you, including time...,

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear older OM,

 

I can't wait to piss on your grave with a few choice words.

 

 

Edited by dichotomy
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
gettingstronger

Dear WS,

 

I did feel lots of empathy for you when you cried the other night. You were mourning the loss of who you wanted to be, saying you can never fully be the man you set out to be based on your infidelity. I held and soothed you but part of me still wants to punch you in the face.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
flowergirl14

Mine might go something like this...dear ow,

You are not "the one" just the latest. Had it not been you it would be someone else. My h like many cheaters loves the thrill of the chase, cheating, sneaking around, lying. Is this what you want in a partner? I don't. Is this the kind of role model you would want for your kids? I don't want this for mine. I wonder the lies he has spun about a terrible wife and family at home. How terrible it must be. The truth is he walks through the door and its nothing but smiles and kisses all the way around. Even for me ...his wife. He pretends to be a family man. Devoted loving husband. There are soccer games, movies, dinners out, family and couple vacations, sex, plans for the future. He is not moody and sad pining for you or if he is he doesnt show it. He seems happy! However, Its sad for the children because they believe him to be a good loving father and husband as he should be. Unfortunately, he is a serial cheater who uses women. Who is not a good role model and honestly not a good person. He is a facade. You are not the problem nor I. You were just a willing participant. He is a liar and a man of poor character above and beyond all else. He uses us all!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cloudcuckoo
I think that thinking of the OW as beneath your contempt is just a defense mechanism to avoid working through your valid feelings of hurt and anger. If a drunk driver hurt or killed your loved one, no one would say that you should just dismiss the anger you feel at another person's bad choices leading to your loss and pain. That anger is natural and must be worked through. Writing an anonymous letter on the internet is a pretty innocuous way to address and vent those feelings, IMO.

 

Bravo! Heart whole! Very well said!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cloudcuckoo
Dear older OM,

 

I can't wait to piss on your grave with a few choice words.

 

 

 

Oh m goodness! I've had a lovely day, Sunday lunch with some of my adult children and valued chums and to end it with a belly laugh like the one you've just given me had to be a great day!

 

Cuckoo

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
gettingstronger
Dear WS,

 

I did feel lots of empathy for you when you cried the other night. You were mourning the loss of who you wanted to be, saying you can never fully be the man you set out to be based on your infidelity. I held and soothed you but part of me still wants to punch you in the face.

 

Sorry, I did not read the original post correctly-

Link to post
Share on other sites
Miss Clavel

dear hootchie,

 

your replacement doesn't speak english either. however, the orphans seem more willing to accept her given the fact that she ain't you. and her thong doesn't show thru her clothes.

 

so far she doesn't seem to be guilty of anything more then having poor taste in men. can't say the same for you. whoever you are.

 

 

hahaha

 

 

did i say that outloud?

 

i actually, after all these years, have come to feel sorry for you. which is more pity then you ever showed me or anyone in my family.

 

e.n.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cloudcuckoo
Sorry, I did not read the original post correctly-

 

Stronger, you have nothing to apologise for...

 

You felt it, you said it, from whatever side doesn't really matter.

 

Cuckoo

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a whole thread with my "venting" letters but IMO you can never let off steam too many times. :)

 

OW,

 

In case you wonder why he didn't leave me it is because I am better than you. To Mary Poppins this 'I am practical perfect in every way'. The truth is I am more successful, better looking, and have a kick a** personality. Even if my H and I decided to divorce he was never going to be with you long term. You were a distraction from the problems our marriage. You have very little in common with him. The 'friends' that you think you knew were random acquaintances and he cut them out of his life as fast as he cut you out of ours. Really you owe me a thank you because he was just going to ghost you. I was the one who pointed out that is cruel. Some days I feel less hate towards you but today 'you suck'. Enjoy your life.

 

Joie

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

EverySunset,

 

Dear OW (x 1M)

 

You can have him.

 

Love,

Me

 

 

They always say that this ^^^ is the best revenge :laugh:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cloudcuckoo

I didn't ever actually say anything much to my husband's former concubine, but she had plenty to say to and about me.....

 

I just laughed at her until I got bored.....

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Miss Clavel
Dear OW (x 1M)

 

You can have him.

 

Love,

Me

 

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

i felt letting him go was my revenge on her. lulz

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Op you wrote in your letter to ow that you dont consider her anymore. You clearly do and its understandable. I was thinking, maybe to get to the next step of your healing you could in the very least consider forgiveness...for you...not for her...you dont owe it and she may not deserve it but I saw a special on parents going to the prison and telling the person that killed their child they forgave them.

Forgiveness is powerful and so hard.

But I wonder if you could..for you.

Its rhetorical so no need to answer or explain if you cant. Just wanted to say this.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...