Should I contact the OM and tell him she is married?

[LanceMannion]

Wife is back texting with the guy she had been flirting with (two dates and kissing not no sex) and I'm seeing them all on her iMessage on her old phone.

 

when I caught her the first time she said she had told him she was married and that she was going to be spending her time working on her relationship. I truly think she lied to me there and didn't tell him she was married. I'm confident in this as he texted her last week and asked to get together and she readily agreed to do so. big date is in 2 weeks... Yeah!

 

his text to her makes me think either A) she never told him she was married, or B) he's a F slime and reached out anyway.

 

so should I call him and tell him the truth after I let her see him again (I'm letting her build enough rope to build her noose?)

 

They have a work relationship so she will see him on a business trip in the coming months.

 

Fun!

[ladydesigner]

Wife is back texting with the guy she had been flirting with (two dates and kissing not no sex) and I'm seeing them all on her iMessage on her old phone.

 

when I caught her the first time she said she had told him she was married and that she was going to be spending her time working on her relationship. I truly think she lied to me there and didn't tell him she was married. I'm confident in this as he texted her last week and asked to get together and she readily agreed to do so. big date is in 2 weeks... Yeah!

 

his text to her makes me think either A) she never told him she was married, or B) he's a F slime and reached out anyway.

 

so should I call him and tell him the truth after I let her see him again (I'm letting her build enough rope to build her noose?)

 

They have a work relationship so she will see him on a business trip in the coming months.

 

Fun!

 

You would be surprised how many OM already know their AP is in fact M'd. I don't think that is necessarily a deterrent. I am sure the OM already knows about you. It would be in your best interest to do something more drastic like ask your wife to leave if she does not stop the A. Do not EVER let her know your method of surveillance.

[DreamP]

What is your objective? Break their relationship in hopes that wife will come back to you? If this is the second time your wife is going back to him, I think that ship has sailed.

 

Yes, you could approach this guy. If you did it in person, it will probably be more effective. He probably already knows but most people don't want to deal with an affair once it starts getting messy. Husband/wife showing up at your door is the epitome of messy. But if your goal is to get your wife back, that won't do much.

[BuddyX]

I would not allow her to go on that trip. Tell her, if she goes they'll be papers waiting.

[Bufo]

Your wife doesn't wear her wedding/engagement rings? Most married women do. And I assume OM isn't blind. What about family pics at her work station? Most married women do. Does OM ever stop by her workstation?

 

These questions are virtually rhetorical as they answers are self evident. My guess is that you'd be telling OM something he already knows--her marital status.

 

While it's possible she is misleading him with stories of separTion or open marriage, IMHO not too likely. More likely he's an experienced predator who knows it's easier with married women as they don't expect to be wined and dined as dating time is very limited. And she has something to hide unlike single women.

[sandylee1]

Isn't it more about your wife knowing she's married?

 

Although there's absolutely no harm in telling him to stay away from your wife. I actually think if more OM were told to back off... they'd drop the MW. A romp in the hay isn't worth getting his a** kicked and even without any threat.. he won't want the hassle .... so give it a go.

[imperfectangel]

I'd concentrate on your wife more than the OM

[jen1447]

What's the end game for all this? That determines what you should do.

 

The OM probably knows about you.

[Poppy47]

YOu can'y stop an adult from going somewhere.

 

YOu CAN tell her you know she is still seeing the OM and you are done.

 

xxx

[SammySammy]

What would that accomplish?

 

At the end of the day, you will still have a wife who wants to be with another man.

[BuddyX]

nixing the trip is the first step to NC. My man has to man guard. If she decides to go, then you know she's deep into the fog, and you prob lost her.

 

If she stays, MC and IC. She has to understand that leash is short.

[RecentChange]

So wait..... You busted her trying to cheat, and now she is STILL sneaking around behind your back?

 

The OM isn't your problem......

 

As for telling him, like others said, he probably knows, and doesn't care. I can tell you when I have been hit on and straight up said "I am not single" it seems to be zero deterrent to many guys.

[SammySammy]

nixing the trip is the first step to NC. My man has to man guard. If she decides to go, then you know she's deep into the fog, and you prob lost her.

 

If she stays, MC and IC. She has to understand that leash is short.

 

Man guard?

 

Ideally, a wife should be faithful because she chooses to be faithful. Not because her husband is a good cockblocker.

[BuddyX]

Man guarding is telling him to Efff Off. As a husband you got 2 jobs, Provide and Protect. This is protecting the M. Trust me, she'll gain respect for standing up.

If they still want to meet after that, then you let it be.

[RecentChange]

Man guarding is telling him to Efff Off. As a husband you got 2 jobs, Provide and Protect. This is protecting the M. Trust me, she'll gain respect for standing up.

If they still want to meet after that, then you let it be.

 

Okay - maybe there is something to this. On my D Day, the other man was contacted by my guy - just a thinly veiled threat "does your wife know you are F'ing mine?" and "I know where you work"

 

I don't think I could talk to the OM again if I wanted to - I am sure that scared him ****less (saw that he deleted all traces of himself online etc and tried to "hide")

[Grapesofwrath]

Man guarding is telling him to Efff Off. As a husband you got 2 jobs, Provide and Protect. This is protecting the M. Trust me, she'll gain respect for standing up.

If they still want to meet after that, then you let it be.

 

When I was married, a man hit on me in plain sight of my husband at a work party. I told him I was married, showed him my ring, and pointed to my husband who was about 10 feet away. That didn't deter him.

 

It would have been nice if my then-husband had noticed or cared that this was happening. He didn't. At that stage I would have found some "man guarding" awfully nice.

Edited April 7, 2016 by Grapesofwrath

[AlexDream]

Wife is back texting with the guy she had been flirting with (two dates and kissing not no sex) and I'm seeing them all on her iMessage on her old phone.

 

when I caught her the first time she said she had told him she was married and that she was going to be spending her time working on her relationship. I truly think she lied to me there and didn't tell him she was married. I'm confident in this as he texted her last week and asked to get together and she readily agreed to do so. big date is in 2 weeks... Yeah!

 

his text to her makes me think either A) she never told him she was married, or B) he's a F slime and reached out anyway.

 

so should I call him and tell him the truth after I let her see him again (I'm letting her build enough rope to build her noose?)

 

They have a work relationship so she will see him on a business trip in the coming months.

 

Fun!

 

You definitely should call to him and say:

 

'I apologize for bothering you but I have to disturb your communication with my wife, because she needs my care due to an STD we are trying to fight. The more you are chatting to each other the more time we waste and the STD is developing. Thank you for understanding, bro'.

 

Do not thank me:cool:

[aliveagain]

She made a date with another man, someone she has a work affiliation with. She needs to quite her job, you should file for divorce because your threats are not being taken seriously, she is not honoring her commitment to you. Your issue isn't with the other man your issue is with the lying POS your married to.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm confident in this as he texted her last week and asked to get together and she readily agreed to do so. big date is in 2 weeks... Yeah!

 

I think you should track them to the meeting and burst in unannounced.

 

Perhaps that image will give you the resolve you seem to lacking to this point...

 

Mr. Lucky

[bubbaganoosh]

Look you told her to stop and she hasn't. Now your saying your giving her enough rope to hang herself.

 

She doesn't need a rope. She need to see the door and you closing it after she's been told to leave.

 

If it were me, I would tell her that the trust is gone and if she goes out of town then don't come back. Even if she stays home there isn't much trust so you better start regaining control before you get run over.

[BuddyX]

I think you should track them to the meeting and burst in unannounced.

 

Perhaps that image will give you the resolve you seem to lacking to this point...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

In my instance I wish I did that. Then I would've got the peace I was looking for. Instead of the trickle truth BullCrap.

 

If you're willing to bust in on them, have papers ready. Because that picture in your mind, you can't undo. But as stated before, it can provide closure.

[bigman1]

So let me get this straight. Your plan is to say, "please Mr. Stop dating my wife. She doesn't care or respect me or our marriage so I was hoping you would." ?!!

 

Try this, " hey, honey when you leave take all your stuff. I packed it for you. I will get over you.". Then look her in the eye and say, " seriously, don't come back. "

 

Actually, anything other than your plan.

[Marc878]

First of all don't be naive. They've been on two dates???

 

I got news for you kissing=sex in an affair.

 

Cheaters lie a lot. She has no respect for you since this is the second time around.

 

If you really wanted to try and end the affair you're only option is full exposure to his/her family, friends, work but I'd bet you're living in fear and couldn't do it.

 

The reality is this marriage is over and there's nothing to save. Probably your only option is to file and move on. No exposure so she doesn't lose her job and your alimony/cs wont be as steep.

[Honourably honest]

What are you playing at? Are you looking to play the disrespected victim once he has deflowered your wife? Is it too hard to speak up?

She's a nano cm from being too far over a line id have set. Was the kissing in a drunken state? That's no excuse, but a reason doe d?

She's made the arrangement to meet, they will have sex, he will penetrate her and she will probably perform your favourite trick AND more. If you want to inflict maximum damage to her then get it all ready for the day she leaves the house, divorce papers, a new lock for the front door, or show her an email you've literally just sent to all her friends and family with as much detail as you can give without blowing your source.

Keep those texts for a lawyer.

It's exciting for her, hopefully not for you. Any bloke that takes this sort of disrespect would be described as one of life's victims where I come from. You have a choice here, whatever you do you have to consider your honour and dignity. They come free with life's deal. Throw them away and its a dark dark place you'll find yourself.

 

I feel for you, but you have decisions to make. Make them.

[Arieswoman]

OP,

I think you have mislaid something - here it is ;

 

http://anatomy-medicine.com/musculoskeletal-system/62-the-spine.html