My K1 fiancée cheated fiancée cheated on me. How do I move on?

[Gotplayed2015]

I met my ex fiancée on fb two years ago. Six month after knowing her on fb I had decided to make a surprise visit. We got along great. It was a dream come true. I visited her 3 more times. We got engaged traditionally April 2015. I attended her k1 visa interview and she passed. However she did not seem excited at all. Things were different during my last visit. She was not as nice, less patient with me, argued with me a lot more, and everything I did gets in her nerve.

 

I brought her to the USA anyway because I love her. She came to the USA two months ago. We weren't getting along. She didn't want to go out, learn English, nor visit my family. She likes staying home and being on her iPhone. We have 90 days to legally marry but it didn't seem to me she wants too. Because we were not getting along and I didn't feel loved, I hesitated as well to get married legally. Everytime we argue she threaten to go back to Thailand. I bought her tickets to go back twice. Twice she decided to stay. It hurted because I loved her. I wasn't sure why things were going downhill.

 

She wasn't the same person I knew two years ago. We fight again then for the third time I bought her an airfare. I was hurt but was ready to call it quit. It was becoming too painful. I supported her and her family back home for two years, help them with medical consult and bills. I gave her everything as the average income there is $140/mo. Two days after buying her the third airfare I found out she has a relationship with a guy in Thailand while she was there. She told me she met him a month after our engagement. My heart broke. She cried, apologize but my heart was already damaged.

 

At first she denied the infidelity, but after the pics was shown of her kissing him, she was shocked and admitted. I invested so much time, money, emotions into our relationship. I'm having difficulty believing this is happening and deeply hurt. Not sure how I can move on. I need help and guidance. She left last week to Thailand. This is the most difficult thing I had to face in 34 years of my life. The girl is now gone and will no longer be able to enter the states.

 

I said that I would forgive but know that things will be the same. She said she love me but what she had done was not forgivable and decided to leave back to Thailand. I know she loves him more than she loves me.

Edited December 27, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to Infidelity forum

[bubbaganoosh]

Old saying. You live and you learn. Just be glad you didn't marry her. Chalk it up as a lesson learned and be careful in the future. Before you decide to go full tilt and get engaged make sure you know her a lot better then you did with this one.

[HurtHusband]

Don't feel bad. You got burnt. You married some isarn princess right? Maybe she's attractive and a knock-out. You fell for her. But sadly You were her cash cow, she used you, and that money was probably going to the bf back in Thailand for all you know. There is a very good site called stickman bangkok with a massive readers submission section, and stories like yours do happen. You were probably naive and now that you look back there must have been many red flags that you missed.

 

Just put it down to experience and move on. She's ungrateful and not the sort of woman you need in your life. Enjoy being a single man again. Why not look for a new woman in your area? One who has all the traits you'd like in a potential partner? You dodge'd a bullet you should be relieved.

[Gotplayed2015]

Old saying. You live and you learn. Just be glad you didn't marry her. Chalk it up as a lesson learned and be careful in the future. Before you decide to go full tilt and get engaged make sure you know her a lot better then you did with this one.

 

I'm in my mid 30 and she's 24. I felt connected because I am Thai-American. We share the same religion/culture abd speak the same language. Her family really liked me. We got along very well until a month after our engagement. The reason why she seem different was because she found a new man in her life. She basically didn't care about staying faithful and little regards for my health. I'm moving on slowly.

[BelleSkye]

What is up with Caucasian men on LS and thai women....(I just read your other thread in the infidelity forum, I apologise, you are thai and not Caucasian).

 

Anyway, I was sort of in your 'exs' shoes. I was just not physically or mentally attracted to the guy who did all those things for me. He too had lots of money, paid for me to move to his country, tried getting me a job etc. The more he did for me, the more it annoyed me.

 

Im sorry about this. Next time, try to be self aware of your actions and words. Also, try to date normally for a year and have meaningful conversations with the other person IN PERSON. People, including myself, are very different over the phone / skype etc. What made it more difficult for the guy who liked me is that when he brought me into his country, A LOT OF GUYS have been asking me out. I left him and now dating again. The kindest thing I could do for him was to move out and go NC to not waste anymore of his time.

 

Do some self growing. Good luck.

Edited December 27, 2015 by BelleSkye

[Gotplayed2015]

Don't feel bad. You got burnt. You married some isarn princess right? Maybe she's attractive and a knock-out. You fell for her. But sadly You were her cash cow, she used you, and that money was probably going to the bf back in Thailand for all you know. There is a very good site called stickman bangkok with a massive readers submission section, and stories like yours do happen. You were probably naive and now that you look back there must have been many red flags that you missed.

 

Just put it down to experience and move on. She's ungrateful and not the sort of woman you need in your life. Enjoy being a single man again. Why not look for a new woman in your area? One who has all the traits you'd like in a potential partner? You dodge'd a bullet you should be relieved.

 

I engaged her in Thailand and sponsored her as a fiancée to be married in the USA. Yes she was younger and attractive. She seem appreciative at first. I supported her and her family for two years. I found out she lied to me about many things. I supported her monthly so that she didn't have to work. Took care of her and her family medical bills. I ignored many Red flags. I forgave her for many wrong doing because I love her. It suck that once she cheated may 2015, i continue to support her until December 2015 as I just found out about the BF last week. Yes it could have been worse had I married her. I told her intention wasn't to marry me when she was here in the USA. I think she did it more fit a family. I believe the famiky didn't know about her cheating.

[road]

Be glad you found out what she was before you married her.

[Gotplayed2015]

Don't feel bad. You got burnt. You married some isarn princess right? Maybe she's attractive and a knock-out. You fell for her. But sadly You were her cash cow, she used you, and that money was probably going to the bf back in Thailand for all you know. There is a very good site called stickman bangkok with a massive readers submission section, and stories like yours do happen. You were probably naive and now that you look back there must have been many red flags that you missed.

 

Just put it down to experience and move on. She's ungrateful and not the sort of woman you need in your life. Enjoy being a single man again. Why not look for a new woman in your area? One who has all the traits you'd like in a potential partner? You dodge'd a bullet you should be relieved.

 

I engaged her in Thailand and sponsored her as a fiancée to be married in the USA. Yes she was younger and attractive. She seem appreciative at first. I supported her and her family for two years. I found out she lied to me about many things. I supported her monthly so that she didn't have to work. Took care of her and her family medical bills. I ignored many Red flags. I forgave her for many wrong doing because I love her. It suck that once she cheated may 2015, i continue to support her until December 2015 as I just found out about the BF last week. Yes it could have been worse had I married her. I told her that her intention wasn't to marry me when she was here in the USA. I think she did it more for her family. I believe the family didn't know about her cheating. I learned recently that she talk to her BF and his parent daily while I was at work in my own home.

Edited December 27, 2015 by Gotplayed2015
Grammar

[Mrs. John Adams]

I do not know how to tell you to move on....but i will say...you will someday be thankful that you found all of this out now.

 

I am really sorry this happened....I am sorry she hurt you...and i hope you can heal from this.

 

What she did was cruel...no one deserves this.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Gotplayed2015]

Be glad you found out what she was before you married her.

It would have hurted so much more had we married. Filing for divorce $$$$, heartache. She didn't intend to stay. This was the third time she requested to go back home. We werent getting along. Every thing I did gets on her skin. She never once ask me about my Financial struggle. Im broke because I spend so much money supporting her and bringing her to the USA. She got upset when I told her I cannot yet afford to buy her a bracelet, or a new engagement ring until next year. Btw she claimed she lost the ring. I know the BF played a factor and influence her to go back home as he mentioned on a post that he's, "ok with being second but the last guy for her". I'm glad I found out about the infidelity before she leaves to Thailand. It was painful to see pics of her kissing another guy and the thought of them having sex. It hurted so much more. But it gave me closure to why she was behaving badly towards me.

[Gotplayed2015]

What is up with Caucasian men on LS and thai women....(I just read your other thread in the infidelity forum, I apologise, you are thai and not Caucasian).

 

Anyway, I was sort of in your 'exs' shoes. I was just not physically or mentally attracted to the guy who did all those things for me. He too had lots of money, paid for me to move to his country, tried getting me a job etc. The more he did for me, the more it annoyed me.

 

Im sorry about this. Next time, try to be self aware of your actions and words. Also, try to date normally for a year and have meaningful conversations with the other person IN PERSON. People, including myself, are very different over the phone / skype etc. What made it more difficult for the guy who liked me is that when he brought me into his country, A LOT OF GUYS have been asking me out. I left him and now dating again. The kindest thing I could do for him was to move out and go NC to not waste anymore of his time.

 

Do some self growing. Good luck.

I learned also that she was cheating on both of us at one point as well. I'm attractive and I'm a very established medical professional. She just wasn't the one.

Edited December 27, 2015 by Gotplayed2015
Granmar

[Gotplayed2015]

I do not know how to tell you to move on....but i will say...you will someday be thankful that you found all of this out now.

 

I am really sorry this happened....I am sorry she hurt you...and i hope you can heal from this.

 

What she did was cruel...no one deserves this.

 

Best of luck to you.

Thank you. I'm slowly accepting reality and slowly healing. It helps to think of the horrible things she had done to me. It's my fault as I ignore many red flags.

[Gotplayed2015]

What is up with Caucasian men on LS and thai women....(I just read your other thread in the infidelity forum, I apologise, you are thai and not Caucasian).

 

Anyway, I was sort of in your 'exs' shoes. I was just not physically or mentally attracted to the guy who did all those things for me. He too had lots of money, paid for me to move to his country, tried getting me a job etc. The more he did for me, the more it annoyed me.

 

Im sorry about this. Next time, try to be self aware of your actions and words. Also, try to date normally for a year and have meaningful conversations with the other person IN PERSON. People, including myself, are very different over the phone / skype etc. What made it more difficult for the guy who liked me is that when he brought me into his country, A LOT OF GUYS have been asking me out. I left him and now dating again. The kindest thing I could do for him was to move out and go NC to not waste anymore of his time.

 

Do some self growing. Good luck.

She was not mentally attracted to me because I was too educated for her. I practice medicine.

[Gotplayed2015]

What is up with Caucasian men on LS and thai women....(I just read your other thread in the infidelity forum, I apologise, you are thai and not Caucasian).

 

Anyway, I was sort of in your 'exs' shoes. I was just not physically or mentally attracted to the guy who did all those things for me. He too had lots of money, paid for me to move to his country, tried getting me a job etc. The more he did for me, the more it annoyed me.

 

Im sorry about this. Next time, try to be self aware of your actions and words. Also, try to date normally for a year and have meaningful conversations with the other person IN PERSON. People, including myself, are very different over the phone / skype etc. What made it more difficult for the guy who liked me is that when he brought me into his country, A LOT OF GUYS have been asking me out. I left him and now dating again. The kindest thing I could do for him was to move out and go NC to not waste anymore of his time.

 

Do some self growing. Good luck.

Try to be self aware of my actions and words? I gave her family a bathroom and a real toilet so that they can poop like Americans instead of having bowel movements in public.

[Gotplayed2015]

Try to be self aware of my actions and words? I gave her family a bathroom and a real toilet so that they can poop like Americans instead of having bowel movements in public.

 

She cheated on me and I'm to do self growing? How about you stop taking advantage of good people and taking you're butt off the peddle stool! Because you're a woman you can't make mistake and should not be held to any accountability??!! You better look like Halle berry, otherwise do some self growing.

[Herzglut]

This reminds me of my Thai-German ex bf and I think I was kind of like your ex-fiance....

I was very young and he was my first boyfriend back then. I wasn't particularly attracted and only agreed to a relationship because he asked me and I didn't know how to reject him so I went along.

 

Oh boy, he did so much for me and the more he did, the more respect I lost because I simply wasn't in love. Once I was moody and just picked a fight to test his boundaries and despite fully knowing that I was at fault, he was trying to twist the entire situation and placed the blame on himself. He probably sensed that he loved me far more than I liked him and thought I might probably learn to love him if he does even more for me and plays the doormat.

 

Met a guy I was finally attracted to and kind of started ignoring him without a clear breakup. Mutual friends back then used to tell me that I 'broke' him. I knew he was devastated because he camped a few times in front of my window, begging me to come back and crying into my chest once I stepped out to hand him a jacket. I knew he was in pain, but I didn't want to deal with it because I was involved with someone else. I feel so freaking bad. So so bad.

 

After breaking his heart, every relationship that followed, I was the one whose heart got broken (Karma) None after him has ever loved me so purely and with all his heart like he did. And I suspect that none ever will.

 

I don't want him back, never will. I just wish I would have given him the respect and affection he deserved. He's was such a good-hearted boy and I wish him the best.

 

Like you see.....a lot of people go through heart-breaking and devastating experiences. Even now, I am trying to forget the father of the child that grows inside of me. It's life. Don't turn your pain into unpacked baggage. Confront the pain, work it, deal with it, give yourself the time and opportunity to heal or else you'll take the weight into future relationships and jeopardize your emotional well-being.

 

You'll make it through this. You'll find the kind of soulmate that fully appreciates your efforts and reciprocates your feelings. If anything, rejoice - you dodged this bullet sooner than painfully later. Congrats!

[BelleSkye]

She cheated on me and I'm to do self growing? How about you stop taking advantage of good people and taking you're butt off the peddle stool! Because you're a woman you can't make mistake and should not be held to any accountability??!! You better look like Halle berry, otherwise do some self growing.

 

There it is....I can see why she left you. Good for her. Just because you do something for someone does not mean thst they are your personsl property. And get off your high horse that you are a medical professional. Qualifications does not make a person a good person.

 

If you do not want to do some self growing, get off this site. Dont use it as a platform to bash your ex. She is living her life. I hope she moves on happily so she doesnt cause any ore heartache. Im happy that she is free.

 

Guess what, there are lots of people who dont look like halle berry and still need some self growing:laugh:

[BelleSkye]

This reminds me of my Thai-German ex bf and I think I was kind of like your ex-fiance....

I was very young and he was my first boyfriend back then. I wasn't particularly attracted and only agreed to a relationship because he asked me and I didn't know how to reject him so I went along.

 

Oh boy, he did so much for me and the more he did, the more respect I lost because I simply wasn't in love. Once I was moody and just picked a fight to test his boundaries and despite fully knowing that I was at fault, he was trying to twist the entire situation and placed the blame on himself. He probably sensed that he loved me far more than I liked him and thought I might probably learn to love him if he does even more for me and plays the doormat.

 

Met a guy I was finally attracted to and kind of started ignoring him without a clear breakup. Mutual friends back then used to tell me that I 'broke' him. I knew he was devastated because he camped a few times in front of my window, begging me to come back and crying into my chest once I stepped out to hand him a jacket. I knew he was in pain, but I didn't want to deal with it because I was involved with someone else. I feel so freaking bad. So so bad.

 

After breaking his heart, every relationship that followed, I was the one whose heart got broken (Karma) None after him has ever loved me so purely and with all his heart like he did. And I suspect that none ever will.

 

I don't want him back, never will. I just wish I would have given him the respect and affection he deserved. He's was such a good-hearted boy and I wish him the best.

 

Like you see.....a lot of people go through heart-breaking and devastating experiences. Even now, I am trying to forget the father of the child that grows inside of me. It's life. Don't turn your pain into unpacked baggage. Confront the pain, work it, deal with it, give yourself the time and opportunity to heal or else you'll take the weight into future relationships and jeopardize your emotional well-being.

 

You'll make it through this. You'll find the kind of soulmate that fully appreciates your efforts and reciprocates your feelings. If anything, rejoice - you dodged this bullet sooner than painfully later. Congrats!

 

 

I ditto the above experience. I understand where you are coming from

[Gotplayed2015]

There it is....I can see why she left you. Good for her. Just because you do something for someone does not mean thst they are your personsl property. And get off your high horse that you are a medical professional. Qualifications does not make a person a good person.

 

If you do not want to do some self growing, get off this site. Dont use it as a platform to bash your ex. She is living her life. I hope she moves on happily so she doesnt cause any ore heartache. Im happy that she is free.

 

Guess what, there are lots of people who dont look like halle berry and still need some self growing:laugh:

 

I understand that you have been hurt and burnt by many men but stay strong...I'm sensing lots of anger from your post. Focus on being a better person and learn from your experience. Shower more, floss more often. Good hygiene is key to keeping Good men. Good for you.

[BelleSkye]

I understand that you have been hurt and burnt by many men but stay strong...I'm sensing lots of anger from your post. Focus on being a better person and learn from your experience. Shower more, floss more often. Good hygiene is key to keeping Good men. Good for you.

 

This guy must be a proctologist. Anyway, your thread asks how do you move on?

 

I gave you an answer and all you do is bash your ex and myself now. You want people to sympathise with you but that is not moving on. Im truely happy for your ex....only because she is genuinely free from a controlling, manipulative, egotistical, self centered jerk like you.

[Gotplayed2015]

This guy must be a proctologist. Anyway, your thread asks how do you move on?

 

I gave you an answer and all you do is bash your ex and myself now. You want people to sympathise with you but that is not moving on. Im truely happy for your ex....only because she is genuinely free from a controlling, manipulative, egotistical, self centered jerk like you.

 

No where on my posting have I bash my ex. I think she has the right to live the life she choose. I wish nothing but the best for new life. But the more important issue now is your anger towards men. I'm truly concern. Have you tried counseling?

[Herzglut]

Wow.

 

I actually don't know if I should say anything at all but the way I see it is that you (OP) are hurt, confused and frustrated at this moment but just to give you the perspective of a bystander, you seem to be pretty rude, patronizing, contradicting not only with your statements but also with your attitude. It's understandable that you're on the edge and in a place of defensiveness after all you've gone through and lost but that's no reason to twist the entire situation and attack each other over misunderstandings.

[William]

It's Sunday so we'll get this sorted out later; for now, I'll post up a directive reminding all members that responses are to be to the topic posted, apparently a fiancee cheating, and are to be respectful of all members. Quoting any prior inflammatory statements and continuing upon that path may result in loss of posting privileges so let it go and move on. Thanks!

[Babs22]

I am sorry you are going through this. It hurts to have your heart broken and to feel used on top of it. My in-laws are Thai so I am familiar with the culture. Unfortunately, there are many woman trying to come to America to raise there status. Please be careful the next time. Also, you need to look for someone who is on the same education level as you or you will find yourself married to someone who cannot relate to you or your work. There are plenty of Thai woman who have degrees and are financially stable in Thailand. I am friends with several. Please be careful in the future to not try to support the person you are trying to have a relationship with. You want the person to love you for you, not because of what you can offer them.

 

Chalk this up to a lesson learned. I am so glad you did not marry her.

[Gotplayed2015]

I am sorry you are going through this. It hurts to have your heart broken and to feel used on top of it. My in-laws are Thai so I am familiar with the culture. Unfortunately, there are many woman trying to come to America to raise there status. Please be careful the next time. Also, you need to look for someone who is on the same education level as you or you will find yourself married to someone who cannot relate to you or your work. There are plenty of Thai woman who have degrees and are financially stable in Thailand. I am friends with several. Please be careful in the future to not try to support the person you are trying to have a relationship with. You want the person to love you for you, not because of what you can offer them.

 

Chalk this up to a lesson learned. I am so glad you did not marry her.

 

Thank you. I didn't want education or financial status to be a factor when selecting a potential mate. I think that we all deserve equal opportunity when it comes to love. Its traditional and expected for the husband/fiancée to support the spouse and her family if she's from the homeland. However, I do see your point. She had a 10th grade level education and could not relate to me on many things. She is also younger too. I Will take that to heart the next time I get involve in a relationship.