Timeline

[Krashi]

My timeline was very similar to Hero's. Investigation took about 2 weeks, but, once confirmed, my sisters flew out in a couple days, I had informed in laws, spoke to my lawyer, and made the decision. Very, very painful and traumatic. I lost 40 lbs from an in shape body in two months.

But, I moved fast and decisively, knowing I could never get past this and would resent my wife forever. We ha e 3 kids, too. I told them what had happened, as well. No editorializing on it. Just age appropriated factual info.

Is it so rare that one knows right away that this is a dealbreaker? I knew it immediately.

XW is super attractive. She was mean and cold once the cheating began. That played a big role in my decision, I think. By the time I got wind of ig, she had been acting abusively for about 4 months. This killed my love for her.

[Friskyone4u]

Krashi,

 

Consider yourself lucky you were so decisive. The literature all says that when a woman has an affair, especially one that can be considered a long term "comparison" affair, that the chances of successfuly R are greatly reduced.

 

The book "Not JUst Friends" states I believe that swomen are usually "checked out" before the sex actually begins. The terrible treatment of you probably was needed for her to having to "demonize" you in her mind in order to make what she was doing " justifiable".

 

All you have to do is read these forums and you will see the agony you have most likely avoided.

 

Best of luck to you

[No Limit]

Is it so rare that one knows right away that this is a dealbreaker?

 

No, it's not rare. Just depends on a person's boundaries, however, as Frisky has already pointed out - if they behave like idiots it makes it that much easier to let them go. Seeing them for who they really are when things get rough and all that.

[fellini]

Well we have two issues which are clearly at play here, and which will never get the kind of decent and respectful discussion they deserve:

 

1. The self fulfilling prophecy. People go into a public forum on infidelity and all they hear is that it's impossible for men to forgive their WW's for an A.

 

This approach usually draws upon the tribal drums of the men's movement calling all men to "grow a pair", to get Alpha, stop being Beta, to stop being a doormat, etc.

 

This issue feeds into a dangerous myth that men and women are not the same, that they are wired differently and so their responses to infidelity are, naturally, different. Of course men and women are different in some ways, but it is more often the case that people migrate differences which are more socially based on misogyny than on biology into the discussion where they do not belong, treating them as fact.

 

2. The shadow of patriarchy. There are many ways this plays out in LS. Sometimes (like in Hero case) it's the story of the "idle hands make devils work" because she is a SAHW or a SAHM. But in fact this is how masculine culture prefers their woman to be. Men became enormously emasculated when women found out they could make a living (although not as much as men) and have control over their own finances, thus not being tied down to a man. So the reverse should actually be true: women with good income are more faviourable to cheat because they have less to lose. But the shadow of patriarchy still smells of a time when men believed, and the law defended, the idea that they owned their woman and children. Anyone who thinks this is not a dark shadow still ever present in patriarchial societies is fooling themselves.

 

The most important effect that this attitude breeds is that a WW represents that another man has stolen your property and used it as he wishes. I call it a shadow, but in fact in LS there are dozens of cases where the analogy is made of another man stealing your car.

 

Naturally, there are no concomitant analogies about men who cheat on their wives, just as there are no threads where a woman whose husband has cheated is told to "grow a pair".

 

Given the clear discrepancy that people bring to the table about infidelity it is no mysetery that men are "socialised" into believing their wife's infidelity is something deeper, more sordid and personal than a man's infidelity.

 

Of course there are people who hold the view that all infidelity is wrong (which it is) and that it's the same for both genders. But the fact is that the threads continually show that those who believe that are far outnumbered by those who continuoulsy argue almost entirely in terms of gender.

 

Is it no wonder that the stories then, reflect this discrepancy? That for men, it is merely a question of "deal breaker" and for women, it is a question of "can my marriage survive this?"

Edited November 29, 2015 by fellini

[Krashi]

I see no gender bias. Nor do I buy into patriarchy theory or wage gap( no serious economist that has analyzed the choice factor supports it).

For me, it was betrayal. Plain and simple. I would not continue to associate with a male who betrayed me, either. This had nothing to di with losing property. I never considered my wife chattel. We were equal partners in my mind( not hers, apparently, as I was not afforded honesty and respect.).

I have read extensively on multiple forums and have nevef noticed advice for male betrayed folks differing from that given to females.

I am sure we could get into it about patriarchy and misogeny vs gynocentrism and misandry.

Edited November 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Krashi]

Rather than the "idle hands" concept, I saw her devotion to leisure as a sign of entitlement, one of yhe hallmarks of NPD. Her acceptance of the lopsided nature of the toiling aspect of life,with hef husband bearing that full burden alone, indicated to me that she had little empathy, another sign of NPD.

[aliveagain]

My only issue with using the stolen car analogy is your wife is the one that drove the car to his place and instead of stealing it she gave it to him. It is possible for men and women to forgive infidelity and in fact to truly move on you need to forgive the wayward spouse and yourself. What you don't need to do is take them back. Perhaps some men and women are better at getting over the mind movies then myself. Knowing she brought another man into my home, my bed and had unprotected sex with him over a period of two years disgusts me even to this day. The thought of his sweaty body on top of her and her legs wrapped around him making the same sounds she makes with me, na, don't even want to go there.

 

The fact that I would have to compromise my values in order to reconcile with her is an additional sh*t sandwich that needs to be swallowed. Everyone must believe she's some kind of amazing prize for you compromise yourself that way, in actuality your the prize. Perhaps some are too afraid of change and would choose to stay with a wayward spouse just like people that stay with an abuser. To me infidelity is a form of abuse and the highest form of disrespect that you could show me. An affair is not like a stolen car because nothing is stolen, it's given away freely by the one you trusted the most. They are supposed to protect you when your not there to do it yourself. It is a very conscious well planned and thought out betrayal, it's never a mistake.

Edited November 29, 2015 by aliveagain

[fellini]

Rather than the "idle hands" concept, I saw her devotion to leisure as a sign of entitlement, one of yhe hallmarks of NPD. Her acceptance of the lopsided nature of the toiling aspect of life,with hef husband bearing that full burden alone, indicated to me that she had little empathy, another sign of NPD.

 

If by these comments you are talking about Hero and the arrangement with his wife, then this is total speculation. You are cannot know if his wife has NPD anymore than you can know if they had an agreement as a couple to live off of the income of one working partner. In fact Hero's own comments suggest that this arrangement left her BORED at one point because he spent all his time in his home office and she wanted something to do. At no time does Hero say her being at home was a burden to him. In fact he suggested that originally it meant they saw a lot of each other until later, when he took on jobs that kept him from having any time to spend with her. These are the facts, not speculation or projection about her exhibiting the Hallmarks of NPD.

[aliveagain]

Here is what I know to be true, all of us Hero included got betrayed, lied to and had our health risked by a greedy selfish wife(ladies, the same applies for wayward husbands). We had no say in her actions. When she was at O/M's place having her head knocked into the headboard we all got to share the other man one way or another. Seminal fluids live on for 2-7 days so anyone whose wife was involved in any kind of long term affair got to experience O/M at some point.

 

Reconciliation is a personal choice and depending on the severity of the betrayal may or may not be a deal breaker for everyone. My spouse knew that infidelity was a deal breaker before she started her affair, she knew the consequence for the shame she brought to our home. Having O/M's affair child and trying to pass him off as my child sealed her fate. Some will reconcile even when their is an affair child, their choice. Everyone has the right to decide for themselves, that decision should be made without fear. The worst thing is to do nothing.

[minimariah]

Is it so rare that one knows right away that this is a dealbreaker? I knew it immediately.

 

i don't think it's rare.

 

i knew immediately, too - as soon as i had a 100% confirmation. i knew it was done & just kind of continued to move forward.

[Midwestmissy]

Hero's wife could have come into the marriage financially well off as well. Maybe she stayed home because she could afford to.

[NewLeaf512]

I see no gender bias. Nor do I buy into patriarchy theory or wage gap( no serious economist that has analyzed the choice factor supports it).

For me, it was betrayal. Plain and simple. I would not continue to associate with a male who betrayed me, either. This had nothing to di with losing property. I never considered my wife chattel. We were equal partners in my mind( not hers, apparently, as I was not afforded honesty and respect.).

I have read extensively on multiple forums and have nevef noticed advice for male betrayed folks differing from that given to females.

I am sure we could get into it about patriarchy and misogeny vs gynocentrism and misandry.

Not a criticism but merely a comment:

 

In the short time I have been a member here I've done quite some reading in the infidelity sub forum. I've obviously not done an analysis, and have no data model to substantiate this impression and I haven't 2 different data sets to relationship test, so it's simply an observation of this thread not all BS. It seems that are posters in this thread former WS's who are in R (of any duration from weeks to over 3 decades) are women. What is your opinion or observation, and what conclusion can be drawn?

 

NL

[66Charger]

In regards to the discission of how a WS is treated here, I have found LITTLE difference in threads, regardless if the BS is male or female. Getting some balls and kick him to the curb are the same thing and are administered quite evenly.

 

The difference is when a WS post to the infidelity section. If the WS is female she will get hammered harder than a male. IMHO this has a lot to do with 3 things. (WS only)

 

1) Numbers. Very few men post their infidleity story. And those that do, do not stick around long. I have seen male posters post on the OW/M section, it gets moved to the infidelity section and the coward disappears.

 

2) Men know that 9 times out of 10 he is a dog and a man with no honor. We perceive these men as weak and UNWORTHY of comment. They are despised and put in a corner office with no windows. Besides, women do a good enough job with the 2x4s. This is not hypocrisy, it is how men deal with men

 

3) Sometimes it appears the female WS wants to be turned. Most start out their thread with, " I have been lurking for while". If that is the case, surely they have read and know whats coming. Maybe this is a practise confession. And it does work.

 

I have seen a instant change of direction once a confession happens. The amount of support is generous and it does come from those who may have previously 2x4 the WW.

 

There are those that whose feelings on infidelity are absolute. Why is that wrong? Those that are pro reconciliation are not wrong either.

 

What is wrong is for any poster to continually bash other's for their post and thought process or say, "you dont know anything. Or "since you havent been a victim of infidelity, you should remain silent". I may disagree with a Q or U50 but it is their right to post exactly what they feel and it should be respected.

 

Write what you want to write but why blast people for their opinions or perceived "gender war" Shattered hurts just as much as Alive.

 

That is the real truth.

Edited November 29, 2015 by 66Charger

[NewLeaf512]

I see no gender bias. Nor do I buy into patriarchy theory or wage gap( no serious economist that has analyzed the choice factor supports it).

For me, it was betrayal. Plain and simple. I would not continue to associate with a male who betrayed me, either. This had nothing to di with losing property. I never considered my wife chattel. We were equal partners in my mind( not hers, apparently, as I was not afforded honesty and respect.).

I have read extensively on multiple forums and have nevef noticed advice for male betrayed folks differing from that given to females.

I am sure we could get into it about patriarchy and misogeny vs gynocentrism and misandry.

 

Rather than the "idle hands" concept, I saw her devotion to leisure as a sign of entitlement, one of yhe hallmarks of NPD. Her acceptance of the lopsided nature of the toiling aspect of life,with hef husband bearing that full burden alone, indicated to me that she had little empathy, another sign of NPD.

 

Purely speculative based on a biased data source coloured I believe with your own feelings about personal experiences you may have had or witnessed. You are very well written but I believe you are not qualified as a psychiatrist. Please correct me if I am mistaken. In the UK or the US to get a diagnosis recognised legally it must be made by a licensed psychiatrist who often confirms any cluster B with a multi disciplinary team. It is irresponsible, unethical and illegal to suggest, infer, or state a person is mentally ill unless you have made the diagnosis or have been given permission as its confidential information covered under several data protection acts.

 

From a legal perspective the above rests over the line on libel. The shaky degree of anonymity of the Internet means that people feel free to make questionably libellous statements about people they haven't met based on unsubstantiated information gleaned from someone else that isn't known to them.

 

To make a comparison against a legally protected status like disability, the correct way of doing so is to speak to a trait of behaviour seeming to mirror traits attributed to a certain diagnosis. That leaves it open for discussion.

[NewLeaf512]

In regards to the discission of how a WS is treated here, I have found LITTLE difference in threads, regardless if the BS is male or female. Getting some balls and kick him to the curb are the same thing and are administered quite evenly.

 

The difference is when a WS post to the infidelity section. If the WS is female she will get hammered harder than a male. IMHO this has a lot to do with 3 things. (WS only)

 

1) Numbers. Very few men post their infidleity story. And those that do, do not stick around long. I have seen male posters post on the OW/M section, it gets moved to the infidelity section and the coward disappears.

 

2) Men know that 9 times out of 10 he is a dog and a man with no honor. We perceive these men as weak and UNWORTHY of comment. They are despised and put in a corner office with no windows. Besides, women do a good enough job with the 2x4s. This is not hypocrisy, it is how men deal with men

 

3) Sometimes it appears the female WS wants to be turned. Most start out their thread with, " I have been lurking for while". If that is the case, surely they have read and know whats coming. Maybe this is a practise confession. And it does work.

 

I have seen a instant change of direction once a confession happens. The amount of support is generous and it does come from those who may have previously 2x4 the WW.

 

There are those that whose feelings on infidelity are absolute. Why is that wrong? Those that are pro reconciliation are not wrong either.

 

What is wrong is for any poster to continually bash other's for their post and thought process or say, "you dont know anything. Or "since you havent been a victim of infidelity, you should remain silent". I may disagree with a Q or U50 but it is their right to post exactly what they feel and it should be respected.

 

Write what you want to write but why blast people for their opinions or perceived "gender war" Shattered hurts just as much as Alive.

 

That is the real truth.

 

I concur the support here for all types of posters is tremendous. I am not a basher and i think all people regardless of the opinions of others should do what is right for them and their family should they have one. Although I am a proponent of at least attempting an R given no violence or substance abuse, it's not for me to judge or recriminate.

 

You answered my questions in 1 & 2 as above.

 

Thank you

 

NL

[Krashi]

Purely speculative based on a biased data source coloured I believe with your own feelings about personal experiences you may have had or witnessed. You are very well written but I believe you are not qualified as a psychiatrist. Please correct me if I am mistaken. In the UK or the US to get a diagnosis recognised legally it must be made by a licensed psychiatrist who often confirms any cluster B with a multi disciplinary team. It is irresponsible, unethical and illegal to suggest, infer, or state a person is mentally ill unless you have made the diagnosis or have been given permission as its confidential information covered under several data protection acts.

 

From a legal perspective the above rests over the line on libel. The shaky degree of anonymity of the Internet means that people feel free to make questionably libellous statements about people they haven't met based on unsubstantiated information gleaned from someone else that isn't known to them.

 

To make a comparison against a legally protected status like disability, the correct way of doing so is to speak to a trait of behaviour seeming to mirror traits attributed to a certain diagnosis. That leaves it open for discussion.

We will have to disgree on the libel allegation, New Leaf. I expressed my opinion on what behavior constitues one of the hallmarks of NP D vs naking a specfic allegation re a specific person. Read the statement.

 

 

 

I feel certain that no liability existx and that no lawyer would ever consider prosecuting a libel action based on the quoted statement. There would be no money to be made.

[sandylee1]

Krashi

 

Sorry this happened to you..... especially with children in the mix. A WS who claims to be a good parent...never considers that they are putting their child's comfort, standard of living and security at risk when they commit adultery..... that is so very inconsiderate.

 

Some people (male or female) know that infidelity is a dealbreaker for them straight away. A number of factors can make their minds up, such as length of the affair, whether the WS was horrible during the A or whether their spouse discussed leaving them for the AP.

 

It's an individual decision and often even though you love your spouse, you may still choose divorce because of the lost trust and not wanting to police them for the rest of the marriage.

 

I wish you luck in healing from this horrible betrayal.

[Krashi]

Purely speculative based on a biased data source coloured I believe with your own feelings about personal experiences you may have had or witnessed. You are very well written but I believe you are not qualified as a psychiatrist. Please correct me if I am mistaken. In the UK or the US to get a diagnosis recognised legally it must be made by a licensed psychiatrist who often confirms any cluster B with a multi disciplinary team. It is irresponsible, unethical and illegal to suggest, infer, or state a person is mentally ill unless you have made the diagnosis or have been given permission as its confidential information covered under several data protection acts.

 

From a legal perspective the above rests over the line on libel. The shaky degree of anonymity of the Internet means that people feel free to make questionably libellous statements about people they haven't met based on unsubstantiated information gleaned from someone else that isn't known to them.

 

To make a comparison against a legally protected status like disability, the correct way of doing so is to speak to a trait of behaviour seeming to mirror traits attributed to a certain diagnosis. That leaves it open for discussion.

New Leaf, if you re-read my statement that you quoted, I think you will see the qualifiers contained in it that would take it out if the realm of defamation.

I think one could, easily, get summary judgement in the unlikely event that an attorney was foolish enough to bring an action.

As for requiring a psychiatrist for the diagnosis, that is not true. I have seen psychologist make it, as well.

And, in many, if not most cases, a true Cluster B avoids evaluation like the plague.

Don' t you think infidelity(a much more prevalent deal among the disordered), the cruelty via ridicule, the blameshifting and lack of remorse, the gaslighting and the lopsided work arrangement show a lack of empathy and entitled behaviors?

 

Also, the comfort level with so much lying over shch an extended period of time ( months), with no manifestation of ill effects , such as weight loss, sleep disturbance, alteration in activity and appearance, etc, all demonstrate a certain comfort level with deceit and deception? How does one unpracticed in deceit achieve such aplomb and comfort with it?

[Krashi]

Thank you,Sandy. It was quite traumatizing, as you may know.

I know it was the right decision for me and the kids. There was verbal and emotional abuse from my XW during the affair. Very unkind things were being said to me and about me. There was financial abuse, as well, as a signigicant part of our family's financial assets were squandered on the affair. My health was suffrring trying to work, care for the kids and our home and working two jobs, trying to keep up with the spending. Virtually every contribution that she made to our famiky went on hold while she enjoyed herself and depleted our finances.

[Krashi]

Hero's wife could have come into the marriage financially well off as well. Maybe she stayed home because she could afford to.

I saw no mention of that, simply that she was deboted to working out and reading romance novels. Does not sound like she was doing the Lord's work. Not volunteering etc.

[Furious]

 

Investigation took about 2 weeks, but, once confirmed, my sisters flew out in a couple days, I had informed in laws, spoke to my lawyer, and made the decision.

 

Is it so rare that one knows right away that this is a dealbreaker? I knew it immediately.

 

I don't think your decisive action is rare when one has solid proof that cannot be denied.

 

Often, it's the betrayed spouses who have little evidence and are relying on their gut instinct, combined with a wayward spouse who denies and gaslights who have a more difficult and lengthy time to get their truth.

 

The thing with betrayal, is that there is no dress rehearsal, and I imagine a great many betrayed spouses wish they had done this or that differently in the early days and months after d-day.

 

At the end of the day, you know yourself and you did what was best for you in the now and for your future. Despite it all, you have been deeply hurt and you will need time to grieve and time to heal from what could have been.

 

Everyone is different, everyone hurts, and there's no one size fits all timeline in moving forward. Whether one chooses to divorce or to reconcile, it's a long road to travel on and it takes courage and strength either way.

[bubbaganoosh]

My timeline was very similar to Hero's. Investigation took about 2 weeks, but, once confirmed, my sisters flew out in a couple days, I had informed in laws, spoke to my lawyer, and made the decision. Very, very painful and traumatic. I lost 40 lbs from an in shape body in two months.

But, I moved fast and decisively, knowing I could never get past this and would resent my wife forever. We ha e 3 kids, too. I told them what had happened, as well. No editorializing on it. Just age appropriated factual info.

Is it so rare that one knows right away that this is a dealbreaker? I knew it immediately.

XW is super attractive. She was mean and cold once the cheating began. That played a big role in my decision, I think. By the time I got wind of ig, she had been acting abusively for about 4 months. This killed my love for her.

 

I can understand where your coming from. Everybody has their own set of problems in everyday life that they have to deal with. It's part of life and we deal with them the best we can.

 

But when you throw infidelity, cheating, backstabbing from the one person you thought you could rely on and have your back, then you not only have the normal problems but then people like me for example don't want to live the rest of their lives always looking over your shoulder wondering if your spouse is where they say they are. Are they doing what they say their doing. Are they with who they say their with.

 

That isn't anyway to live and in my opinion I don't want to have the daily reminders of the affair. If I here a song, see something on TV or here it in a conversation. Just end it and move on.

Edited November 30, 2015 by bubbaganoosh

[understand50]

All,

 

Why some choose to try and reconcile or choose to divorce, is a personal decision, and is theirs alone. For myself, I try and respect the decision, and give support using my own lifetime experiences. I try and hold to 4 rules.

 

1) I try and answer any questions the OP pose in their post. If it is how to reconcile, does it work?, Who, or how has some couples made it work. If the person has decided to divorce, I will try and give my take on it. If they ask if they should stay in the face of some really bad behavior or abuse, I always advise to them to protect themselves and especially their children at all costs. I do not advocate divorce, or reconciliation, but try and see what the OP is telling us, and work any "advise" I may offer in light of what they are asking from us.

 

2) I have written and urged OP's to read each side of any argument for or against divorce/reconciliation. I think on the whole, the board leans to the, "Divorce them and forget it" side of doing things, but there are and always will be those of us who will suggest reconciliation, if it is warranted, by our life experiences. What I mean is, I try and place myself in their shoes, and ask myself if I could reconcile, or would I divorce. In any case, I always urge the OP to read from both sides, as the arguments and posts for and against will help them come to their, and only theirs, decision.

 

3) Once it is apparent what a OP has decided, I support them in my posts, whether I agree with them or not.

 

4) I will not put down or be intentionally rude to anybody here. People are coming here because they need a sounding board on one of the worst things to happen to them in their life. We maybe the only place they can go. I know some posts maybe fake, but I think on the whole, the threads are honest. Be it a Wondering Spouse needing some clarity, of honor, and keeping to ones vows, or a Betrayed Spouse looking on advise on what to do and how to go about it. We need to keep in mind at all times, that we are talking to real people with real issues, asking us for our take on it. This is not entertainment, nor is it a forum to re-fight our own life chooses.

 

I came here for some ideas on how to move forward with my marriage after my wife's financial infidelity. I taken some of the ideas here and put them into practice, so this site has been helpful to me. I stay here, as it has helped my writing, and I think, but may delude myself, that I am doing someone else some good. The story of what I did to keep it together and keep my self respect, may help someone do the same. The stories of how and why some others divorced, will also show others a path to take, and most importantly how to go about it. I think that is the real "rub", we are very good at telling folks, what to do, but not so good at telling how to go about reconciling, or how to handle divorce.

 

So... Congrats to Krashi, for coming to his decision and making it work for him and his kids. I wish you and yours luck.

 

My two Cents.

[fellini]

I saw no mention of that, simply that she was deboted to working out and reading romance novels. Does not sound like she was doing the Lord's work. Not volunteering etc.

 

If Hero had felt in any way used or unhappy with the arrangement he had to work at home and have his wife around the house, he could have said somethig about it.

 

As he doesn't even hint at the idea that he felt that she was taking advantage of him, as you suggest, is a better indication that you are wrong about your assessment that her entitlement issues stem from 10 years "refusing" to work. If Hero thought that, he would have included it in his post. He didn't. He said the opposite: He said that he took on new jobs that prevented him from spending time with his wife (in their home where he worked) so SHE came up with the idea of taking on a job. This is not entitlement.

 

It seems you are the only person who thinks he was taken advantage of because you have a problem imaging a marriage in which both partners agree to an arrangement that has one of them stay at home while the other takes on the role of wage earner.

 

Hero works in IT and security at home. So his costs are extremely low, he obviously doesn't need a secretary. He clearly LOVES his work, and from the sound of things makes a very good living doing what he loves. Why should he send his wife to flip hamburgers if he doesn't need to and was able to spend all day with her as he saw fit? Not everyone lives as you think they ought.

 

But to go from your perspective to diagnosing her with NSP is frankly something you need to reconsider. You simply do not have sufficient facts in front of you to make that leap. Not all entitled adults are NSP. Not all those with low or zero level of empathy are NSP. You talk of a hallmark of NSP, but if you read the literature carefully you will see it has nothing to do with A SINGLE indicator.

[fellini]

I see no gender bias. Nor do I buy into patriarchy theory or wage gap( no serious economist that has analyzed the choice factor supports it).

 

It's quite probably that no serious economist has analyzed it. But every single book published on infidelity does. EVERY SINGLE LEGITIMATE source on infidelity will agree on ONE THING:

 

Women's entry into the workplace is the single most important reason why infidelity is no longer just a male issue. Women have closed the gap in terms of numbers of affairs and this is driven by their entry into the workforce in larger numbers and in better positions. They are not just secretaries, they hold positions of responsibliity and this new climate has made co-worker and work place infidelity the number one source of the problem.

 

This reality is the motor of Girls nights out, of infidelities that result from workplace parties (christmas party being the worst), periodic "all nighters" or "working late to meet project deadlines", from business trips which now throw men and women into hotels for several nights away from their spouses, and from having women working more equally along side male workers breaking the dangerous barrier of sexual harassment in the workplace and making it less difficult for legal emotional connections to occur due to prolonged workplace contact between the genders.

 

Men no longer have exclusivity on infidelity, on workplace fliration, on living a second life outside the marital home. This is not about economists. But what is clear is that women now earn an income doing what men only had the luxury to do: screw around with co-workers.