Emotional affair "only" or more?

[EmbraceTheChange]

So am I being gaslighted or not?

 

My husband, 2 years after dday, still insist that there was no sex. I (still) don't trust him enough to believe what he says. He insist it was an emotional affair, no sex, just hugs in the carpark. He started talking to her regularly in the lab from Feb to July, and was also going for walks around the company's building. Starting in August, they started spending a lot of time texting constantly, spending time away from the office for lunches and drinks. He can't explain why he suddenly wanted to hear more from her in August, and neither why she suddenly wanted to talk to him that much.

 

So for the arguments that there was possibly no sex:

 

The COW made passes at a lot of guys, one that I personally know. He told me she emailed him about "her snatch" being shaved. So her sending v.secret pics, talking about vacuuming in her skimpies and asking myhusband to see if her "headlights"we're on in the corridor at work could align with this kind of behavior. She has had 2 previous affairs at work that I know of, one of the guy got reported to H.R for being "too keen". So she could just be a s*** who enjoy having all these guys around just for the attention, ego boost, etc. My husband told me she would say you can flirt and still be friend. She would talk about her kids and her husband being "affectionate". My husband also called her one day to apologize for accidentally touching her breast because he didn't want her to think he was trying anything on. She told him he was a stupid.

 

Arguments why sex definitely happened:

 

Early August they went for their first lunch, and the texting picked up really fast. By the end of August they were texting during the day, in the evenings and every single Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night till 1-2am (also during the day, but less since I was around). He can't explain why, just that it was easier to hear from her than going down to the lab. Also she told him she found him attractive and he said the same.

 

In September they went for 2 drinks. The 1st one was after a milestone at work, my husband came back and rubbed himself against me. They started hugging after that day (her idea).The next drink was the week after. My husband took the entire afternoon off, they were "at the pub" supposedly from 2.00 to 5.30. I had emailed him to come back because I had a migraine and so was in bed. Kids were running around (1,2 and 4). My husband carried on "drinking" (told me he was in a meeting, writing an important document). He came back at 6-6.30 and carried on with the texting. Outside the pub he tried to put his arm around her and tried to kiss her, but she turned her head round.

 

From early September to Dday: They went to the gym, on a Tuesday morning. They went ice skating one lunchtime. Walks around the building every single day, hugs in the carpark, emails and texting constantly. My husband took her to a lab (facility is 45 mns from his work). He got a comment that it was a "****ty date". Another 3 lunches, one in our very small hometown. They started running, 2-3 times a week, before work (around the company's building) at the end of October. They went to a park away from work because she wanted to try somewhere different (they stayed there for around 45 mns - I saw the app he had on to see how far and how fast the run was). They were hugging in the carpark from September. Somebody saw them, the guy threatened to report them to HR. So they hugged in the car instead. He said that sometimes she would drive him to the front of the building. 2 days on a row she called him (she was off work) and they spoke for 40 mns. The same day she also called him and talked for another 7 mns. Early September she wanted to "meet the family". She ignored me the entire time, went to see an exhibit alone with my husband (I could not see them, and I was feeding the baby. They didn't take any kids with them). Looking at them it was as if my husband was married to her. The day before I chucked him out he told her that I caught her text and email and was checking his phone. So she called him. Supposedly to ask about something about work. Even though she never did before. I think, if they had sex, she was calling him for a ****. In the emails that got archived by accident they were saying how much they enjoy each other company and friendship. In another one they talked about my husband giving her a massage (she turned him down). He was "smiling" because he was going to see her.

 

Also, after he lost 10 lbs with running she told him that I'm going to be lucky, but that he has her attention.

 

After Dday he took the affair underground for a week. I chucked him out, told her not to speak to her or we divorce. He went back and apologized, and told her not to come to an event we were going to attend as a family.

 

Shortly after Dday my husband got depressed (and me too), he was at home on short disability leave for 4 months. So no contact with the COW.

 

Anyway, what do you all think? He took a lie detector last year, passed while lying through his teeth. I found out more later on, like the breast touching incident. He explains the constant need of wanting to hear from her as an obsession, because he wanted to know she still liked him.

 

We're divorcing, but we still have to live together, because of the kids and for financial reasons. And also because we get on well again, apart from this big elephant in the room.

[minimariah]

We're divorcing...

 

here is the thing - him having or NOT having sex with the OW won't really change a thing. he had an affair - does it really matter if he touched her boobs or actually had sex with her...? you're done and it's time for you to leave that behind.

 

he won't come clean even if he did have sex with the OW and there is no point in torturing yourself over something you'll never know for sure. yeah, he probably did have sex with the OW. and yeah, the affair was probably so much more than what he's telling you or what you know -- always assume the situation is worse than what he's telling you.

 

assume that he had sex with the OW and move on with that. you'll have to find closure within you.

[HereNorThere]

If you're getting a divorce, it sounds like you already have your answer. He obviously wasn't honest and loyal enough to maintain you wedding vows, so that's that. No sense in wasting any emotional energy on "what ifs".

 

And for goodness sakes, figure out a different living situation. You've been blessed with this gift of freedom, so make sure you pursue it. This hell will not truly be over until you leave your abuser.

[pondhawk]

It doesn't matter now. Whether a physical affair or an emotional one, it's still an affair. He's a cheater either way and do you know what cheaters do best? Lie.

 

You can't believe a word he says.

 

I know you want closure or admittance from him, but most likely that will never happen. You may never get the truth. I had proof in front of me on my ex cheater in the form of HIS emails and he still wouldn't admit to it. There comes a time when you have to say....."You're just a turd".... and walk away.

 

Time to get your awesome life going. Focus on you. The best revenge is living the best life you can.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through this. It will take years to heal, but you will. Look up "Chump Lady" and read her posts. They will help you get through this and make sense of the mess.

[dichotomy]

Even after a decision to divorce (I am on my second marriage) you can be obsessed with the need to have closure or know the truth. I was for a long time.

 

 

 

Based on the events and amount of time together, I am thinking there is no freaking way he did not given in to her? Sorry, I believe they had sex.

 

 

Without detailed texts, emails, or voice recordings to prove one way or another – you won’t know 100%.

 

 

However if your still living together while going thought a long divorce – might was well monitor his electronics use and also use voice recorders – spy spy. My guess is he will open up with OW or someone in secrete about his exploits. Also if he is up to anything sneaky while the divorce his happening – like plans he has to hide money or your kids custody or legal strategy it would be nice to know about that as well.

[Mrs. John Adams]

My husband had a revenge affair after i had an affair. He insists that he did not have sex. whether he did or he didn't makes no difference to me. We decided to reconcile....we are 32 years past my DDay.In my opinion....An affair is a betrayal...regardless of how physical it became.

 

If it makes a difference to you and it is a deal breaker for you...then you have to decide whether or not to divorce.

 

You may never know the truth about how far the affair went physically. Is it enough for you to know that a betrayal happened? or do you need to know every detail...(which you may or may not ever find out)

 

Only you know the answer to these questions...only you know how much you can bear....only you can make the decision as what is best for you.

[Midwestmissy]

For 10 months I was told the same thing. He swore up and down and was furious I didn't believe him.

 

Truth was they had a physical affair for almost 5 months. Hotels, work events, quickies. He was afraid of the consequences if I knew. But the ea was painful too - lying about the pa was worse than the pa. He was embarrassed by his relationship with her after it ended.

 

Two adults who have feelings for each other and are in constant contact are having sex. Get tested for stds. My husband laughed at me and called me a drama queen when I did because he hadn't had sex with her. Except he had and he put my health at risk.

 

When it comes to him not wanting to get caught, they will say whatever they have to in order to not have fall out. It's about him not owning the mess.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain. It's the most awful thing, I wish someone had slapped me in the face earlier on.

[sandylee1]

If there was opportunity. ..then it happened. Not something to bet your life on, but now and again..I see some OW say it has been an EA for up to 10 years. They have no reason to lie on an anonymous forum......so it's possible that they didn't have sex.

 

Some things in life you'll just never know.

 

Are you planning to live together when divorced for a few more years?

[EmbraceTheChange]

Well, I really want to know if they had sex or not because it would put my mind to rest. I would be devastated to find out that it did happen, after 2 years of hearing the p.g version. Devastating. Hence me trying to find out if my husband's version sounds b.s or not. That he could have been alone with her, multiple times and done absolutely nothing. Just talk. That she could have been just putting it out there, without wanting to have sex with him. Kind of "all talk-no action" type of thing. Personally I would have been all over the AP, especially if there was sex talk, but that's just me. She was juggling 2 other guys at work by the sound of it.

 

I read the ChumpLady. She's advising to dump the WS and have a great life. Sure, in theory, it sounds healthy. But what about me missing my husband? what about the kids? We separated last year, for 2 months. I was on the phone to him crying, because I was getting exhausted looking after everybody. He was crying because he was missing the kids and me. The kids were crying because they could not see him. It was mental. And then, of course, the rest of my life blows up. I end up as a single mother. His life blows up, he's going to struggle once child support and alimony is paid out (I already went to a lawyer). We're not a family anymore. We all lose big time. Obviously I must still love him if I think like this.

 

But back to my question: b.s or not? It would help if somebody who acted like that (all talk, no actions) could chime in. Thanks.

[JohnAdams]

If there was opportunity, i.e. a place, there probably was sex. I can only say in my situation, I did not have a place. My home was not an option, at the time, we were pretty poor, so a hotel was not an option. Although, Mrs. JA and I have done it in every car we have ever owned, my Honda Civic in the parking lot of the college did not seem like an option. So, even though at the time I tried to sound more noble than her because I did not have sex, it really boils down to a lack of a place. If they had a place to do it, yes, they probably did.

[EmbraceTheChange]

Yes, I totally understand. It would make more sense that he would have had sex with her than not. But still, he insists that she was only flirting, that it was only a game, that having sex with her would have been "really cheating", that it was only a fantasy. He says she never told him she wanted to **** him. So asking him to check if her "headlights were on" is not a big come-on? Apparently not. He admits that he was obsessed about hearing from her all the time, but only because he wanted to know if she still liked him. Yes, it sounds dumb to hear something like this, and even more to type it. Still, he sticks with it. And when I spoke to a co-worker of my husband, the guy told me she texted him to say she got hair removal on her "snatch", and if he could send her a picture of his "pecker".

 

I could (with difficulty) forgive him to have sex with her. But not lying about it. This would be the killer. I read enough stories about people finding out that the EA was all along a PA. Total game changer for me. It's one thing to have sex, it's another to lie about it for years.

[EmbraceTheChange]

Yes, we're planning to stay together, and maybe get re-married one day, once I trust him again. The main thing for the moment is not disrupting the kids life anymore. Their lives fell apart too. They went from having a great life (lots of trips to the zoo, opera, night walks, play dates, bbqs with our friends) to us not doing anything, me shouting constantly at my husband or crying, not socializing with anybody anymore. We had a great family life before, and even during his A, he was doing everything with the AP during work hours. Since then, it's been 2 years of total crap here.

[HereNorThere]

Unless you are talking about virginal, super-religious, untra-conservative people who are not sexually active until marriage, it's almost silly to assume they weren't have sex. No one threatens someone to go to HR unless something inappropriate is going on. Co-workers of mine sneak out for coffee, cigarettes, lunch, errands, hang out in places they aren't supposed to, etc and Ive never heard of anyone receiving such a threat.

 

No grown man and woman pursues a relationship this long without consummating it. However, this is the one lie that every cheater sticks with even after being confronted with damning evidence.

[flowergirl14]

What is your gut feeling? I think by posting on here you are thinking logically. Logically, he probably did have sex with her or wanted to. However, most bs will tell you that eventually its not the sex part that bothered them. Its the lies, and deception that took place. So wether its an ea or pa it doesnt matter. Its the big picture. I have written evidence of my wh's physical affair but he still denies it to this day. The cheater code...deny, deny, deny, lie, lie, lie. I wouldnt believe a word he says. Just a reminder, after the dust settles and you get back to life. You trust him again. Thats when he will cheat again. You read all the time about how the bs and ws reconciled and then years later the ws is back at it.There are exceptions..but very few. What would you tell your best friend? Your daughter? If she came and told you this story. That is usually the Right answer. After all you have done thus far, no sense in rug sweeping.

[66Charger]

OP, you want someone here to tell you that he didnt. Here is my opinion. If thats all you got for messages, then , no, I dont think he did. If they had sex, they definately talked, texted, emailed about it. No way it doesnt come up.

 

Digital doesnt lie. The question is, do you have all the digital. There are ways to retrieve deleted emails and text. Dont ask him questions..Dig. If you can put together a decent timeline (no large gaps) of consistent communication (without suspicion from you) and find no smoking gun, there probaly isnt any.

 

2 years of communication. Hard to hide a PA.

 

Look for you answers there, not on LS

 

Edit: I think you shoud divorce for the EA. You have to maintain your boundaries. But posters here have reconciled for far less. Figure out the truth. From the written word. It always remains in cyberspace...somewhere.

[Mr. Lucky]

Well, I really want to know if they had sex or not because it would put my mind to rest. I would be devastated to find out that it did happen, after 2 years of hearing the p.g version. Devastating.

 

And there's your answer as to why he continues to lie. Most WS know if they tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - game over.

 

But what about me missing my husband? what about the kids? We separated last year, for 2 months. I was on the phone to him crying, because I was getting exhausted looking after everybody. He was crying because he was missing the kids and me. The kids were crying because they could not see him. It was mental. And then, of course, the rest of my life blows up. I end up as a single mother. His life blows up, he's going to struggle once child support and alimony is paid out (I already went to a lawyer). We're not a family anymore. We all lose big time. Obviously I must still love him if I think like this.

 

With all this, why the divorce? Certainly don't condone but infidelity does happen. Under the right circumstances, recovery and reconciliation can happen also. If you plan to stay together, seems like the wrong message...

 

Mr. Lucky

[HereNorThere]

I'm like OP. For some reason, my brain seeks the truth. I just can't settle on not knowing. Im almost relieved when I finally get bad news, because the anxiety of not knowing creates a special kind of hell in my mind. Still, it's something I'm actively working on.

 

Although not married at the time, I dated a girl that for a while that started acting differently. At the time, she was moving closer to me and I was actively helping her do it. Once everything was settled, she started becoming distant and suddenly had a fb friend who was "some creeper from work." Long story short, a good friend messaged him for me and asked him if something was going on (he was leaving all sorts of posts, etc.). Yup, it's her ex and they are seeing each other again. He was even nice enough to send my buddy the screen caps, messages, etc.

 

I confronted her with evidence in hand. All the messages, could prove she had the numbers hidden in her phone, nights she lied about her whereabouts, you name it. What did she do? She straight up denied every single bit of it and made me out to be this crazy, crazy guy. Literally this woman was begging me to marry her at one point, moved down the block from me, got a job six blocks away from me - and was cheating with 2 dudes (first dude caught her talking to other guy, there were messages in her phone and other things)

 

Some cheaters will deny it to the end. It literally does not matter if you have their sex tape notarized by the president and time/date stamp verified by the NSA. They will never, ever let you win in that way. They will deny you that closure because it's the very last bit of control they have over you.

[EmbraceTheChange]

The affair was really only from Aug to Thanksgiving, so 4 months. Before this they were only walking together and talking down the lab. At the start of Aug the texting picked up during the day, by mid August they started texting in the evenings and by end of Aug they were texting on weekends as well. And then they started doing stuff outside work, like going once to the gym (she's a gym bunny), ice skating (she ice skates), going to a out-of-facility lab (he was a program manager and only him had access). Apart from this it was only lunches and 2 drinks. And lots of emails and texts during the day.

 

I know I am trying to see things logically, because it does not make sense that both of them would suddenly want to be in contact constantly, and do things outside work without any sex involved. My husband says he got obsessed with her, to hear from her, to know she still liked him. He says it was everything but peaceful. Would make more sense that the texting picked up because they were hitting the sack.

 

Both text and emails that I caught were not sexual or lovey dovey at all. The first was on Thanksgiving break, the AP was telling my husband about her ice-hockey tournament and telling him that her phone was in the car and that's why she didn't reply to his texts. I freaked out because I never heard of her. The second one was also after they didn't see each other for 4 days (snow days). She was telling him that she had cabin fever being at home with the kids, and wanted to go for a run (which they did together before work). There was no "I miss you" or trying to arrange a date away from the office. What freaked me out was the familiarity of her message. But then I didn't know that they have been talking for pretty much a year. It was more a shock because I thought that my husband was only talking to guys at work, and suddenly this woman was friendly enough with him to contact him when he's at home with me. Other emails that got archived by accident (instead of being deleted) were flirty - my husband saying he was smiling because he would see her, her saying she really enjoys "his company and friendship", my husband telling her he could give her a massage and her turning him down. The pictures I found on my husband's laptop were of turtles (dear lord), and one about hugs being beneficial to one's wellbeing (sent after the H.R threat).

 

Last night I spoke at length with one of my husband's co worker. He has worked with the AP for 10 years. He told me that this woman loves the attention, the ego boost from guys. He says she's a "tremendous flirt and a trouble maker", but "stays true to her husband". He knows her, he knows her husband. He said that he knows how she acts, and when guys become too keen, she takes them to H.R. So he says sex did not happen. Maybe the guy who saw my husband and the AP hugging in the carpark and threatened to take her to HR was (maybe) an ex-OM of hers. I tried to contact the said guy, but he never replied to my email.

 

For the divorce I still want to get ahead with it. We're still going to be a family, we're still living together. We're just getting divorced, but we're not breaking the family unit. Don't know if it makes any sense to anybody apart from me. Being married is between me and my husband, so we need to have a legal "break" because he ****ed up big time. If/when we get married again it would be because he's worth being married to me. With his A he gave me lots of reasons to divorce him. The day we get married again is when I have enough reasons to want to be married to him. I have no doubts we will get hitched again. But he needs to prove to me that he's such a fabulous guy that i would be missing out on lots of things. Now we're "only" parents. We were together for 13 years before we got married (we already had 2 kids). We never bought rings because I never felt I had to show to the world that I was married (I knew I was, it was enough for me). 3 kids have my husband's name, the last 2 have mine. So we're not that conventional anyway. As long as it works for me, it's fine.

 

I'm French, he's English and we live here in the US. If we decide to break up and live in separate houses, there is nothing for me to keep me here. I was thinking of going back to France alone with the kids. My husband said if I go ahead with my plan, he would go back to England (to be nearer to the kids, it would be just 1 hr flight instead of 10). But I have a daughter at college (in Texas) so she would have to stay here. My son is a 11th grader, who could not jump into the French education program. I have a 2nd grader, a pre-K and a 3 yrs old. Could work for them, apart from being heartbroken for not seeing their dad everyday. He takes them to the park, he does the homework with them, he plays with them, he attends events at their schools. He's a great dad. Apart when he was in his A. Then he was totally ****ty. But since? He's back to normal.

 

It's getting better anyway with my husband. We have been talking at length about his A, how he has/had ****ty boundaries, how people can manipulate him easily, how desperate he was to fit in and please everybody apart from himself and me (even with his parents and brother). I told him that if I get a whiff of something, I'm out. No roller coaster of should I stay or should I divorce. I would be out. Like I said before, he needs to give me reasons to stay with him, none to divorce him.

 

And I can learn to trust him again. He's really making an effort and is pro-active at making me safe. Apart from not being able to prove that the EA was not a PA. That's the only sticky point. I was (still am) in charge of the finances at home, so unless the AP used her own credit card, there is no way he could have done it. For his lunches he paid them with money I made selling stuff on CL, but we're talking $20 at most. Laptop and phones accidentally got smashed against the wall a while back. Oops. So no way to recover any data anymore.

 

Thank you for reading, having a brain-dump once in a while really helps.

[AGoodFriend]

As a guy, I can tell you I'm sure they have been intimate several times. We don't waste that much energy on emotions unless we think there is going to be a "light at the end of the tunnel" (or in the case, a uterus).

 

 

You made the right move pulling the trigger and getting a divorce. The new relationship could teach him to respect your boundaries more, but chances are you two will just grow apart, especially if you come across a dashing stranger one day...

[Lois_Griffin]

Both text and emails that I caught were not sexual or lovey dovey at all.

People having affairs don't make sex their only topic of conversation, or even the main one. Just because you didn't happen to see texts or emails about sex doesn't mean it didn't happen. From the sounds of it, there were thousands of texts/emails going back and forth and you only saw some of them.

 

 

Last night I spoke at length with one of my husband's co worker. He has worked with the AP for 10 years. He told me that this woman loves the attention, the ego boost from guys. He says she's a "tremendous flirt and a trouble maker", but "stays true to her husband". He knows her, he knows her husband. He said that he knows how she acts, and when guys become too keen, she takes them to H.R. So he says sex did not happen. Maybe the guy who saw my husband and the AP hugging in the carpark and threatened to take her to HR was (maybe) an ex-OM of hers. I tried to contact the said guy, but he never replied to my email.

This guy doesn't know the truth anymore than YOU do. Like you, he can only guess. Unless he was with them every single minute of every single get-together they ever had, then he's only guessing. Like all of us.

 

Why don't you have him take a polygraph test? If he's being as honest as he claims he's being, I would think he'd be happy as hell to PROVE it to you once and for all.

 

Have you considered a poly? I sure would.

[EmbraceTheChange]

Lol. I'm sure I could come across a dashing stranger one day, but would I be ready to jack my family for a cheap thrill? Unless he's got pots of money, nice cars and is ready to put the deeds of his castle in my name only, I'm not sure I would do it. . I'm pretty good at smelling b.s a mile away. The AP kept telling my husband that he was a great dad, a great manager, a great friend. If a guy told me I'm a great mom, bla bla bla, my first thought would be "what is he after?" and the 2nd one who be "He knows I'm married, what a creep". After I lost 65 pounds of weight last year because I was stressed to death, the guy next door told me 3 times that I looked really good. And 3 times I told him "thank you, not eating Camembert really helped."

 

Yeah, agree that my husband probably had enough incentives to keep it going with the AP, but most probably it was getting the v.secret pictures, her telling him that she was vacuuming in the nude and especially her asking him to check if her headlights were on which was enough of a thrill. All this drama that made his day "interesting". He never had a girl so obviously into him (turned out that she got very friendly after he got promoted program manager to her group), so he was feeling King of the Hill. Until I caught the email, chucked him out, outed her to her boss, outed my husband to his boss (we had them over for bbqs before), contacted H.R and her husband. After this, no more King of the Hill, but he got a welcome pack to How To Be Divorced At 44 and another one How To Pay Child Support Until You're Mega Old (youngest daughter was 1). Lol.

[EmbraceTheChange]

My husband took a lie detector test last year, 4 mths after Dday. He passed all 3 questions. The interviewer said that he passed above average. So we were good to go. Emotionally it was a life-saver because I had the "proof" they didn't have sex. But a few months later I found an email where he asked the AP if he could take her back to her car ( after Thanksgiving), even though he told me many times that after I caught the text (over Thanksgiving) he never saw her again (it was one of the question). And after going through the phone bill (July) he admitted touching her breast by accident with the side of his arm, but he said he called her to apologize (also one of the question: did anything sexual happen). Since he was not trying to grope her, he kept quiet.

 

Maybe I will never know the truth.

 

Maybe I just need to concentrate on my future. If he had sex with her or not, right now it doesn't make any difference. If I find out in the future that they did then it will make a difference, because he would still be dishonest, which is unacceptable. I'm sure the truth will come out one day. No doubt about it. Really, I can forgive him for having an affair, but not for lying to my face.

[dichotomy]

Laptop and phones accidentally got smashed against the wall a while back. Oops. So no way to recover any data anymore.

 

 

Huh? who did that?

 

and unless they were rolled over by a steam roller - or put in a microwave or something (thanks Mr. Robot) ....you might have had a chance to recover something by sending them out to a recovery place.

 

and if he ever connected his phone to your home computer - a backup of all the data was made. Iphone backup data is complete and easy to retrieve long after the phone is gone.

Edited November 13, 2015 by dichotomy

[EmbraceTheChange]

It was me who broke them, in a fit of rage. Before I went bananas I went to see the I.T guy at my husband's company to see if he could recover all the emails. By then it was already more than a month later, and he said that he couldn't do it anymore.

 

For the phone - my husband wanted to "prove" me that he only went for walks with the AP so he showed me the fitness app. Instead i got all the logs of his runs too, which I was unaware that he was doing. He never backed up his phone at home, he just deleted everything as he was going along.

 

Broke my heart that he was more protecting his A than his own family....

[Mr. Lucky]

For the divorce I still want to get ahead with it. We're still going to be a family, we're still living together. We're just getting divorced, but we're not breaking the family unit. Don't know if it makes any sense to anybody apart from me. Being married is between me and my husband, so we need to have a legal "break" because he ****ed up big time. If/when we get married again it would be because he's worth being married to me. With his A he gave me lots of reasons to divorce him. The day we get married again is when I have enough reasons to want to be married to him. I have no doubts we will get hitched again. But he needs to prove to me that he's such a fabulous guy that i would be missing out on lots of things. Now we're "only" parents. We were together for 13 years before we got married (we already had 2 kids). We never bought rings because I never felt I had to show to the world that I was married (I knew I was, it was enough for me). 3 kids have my husband's name, the last 2 have mine. So we're not that conventional anyway. As long as it works for me, it's fine.

 

I would just make sure you understand the legal implications, including what you'd be giving up, in divorcing...

 

Mr. Lucky