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I'm married but want to get my guy friend to have sex with me


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A very short summary of my situation:

I'm in my early 30s. I've been married for 10 yrs. Believe me when I tell you I adore my husband and our sex life is great. But I find myself in a situation I never thought I'd be in. I madly want to have sex with my guy friend. I.knew this guy in high school, but we were just acquaintances. He moved away and I didn't think about him after that. A couple months ago he saw me on faceFacebook and friended me because a high school alumni group we were both members of had flagged me as a mutual friend of several of our classmates.

We talked innocently about work, my family, just small talk. But things rapidly changed. I felt myself being drawn to him physically. I flirted with him via text. I've sent him very suggestive posts and outright told him I want to visit and have sex with him (he is several states away).

He was receptive at first, but then backed off and said he didn't want to cause me any marital problems and wanted to be just friends. I am not interested in the morality or ethics of what I want. I want to know how I can get him to agree to see me. I have never wanted a guy as much as I want him, or been so sure about wanting sex with a guy. Any non judgemental advice appreciated.

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I want to post a text message I'm thinking about sending him, but I don't know the rules about foul language in this board.

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A very short summary of my situation:

I'm in my early 30s. I've been married for 10 yrs. Believe me when I tell you I adore my husband and our sex life is great. But I find myself in a situation I never thought I'd be in. I madly want to have sex with my guy friend. I.knew this guy in high school, but we were just acquaintances. He moved away and I didn't think about him after that. A couple months ago he saw me on faceFacebook and friended me because a high school alumni group we were both members of had flagged me as a mutual friend of several of our classmates.

We talked innocently about work, my family, just small talk. But things rapidly changed. I felt myself being drawn to him physically. I flirted with him via text. I've sent him very suggestive posts and outright told him I want to visit and have sex with him (he is several states away).

He was receptive at first, but then backed off and said he didn't want to cause me any marital problems and wanted to be just friends. I am not interested in the morality or ethics of what I want. I want to know how I can get him to agree to see me. I have never wanted a guy as much as I want him, or been so sure about wanting sex with a guy. Any non judgemental advice appreciated.

 

 

So you are a classic narcissist... I mean you adore your husband and sex with him is great, but you want to cheat with this guy friend?

 

Why not ask your husband to participate in a MFM threesome with this friend of yours?

 

Better yet, ask your husband for an open marriage, that way he can go find someone to have sex with too.

 

Not interested in morality or ethics of what you want? Then LS may be the wrong place to look for morality and ethical free advice... at least from me. ;)

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I want to post a text message I'm thinking about sending him, but I don't know the rules about foul language in this board.

 

Here's the text draft, with certain words censored:

 

"E,

all I can think about is seeing you and ****ing your brains out. I don't care any more if you think I'm too aggressive, or if you are worried about messing up my marriage, or you feel pressured by me. I don't care. I just want to rip your clothes off, explore every inch of your body, and **** you until we are both exhausted, trembling, and weak. I know I'm being selfish and lustful, but I don't care. You tell me the date and the place and I would be there. No second thoughts, no regrets. Just you and me and lots and lots of sex. I have never wanted a guy as much as I want you and it won't go away until I can do it. I promise you there are no strings attached. I just want to use you and for you to use me.

Let me come see you, then I can be just friends. No more pressure from me after that, I just need to do this so I can move on from this constant craving for you."

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So you are a classic narcissist... I mean you adore your husband and sex with him is great, but you want to cheat with this guy friend?

 

Why not ask your husband to participate in a MFM threesome with this friend of yours?

 

Better yet, ask your husband for an open marriage, that way he can go find someone to have sex with too.

 

Not interested in morality or ethics of what you want? Then LS may be the wrong place to look for morality and ethical free advice... at least from me. ;)

 

I've talked with my husband about that. He is in no way interested in an open marriage. He is extremely religious.

 

Anything I did with this guy would be one time only and completely on the down low. I've never cheated or wanted to cheat before. I don't think I'm a narcissist. I just want him so badly it's driving me nuts supressing it.

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Most likely ruining your husband's life because you can't keep it in your pants? That's pretty selfish.

 

 

 

You can't sit here and say you love this man but you want to cheat on him. If you want to go bang this other dude you should leave your husband so he can go find some one faithful who actually cares about him.

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Most likely ruining your husband's life because you can't keep it in your pants? That's pretty selfish.

 

 

 

You can't sit here and say you love this man but you want to cheat on him. If you want to go bang this other dude you should leave your husband so he can go find some one faithful who actually cares about him.

 

No no no. Don't you think I've been through all the guilt, second guessing myself, thinking about how it would affect my husband :rolleyes:

Of course I have. I even cut contact with the other guy. But this feeling isn't going away. In fact, the more I try not to think about him the stronger my feelings get.

 

I am not leaving my husband. He is the absolute best thing to ever h happen to me..he's handsome, smart, funny, works hard, loves me and is a fabulous father.

 

I am not in love with other guy. Why would I leave my.marriage for a guy I just want to bang? That's really bad advice.

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It doesn't matter if you don't want to leave your husband, as soon as you do this your husband will leave you.

 

 

If you think that a ONS with this guy is worth hurting your husband, ending your marriage & going through the financial & emotional expense of a divorce, ask this guy from high school to meet you & then tell him you want sex.

 

 

If you honestly think a ONS is worth emotionally killing your husband, get some professional help when you recover from your orgasm if you even get one. Remember since the sex with your husband is good, it's unlikely that this man will measure up. Then you will have wrecked 2 lives for no reason.

 

 

Just pick a time when your husband isn't around, masturbate to the fantasy of this other guy then put it behind you.

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No no no. Don't you think I've been through all the guilt, second guessing myself, thinking about how it would affect my husband :rolleyes:

Of course I have. I even cut contact with the other guy. But this feeling isn't going away. In fact, the more I try not to think about him the stronger my feelings get.

 

I am not leaving my husband. He is the absolute best thing to ever h happen to me..he's handsome, smart, funny, works hard, loves me and is a fabulous father.

 

I am not in love with other guy. Why would I leave my.marriage for a guy I just want to bang? That's really bad advice.

 

Telling you not to ruin your marriage is bad advice? You came to the wrong place. He will find out. They always do

 

 

You are not thinking about the consequences of your actions. You claim that you felt guilty just thinking about it but you haven't thought about how guilty you'll feel afterwards?

 

 

Just divorce your husband if you have no self control. He doesn't deserve to be cheated on because you can't control yourself.

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Just divorce your husband if you have no self control. He doesn't deserve to be cheated on because you can't control yourself.

^ ^ ^ THIS, THIS, A Thousand Times THIS ^ ^ ^

 

I hope you send this guy you want to f*ck a bunch messages, hope he continues to turn you down, and hope your husband sees them and divorces you.

 

 

Any non judgemental advice appreciated.

You won't get that here. There are too many people who have been on the receiving end of actions of people like you who "want what they want" and act upon those feelings without concern for others whom they claim to love.

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You don't deserve your husband - sorry. If you love your husband, like you claim you do, you would tell him what is going on and seek help together. Banging other people behind a man's back that you adore and love and who adores, loves and TRUSTS his wife puts you in the category somewhere between the bottom of my dirty foot and the lint between my toes.

 

Where does it end from here? If you can BANG this guy behind your husbands back what else are you capable of doing? This isn't even a case of revenge. This isn't even a case of a hopeless sexless marriage of a man who abuses his wife. At least then, although still wrong, you have some type of remote argument.

 

Get it together and seek help before everything collapses around you. You cheat on your husband, he dumps you and the other guy dumps you. Now you are alone with a STD and pregnant. Selfish moves like this rarely works out in the long run.

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I am not leaving my husband. He is the absolute best thing to ever h happen to me..he's handsome, smart, funny, works hard, loves me and is a fabulous father.

 

I am not in love with other guy. Why would I leave my.marriage for a guy I just want to bang? That's really bad advice.

 

I really can't believe what I am reading. This is THEE MOST SELFISH COMMENT I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Why would you leave your marriage for a guy you just want to bang? You REALLY need some counseling ASAP. Your perception of life is extremely warped. Have you EVER put yourself in his shoes?

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PrettyEmily77

Leave it at that and see it for what it is, ie a fantasy that would wreck your life as you know it should you act on it, for sthg you might even regret.

 

You've cut ties with the guy, your feelings will go with time. Just ride the wave, you don't have to listen to the destructive voice in your head; listen to the other one instead. Take hubby out for a meal or a w/e away or sthg nice, or talk to him about what you plan on doing / leave him before it's too late. If you truly love him, you owe him that much.

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I really can't believe what I am reading. This is THEE MOST SELFISH COMMENT I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Why would you leave your marriage for a guy you just want to bang? You REALLY need some counseling ASAP. Your perception of life is extremely warped. Have you EVER put yourself in his shoes?

 

Yes I have. And I know it would be hypocritical to get upset if he did what I'm doing, so I would accept it. It would hurt if my husband wanted to leave our marriage for a fling, but the fling itself wouldn't upset me.

Like I said, this is the first time in my 32 yrs on earth I've ever thought about extramarital relations as anything other than morally reprehensible. But I can now see how that isn't necessarily the case.

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It would hurt if my husband wanted to leave our marriage for a fling, but the fling itself wouldn't upset me.

 

Lies. You're just saying this because it allows you to feel better about what you want to do. The fling would upset you. I bet it would. But you're going to be in denial about it, just because YOU want a fling.

 

Like I said, this is the first time in my 32 yrs on earth I've ever thought about extramarital relations as anything other than morally reprehensible. But I can now see how that isn't necessarily the case.

 

So just because it's the "first" time, that makes it right in YOUR mind?

 

Yeah. Your husband deserves a better wife and person than the one he is married to.

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^ ^ ^ THIS, THIS, A Thousand Times THIS ^ ^ ^

 

I hope you send this guy you want to f*ck a bunch messages, hope he continues to turn you down, and hope your husband sees them and divorces you.

 

 

 

You won't get that here. There are too many people who have been on the receiving end of actions of people like you who "want what they want" and act upon those feelings without concern for others whom they claim to love.

 

I'm not divorcing. It isn't an option, not for me and not for my husband. Other guy isn't going to sweep.me off my feet. I know better than that. I'm not romanticizing this. I'm realistic and know it's just an infatuation. But it's insidious. It won't go away. I even told my.husband how I felt, and he said he'd be disappointed if I gsve in to my urges but he wouldn't stop loving me and he wouldn't leave me.

 

Sorry if that's hard for you guys to understand.

I want to know how to reassure the other guy this is nothing more than sex and for him to not feel guilty. How do I get him to be comfortable enough to have sex without worrying about my marriage.

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You don't deserve your husband - sorry. If you love your husband, like you claim you do, you would tell him what is going on and seek help together. Banging other people behind a man's back that you adore and love and who adores, loves and TRUSTS his wife puts you in the category somewhere between the bottom of my dirty foot and the lint between my toes.

 

Where does it end from here? If you can BANG this guy behind your husbands back what else are you capable of doing? This isn't even a case of revenge. This isn't even a case of a hopeless sexless marriage of a man who abuses his wife. At least then, although still wrong, you have some type of remote argument.

 

Get it together and seek help before everything collapses around you. You cheat on your husband, he dumps you and the other guy dumps you. Now you are alone with a STD and pregnant. Selfish moves like this rarely works out in the long run.

So cheating is only understandable if my significant other is a jerk?

What the heck? I have to be beat or abused before I can.accept finding another man physically attractive? That's messed up.

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Lies. You're just saying this because it allows you to feel better about what you want to do. The fling would upset you. I bet it would. But you're going to be in denial about it, just because YOU want a fling.

 

Maybe, but it's opened up my eyes to.a much less black and white view of marriage. Infidelity isn't a death knoll.

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I'm glad it's opened YOUR eyes to a less black and white view of marriage. But it didn't do anything to your husbands. Acting on your impulse will be intentionally hurting your husband. If you truly love and care for him, you won't do it.

 

When you got married, you agreed to this whole monogomy thing. If you didn't want that then you shouldn't have gotten married.

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...Why would I leave my.marriage for a guy I just want to bang? That's really bad advice.

 

Better question is "Why would I run the risk of ruining my marriage for a guy I just want to bang?"

 

 

 

For any one keeping score on "double standards", if this - and the sampled text - was written by a man, he'd be labeled "a stalker"; if this was written by a woman on the receiving end of the sampled text, she'd be advised to contact the authorities if it persisted after she blocked him.

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This thread illustrates the typical mindset of a cheater.

 

I'm not divorcing. It isn't an option, not for me and not for my husband. Other guy isn't going to sweep.me off my feet. I know better than that. I'm not romanticizing this. I'm realistic and know it's just an infatuation. But it's insidious. It won't go away. I even told my.husband how I felt, and he said he'd be disappointed if I gsve in to my urges but he wouldn't stop loving me and he wouldn't leave me.

 

Sorry if that's hard for you guys to understand.

I want to know how to reassure the other guy this is nothing more than sex and for him to not feel guilty. How do I get him to be comfortable enough to have sex without worrying about my marriage.

 

Tell your husband to help you with that. Maybe he will, by divorcing you.

 

Also thanks for sharing. I will be sure to reference this thread to anyone who wants to reconcile with a WS. It's quite an eye opener.

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Maybe, but it's opened up my eyes to.a much less black and white view of marriage. Infidelity isn't a death knoll.

 

I suggest you go take a stroll in the Infidelity section.

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PrettyEmily77
I'm not divorcing. It isn't an option, not for me and not for my husband. Other guy isn't going to sweep.me off my feet. I know better than that. I'm not romanticizing this. I'm realistic and know it's just an infatuation. But it's insidious. It won't go away. I even told my.husband how I felt, and he said he'd be disappointed if I gsve in to my urges but he wouldn't stop loving me and he wouldn't leave me.

Sorry if that's hard for you guys to understand.

I want to know how to reassure the other guy this is nothing more than sex and for him to not feel guilty. How do I get him to be comfortable enough to have sex without worrying about my marriage.

 

So if your husband knows, that's not cheating.

 

Looks like you've made your mind up and don't care much about disappointing the guy you're with.

 

Get hubby to write a letter of authorisation addressed to the OW so no-one feels guilty? Ask hubby to stay and watch?

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