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Call me if you can


bobwhite007

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I was snooping thru wife's phone, no I don't completely trust her yet. Any way, there was a texting conversation between the two where he says he has to call in sick, they work together and he was on the list of who it could be. She is not his boss or vice versa they are equal in rolls. She text back and says to call her if he can, am I being overly paranoid? Call me if you can? He can text her why can't he call her? I guess call me if you can could mean anything but I don't know.

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Redheaded Mistress

Ask her, then ask yourself if you are really putting yourself into reconciliation by going through her phone to find information, then not confronting her about it. You can't demand honesty and openess of her if you yourself are unwilling to be open and honest.

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Bob, you have been here for two years with various suspicions. Have you never thought of hiring a private investigator instead of torturing yourself with this for years?

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Bob, you have been here for two years with various suspicions. Have you never thought of hiring a private investigator instead of torturing yourself with this for years?

 

 

My thoughts exactly!

 

I've reached the conclusion that he really does not want to know the truth. He's had several opportunities to catch her in the act, but for reason known only to himself, chose not to.

 

Yet keeps returning here with new suspicions. What happened to the divorce you spoke of in your previous threads?

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If I work with someone, and I need something (e.g. information, a document) but they're out sick, yes. That's exactly how I would word a text. I don't want to be totally callous and unfeeling. I don't know. They might be curled over a toilet hurling, but I still need what I need to get my job done.

 

I wonder. Is it possible you have Othello syndrome? I don't ask lightly, and it's something that has never crossed my mind with others. But I really wonder in this case. You were pretty convinced your wife was cheating with some guy because he texted her whenever he submitted a work proposal on bid day. Her boss was divorcing, so you immediately thought your wife might be cheating with him. It seems you're convinced she's cheating whenever any minor thing happens, even though you've provided no evidence connecting her to any actual wrongdoing. And when you did confront her, she was an open book about showing you why your assumption was wrong. You've been snooping now for at least two years. What exactly do you have that connects her to cheating with anyone?

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Mr Mind of Shazam

This is the reason I'm for a clean break from a dicey relationship. No one is worth enduring this kind of protracted angst and doubt. At least in a new relationship, you won't have to deal with this baggage.

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If you are married to someone for 2 years that you don't trust, my first question is why are you married to her?

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I would send a message like that, if my coworker possibly tried to call me and I missed the call and tried to phone them , but they didn't pick up. Then I'd say 'call me if/when you can'

 

Now it's also plausible for the message to be innocent. He tells your wife he's sick via text and that being the case, he might be resting or have gone to the doctors or something. So I might reply as she did in that situation.

 

I'm not sure why he'd need to let her know he wasn't coming in, as I'd expect him to call the office. Could be they were working on a project together.

 

I don't know your back story , so my opinion is independent of previous threads, however if she's actually cheated in the past or overstepped boundaries , then I can understand you feeling suspicious.

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cozycottagelg

This alone isn't a red flag for me, but I don't know your story well enough to decide if it could be.

 

I don't typically make calls. If I couldn't make it to work, I would text a co-worker. If I had to speak to them, I would probably ask in a text if it was okay to call first. Especially in the morning. Do you have children? Maybe he knew she was getting kids ready for school. Or maybe he didn't know if she was driving. I actually always text prior to calling... phone calls are rare these days it seems.

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Othello syndrome ? Lol funny I never had it till I found all those texts and calls deleted. Then all the time spent in the parks and cemetery. Sorry I just found that odd to be texting and then Say call me if you can. She has her phone with her all the time, I hardly ever Check it. We have been mRried 35 years not two.ive never been jealous until all this started. I think I know what's been going on. It will all come out.

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Hire a PI and have her followed.

 

This is too logical and easy. It's apparently more...fun? to just continue the angst.

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Trust but verify - the maxim for BS's.

 

Transparency does go both ways. For example everything I do on line or via my phone is available to my WW. She has all my passwords (even my LS password). I expect the same from her. If I should find she is not being transparent; if she has a secret email account, or is hiding something from me, that could be grounds for me calling it quits with our M and going with my plan b.

 

In your place I would wait and watch what your WW does. If you have access to her phone records I'd keep an eye on that. If I saw a call from OM I would expect her to disclose that contact with him happened. If that disclosure did not happen, -> plan b.

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Ask her, then ask yourself if you are really putting yourself into reconciliation by going through her phone to find information, then not confronting her about it. You can't demand honesty and openess of her if you yourself are unwilling to be open and honest.

 

Hi Redheaded Mistress, I've dealt with what you are discussing here. You make a good point, but how can you be open and honest about your suspicions or "detective" activities with someone who might use your honesty as an advantage to themselves. For example, throughout the cheating phase of my wife, I came about Google's Search History feature, and I told her hey look at this neat thing I found. She said something like oh delete that crap, so as a decent husband, I deleted it. When I found out that she worked with her ex-fling, I was honest about finding out and about how it made me feel, so what did she do? She took that as a sign to stop texting traditional sms, and take it somewhere else. Not a week later, she cheated on me with him, among others. So I definitely know now that the communication did not stop. She only stopped what she knew I could make myself aware of.

 

I agree with you though. This is reconciliation, so there should be trust and honesty from both sides. Understood. However, how can you trust a person who stabbed you in the back several times when they knew you were being honest and putting 100% trust in them? How can you be fully honest with someone who you know may or may not take that honesty and use it to further cover up their tracks?

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I think that particular text could be quite innocent, "call me if you can" after he's said he's called in sick, he could be incapable of a phone conversation. Perhaps he has the squirts or is vomiting.

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people wont post here if they somehow dont see a change in behavior, i suspect somehow its not just the text but the behavior of the wife?

 

look into it. trust your gut instinct.

 

talk to wife about it like,

.who was that hon?

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people wont post here if they somehow dont see a change in behavior, i suspect somehow its not just the text but the behavior of the wife?

 

look into it. trust your gut instinct.

 

talk to wife about it like,

.who was that hon?

 

I know who it was,they work together. He made sure she got her job. He was on one of the voice recordings made from her car. They were going to a job site together. I don't really have a problem with that in itself except at one point he says,"so how is everything, is it getting better?" At that point the car shuts off and they get out. GPS showed they met up at a local deli where he left his car and then a couple of miles to the job site. Why they have to ride together? I dunno. Anyway when I ask her about him I never,until recently, see another call or text from or to him. Although I was not close enough to be sure I think he was the one in the car at the graveyard. Again you will ask why didn't I approach them then. What did I do then? Well I went home and unloaded every loaded gun I had hidden around my house, unloaded my carry, stored all ammo separate from the guns. Why do that you ask? I figured it would give me extra time to think before something happened. I no longer regularly carry.Why didn't I approach them then? You figure it out. I'm pretty sure now that the pluming contractor started as a business relationship which grew to an ea and the thing with this guy started at the first interview and grew from there. I'm thinking that's why the call me if you can text was because I might see them texting each other, again the texting between them stopped after I said something. This was the first one I've seen in like a year. It is very hard to get a peak at her phone as she always has it close by. She had her personal phone turned off and only has a work phone. It's hard to tell if it's just me or if when I see him he seems to avoid talking or making eye contact with me. ( we all three work at the same place). They are supervisors. I'm not. Sometimes I feel as if everyone knows except me. any way thanks for letting me communicate here and try to not bash me so hard. Sometimes I think you all have never experienced the feeling of being so in love with someone you worshipped the ground they walked on, that .i think is where my problem is. She knows that.

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I think you need to stop worshipping her. It sounds a little fishy but you've no proof of anything. If you could plan a trip out of town, then hire a PI, that could give you answers.

 

In the meanwhile, do things for yourself.

Invest time in yourself

Get out with friends

Go on walks or to the gym to release the tension

Groom yourself well

Present yourself as a catch all the time

 

Just look after yourself and gain some confidence .

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Your post is terrifying. Tracing her every move and call and email and recording.

I wonder if your wife has ANY idea what kind of man she married.

Loaded guns? I fear for her safety.

Your paranoia is going to cause the end of a human life.

You seem to be spiraling, obsessed.

Do you think anyone wants that kind of marriage? Do you?

Im really concerned for her. I feel your stalking is equally as wrong as if she WERE having an affair.

I wish I could warn her.

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Your post is terrifying. Tracing her every move and call and email and recording.

I wonder if your wife has ANY idea what kind of man she married.

Loaded guns? I fear for her safety.

Your paranoia is going to cause the end of a human life.

You seem to be spiraling, obsessed.

Do you think anyone wants that kind of marriage? Do you?

Im really concerned for her. I feel your stalking is equally as wrong as if she WERE having an affair.

I wish I could warn her.

 

privategal posting is also scarring me!

clearly your pushing.

 

you know its alright to spy if your a whole lot suspicious.

 

calling him paranoid is way over the top

calling him obsessed is also way over the top

privategal are implying he is going to kill his wife?

that's a tall accusation.

 

more way over the top if you read his post not to bash him.

 

what you'd expect be a doormat?

 

spying vs affair. your not stalking cause your married. his concern is legitimate and warrants investigation. he has no cruel intentions except to find the truth.

privategal nothing in this god given earth is worst than an affair.

in my humble opinion you put that next to genocide and a holocaust.

 

where trying to help this married man.

----

 

what i can recommend dear sir is some counseling.

please find one sir as soon as possible.

 

your a good man! for separating your guns and ammo

i do that too, i separate the gun and magazine for safety. i even remove all the ammo from the magazine and store it in a sealed container.

 

sorry i just feel the need to post this

since you were talking about guns and intense emotions

if you feel the urge to hurt yourself pls call this number

1-800-273-8255

suicide prevention hotline

Edited by m.snow
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Your post is terrifying. Tracing her every move and call and email and recording.

I wonder if your wife has ANY idea what kind of man she married.

Loaded guns? I fear for her safety.

Your paranoia is going to cause the end of a human life.

You seem to be spiraling, obsessed.

Do you think anyone wants that kind of marriage? Do you?

Im really concerned for her. I feel your stalking is equally as wrong as if she WERE having an affair.

I wish I could warn her.

 

Way off base here.

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Seriously man, hire a PI and see what he can dig up.
Really. Good grief. Quit guessing and driving yourself crazy.

 

If you can see that messages have been deleted, you have access to her phone. Install a deleted message reading program in your computer and read them once and for all.

 

If she has regular backups on her computer, the program can read them that way as well.

 

If you need help how and which one, ask. Just don't "restore"

 

Quit wondering. Confirm.

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The times I've been clear-headed and methodical about documenting my BH's actions, personality disorder and history, I've gotten the truth.

 

When I try to be understanding, give a margin or interpretation, hope for shared values and motives, I'm devoured by lies and manipulation.

 

Go forward like a hunter. You need to get past this stage.

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Really. Good grief. Quit guessing and driving yourself crazy.

 

If you can see that messages have been deleted, you have access to her phone. Install a deleted message reading program in your computer and read them once and for all.

 

If she has regular backups on her computer, the program can read them that way as well.

 

If you need help how and which one, ask. Just don't "restore"

 

Quit wondering. Confirm.

 

Good point merrmeade. You can definitely use that, and there is also another clever way, depending on how technical you want to get, where you can backup all app data for android phone. If it is not rooted, then it won't copy the message database, but you can install a backup program in the phone that will stay idle. Since that app will be included in the full phone backup, you will be able to see the full message, mms logs, etc. When you do the backup a lot of things are extracted as .db files which are simply SQLite Database files. If you use the right program, even a trial of one called Oxygen Forensic SQLite Viewer, you will be able to retrieve deleted messages, but you have to do it fairly soon after. That is because when something is deleted, the system typically deleted only the first chunk of it to let the rest of the system know that it's safe to overwrite. So, even though it disappears from your sight, it is still there, UNTIL something new comes an overwrites it. That's why it's important to do it as soon as you suspect deleted messages.

 

So, sorry for the incredibly long message. Anyway, regardless of what you decide, remember time is of the essence for both cases, because even the professional message undelete application will be at the mercy of the way the system deletes/overwrites information. You can always PM me if you have any questions.

 

Note: I post this not just from the computer science education in basic disk storage, but more from my own lousy experience with my wife. It took me a whole month to get a pair and take a backup of her phone, so most evidence of anything she deleted was TRULY gone by that time. I still beat myself up for waiting that long. Who knows what I would have found otherwise?

Edited by tomcook
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